"Get water."

I dip my head and scramble to get water. The grounders are fair, but they don't take well to laziness – a few slaps with the flat side of a dagger when I've dawdled have taught me that. I wipe sweat out of my face as I hurry to the river with the water skin.

My mind flashes back to that night with Bellamy, when we were both covered in sweat for a very different reason. It feels like a lifetime away – not because I don't remember it in every vivid detail, but because could only ever happen that once… now that I'll never see Bellamy again.

It feels like the pain of missing him is crushing me. To make it worse, I keep imagining I see him out of the corner of me eye, but when I turn there's nothing but the trees.

I return with the water skins and Dorak takes them without a word, then gestures me to the fire. I kneel down to add some wood and check the stew I have cooking. It's not even that I resent the work – I'm learning from them, which is good – but my heart is too sore to be grateful for anything right now.

I've considered running away, but what kind of life would that be? Always looking over my shoulder? The grounders would not take kindly to betrayal; when they caught me, they would not be as kind as they were the last time when they agreed to my deal to heal Bellamy.

Besides, it's wrong. I made the deal knowing what I was getting into. I may live a long, lonely life, but at least I'll know Bellamy is alive because of me. And if he's going to stay alive, it's better that I stay here, far away from him. I've already almost gotten him killed once, and once is enough as far as I'm concerned.

When I've finally finished all of my tasks, I fall into my bedroll, my eyes already closed.

"Clarke."

I jerk around, because surely that whispered voice can't belong to who I think it belongs to. I gasp as I see Bellamy's face sticking through a slit in my tent fabric.

"Bellamy, what are you doing here?" I hiss, though even in a whisper, my voice sounds giddy as my heart seems to fill up with bubbling happiness.

"Move over," he whispers, then widens the slash in the tent with his dagger and crawls in with me.

"What are you doing here?" I repeat, exercising all of my self-control not to jump into his arms.

"You didn't think I'd just let them take you, did you?"

The tenderness that his words stir is overruled by the fear. "Do you think they'll just let me go? I made a deal, Bellamy! If they find you here they'll probably decide to shoot you again, and this time there won't be any antidote."

"Relax, Princess," he says. "I've got it under control. I'm going to negotiate you out."

"What could you possibly have to trade with them?"

"You've got friends in high places," he says mysteriously. "Anyway, I should go before they find me, but I just wanted to let you know it'll be another week or so before we sort everything out."

"What do you mean by – ?"

Before I can finish my question, he is kissing me gently on the lips, so quick I'm not even positive it happened, and then he is gone, the only evidence left behind being the gash in my tent.

I sew it up as quickly as possible before anyone notices, then lie down, but I don't delude myself that I'll achieve sleep any time soon. Surely, Bellamy must be fooling himself? How could he possibly 'negotiate' me out? There's no way he can pull it off, it's not possible…

Still, I can't stop my fears from going there: what if he does? What if I'm unleashed to bring destruction down on those I love yet again? I've repeatedly rebuffed friendly advances from some of the younger grounders for a good reason: I'm sick of people dying because of me.

What if Bellamy really does manage to get me out? I know there's no way he'll let me go off on my own again… I spend the rest of the night making contingency plans, and praying I won't need them.

xxx

Over the next week, I make an effort to be an exemplary servant, anything to persuade the grounders that they want to keep me, no matter what Bellamy manages to come up with. I think I'm doing well… which is why a wave of despair sweeps over me when I see Bellamy walking into camp… with Lexa.

"Damn!" I mutter. I don't doubt Lexa's ability to make a deal with these people to set me free, and sure enough, the grounders are nudging me into an empty tent to await the verdict. Bellamy is obviously in there with Lexa, and as I try to go over my plans in my head for when he comes, I can feel the bile rising in my throat.

Finally, they come, as I knew they would. "You're free to go," Dorak says simply.

"I would like to stay, if you'll have me," I say, trying to keep my voice even. "I think we can learn a lot from each other."

Dorak gives me a quizzical look, but dismisses my strange request out of hand. "We've made a deal with commander Lexa and we're not stupid enough to break it; you will collect your things and be out of here by sundown."

No, no, no, I chant in my head, now scrambling to get everything in my pack before Bellamy can find me.

I know he's behind me before I hear him; I can sense him; my body knows when he's close, and responds.

"Told you, Princess," he says smugly.

"Where's Lexa?" I ask, not turning around.

"She's staying for the night. She doesn't expect you to want to see her. We can leave right away."

I nod, biting my lip, not wanting to do what I have to do until we're alone.

I shoulder my pack and leave, barely looking at Bellamy. I catch a flash of hurt crossing his face, but he follows me in silence. Finally, when we're about a mile away from the grounder camp, I turn to face him. "Bellamy, you can't keep travelling with me," I say, unable to meet his eyes.

"We've been through this, Princess," he says. "Wherever you go, I'll follow."

I can see it in his eyes; he means it. He doesn't care if I get him hurt or killed, he'll follow me anyway. I take a deep breath and brace myself for what I have to do.

"Bellamy, I don't want you with me," I say. "I want to be alone."

"Not going to happen –"

"Damn it, I mean it, Bellamy! I'm sick of you always looking over my shoulder like a puppy that's been kicked! It's pathetic. I put up with you when we were co-leaders, but I'm on my own now and I want you out of my life! Can you not leave me in peace for once? If I hear your voice yapping at me once more I swear I'm going to lose it! I don't want you, Bellamy!"

I turn around at the last sentence so that he doesn't see the tears in my eyes. I hear his sharp intake of breath behind me and the tears come thick and fast. I'm doing what I have to do to save him. No matter what it means for me, Bellamy has to live. I can't bear life without that knowledge.

I close my eyes and wait for him to finally leave me.

To be continued