Fun at the Mansion
a Resident Evil Parody
by Biohazrd23

Hey guys it's me again. Bringing you chapter 3 of my RE parody. I'll be uploading my short story like I said. Thanks for reviewing my previous chapters, the reviewers are the guys that encourage me to write more chapters. Ok, I'll start off with a few thankyous. I'd like to thank the following people for their reviews and encouragement. Without you guys, I would give up on this story.

drivenbyrevenge
Resident Roach Code Metallica
Biohazardous Fears
xwittychickx
Grusnoid
boss-slayer
Vampuric Spider
Elliot007
mcdoomburger
FangedFrog – My first reviewer!

Ok, now that the thankyous are in order. Here's the third chapter of Fun at the Mansion, a Resident Evil parody.

"Barry, I heard explosions, what the hell's goin' on?" Demanded Jill as she ran into Barry.

"Forrest is dead. I'm sorry Jill."

"Yeah I know. I came out here a while ago. Then what the hell were all the explosions?"

"I was bored, and there just happened to be a grenade launcher lying about."

"Barry! We could have used that grenade launcher to get the hell out of here!"

"I like crows."

"Oh for god's sake." Jill said, throwing her arms up in the air. She gave Barry a stupid look, and then stormed out of the room.

Barry followed her and told her to stop.

"Jill, wait, this hall is dangerous."

"Don't start on the retarded dialogue Barry. Or I swear to god I'll –"

"Whoa. You were almost a Jill san –"

Jill immediately threw her gun at him, it smacked into his forehead. Jill ran over to the now unconscious Barry Burton and stole his .44 magnum. She dropped her STARS issue handgun next to Barry's unconscious self. She stood up and walked away.

Rebecca stomped along the corridors, muttering to herself. She stormed around a corner and saw Jill stomping along the corridor towards her. As they got closer, Rebecca punched Jill in the face and kept stomping along. Jill stormed onwards, muttering to herself as well, while Rebecca entered a door and disappeared out of sight. Jill stormed into another door.

Jill trudged into a small room and her ears filled with the sound of gunfire.

BANG BANG!

"You wanna mess with me, bitch! Ill fucking kill you!" Chris Redfield yelled.

"Chris, what the fuck's going on!" screamed Jill.

"Damn wall, you're gonna be my bitch when I'm done with you!" Shouted Chris, firing more bullets into the wall which he attempted to bite earlier. Soon there were 8 bullet holes in the wall.

"Chris calm down! Why are you shooting the wall?"

"Fucking thing bit me!"

"That doesn't make any sense!"

"It doesn't have to, I'm popular!" BANG BANG!

He pistol whipped and roundhouse kicked the wall. Then somehow snapped its neck.

"Let that be a warning to ya." Chris spat at the bottom of the wall before turning and walking away.

Jill stood there with the most ridiculous look on her face. Chris slapped her and walked out of the room by himself.

Barry trudged down the long eerie corridors of the mansion with a large welt on his forehead. He got out a baseball bat and started shouting.

"BORING, BORING, BORING!" He smashed a nearby desk lamp with the bat.

"BORING, BORING, BORING!" He shouted, striking a nearby zombie over the head.

"BORING, BORING, BORING!" Barry yet again yelled, smacking Wesker (who just happened to have been walking past at the time) in the face.

"Barry!" Shouted Wesker.

"Oh, everything's so bloody boring!"

"Barry, I have your wife and kids tied up. I will kill them if you don't do exactly as I say."

"I already tied them up before I left home." Barry said, in a sort of way suggesting that he does this every time he leaves his house.

"Oh. Well I tied them up again, and I'll kill them if you don't do what I tell you to do."

"No! Don't hurt her!"

"Yes... hahaha."

"Wait. You're my boss, I'm supposed to do what you say anyway."

"Shut up."

"You don't think your plans through very much do you?"

"Shut up."

"Well, what do you want me to do then?"

"OK, now there's a large heavy iron door at the back of the mansion that I need to get through to destroy some – rather incriminating evidence. Now the only way to get through that door is to find 4 keys. They're circular shaped, about as big as a teacup and they're scattered all over the mansion. I need your help to find them. And by 'your help', I mean, I'm gonna sit in the surveillance room while you run around risking your life. If you see Chris or Jill, tell them to find them as well. But don't tell them I've got your wife and daughters held hostage or I'll be forced to kill them."

"OK then." Barry tried to hold back his tears.

Wesker grinned. Then walked away, patting his head where he was walloped by Barry's random baseball bat swinging.

Richard Aiken sat sobbing, covered in his own blood and nursing a gigantic snake bite.

"Why won't anyone help me?" He said, shivering.

Chris confidently strolled down a hallway alone. He unequipped his handgun as a zombie came into view around the corner.

"Chuck Norris owns you bitch!" He exclaimed as he roundhouse kicked the zombie. The force of the kick shattered the zombie's neck.

"They see me strollin'. They hatin'."

Jill, meanwhile, was taking a leisurely stroll down the long winding halls of the Spencer estate.

"How the hell does someone live in a house that makes you place three gems in sockets, then flip switches in the right order, then find two keys, just to get into the bathroom door?" She thought to herself.

Rebecca walked around the corner in front of her.

"Rebecca, wait!"

"What the fuck do you want, Valentine?"

"I just saw Barry, I need to find circular keys to get into the back door."

"You mean these?" Rebecca pulled out all 4 keys and presented them to Jill.

"Yes! I need them."

"OK." Rebecca lifted them up and shoved them in Jill's mouth.

Rebecca stormed away, muttering to herself about people having no respect for her. After Jill pulled the keys from her mouth and wiped the saliva off them, she exclaimed.

"Damn, that girl needs to get laid. Big time."

Chris stood at the back door, wondering what needed to be done in order to pass through the door, when Jill suddenly appeared behind him.

"Chris, I've got the keys, we can get out of here and go home."

"But I like it here, the people are really friendly."

"Chris! Don't you realise these people are undead freaks?"

"They're really sensitive and you shouldn't be such a bully."

FLASHBACK to Chris having a girly tea party with 3 zombies.

"Ooh, I tell ya, I saw Gloria out at Dairy King today and she came out with an ice-cream and ooh girl she told me that she was having the Chocolate Whipped Fudge Double Cream, but I saw her with the Chocolate Whipped Cream Double Fudge! Ooh you just cannot trust that girl uh huh." Chris said.

FLASHFORWARD to present times.

"Uhh, sure Chris."

Jill walked up to the door, pushing Chris aside and inserting the four keys into their right spots. The large door cranked open.

"Oh, goddamit not another room!"

Yep, it was another room. They just scoured the entire mansion, risking their lives just so they could open another door to another room in the mansion.

"Well. Now what?"

"Whoa! What the hell is that!"

"Oh my god! It's a..."

(Cue dangerous music.)

Ooh, cliff-hangers, gotta love them. Of course for you Resident Evil fans, it isn't really a cliff-hanger for you guys since most of you should have played the first game and know what's gonna happen next anyway. OK so, there ya go, that was the latest chapter of Fun at the Mansion. Tell me what you think and get ready for the next chapter.

-Biohazrd23.