On the Way to a Smile

A/N: Thanks for the attention~
it's not a crime if you leave feedback, you know?

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Dear… whoever is bothering to read this…

I just wanted to say a few things, my family. And I know I am a burden, someone who is refusing to accept you all have moved on, adjusting to this life.

So, I would like you all to know that I don't blame you. It's my fault I exist, that I didn't kill myself two years ago on top of that building.

Sorry dad, I guess I never did tell you that I was diagnosed with chronic depression a few years back. That's my fault, as well.

Anyways, I know you probably won't even remember me in a few years, so….

I love you.

Madeline Williams.

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Madeline Williams hated her life. She also hated herself, but that was getting a bit off topic. She had been left by her father for a business trip with his wife and her step mother. Her stepbrothers, though kind, didn't pay much attention to her, until something really hurt her.

All of her stepbrothers were out. It was a Saturday night, and they were doing various things with friends.

Lovino was the only one who was not with friends, but he had to go to an anger management course. So he wasn't here either. She was in the large house all by herself, holding a silver knife in her hand.

Again.

Madeline knew it was her chronic depression just pulling one over her, but she felt like shit, and still didn't want to tell her dad that she was diagnosed with chronic depression two years ago. She had no one else to call, as no one here ever bothered to know her.

No one ever bothered to notice little Madeline Williams. With her plain blond hair and thick coat, with her dark blue eyes and soft face, much as it hurt to say it, she looked almost exactly like her cousin.

Who, for all she knew, hated her. He hadn't talked to her once, not in the entire two years she had been here. She honestly didn't know why he was so keen on avoiding her.

Maybe it's because you're a horrible person. You're boring, dull, and shy. Who would ever want to know you? It's not like anyone cares about you. Even your father considers you a burden. That's why he got remarried.

"Shut up…" The blue-eyed girl mumbled softly, trying to get that accursed voice out of her head. It was that voice that told her that she'd never be good enough. She rubbed her eyes to rid them of the coming tears.

He left you for her as soon as he could. I wonder if anyone would even care if you died. Probably not, your father has her now, despite all of your protests. He didn't even ask you if you wanted to settle down. He never asks for your opinion, does he?

"Shut up… please…" She was ready to start sobbing. Her hands trembled, as the knife in them gleamed in the moonlight. She didn't want to die… but it seemed like there was no other option for her. She didn't want to live if it meant having to constantly be reminded that she was someone no one even cared for.

You do it because you're weak. You're too scared, and because of that, you're hurting the people you claim to care for with your very existence. You're pathetic.

"Shut up!" She cried out, cutting her arm as she did so. The pain always made the voice go away, even though she knew it was a bad thing for her to do. The pain felt so good, it always did.

Why don't you just finish it? It would be easy, just cut your artery. It's not like anyone would care…..

Madeline sobbed loudly. Why wouldn't it just leave her be? She felt her blood, hot and sticky and red, covering herself and the tile floor. She fell against the wall, watching the knife in her other hand. She didn't want to die… she just wanted to be noticed and known, or disappear from the earth forever, because numbness would be better than this pain.

We both know you'll never be noticed. You're just plain, old, Madeline Williams. Who in the name of god ever notice plain, old, Madeline Williams?

She raised the knife, aiming it at her artery. Sadly enough, the voice was right. Even if she died, the most she would ever mean to people would be the day off school for the funeral. Madeline's eyes teared up. She might as well give them that much.

Oh, don't die here, you stupid girl! Don't make a mess for others to clean up!

The voice had a point. She walked off to the bathroom, where there was a shower, unaware of the trail of blood she had left behind her. The pounding in her head hurt, but she was happy on some level that she wasn't going to have to feel anything in a little bit.

She didn't hear the gasp of horror from the side door that had been opened. Or the frantic footsteps that followed the nice little trail she left the person to follow.

Madeline smiled slightly when the throbbing pain left her, and she was left light-headed. She pulled the knife back to her arm, after she entered the shower, dizzy, and with her other hand, turned on water. It pounded against her back, ice cold.

"Madeline!" A voice called out to her, opening the glass door to the shower hastily, and ripping the knife out of her hand suddenly. Madeline snarled at the figure, even though she couldn't quite make out who he was.

"Just let me die here," She begged. "It's not like anyone really cares…" She heard the sound of the knife clanging to the floor outside the shower, but no longer had the strength to even push the person off of her. Her blue eyes wouldn't, couldn't look up. She didn't want to look into the eyes of her supposed 'savior'.

"How could you even say that?" The voice cried at her, he seemed legitimately worried for her, but she couldn't place the voice. "Don't you realize how heartbroken your family would be?"

"Like you know me…." She mumbled, and he ran a hand across her cheek.

"I'm a horrible, asshole, jerkface excuse for a cousin, but I still like to think we are a bit related." He sighed loudly. And Madeline's eyes widened, as she realized who she was being held by, who she was being spoken to by.

"A-Alfred…?"

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A/N: Chronic depression is a scary, scary thing, and this can really happen to people. Oh, god, this kinda happened to me, please don't remind me of that kind of thing. Yes, there is a voice that tells you all your fears, and throws them back into your face.

Other quick thing. Sorry about the diary in the beginning. It needed to be done.

Pardon the shortness and the cliffhanger. S*** has hit the fan.

Review!