Chapter 4
Lying in bed that night I didn't even know how I was feeling anymore. That bitter stinging pain in my heart still lingered and my mind was completely restless. My mind obviously focused on Haruhi. The scenes from today repeatedly played over and over and I was growing angrier at the fact I was completely incompetent today and I'm screwing up my chances of getting her to fall for me. I'm no stranger to knowing about repeating painful things, I mean I have to climb up that giant hill everyday just to get to school but this was a pain on a far different level. Why did today have to play out this way? I imagined what it would have been like had I satisfied Haruhi's demands for today. In my mind I pictured her smiling and excited as she rewarded us all with some food. Truly how I loved the fact fantasies help escape you from reality.
Checking the clock I realized I had been just lying in bed for nearly an hour. My hands placed on the back of my head as I stared upwards into the ceiling. With the only light being the miniscule amount of light shining through from my window there really was not much else to look at. Guess having one night of little sleep won't hurt me. After all, tomorrow was Sunday and Haruhi had given us a day off from doing anything club related. Maybe a day without seeing her would help to ease my mind. I tried to think about something else other than her but it was a wasted effort. It felt like if I tried thinking about something completely unrelated I would always end up finding a way to relate it to her. This can't be normal can it? My frustration building at my inability to occupy my mind and the anger I felt from failing Haruhi earlier brought about a sudden burst of anger within me.
"Damnit!" I cursed loudly as I punched my bed. "Why does it have to be like this?! Why do I have to screw up the things I always try to do?!" I thought to myself. Of course I may have snapped for a second but I still kept that bit of sense not to shout at this time of night.
Luckily for me I snapped out of this state pretty fast. What am I doing? Calm down Kyon whats done is done. Right can't change what has happened. I missed you there for a second logic!
I forced myself to just close my eyes and try to sleep. After quite a bit of a battle, I finally did end up asleep. To my amazement the rest of my night was not filled with nightmares or anything. Just sleep. No dreams or nightmares simply plain old sleep.
As I awoke that morning the first thing that came to my mind was, well take a guess. The first thing that came to my mind wasn't to check the time or anything else like that but rather Haruhi. Instantly I thought of if she was already awake and what she was doing right now. Why would it matter though? I'm sure shes probably happy not having to see me at all today. Just minutes into this new day and I was already feeling depressed.
Sluggishly walking to my kitchen I was surprised to find out my sister was still asleep. Guess when theres no cartoons to look forward to kids just sleep until noon. Grabbing myself some bread I sat down on my couch and turned on the TV. There really was nothing to watch but I wanted to get my mind off of her any way possible. I stopped on a baseball game but instantly changed it after remembering the time Haruhi made the whole Brigade join up to play baseball. Damn how I hate having a mind that links memories like this.
I quickly finished eating and decided to just go for a walk outside. Putting on my shoes I opened the door and felt the nice morning breeze. It was another beautiful day and with it still being pretty early the heat was tolerable. As I walked down my sidewalk I saw a bunch of kids playing in the street and I couldn't help but look. Further down the street I saw what looked like a couple around my age. I stopped instantly and stared blankly at them from a distance. As you probably guessed by now I started to think about you know who again. I pictured me and her holding hands like they were and her beautiful face was smiling at me. My expression instantly becoming more depressed looking as I frowned and felt that stinging pain in my heart once again. I continued walking towards the heart of the city. My face still bearing my depressed expression I knew it would bring unwanted attention to me. But truly at that point I couldn't care less about what people felt about me. Seeing a bunch of businessmen talking on their phones looking busy and random pedestrians with a smile on their face I kept walking on by. No destination in mind or anything but this walk was doing the opposite of what I had hoped it would do. There was no denying it at this point that this was more than a mere crush, Hell I love Haruhi and it appeared clear as day to me. Unlike most guys who were just awestruck by her beauty it's her personality that won me over. Her eccentric, energetic, nothing-can-stop-me attitude I just loved it. Sure she could be bossy and kind of heartless but still. Something about her captivates my heart and holds it prisoner. Along with her beautiful face, hair and well, everything about her was beautiful to me. Her sweet smile being able to uplift my mood no matter how far it had fallen.
Turning back towards my house it took much shorter getting back than it was getting to wherever I went. Probably because I didn't stop to stare at all the people on my return trip. As I went back inside I headed straight for my room and did something I would never find myself doing on a weekend. I ended up working on my summer work. Actually worked on getting my mind off of her too. Being productive instead of moping around for a day was the smartest idea I had in awhile. I spent a good chunk of my day working and the rest of the day was surprisingly not Haruhi related. Just a lazy Sunday afternoon filled with TV and homework. As long as I could keep myself occupied I wouldn't have to worry about my thoughts getting the best of me.
The next day I woke up doing the same thing as I did the day before which was instantly think of Haruhi. Realizing I would see her again today I felt a mix of excitement and a bit of sadness. Excitement that I could see her again and sadness at knowing she probably doesn't want to see me at all and the fact she doesn't even return anything close to resembling my feelings for her. Still, if I didn't face her I would never improve my relationship with her and I was basically obligated to show up always. Thinking about what we would do today I wondered if Haruhi would be in a good mood.
Walking up that huge hill under an overcast sky I headed towards the far too familiar school. Being empty due to the summer holidays we were lucky enough to still have some rooms open for the clubs. Walking around I saw a bunch of tennis and baseball players doing stretches in the fields. Guess it was time for their practices to begin. Anyway when I finally got to the clubroom I was surprised to only to find one person there. Yep, you guessed it, that one person here? It was Haruhi and I saw a facial expression of hers I had never seen before and instantly my heart felt like it skipped multiple beats and my eyes widened.
"Kyon...we need to talk"
A/N: Hopefully you all enjoy the cliffhanger for now! I'll try to have Chapter 5 up in about 2 weeks but I've been busy lately. As always, hope you all enjoyed the chapter and please review!