I brought my knees up to my chest and buried my face into them, sobbing hysterically, uncontrollably. I felt my dress begin to soak in my salty tears. I didn't have anything anymore. My purity was the last thing I had and now…now even that is gone. I needed to get back home to think things over…get away from Eli…My car it was still at the cemetery, I had no idea how to get back there from Eli's house. There was only one thing to do and it completely contradicted with my original intentions but I slowly got up and wiped the tears from my eyes, though some did manage to escape and traced down my red cheeks. I knocked on his door and waited for what seemed like forever but he finally answered, his eyes cold and hard. I refused to look at him and kept my head down, my curls acting almost like a lamp shade for my face.
"What do you want?" he snapped, I could feel his eyes burning into the top of my head.
"I…I need a ride back to the cemetery…I need to get my car…"I whispered, barely audible. I heard him sigh in frustration.
"Speak up!" he snarled and I winced at his words but you know what fine…if that's how he wanted to play…then I'd play. I whipped my head back up and stared at him, glaring intensely.
"Take me to the cemetery." I growled but I couldn't hold my anger in any longer and I snapped.
"Take me to the goddamn cemetery right now Goldsworthy! Take me back there so I can get into my stupid car and get away from you and your stupid house!" I shouted at him and he glared at me even harder but obliged eventually, going into his house to get his car keys.
I began to look for Morty, but the hearse that Eli was so famous for driving was nowhere in sight. I heard a snort behind me and I turned to see Eli standing there, arms crossed. I rolled my eyes.
"What is so hilarious Goldsworthy? Please enlighten me with this knowledge." I scoffed.
He brushed my comment off as if it was nothing. "You're looking for Morty aren't you?" he asked me.
I nodded slowly and he raised his eyebrows.
"Don't you remember that night Clare? That night 10 years ago?" he asked me.
"We're just not meant to be together Eli!" I spoke into the phone. There was a silence for a few seconds before he answered me.
"We are." He argued, his voice hard and I heard the squeal of tires on the road along with a crash.
"You never got Morty fixed?" I asked him quietly. He laughed at me.
"Believe me, if Morty could be fixed I would but apparently, just like me, he'd forever be broken." He told me. "It's all your fault Morty's gone." He told me.
My eyebrows shot up. "My fault? My fault? How is it my fault? I didn't call you up and tell you to crash your car did I? I didn't tell you to wait for me at that park bench for hours! I didn't tell you to fall in love with me." The volume of my voice began to rise and he scoffed.
"I wasn't in love with you…"he murmured. "You were just Julia's replacement…a replacement who never met the standards. Who would want you? Your stupid blue eyes and you annoying curly hair? Who would want you? You're goody-goody personality? Who would want that after they've had a Julia? The most amazing thing that could ever happen to anyone? Who would pick up a rock from the mud after finding a diamond at a jewelry store?" he snarled at me. It was a slap to the face and I could feel the tears begin to form again, streaming down my face again. I'm never good enough…I'm never going to be good enough…Never. He's right! Who would want me? Who would want Clare Fucking Edwards? I knew he loved her more! I knew she meant so much more to him!
"You're right…" I said to him in between tears. "I've always been fat and ugly and annoying…" I whispered. "Would want me right?" I asked him.
I watched as his mouth curled into a stupid smile, a smile that was full of sadness and regret but still a smile nonetheless.
"I'm glad you see my point Edwards. Now get your ass into the car so I can get you as far away from me as fast as I can. I nodded at him and smiled as well, a smile filled with insecurity and sadness, but a smile nonetheless.