My apologies if these installments seem so short. Unfortunately, my muse is a cheeky little imp that only pops up occasionally when I am not swamped with work.

Thank you to those who have sent your words of encouragement regarding this story. I hope that none of you will be disappointed.

"Hm."

Penny's attention was strictly divided between the television screen and her spoon, just as it had been for the past thirty minutes. At that sound of displeasure from Sheldon she paused in the act of licking the last traces of chocolate syrup from the back of the utensil. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." Sheldon said lightly in an effort to dismiss her attention. Yet when Penny's eyes swiveled back to the screen, he spoke up again. "It just seems all too convenient, don't you think?"

"What does?"

"The progress of events in this film." Sheldon explained. He shook his head, blue eyes locking onto Penny's confused face. "While I understand that this is meant to be entertaining, I can't help but feel as if the people who created this film are somehow mocking my intelligence."

Penny laughed. "Sheldon, they aren't mocking you. It's supposed to be a comedy. A romantic comedy. There isn't that much to it other than that they are simply trying to tell you a story. You're just supposed to sit back and enjoy it. Don't over-analyze it."

Sheldon sighed wearily. "I'm trying not to. I just can't help myself. The entire scene of this movie has proven utterly unbelievable since the opening credits; I can't just overlook the blatant errors."

The woman tilted her head fast enough that her ponytail went swinging. Penny regarded Sheldon with the same disbelief she might have expressed towards some unknown sub-species of human. "Errors? What errors?"

"Okay." Sheldon had been nestled comfortably in the cushions of Penny's couch. Now he wriggled up until he sat straighter taking enough care not to jostle his arm where it remained rested on the arm of the sofa. He set his finished tub of ice cream down on the coffee table, utilizing his spoon as a demonstration device as he drew an invisible graph into the air in front of them.

"Let us begin with the opening sequence. We are to be convinced from a montage of events lasting little more than three minutes, that the lead female in this movie is a character that is both likeable, attractive, and holds all the qualities of being an ideal romantic partner. It is also made very clear that this woman, being independent enough that she has to work to provide herself a living, operates without any consideration of entering into a relationship. Do you follow so far?"

"I guess so.." Penny said hesitantly.

"Good. Now, cue the handsome leading man. It is established what an important, successful businessman that he is. We are made to believe this because he wears an expensive suit and obviously visits a hairstylist on a regular basis. We can also reach this hypothesis because his car costs more than our combined yearly salaries."

"Then this businessman just happens to stumble across this attractive, independent woman while she is in the middle of her work. We are lead to believe, by the sappy underscore of music, that they fall in love immediately."

"Yes, Sheldon. That's how the whole 'love at first sight' thing usually works."

"But are you honestly telling me that you buy it? I mean, come on. The man has the means to travel internationally at his leisure. He could find any potential mate throughout the entire planet. However, he somehow manages to end up at this hotel and runs across this maid cleaning rooms. Thanks to the illusions of film, both he and the audience find her to be immaculately styled; hair perfect, make-up in place, alluring even in her uniform. Does anyone even think that such a feat would be possible for someone in that kind of service industry?"

Sheldon snorted. "Halfway through her shift, her hair should have been unraveling from that bun. Her lipstick would have worn somewhat over time. And she would have smelled like a combination of cleaning products, which is hardly 'alluring'."

"It's totally possible for her to—" Penny had started to disagree with his assessment. Then her mind flashed on how it was at her own workplace. Despite a concerted effort to look flawless throughout an entire shift, by the end of the day she still looked like she had been running through a tornado. "Okay. Point."

Sheldon looked smug at her agreement. "Next thing. I cannot fathom how this relationship will pan out between them. The events of their courtship seem entirely too easy. We are shown nothing concerning the difficulties that should come with their attempted romantic union."

Penny lifted up her spoon to interject. "Wait, wait, wait. They're perfectly suited to each other. Just look at how well their personalities match."

"Oh ho ho." Sheldon corrected, as he tapped his spoon against hers. "That's where they have succeeded in fooling you, Penny. You were duped into thinking that their personalities are automatically meant to mesh harmoniously. What the filmmakers did not provide is the internal dialogue that must surely be taking place in the minds of these two lead characters. Granted, right now the female feels gratitude towards her male counterpart that he has taken her from a lifestyle where she had to work for a living and has placed her in a comfortable position of acquired wealth through marriage."

"Woman kind of like that thing, Sheldon. If I had a millionaire offer to pamper me inside an enormous mansion, I would jump on the opportunity."

"But just consider the sacrifice that she's making, Penny." Sheldon argued. "True, she no longer has to worry about the concerns of potential poverty that afflict the middle-glass demographic. Yet the trade for that is that she loses the independence that was established as being so very important to her at the start of the film. That leaves us only with one of two conclusions: The filmmakers believe that no woman can resist the temptation of interdependence enough to remain single, or they just want to convey their personal belief that no woman should be independent."

"You preach it, sister." Penny drawled sarcastically, pumping a fist into the air in a mockery of support.

Sheldon eyed her uncertainly. "Penny. I'm not your sister. I'm not even a female."

The woman sighed deeply. Sheldon's grasp of sarcasm had not improved at all. Penny wet her lips, changing the subject. "This film isn't supposed to be an example of real life situations, Sheldon. It is supposed to be full of comical events, unlikely coincidences, and unrealistic romantic situations. That's what romantic comedies do, Sheldon."

"Oh." The man blinked owlishly at the credits that were rolling on the screen. "In that case, it was really good."

Penny rolled her eyes. "Look. It's supposed to be an example of what romance could be like. Believe it or not, Sheldon, most people don't want to be alone in their lives. They enjoy being able to share a life with someone else. Someone to laugh with, someone to wake up next to, someone to wash dishes with, someone to—" She broke off when she realized that she was brewing up a tirade. "Nevermind. This discussion is just going to depress me."

She saw that Sheldon had tilted up his broken arm while she spoke. He was stroking thoughtfully at his chin with the thumb that jutted out. "Hm. So you're trying to hypothesize that everyone feels the need to match with an ideal partner? I suppose that science does contain evidence leading towards that conclusion. Apparently the biological desire to procreate is present in most living creatures. Humans, being as advanced as they are, wouldn't be immune to that either."

"I don't know that everyone feels the need to.. um.. procreate." Penny said. She was beginning to feel mildly uncomfortable with where this conversation was headed. Mentally, Penny made a note to ask Leonard later if anyone had ever given Sheldon 'the talk', with a little prayer that it wasn't about to fall to her. "People usually just like to share the space with others. Not many people like to be alone."

"It's the pack mentality. In the beginning, humans traveled together in groups, both as a tactic for survival and for safety. It was easier to hunt in groups when the prey was so considerably large. Plus, with the advantage of more people, it was easier to share the burden of responsibilities. Humanity was never fully evolved from stabbing animals with spears and hitting each other with rocks. Now they just express that ancient practice through buffets and bullets."

Penny couldn't help a laugh at his choice of words. She shook her head in amusement. "You know, you never cease to amaze me. Right now you can't even remember if you have cable or not, but you can remember something as random as ancient humans and their behavior."

"I watched a documentary on it recently on the Discovery Channel." Sheldon admitted with a shrug. "Your explanation, though, does have me thinking."

"What's that?" Penny returned to her ice cream, attempting to scrape out the last traces of vanilla that had taken on the substance of liquid from the bottom of the tub. She dipped the spoon into her mouth while tossing Sheldon an expectant look.

"Perhaps I need to find an ideal partner." The man said decisively. Sheldon turned immediately concerned when Penny made a strangled sound around her spoon. "Penny. Don't choke."

"S-sorry." With an apology, Penny dropped her spoon into the empty container. She placed it down on the table in front of her and quickly sucked off a stray dab of cream from her thumb. The woman sat back, shaking her head to collect herself, as Penny twisted on the couch to look at Sheldon more directly. "You just surprised me. You're the last person that I would have ever expected to hear that from."

"Really? I suppose that sounds accurate compared to all the discoveries that I have made so far about my lifestyle prior to the accident." Sheldon furrowed his eyebrows together. "Maybe I am unsuited to those kinds of relationships."

"You're pretty unsuited to all relationships." Penny pointed out automatically. Seeing the wash of disappointment that came over Sheldon's face, she winced before patting him cheerfully on the knee. "That doesn't mean that you can't change that now, right? Losing your memory doesn't have to prevent you from learning new things about yourself. Maybe you could find an 'ideal partner'. What kind of a girl do you think you'd like, Sheldon?"

Sheldon licked his lips, shifting on the couch as he warmed up to the conversation. "I haven't thought about it. What are the ideal qualities that one should look for in a potential mate?"

"First off, 'mate' is a weird word to use. There's usually plenty of stuff that comes before the, uh, mating part. Like multiple dates, conversations, things like that."

"Really?" Sheldon looked briefly aside. "Leonard made a mention that you tend to go into the mating process rather quickly in a relationship."

Penny's cheerful expression fell flat. "Did he, now?" She bit the words off through clenched teeth, forcing that to look more like a smile. "I'll have to have a talk with him about it later."

"I'm sure that he didn't mean it to be insulting." Sheldon said in defense of his roommate. "He simply meant to warn me that if I heard any loud noises similar to human distress coming from your door, that I wasn't to disturb you unless said sounds were unmistakably alarming in nature. When I didn't understand him, Leonard informed me that you sometimes have male company and that, depending on the skills of the male, often created loud mating noises that tend to carry through our living room."

Penny felt her face suddenly burn hot. She knew that she was blushing with that innocent revelation on Sheldon's part. Clearing her throat, Penny tried to put it out of her mind. "Anyhow. Let's get back to the topic of admirable qualities for a girlfriend, shall we? I think that the most obvious bits should be there. You want a girl with good moral ethics; honest, upstanding, caring. You want someone that you can get along with. An occasional fight here and there can be good for a relationship, but getting into arguments with someone all the time isn't the best situation for two people."

"Perfectly understandable. Proceed."

"Well, you want someone that will fit into your life. Someone who gets along with your friends and things like that." Penny smirked faintly. "The best piece of advice that I can give is to look for someone that would meet the approval of someone important in your life, like your mother, for example."

"My mother lives in Texas. It is hardly ideal for me to keep taking potential partners down there for her to screen." Sheldon said dubiously.

"True." Penny chewed on the inside of her lip, then snapped her fingers. "I've got it. If you're not certain about the girl, then you can just bring her around for me to check her out. My instincts are usually really good about other people – especially other women."

"I suppose that's a viable option." Sheldon looked away from her, focusing on where the television screen had returned to the film's digital menu. "So I am looking for a girl who is nice, with no criminal history, who tolerates the members of my social circle and would meet my mother's approval."

"Pretty much."

Sheldon was silent for a while. Penny left him staring thoughtfully at the menu screen as she gathered up their finished ice cream tubs. She dropped them into the trash before starting to rinse the spoons. They dropped into the basin with a clatter when Sheldon abruptly spoke up behind her. "Why don't you just be my ideal partner?"

Penny turned slowly, her posture stiff. Had she just misheard him? "What?"

Sitting there on her couch, Sheldon had turned to face where she was working in the kitchenette. His blue eyes were quite large as he blinked innocently towards Penny. "It seems that it would be a difficult, lengthy process for me to interact with a stranger long enough to learn whether they have those qualities. You already possess them. Since you seem to not be currently attached, and I am equally unattached, it makes sense. You should be my partner."

"Sheldon." Penny's voice was very quiet when she finally managed to discover where her voice had gone hiding. "Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?"

"Sure." He nodded, before his mouth spread into one of his beaming smiles. "You don't even have to worry about making the mistake of rushing into procreation immediately like usual. My doctor wouldn't approve." Sheldon hefted his cast up into the air to indicate why.

Penny stared at him in wide-eyed silence. Then she clapped her hands together in front of her and hurried towards him. Hauling Sheldon up from the couch by his good arm, Penny began to usher him out of her apartment. "Right. Well, that was a fun time, Sheldon. Thanks for the company and the ice cream. I'll talk to you later, okay, take care, bye!"

Sheldon found himself out in the hallway before she had even finished speaking. He was dazed with confusion as Penny shut the door between them. Sheldon twisted when he heard the sound of keys jingling behind him, only to find Leonard standing by their door. The bespectacled man scrutinized Sheldon, before sighing. "What did you do to upset Penny this time, Sheldon?"

The question just added to Sheldon's bafflement. He looked from Leonard to Penny's door and back, shaking his head. "I don't even know."

Leonard nodded knowingly. He stepped over to clasp Sheldon's good shoulder. "We might someday unravel the entire scope of the universe, Doctor Cooper, but we will never comprehend the logic of women. Come on. Let's go watch some television. I have something to talk about with you later."

"Okay." Sheldon was still very uncertain of what was going on. Regardless, he was docile as he let Leonard guide him into their apartment.

"Dear Diary.."

Sheldon scowled down at the page before crossing it roughly out. "Good God. That makes it sound like I'm some sappy pre-teen girl. I honestly don't see what my doctor was thinking when he recommended doing this."

His physician had made the suggestion that he organize his thoughts and experiences into written form. It was meant to hopefully trigger something familiar that would aid Sheldon towards regaining his memories. Sheldon could not argue that it was at least worth an attempt on his part, since nothing else seemed to be working. However, it would need to be done correctly, under his terms. He considered what a more appropriate beginning would be, then nodded and began to write again.

"Dear Journal. Women are confusing. The end. Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper."

It was enough for now. Sheldon nodded in satisfaction and put the journal aside. Sliding off the edge of his bed, he made his way for the living room and Leonard's promise for a chat and some take-out.

Penny felt like every nerve was alive, singing with satisfaction as she fell heavily onto her side of the bed. She panted unsteadily, swallowing for breath as she pushed sweat-slicked hair out of her face. "Wow.." She breathed out. "That was amazing."

Shifting her weight, she snuggled up to the heated warmth of the body in bed beside her, relishing in the contact of it as Penny waited for her senses to get back under control. Her hand drifted over the smooth planes of his stomach as she exhaled another sound of satisfaction through her nostrils. "Where did you even learn to do all that?"

The body beside her shifted so that Sheldon could push his weight up on both elbows. His blue eyes were still darkened with desire, mouth set into an impish little smirk as he looked down into her face. "Where else? The internet."

"…!"

Penny felt herself choking off a scream in her throat as she lurched awake in bed. Her eyes stared widely into the darkness of her bedroom, chest heaving in the aftermath of the dream that she'd just been having. She pressed her hands up against her face, feeling it burning with heat and coated in a sheen of sweat. Penny shook her head in mortified horror.

"Holy crackers. This is not good."