Note: This story is not slash. All of the characters stay true to themselves.
I Now Pronounce You… Uh…
Chapter Four – Was It Good For You?
Introduction:
I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers - turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night! ~Author Unknown
Serve! Set! Spike!
*****
The sight of the two men kissing brought E'llya, her entourage and a significant number of the Daedalus' crew, including Ronon and Colonel Caldwell, to a stumbling halt in front of and behind them. All conversation came to an abrupt end as everyone watched the head of Atlantis' Science and Research department and its military commander locking lips.
Sheppard was pulled off balance when McKay grabbed him. He brought both hands up to keep himself from falling, giving the impression that they were embracing. After the initial shock, he tried to pull away but McKay was stronger than he looked.
Caldwell cleared his throat. "Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, would you like to join us for dinner? Ronon and I were just about to get something to eat." They both silently thanked him for ignoring the scene he'd just witnessed. The commander said to the crowd, "Forget about what you're seeing and get back to what you were doing. And no gossiping. This isn't what it looks like."
The spectators quickly scattered at their commander's order. E'llya and her people had already made a very hasty retreat in the direction of their quarters where they would, presumably, be informing her father of what they'd just seen.
McKay looked up into Sheppard's face. The dangerous expression he saw there scared him as he'd seldom been scared before or probably ever would be again. He quickly released his grip just now realizing what he'd done. He brushed both hands over Sheppard's shirt trying to remove the wrinkles he'd left in the fabric and got his hands slapped. Before stepping back he whispered desperately, "Please, please don't kill me. I-I-Its just that, well, when I saw them over there and us over here a-a-and, well, you always get the sexy alien. So then I thought, well, w-w-we'd talked about public displays of affection so I figured that, um, this was the perfect opportunity and we should p-p-probably, you know, for the sake of um…" He was gesturing with both hands, speaking faster and faster. An auctioneer had nothing on Rodney when he got like this. Sheppard crossed his arms, shifted his weight to his right leg and began tapping his foot.
"…a-a-a-and I didn't enjoy it nearly as much as I would have if we really were, uh, n-n-not that you're not a good kisser because you definitely are…wait that didn't come out right. I mean, well, I've only kissed women before so I have no basis for comparison. Except for the time I kissed Carson but it wasn't really me so it doesn't count. What I mean is, it was my lips but it was really Cadman doing the kissing. But, what I'm trying to say is…"
Though he'd initially been infuriated with McKay for planting a big smooch on him right here in front of God, Caldwell and everyone, his stuttering explanation was enormously entertaining and it restored his humor. He let it continue another minute or so then decided it was time to end it or he'd go on like that all night. Besides, the smells coming from the Mess had his stomach making that funny gurgling noise. If he waited much longer to eat it would go hunting on its own.
"Rodney!"
"What?"
"Since it seems to have achieved our intended purpose I…forgive you for going beyond the bounds of our agreement." He chuckled. "Oh, you should have seen it! E'llya looked like a dear in headlights when she took off. C'mon. Let's get some dinner. On me. I feel like celebrating!" He hooked an arm around McKay's neck, bent him at the waist, quickly rubbing his knuckles back and forth on the top of his head. McKay protested, ducking away and smoothing his hand over the area. "And Rodney…"
"What?"
Sheppard winked. Flustering Rodney was one of his favorite hobbies. "It was good for me, too."
*****
McKay and Sheppard seated themselves at the table with Ronon and Caldwell. All four were basking in the light of a job well done in eliminating the problem with the Kardanians. Mr. Woolsey would forge an alliance and John could stay single without insulting their guests. Everybody wins.
They'd been enjoying their meal and some pleasant banter for about twenty minutes when suddenly all conversation within the Mess came to a stop. The four men looked around and spotted Captain Closas, E'llya, Arnav Nilay, the first officer of the Adnausaeum, and two others whose names they didn't know making their way between the tables in their direction.
"My daughter tells me that there is a…predicament. She says that Colonel Sheppard is not in a position to take her as his mate because he is already mated to that one." He pointed at Rodney. "She observed the two of you I am told it is called 'kissing'. Such an action is performed between two who are…committed to one another. Is this true?" The tone was not accusatory. He was simply asking for information.
John finished chewing, swallowed and laid his fork back on his plate. Rodney had stopped with his fork half way to his mouth, Ronon kept eating and Caldwell was still chewing. "Uh, yeah. It's true. I'm sorry for not mentioning it sooner but you kind of threw me for a loop, uh, surprised me when you offered your daughter as a gift. In my culture we don't do that."
Closas' eye went wide. It was an odd thing to see as the silver irises of their eyes were the same color as the eye itself and it gave the man the look of a middle-aged punk rocker on some strange mind-altering drug. "You do not give and receive gifts?"
"No. I mean yes, we do. All the time. It's just not usually…people. Though it was very, uh, generous of you to offer."
"I understand and take no offense. You and your mate…" He paused.
"Rodney McKay." All of the Kardanians put their hands to their mouths and gave embarrassed laughs. Their skin glowed with silver sparkles that appeared to be their version of a blush.
"W-w-what's so funny?" Rodney spoke up for the first time.
Closas looked at the floor a moment. "It is your...backname. It sounds very much like a word in our language that is used as a, what is it called? Ah, a euphemism." When he told them what it meant they too smiled and muffled laughter came from the surrounding tables.
McKay closed his eyes for a moment blushing bright red to the roots of his hair. "Then I suppose you should call me Rodney." The Kardanians all smiled again but not with embarrassment this time.
E'llya spoke up for the first time since the Kardanians had entered the Mess. "That is acceptable. For us, 'Rodney' is similar to 'roa-dinay'. It is a small very friendly creature somewhat like a cat but with extremely large ears and a curled tail. Like a cat, it makes a rumbling sound when happy or content that is quite soothing. If you do not object, I will call you 'Roa-dinay'."
"Uh…s-s-sure. Okay." It's better than them calling me "McKay", he thought, considering its meaning.
"You and Rodney will be our first guests once we have relocated to our new home, Colonel Sheppard."
John flicked his eyes around the table at his companions. "I-We, would be honored. And call me John."
Captain Closas made a slight bow. "John. It would also be an honor for you to call me Mard. If you will excuse us. We will retire to our accommodations for the night." He nodded to each man in turn then they were gone.
Caldwell, Ronon and Sheppard all turned to McKay, their eyes dancing with amusement. Without meeting their eyes McKay raised his index finger in the air. "I warn you. Say nothing! Ever!" He picked up his fork and continued eating, ignoring all of them.
TBC