Hi guys! sorry for the lack of updates, I've been busy lately. I just started on a new summer job so it's going to be hectic but I'll try to write the next chapters whenever I have some free time. I hope you enjoy this one!

Two months. Eight weeks. Fifty six days. It doesn't seem that long, no it does, but in a way doesn't. Santana doesn't even remember the concept of time anymore. She wakes up, gets up, and persuades herself to go to college, get on with her life, breathe and even look at Brittany. It's hard. No, it's impossible. She just can't comprehend anything that has happened in the last two months since her birthday. Every day is a fucking out of body experience and she just can't let go. She'll never let go of her brother. Marco. That's his name. That was his name. Everyone seems to have moved on and she's still in this trance, unable to grieve, unable to cry. No tears have left Santana's eyes since that night on their kitchen floor, with Brittany hugging her as she sat there, body slack, heart aching, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm so sorry. Santana, I'm so sorry." Brittany cried out, still embracing her girlfriend who shuddering underneath her embrace, unable to stop crying and reply. Brittany felt guilty, as if it was all her fault for asking Marco to come and visit. Even though she knew, it was not her fault directly, she couldn't help but feel slightly responsible and from this realization, she could not stop the tears from leaving her eyes.

Santana wasn't listening. She wasn't listening to anyone, to Brittany's attempt at comforting her, to the sound of whispers in the living room, footsteps heading towards the front door, the front door shutting, Quinn and Rachel gasping when they found out. No, she wasn't listening. She could hear a hum inside her head, a familiar song; she could hear Marco singing the song he always sang to her whenever she felt down.

"Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by

If you smile through your pain and sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through, for you..."

Slowly, she untangles herself from Brittany, who looks up at her, hey blue eyes filled with indescribable grief and sadness. She doesn't say a word to anyone in the room as she made her way to the bathroom and cleaned herself up. Every single tear wiped off her face. She splashed her face with ice cold water and it hit her like a wave of heartache but she told herself not to cry. He wouldn't want to see her cry.

"He's gone." She said with a finality and head out the door to call the hospital, identify his body, call her parents and plan the funeral. Just like that, she stopped crying, but never stopped grieving. Every single day.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door knob twist and the front door opened and closed quietly. She could hear footsteps making their way towards her, careful but fast. She doesn't look up, she doesn't smile. She just says, "Hi."

"Hey baby." Brittany said, kicking her shoes off, sliding into the couch with the brunette who was lying down. She automatically slipped an arm under Santana and another one draped over the Latina's stomach. She buried her face in the crook of her neck, inhaling her familiar scent. "How's your day been?" she asks carefully.

"It's been okay. Like every other day." The shorter girl replied abruptly. "You?"

"Class was exhausting. I'm just happy to come home." She smiled against her lover's neck.

"That's good." Santana muttered. Ever since that day, she hasn't been able to look at Brittany in the eye or have a normal conversation with her. She knows it's not her girlfriend's fault. It's no one but that reckless son of a bitch driving that goddamn Mercedes that hit Marco's car's fault. And yet, she still can't let her girlfriend back into her life, properly. They haven't had an actual conversation, they haven't made love, and they're not the same people. No, Brittany is the same, loving, caring, loyal and patient. Santana has changed; she doesn't even know who she is anymore. She still loves Brittany but for some twisted reason, every time she sees the blonde blue eyed woman smile, her heart shatters. She reminds her of him. Of the tragedy that has happened to him.

"Hmm." Brittany simply answers as she drew circles on Santana's stomach. A single tear escapes her eye and her smile turns into a frown. She is fully aware of the changes in Santana ever since Marco passed away. She never wakes up early anymore, she doesn't cook breakfast, she barely eats, she barely goes out to see friends, she hardly smiles anymore and when she does they never reach her eyes. They never reach hers.

"I love you, San."

Santana could feel the tears. She could feel that smile turning into a frown and she could hear how Britt's voice cracked. She's not going to cry though, even though a lump in her throat is building up and her vision is blurry from tears-liquid forming. She kicks herself inwardly for being so goddamn stubborn and unreasonable. This is costing her a lot. Her relationship with the woman she loves more than anything in this world, her life. But for some reason, it feels like it's worth it. Even though as her reply escapes her mouth, a hard jab attacks her heart and she feels her stomach churn.

"You too."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Quinn. I can't look at her. Not like I used to." Santana says not looking directly at Quinn, fiddling with the top of her coffee cup.

After weeks of nagging, Quinn finally convinced her to meet for a cup of coffee. It was an effort to get up and get ready for something that isn't college. Well, everything is an effort these days but Santana's current mood doesn't exactly scream sociable. She can't even be sociable to her girlfriend who she's practically married to.

Quinn looked at her best friend sympathetically. Santana, the girl who taught her pretty much all she needs to know about life, is telling her she has no idea what to do. Nothing. If Santana doesn't know how to handle something then it's pretty much out of Quinn Fabray's league. Santana has a solution to everything, anything. And here she is now, clueless, nervously fidgeting, and uneasy. Un-Santana like.

"Hey, look at me..." she says taking both of Santana's hands across the table, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I understand you're hurting and no one will ever fully comprehend how difficult this is for you but Brittany is your girlfriend, she's your soul mate, Santana. You know it's not her fault and yet you choose to forget that fact. Brittany did not anticipate any of this and you know she didn't. She's your life, she's still here and I suggest that you make each and every day matter. Everything is unpredictable San, you need to focus on "right now". You need to make it right with Britt. She feels terrible, she's broken too, you know."

Santana looks up to meet hazel eyes full of concern and sympathy. "I know but it's so hard. Every time she smiles, it's like...how can she even smile after all of this?"

"Santana, she's trying to be strong for you. Not for her. For you. Don't you get it?" Quinn questions her.

"Marco used to sing "Smile" to me whenever I felt down. And her smile just reminds me of that and it reminds me of the fact that my brother would never have gotten into that accident if he never got on that plane, if Brittany never called him" she finally explains.

"Brittany did not anticipate any of this, Santana." She repeats again, defeated.

"But she made the call."

"And he accepted!" Quinn unexpectedly replied. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"I know, I'm not dumb, Quinn." She retorts, taking another swig from her cup. "I, it's just gonna take time."

"Santana, I love you. I love Brittany but most of all I love you together. We both know that time is irrelevant. Fix this before you lose her, before you lose everything."