Korra had become a master at compartmentalizing. Basketball in one place, personal life in the others. But like the Titanic, just because you close off the compartments, doesn't mean your ship won't still sink.
Asami has a boyfriend.
Korra swallowed thickly, trying not to choke on her next words. "Hi, I'm Korra, nice to meet you." She morphed her face into a smile, or at least that's what she hoped it was, because she sure felt like she wanted to puke.
"Iroh." He smiled, shaking her hand politely.
Korra hopped on her bike, desperate to leave. Asami turned to Iroh though, preventing Korra from interrupting with a goodbye.
"Why are you here? I thought you told me you wouldn't have phone reception for eight weeks," she asked just a little too happily for Korra's taste.
"The survey took a lot less longer than anticipated," he shrugged. "Got back to civilization a lot sooner than I thought." He beamed and Korra was sure a rainbow of butterflies flew behind him, illuminating his hella hunky face.
"You couldn't call me first?"
"I wanted to surprise you."
Sadness and jealousy swept through Korra. Of all the things she didn't know about Asami, she realized she didn't even have her phone number. As close as they had been the past few weeks, it had never occurred to Korra to obtain the ten digits needed to be in contact with her at anytime. It stung more than the fact that Asami had never mentioned that she had a boyfriend.
When reduced to her very human instincts, Korra was a fight kind of girl. Fight or flight, and time and time again, Korra would be willing to stand and battle for whatever was in contention. But this, this, her body frantically screamed flight. It wanted to flee so badly, it took all of Korra's will to stay still.
"G-guys, I'm gonna go," she stuttered out. The power couple turned to her, Asami taking a step toward her.
"It's late, are you sure you don't-"
"No."
It came out a lot harsher than Korra had intended.
"I mean, it's just, you know, you guys," she mumbled. Come on Korra, hold it together. "We have practice tomorrow, and I have to shower, and he just came back, and I'm sure you have activities to do, so I'm just gonna go home." The rambling was the only stopgap between Korra and breaking down.
If Asami had noticed any of Korra's discomfort, she didn't show it. "Okay," she said gently. "See you tomorrow."
The ride home was a blur, literally. Because as soon as she was out of eyesight of the happy couple, Korra stopped holding back her tears. She zombied her way into the house, tossing her clothes off, not even realizing that she'd turned on the shower. The hot water scorched her skin, but it was nothing like the burn she'd just experienced. All she wanted was to tear her heart out of her body and throw it down, never having to feel it beat again. Stumbling out of the shower, she pulled on some clothes and collapsed onto the bed.
The deep pit in her chest was the same feeling she had when she watched Pearl Harbor and Rafe died, and then when Danny died, and then she was even angrier with herself for even comparing her life with it because it was a really shitty movie. At least compare your life to something good, like Shakespeare in Love or something. She punched her pillow into submissive softness, sighing face first into it.
Sleep would not come easy for Korra that night.
Korra had one of the most restless nights of her life. But getting up was worse. The usual pep and elation was gone, instead, it felt like a heavy weight had settled on her body overnight. She rolled over, falling to her knees onto the carpeted floor.
Breathe Korra, breathe. The urge to cry engulfed her as last night's events flooded her vision. Goddamnit pull it together! She pressed the heel of her hand into her head, forcing breaths through her chest. Slowly, she rose, and got ready for practice.
Unlike every other day, Korra barely got to practice on time, just one minute before they started their warm up jog. She pulled on her shooter sleeves and tied her shoes, lagging to the back of the pack, away from where Asami was. From behind, that long black hair swayed with each stride, and Korra bit her lip, grimacing.
Why would this be hard? Essentially nothing had changed. Korra was still Asami's teammate, and Asami was still Korra's. But the change was in Korra, and as much as she wanted it to, the tight band constricting her chest wouldn't go away.
Warm ups came and went, and Korra pointedly avoided eye contact with a certain green-eyed beauty. No, not Kuvira, you weirdo.
Korra accidentally ignored Asami for the first twenty minutes of practice (okay, so it wasn't accidental), and Korra knew she couldn't keep up the aloof despondency much longer. Sure enough, Asami was casting furtive glances her way, all with underlying concern. Korra muttered under her breath, upset that Asami knew her far too well.
They broke off into two lines, as lay up drills began. Korra watched the order, making sure that she wasn't paired with Asami as usual. When it was the taller girl's turn, she looked surprised as Zhu Li passed her the ball. Asami caught it, dribbling and easing the ball off the backboard and through hoop. Zhu Li grabbed the ball, passing to the next person in line, who happened to be Korra. But Korra had been too preoccupied in her grief and mopeyness and the Brian McKnight song echoing in her head to pay attention.
...my shattered dreams and broken heart are mending on a shelf…
"Korra!" Zhu Li shouted. But it was too late. She turned just in time to catch the ball with the side of her face.
"FUCK!" Korra yowled, clutching her face and falling to the floor. Immediately, everyone congregated around her, all asking if she was okay.
The fuck she was okay, she just got hit in the fucking head with a bouncy ass ball! What the hell was it with people asking the most asinine question when you are most obviously not okay?! Get your hand chopped off, are you okay? Get your dog run over, are you okay?
"Korra, are you okay?" Asami asked, hand on her arm.
Get your heart broken, are you okay?
"I'm fine," she snapped, wrenching her arm out of Asami's grasp. The other girl looked crestfallen and upset and Korra immediately felt like she had just told a child that Santa Claus was, in fact, not real. Those green puppy dog eyes would be the death of her.
A large dose of guilt washed over Korra. This wasn't Asami's fault. She had every right to have a boyfriend and not tell Korra. She had every right to still expect Korra to be her teammate. She had every right to think that Korra was still her friend.
Friend.
You never realize how much the word stings until your desire to be something more arises.
"I'm sorry," Korra said, trying to apologize for everything in two simple words. Her cobalt eyes met emerald ones, and Korra hoped it was understanding that clicked behind them. Asami nodded her head.
"It's okay," she said, grabbing Korra's arm and helping her to her feet. "It was a late night."
"What were youuuu up to last night?" Ginger cooed, and an instant need to punch the redhead in the face twitched in Korra's fist. Her eyes flitted over to Asami, who actually looked flustered for once.
"I-nothing," Asami stuttered, and Asami never stutters. "We just slept."
Oh. Right. Iroh Man was visiting.
Korra sighed, walking out of the group towards the bleachers.
"Let me know when you're done pulling your head out of your ass and you can go back in," Coach Lin said as Korra took a seat.
Coach Su rolled her eyes. "Korra, honey, let me see your face." She clicked her tongue disapprovingly, a mother hen who did not like her little chickey having a bruise.
"I'm fine, Coach, I just need a couple of minutes," Korra said, patting Coach Suyin reassuringly. She nodded, graying hair swaying.
"Okay sweetie."
Head throbbing, Korra considered her options. She could mope and be really forlorn. But that wasn't her style. Sure, she cried at really sad movies, but it wasn't like she mooned for days that Dumbledore died. Or she could be really angry and just call Asami out on everything. That was more her M.O.; the fight response taking the lead. But that would probably break their friendship irreparably if she did it Korrastyle. Even if she wasn't going to be anything more, Asami was still a really great friend. Which brought about the third option. Grin and bear it. Roll with the SS Irohsami, and just continue to be BFF4Lyf with Asami.
It was probably the hardest road to take, but she'd take the final one. Korra would be friends with Asami, and not jealous or sulky at all that she had a boyfriend. She kind of wished this was a reality show so someone could at least catch this soon-to-be train wreck on film.
"I'm ready Coach."
"Hey Korra," Asami said as she walked back into the locker room, wiping her tousled wet hair with a towel. Korra half expected a director to yell "Cut" or something for a hair commercial.
"Hey." Korra threw her dirty clothes in her duffle, giving her something else to do other than look at Asami.
"So Iroh wanted to treat us to lunch, can you come? He really wants to meet you."
That's ironic, Korra scowled, because she really didn't want to meet him at all. Her frown must've been evident on her face, and Asami immediately softened her offer.
"But I'm sure you must already have plans, so it's okay if you can't make it."
"Sure, it sounds great, Asami."
Korra would collect the Purple Heart for her self-inflicted wound later.
Korra's first impression and (slight) jealousy meant she might've been a little snippy with her comments, despite trying to be on her best behavior.
"So did you meet at Derek Zoolander's School for Kids Who Can't Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good too?" she deadpanned, looking Iroh straight in his ridiculously gorgeous eyes.
"What?" The pasta on his fork slipped off, splashing back into the marinara sauce.
"You know, where really, really, ridiculously good-looking people get educated." Korra arched an eyebrow, crossing her arms, daring him to answer. He considered her for a moment before answering.
"Well I used to go there. Then I wondered, 'Is there more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking?'" he grinned. "Yes, was my answer, so I went back for my PhD in Geothermal Energy, which is where I met Asami." Iroh whispered behind his hand, "She transferred out of Derek's school as well." Korra burst out in laughter.
She had really wanted to dislike Iroh. That's how it's supposed to go. Girl like guy (or girl in this case). Girl that is liked brings boyfriend, first girl gets jealous and hates guy on principal. But she actually liked Iroh.
He was funny and open and worked for the federal government, trying to bring about positive climate change. "He travels to remote islands, measuring the output of magma by volcanoes, determining if it's a viable source of alternative energy," Asami had explained earlier. "They tend to work in places without reception, so we usually have crappy Skype sessions in terrible motel rooms."
And he was super handsome. Korra sighed, looking between Asami and Iroh. They were perfect for each other. The tight band that constricted her chest was back.
"Thanks for lunch, Iroh," Korra thanked him as she stepped out of his rental.
"It was my honor, Korra," he said, raising a hand in parting.
Asami waved as well. "Bye!"
"See you tomorrow!" Korra called after the car, giving a smile that was hiding her desire to just cry right then and there.
"Aw fuck," Korra muttered, turning around and walking up to her dorm. She shut the door to her room, laying on the floor. She reached for her headphones, muffling her ears and shutting out the world. Scrolling through her playlists, she found the one titled, "/3" and hit shuffle. A sigh escaped her and her hands fell to her sides, the music player tumbling out of her hand.
Just because she could hold it together in public didn't mean she couldn't fall apart in private.
Various songs about heartbreak and other shit played and Korra couldn't help it; the words hit too close to home and they began tumbling out of her mouth.
"I KEEEP BLEEDIN', KEEEEEEP, KEEEEEP, BLEEDIN' LOVE! YOU CUT ME OPEN AND-"
"Korra, what the shit is this?!"
Korra whipped off her headphones and opened her eyes. Looking down at her was a very irritated and confused Opal. Korra sat up quickly.
"Opal, what are you doing here?!"
Opal rolled her eyes. "Seriously? You forgot?" She crossed her arms. "It's family visit weekend, and your dad is stuck at that City Council meeting, so he asked me if I could make it. Remember?"
Ohhhhhh. Right. Korra had forgotten all about Family Weekend. The one weekend where family members or friends could visit the team members. Which explains why Iroh was there.
"Where's Bolin?" Korra asked. Bolin, one of Korra's childhood best friends, was dating Opal. Korra had drunkenly introduced them at a kegger and fifteen minutes later she found them making out in the coat closet. Been inseparable ever since. Which meant that Opal became an indirect member of their circle, and Korra considered her one of her closest friends, not to mention her roommate back at ATU.
"Early football practice." Opal waved a hand impatiently. "But he's been worried about you. Korra what's going on?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Bolin told me, said your texts went from normal to really happy to outrageously sad." She read some aloud.
Korra: The hot girl from RCU is here. FML.
Korra: Catfish Asami exists! Hahaha tell Mako
Korra: Fuck Zoolander. I'll take his Blue Steel and shove it up his ass.
Korra: Whyyyyyy does Mufasa have to die? Shit's fucked up. Poor Simba. :'(
Opal fixed her with a look. "Korra, we've gone over this Lion King thing so many times. Mufasa dies. We can't change that. What is going on?"
Korra looked away. She was a little embarrassed. Opal knew she was bisexual, but the whole crush on Asami was so high school.
"It's a girl," Korra said, pulling at her fingers. "I kinda really like her. Like in that can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of stuff."
"Oh, you got it bad," Opal shook her head and sat cross-legged across of Korra.
"I know, I've been listening to Usher's U Got It Bad all day."
"Let me guess, she has a boyfriend or girlfriend?"
Korra nodded. "Boyfriend."
"So what are you gonna do?"
Korra sighed, shoulders deflating. "Nothing," she said honestly. "I'd rather have her as a friend than nothing at all." Opal's eyes narrowed, clearly not believing a word Korra said.
"Really," Korra said, "I-I'd just rather see her happy, you know? And she's a great teammate, we just click on court, and she's super nice and really fun to talk to and-"
Opal gave Korra a mournful smile, and a patronizing look flitted across her features for just a moment.
"Come on, let's go get some pizza."
Having Opal back was almost as great as hanging out with Asami. Korra wasn't lonely, and she definitely wasn't allowed to mope, cause Opal doesn't allow shit like that. So they played Horse for a little while, then Korra gave Opal a tour of the complex, and she ooohed and aaaahed at the shiny new equipment. They watched Netflix for a bit, and Korra smiled ruefully as the cursor hovered over Orange Is the New Black, before Opal shot her a look that said, "You knock that shit off." Despite Opal's insistence that she talk to Asami, Korra always refused, claiming everything was fine.
By the time the weekend was over, Korra was almost back to her pre-pitiful state. She hugged Opal gratefully, glad someone could come and drag her out of her own muck.
After a good heart-to-heart with Opal, Korra decided that the best way to work her way through this was to pour herself into the team. So she did. She focused extra hard at practice, running plays with precision and efficiency. Korra stayed late to help some girls with drills, and she could tell they really appreciated it. When extra conditioning threatened to steal the will straight from their souls, Korra shouted "We can do it!" and led the charge. She didn't let her own personal woes spill into basketball.
Korra had become a master at compartmentalizing. Basketball in one place, personal life in the others. But like the Titanic, just because you close off the compartments, doesn't mean your ship won't still sink.
After practice on Monday, Korra avoided Asami, and instead of heading to the locker room for a shower, she found herself in the weight room. She shoved the buds in her ears, loading up the first workout playlist she found on Spotify. The metal screeched a little as Korra slid a plate onto the metal bar. She settled on the bench under it, and did a few bench presses. The tangible weight in her hands gave her mind something else to think about other than the imagined one that lived inside her ribcage. She sighed as the barbell came back to rest on the rack.
This wasn't going to work. Korra couldn't keep this up. She couldn't stay in this limbo of trying to be a friend but hoping to be more. After the initial dejection passed, Korra found anger bubbling up more and more. Why had she had she held back so many things from Korra? Korra had told her nearly everything about herself. Everything was so confusing.
Korra had spent weeks hoping that maybe, maybe, Asami might like her as more than friend. That maybe the way her green eyes lingered on Korra's lips meant something else. Or how Asami's cheeks reddened when Korra pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. But she spent an equal amount of convincing herself that they were simply friends as well.
Korra grunted in frustration, taking the bar up again, pumping the weight furiously. Midway through the seventh rep, Korra could hear the faint tracings of Asami's voice in the song she was listening to. Even in the solitude of music and weight room, Asami's melodious voice still invaded her head. Korra racked the bar once more, blowing the air out of her chest. She was falling apart. She had been sad, and sometimes she was angry, but it was all still very basic.
Korra missed Asami.
Korra had been keeping her distance from Asami, declining late practices or hanging out during the day, and it was wearing on her. She felt empty, and so, so lonely as she stared at play diagrams alone on her bed. She threw a hand over her face.
Korra!
Again, she could hear Asami in her music. Except a hand tickled her ear as she felt the earphone being pulled out. Korra yelped in surprised, head promptly banging into the bar.
"Oh my god, are you alright? I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!"
"Ow," Korra moaned a little, but the pain subsided quickly. She lay back on the bench and cracked an eye at her intruder. "What are you doing here?"
Asami sat on a bench nearby. "I just wanted to talk to you. I didn't see you after practice, or last night either."
Korra didn't answer, instead choosing to stare at the ceiling. She could lie, say it wasn't feeling well or something; that would be easy. But lying to Asami wasn't something she wanted to start doing. So she remained silent.
"Are you mad at me?" Asami asked, voice a little softer and uncertain. "Did I do something wrong?"
Korra closed her eyes, body deflating as she let out the breath she'd been holding. "No-yes-kind of," she mumbled, unsure of how to explain herself. "Why didn't you tell me," she asked, and when Asami crooked an eyebrow, she added, "that you had a boyfriend?"
"Oh," Asami mouthed, though no sound came out. "It just didn't come up, and I didn't really think I had to tell you," she said a little resentfully.
"But why not? I've told you practically everything about me, and you leave out a huge fact like you have a boyfriend?" Korra turned her head sideways to look at Asami. Her anger was coming up again, and she fought to press it back down.
"Is that what you're mad about? That I didn't mention that I have a boyfriend?! Is that why you've been avoiding me?" she said heatedly.
"Yes-No-I mean," Korra spluttered, "I realized I don't know anything about you!" Korra looked back up at the ceiling, avoiding the piercing green eyes. "I mean, I know that you really like mangoes, or that you know more things about cars than guys, or that you really love Sharknado even thought you pretend to really hate it because of the logical inaccuracies. I know that you always drive really fast, and that you smell like amber and citrus, and that you get this little crease in your forehead when you concentrate." Asami's face had slid from an irritated look to one of incredulity.
"But I don't know where you're from, where you grew up, what high school you went to, what your parent's names are! Christ, I don't even have your phone number!"
A heavy silence settled over them, threatening to steal the air right out of their lungs. All Korra could hear was her heartbeat thumping in her ears, the only proof she was still alive. Now that her rant was over and the adrenaline gone, Korra's body felt oddly weak. She chanced a look at Asami, who was staring at the ground, shoulders slumped. Asami got up slowly, walking over to Korra, and she sat on the ground next to her. When she spoke, it was so soft Korra strained her ears to hear it.
"I never told you," Asami sighed, "because that's my past. I haven't exactly had a great childhood. It's nothing like the great times you had growing up with your family. So I've always tried to live in the present, looking toward the future." Korra turned her head to look at Asami, feeling guilty for bringing up what were obviously bad memories.
"I trust you Korra, and maybe I should've at least trusted you enough to tell you, but it's not exactly easy for me." Asami bit her lip. Korra slid off the bench, sidling in next to Asami. Even if her answers were vague, it was a start.
"I trust you. Tell me when you're ready."
Asami smiled gratefully. "I will. But I am ready to do this." She reached into Korra's shorts, and her mind immediately went to the far corner of her brain that hid her sexual fantasies.
What? What? Ready to do what?!
But Asami withdrew her hand, pulling out Korra's phone. She punched her number in, saving the contact. She handed the phone back to Korra.
"Okay, so are we officially friends now? Or do I need to add you on Facebook as well?" Asami smirked.
"Add me on Facebook as well. We all know that's how you become 'official friends.'"
"Nerd."
"I'm not the one that was in band camp."
They returned to their "normal" routine, but it was a little different. Maybe it was all in Korra's head. Maybe it wasn't. But Korra felt like Asami was holding something back from her. Korra knew to give Asami enough space to work through it, letting her come to her when she was ready. She liked to think it was because Asami had feelings for her as well, but she stopped kidding herself before she got too far.
Maybe it was all in Korra's imagination, she'd been the one to do the awkward thing first.
The thoughts ran through Korra's head after practice as she sat next to Asami. Which meant she wasn't listening at all to Coach Lin's announcements.
Asami nudged her, inclining her chin to Coach Lin subtly. Korra forced herself to pay attention.
"As I said earlier, the quarter finals are this weekend, so we're taking the bus to Ba Sing Se this coming Tuesday. We'll have a few days to get accommodated. Coach Kya has your room assignments."
Kya cleared her throat. "We're going to mix up the rooms a little. You won't be rooming with your housemate. Kuvira, with P'li. Korra, with Sato. Ming Hua-"
The rest of the names faded out. Korra had stopped listening. She was going to room with Asami for six days. All alone. Twenty-four hours a day. She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry.
She smiled at Asami, who smiled in return.
Korra couldn't help but notice that it didn't reach her eyes.
FYI, Asami plays the tuba, because who else can make the tuba look like a sexy instrument in a marching band? And it explains why she couldn't see Mako.
Your comments/reviews are the best. I laughed at a bunch of them.