Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or any of its characters.

Chapter 4:

The Meadow

I should have known all of this was too good to be true, school was never my strong suit, and it was the one part of my life that I was glad had changed. The learning was all well and good, it was just the people and the constant pressure to conform. It was like walking into a zoo everyday, over here we have the Jocks, look how strong. If you look to your left you'll find the nerds, the smartest creatures in the animal kingdom. Oh, and don't forget the punks, or the goths, or stoners.

I had explained my hatred for high school to Carlisle, but his decision was unwavering. If I was going to be a part of their family, I had to fit into their story. all of them went to school, Edward, Alice, Jasper, even Emmet. Now I was going to be an adopted Cullen attending high school in a small town. For how cautious they always seemed to want to be, going to school in a place where everyone knows each other's business seemed too risky for them.

Two days before school started I was told that I would need to feed once more, something that I dreaded, but it was a necessity if I was going to be able to handle being around humans for a long period of time in such small quarters. Once again it was Edward who took me into the woods.

"You have to feed more this time," He said as we started to listen to the sound of the forest.

"What do you mean more, there was nothing left of that elk when I was done."

"You need to feed from more than one elk then, you need to fill yourself up until you can't drink anymore."

"I need to kill more than one?" I asked and my eyes widened.

"Yes, it's the only way you can get through school. Get through sitting next to them, smelling them." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Believe me it's the lesser of two evils."

He sprinted in front like a bullet and began his search. I started to panic, this was not going to lead anywhere good, I knew myself, I knew what would happen. My "family" however, counted on me to get through this. I listened to the wind rush by me, and the trees rustle under its strength. Then I smelled it, it was strong, but not near by. I dashed through the woods agile and light footed. It took me only seconds to get to their position, but when I saw them I hesitated. A family of deer, two older ones, and three babies, I couldn't do it.

I climbed the tree and just watched them, they sat lounging in the grass of a meadow. They seemed happy and content, I didn't want to change that, but I had this thought plaguing me. I pictured myself sitting down in the lunch room, surrounded by kids, the blood began to boil. I became flushed and without another thought I was down by the deer, I didn't run to them, I walked. Patiently and painfully slow I walked over to them, their heads popped up, they saw me. They didn't run though, they simply looked, their big black eyes caught mine and I stopped, I sat down on the grass and waited.

The littlest one came reluctantly over to me, laid down, and placed it head on my lap, I touched it, felt the warmth of it body under my cold skin. Its heartbeat was even as mine would have been if I had one.

"I'm sorry," I whispered and I quickly sank my teeth into its neck. The baby deer didn't make a sound, nor did it struggle or kick. When it was over I looked up at the baby's family, they were in a line, from smallest to largest in front of me, waiting. I began to cry as the next baby did the same as the other, placing it's head on my lap, after I pushed other one aside. One right after another took its turn to die at my hand. I could feel them coursing through my body running up and down my veins, and I couldn't stop the tears from coming.

When I was done I placed them all together under a nearby tree. I looked around the meadow and I couldn't help but feel that I had spoiled it somehow; that this once peaceful place was not covered in blood and death. I had to fix it, like with the elk, the only thing that would make this right would be return their life to this place, in some form.

I placed my hands on the ground, and felt them pulse; this was different than any other time I grew, it felt more powerful. I let it flow through me and watched as wildflowers sprung up all over the meadow; a small creek ran slowly a couple yards away. Butterflies started to swarm, and all manner of creatures flooded to the area. I closed my eyes and just listened to them, the bird songs, the water flowing, animals playing.

I felt a hand grasp my shoulder and I shot up, opened my eyes, and turned around. "You do this?" Edward asked looking at the meadow.

"Not all of it," I said back wiping the tears from my eyes.

"It's beautiful."

"It used to be, then I ruined it," my eyes looked over at the family of deer I had slaughtered, "I was just trying to make it safe for them again." I pointed to the other animals playing in the meadow.

"You're amazing."

"I'm a monster"

"No, Teagan look at me," He placed his hand under my chin and lifted my head to meet his stare. "I watched you, they came to you. They offered themselves to you." I looked at him confused, "I don't know what it is that just happened, but you did nothing wrong. They didn't run from you, they didn't struggle, they accepted their fate almost as if they were giving their lives for you." Without another word he grasped my face in his hands and brought it closer to his. Our lips met with a soft embrace and I felt my anxiety leave me. Our mouths moves slowly around each others in unison as the clouds grew dark and rain began to tinkle down from the sky. My hands began to move over his wet body touching and feeling him, but as fast as it started, it ended.

I looked up at him, wanting more, but he pulled me away and looked down, "Everything okay?" I asked.

His hands dropped to his sides, "Yeah, everything is fine."

"Then why-"

"We shouldn't do this," He said and turned his back on me.

"I-"

"We need to get back, Carlisle should know about this."

"But-" I tried to start, but he stopped listening and started to walk away.

We didn't say anything as we ran back to the house. The rain was falling harder now, wiping away whatever moment Edward and I just had. We reached my cabin and he continued to walk, but when I stopped at my door, he turned. "You coming," He said.

"No, go and tell Carlisle about the new tricks I can do," I said placing my hand on the doorknob. "I'll be over later to answer any questions."

He stood there motionless, "I'm sorry about earlier."

"I just don't understand you Edward," I said with anger starting in my voice. "You knock me out, take me to your family, who treat me like I'm one of their own. You though, you treat me like some sort of leper most of the time. Then there was that kiss, you treat me like crap, then your soft and welcoming. What is it with you?" I didn't let him respond; I opened the door to the cottage and slammed it close behind me.

It rained the rest of the day and through the night, I didn't leave the cottage, and no one came looking for me. I assume Edward told them I might want to be alone, or maybe Alice saw this coming and knew not to come find me. I thanked them for that, I did want to be alone, too many thoughts ravaged my brain. The family of deer, the way they lined up like that, the kiss, the coldness that followed. I didn't come here for this, I wasn't searching for anything or anyone. Maybe it was time for me to leave, that was the thought that kept coming back, it's time for me to go. The Cullens have treated me well, taught me things I probably wouldn't have learned on my own, and I liked the company; but maybe this was just too much for me, maybe I needed to be on my own.

As that final thought ran though my mind, a knock came from the door. I wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't surprised either. I had made up my mind, I was leaving, and now Alice was at my door going to try and talk me out of it. I opened the door however, and it was not Alice looking sad and remorseful like I had expected, but Edward, looking torn apart by something. His eyes scanned the floor and I waited for him to speak, but he just stood there.

"Can I help you," I said coolly, still a little hurt about before.

"You can't leave," He stammered.

"I have to, this isn't the place for me."

"It can be your home, this place…" He paused almost chocking on the next phrase, "…with me." My eyes widened, but my head took over.

"I can't do this, like I told you before, it looks like you don't know what you want. I may be naive, but I don't think the world is filled with daisies and rainbows, you're holding back. For what, I don't know, but I can't just sit around here and wait for the moments you decide to like me."

"I've just been confused. This is kinda new for me."

"This whole world is new to me, that is no excuse."

"No not this," He waves his hand between him and me, "I've been in a relationship before, but I've never had these feelings before."

"What feelings?"

"Please don't make this any harder for me," He said, "you know, the connection we have, I feel a pull towards you."

"And this is what you do when you feel a pull towards someone, you run, or treat them like dirt?"

"No, and I'm sorry about that," he took a step closer to me, but I backed away. "Can we just start over again, please?"

"I don't have the time to start over again, I'm not staying."

His eyes grew fierce, and he took two more steps toward me, I didn't back away, "Please, Please don't leave. Especially if its because of me, Alice is quite fond of you, Carlisle and Esme are falling in love with you."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"How do you feel about it," I couldn't help but hope the answer in my head was about to come from his lips, but he didn't say anything. He just looked around the room, like he was searching for something, then he closed his eyes and his head turned towards mine.

"I feel like I would be missing out on something…unexplainable if you left. I want you here, I want to see you everyday, hear your voice everyday," He paused, "I want to kiss you…as often as I can."

Sorry it took me so long to get back into this story, but you know how it goes. I promise to be more prompt about updating when I can, please let me know what you think.