We stopped at a motel to sleep and clean up. There wasn't a lot of talk; we were all exhausted. Sam and Dean both crashed pretty hard right away, their breathing deepening and evening out almost immediately.

I just lay curled up in the roll-away bed and thought. Really, when it came down to it, they were just trying to help me get and keep control of this thing. Just one more thing I had to be grateful to them for. That voice in the back of my head, though, man, it kept whispering to me that I was broken, troublesome, a monster. It told me that I could never make it up to them, that I was beholden to them, that I didn't deserve their love.

I hated that voice.

I tried to shut it out, but only mostly succeeded, eventually falling into a fitful sleep where I was plagued with dreams of desire and flame, and being hunted.

In the morning, Dean shook me awake. I sat up and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. I'd probably gotten about three hours of sleep. I rubbed my sore eyes and stared at the lumps my feet made under the blanket.

"Jessie, get a move on," Dean said, as he stuffed his clothes into his backpack.

I grunted and slowly put my feet on the floor. I did not want to be awake. "Come on, Dean. He's not going anywhere. Can I just sleep for a couple more hours?"

Dean leveled a look at me. "We don't know he's not going anywhere," he said. "Our responsibility, Jessie."

I buried my head in my hands and groaned.

Dean crouched down in front of me. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just tired. I couldn't fall asleep."

"We need to go. Get up, shower, and get dressed. You can sleep in the car."

"Fine," I whined, swinging my feet out from under the blankets and over the side of the bed.

He stood up and set his hand on my head for a second. "Good girl," he said.

I slouched out of bed and dragged myself into the bathroom. I couldn't have been in there more than five minutes before Dean was banging on the door.

"Hurry up, Jessie," he said.

"God, leave me alone," I muttered. Louder, I said, "I'm going as fast as I can."

"Ten minutes."

I rolled my eyes and cranked the shower on. I climbed in. After washing every bit of me, I stood under the spray and just soaked in the hot water, until Dean banged on the door again. "Jessie! You're five minutes over. Get out here."

"Deeeean," I whined. "I'm tired."

"The faster you get out here, the faster you can get back to sleep in the car."

I slammed the faucet off and flounced out of the shower. I dried off in quick, angry movements. Why couldn't he just leave me be for a while?

He banged on the door again, "You have until the count of twenty," he said. Then he started counting.

Slightly panicked, I said, "I'm getting dressed!" I jerked on my underwear, t-shirt, and yoga pants in a rush. He didn't respond; he just kept counting.

On eighteen, I jerked open the bathroom door. "I didn't brush my teeth yet," I said in an accusatory tone.

He slid an arm around my back and guided me out of the bathroom. "You can do it later. Get your stuff packed and get in the car."

Sam came in with a sack of food and a drink tray with three cups. Dean went over eagerly to dig out a bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwich. Sam dug out some yogurt thing with granola on the top. I stuffed yesterday's clothes into my backpack and pulled my sneakers on. By the time I finished, Dean was done eating his muffin, and Sam was headed out the door with his yogurt and coffee. Dean handed me a container of oatmeal and a spoon. He picked up my backpack and herded me out the door.

"No fair," I complained, put out that they couldn't wait for me and that I had oatmeal and not cinnamon rolls.

"Get ready faster, next time," he said mildly, opening the trunk to drop my backpack in. "Get in the car and eat your breakfast."

"Jesus," I muttered, stomping to the back door of the car, oatmeal in hand.

"Jessie," Dean said a stern tone. I stopped to look at him and he looked me straight in the eye, holding my gaze. "You are seriously trying my patience. Stop it. Now."

I swallowed and nodded. He held my gaze for a second or two longer and then turned to go around to the driver's-side door. I got in. Dean started the car, and I opened my oatmeal container to eat.

8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8

I slept in the back of the car for hours, only waking up when Sam reached back and shook me because we were going to be getting to the coffee shop soon. I sat up and rubbed my arms. I always needed way more sleep than normal after controlling a big flame like that, and I still hadn't had enough. I wasn't itching yet, though. I was just tired.

When we pulled into the coffee shop, I got out of the car and got my backpack out of the trunk, lugging it into the bathroom of the coffee shop to change into jeans and brush my teeth. By the time I had changed and was out of the bathroom, Sam had talked to the barista and was headed back out to the car with Dean.

"Hey," I said, grumpily. "What the hell? Can't I get a coffee or something?"

Dean stopped and turned slowly to look at me with an eyebrow raised. "Not if you're going to ask like that," he said. Sam had also turned, but he looked slightly amused.

"Come on, Dean, I just woke up. Cut me some slack."

He shook his head but came back to me and handed me a ten. "Your slack is getting shorter and shorter by the second," he said. "We'll be in the car. Hurry up."

I rolled my eyes when he couldn't see me again, completely annoyed at his impatience with me. Why couldn't he just let me do what I wanted to do? It wasn't like I was disobeying his stupid orders or anything.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot as I waited in line. I glanced out the front of the shop. Sam and Dean were standing by their doors and talking over the top of the car. Dean glanced at his watch and then looked towards the store, clearly unhappy with how long it was taking me.

Finally, I'd reached the front of the line. I ordered a caramel Frappuccino and waited another five minutes while they made it. When I walked out of the store with my Frappuccino in my hand, Dean huffed and got into the car. It just annoyed me more. When I got into the car, I slammed the car door as hard as I could.

Dean turned around. "What is your problem?" he demanded.

Slightly startled, I stammered, "I'm, I'm just tired."

"That does not excuse you slamming doors and being rude. I was hoping that more sleep would help, but it hasn't. I'm serious, Jessie, cut it out."

I flushed and looked at my feet, slightly abashed. "Ok," I said softly.

"Good," he said and started the car.

I spent a couple of minutes just drinking my Frappuccino while we drove to the church that Kevin was staying in. Dean stopped the car and got out. Sam turned around. "Stay here until we come get you, Jessie. We don't know what we're walking into. Got it?"

"Yeah," I said sullenly. I sucked on the Frappuccino. Sam got out and walked with Dean up the steps.

What they were walking into was Kevin, a geeky nineteen year old who had been planning on going to Princeton before he found out that he was the prophet and had helped us defeat Dick Roman a year ago. What kind of danger was he going to be? Besides, I had controlled that giant flame last night. I had helped Dean stay alive in purgatory with it. I had the power of flame at my fingertips.

So why the fuck did I have to stay in the car?

I climbed out of the car and followed Sam and Dean up the steps. As I walked into the entry hall, Kevin was handing them towels. Then he said, "Jessie?"

I hadn't seen him in a year, and I guess it had been a hard year on him, but I'd be damned if he hadn't gotten really cute! He'd cut his hair really short, and while he'd been thin and spindly before, he'd gotten some muscle and filled out a bit now. I gaped at him.

Until Dean grabbed my arm and growled, "What the hell, Jessie? What did Sam just tell you?"

Suddenly my great justification didn't seem so great any more. I stuttered to give him a response and couldn't come up with one. I flushed bright red as Sam shook his head at me too, clearly as displeased as Dean. Dean pointed at one of the pews. "Sit."

Embarrassed at having screwed up and been called on it in front of Kevin, I dropped my eyes and hurried to the pew. Dean watched me as I sat down and pulled my feet up onto the pew with me, hugging my knees. I tried to give him my best obedient girl look, eager to mitigate the trouble I was in.

Kevin told us about being taken by Crowley to read a tablet on demons and how he destroyed the demons that were guarding him, took the tablet, and ran. Dean was impressed.

Oh my God, Dean was actually impressed at Kevin tricking Crowley. The injustice of it struck me to my very core. It was unfair! I'd spent years with them, trying to convince them that my abilities would be useful as a hunter, fighting to control my abilities, fighting for their approval. And here Kevin had spent only a year in and impressed Dean with a single story and his ability to stay alive and away from Crowley for so long.

I wanted to cry.

It got worse as Kevin talked about closing the gates of hell. I could see Dean's excitement at the idea.

I hated Kevin.

Sam and Dean looked at each other. Sam said, "We'll be right back. Jessie, you stay right there. Don't even think about getting up."

I nodded unhappily, and Sam and Dean went outside.

The church was getting dark, so Kevin started lighting candles around the sanctuary. "So what happened to you?" he asked as he lit candles.

I watched him light the candles with eagerness but no aching need to help. "I went to purgatory with Dean."

He stopped lighting the candles for a minute and looked at me. "You survived purgatory?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," I said. "It wasn't fun."

There were candles in the entry way, too. Kevin was on the other side of the sanctuary. Sam and Dean could come back at any second, but I really wanted to do this. I stretched out a tiny tendril and lit a candle, jumping the tendril from wick to wick to light them all, reveling in the tiny flashes of pleasure each flame brought me.

"How did you get out?" Kevin asked, his back to me.

I jumped and lost control of the tendril. I immediately grabbed it again, but not before the flame flared and melted the candle into a puddle of hot wax on the floor. Fuck. I pulled the tendril back inside of me before saying, "There was a rift that humans can go through."

"How'd you find that out?" He was done now and headed toward the entry way. "Oh," he said when he saw the lit candles. He glanced at me, but didn't say anything.

"Uh," I said. "I think if you want details, you'd better ask Dean."

Kevin sat down on the pew next to me. As much as I hated him right, now my heart beat a little faster. Sam came back into the church and said, "Jessie, Dean wants to see you outside."

I rolled my eyes, trying to disguise my dismay and anxiety in front of Kevin. "Why doesn't he come tell me that himself?" I grumbled, and then I jumped again when Sam put a hand on either side of me on the back of the pew that I was sitting on and looked down at me.

"You disobeyed a direct order, young lady. You are in a lot of trouble. Now is not the time to have an attitude," he said in a low voice, meeting my eyes.

"Yes, Sam," I whispered.

"Go," he said. He stood up, and I scooted off the pew and out into the entry way. Dean was standing by the door. He pointed to the door, and I went out onto the porch and waited. He stayed in the church for a couple of minutes before coming out.

I couldn't look at him. Dean crossed his arms over his chest. "Tell me what you did wrong, little girl."

"I disobeyed a direct order, and if things had gone differently, I could have been in a lot of danger," I whispered, staring at my feet, face hot. I'd been in trouble for this before, a lot.

"What else?" he asked, and I froze, mind working furiously. He couldn't possibly have figured out that I lit a bunch of candles and accidentally completely melted one. I had no idea, and there was no point in confessing to something I wasn't sure he knew about. I'd made that mistake before, too.

"I don't know," I said.

"Your attitude today was horrible. You gave me shit every time I spoke to you. You have been rude and dismissive and grumpy, and I warned you about that, didn't I?"

"Oh," I said softly, "yeah."

"I don't want to embarrass you in front of Kevin," he said. "So, you have a choice. We can either do this in the car right now, or we can wait until later when we have more privacy."

I hated waiting, and he knew it. I was grateful that he didn't want to embarrass me and that he was giving me an option. On the other hand, I really didn't want him to spank me at all. "Dean, I'm sorry. Can't we just let it go this time?"

He shook his head. "You knew what was going to happen when you decided to disobey. Choose."

"Now, I guess," I said reluctantly.