A/N: As always, the reviews are greatly appreciated I was a little hesitant about posting the previous chapter but it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one who thinks that this conversation between them would be super awkward. I mean really, how do you tell someone that you've been an idiot for eighteen months and have it not be awkward? Anyhow, just a heads up, this is now in Felicity's POV and will be for the next couple of chapters.

Not Another Mistake

"What are you doing here, Oliver?"

The question had been on the tip of her tongue since the moment he'd stepped into her apartment. And it wasn't that she didn't want him there. She would've been lying if she'd tried to deny that she had imaged more than once what it would be like to curl up beside him on her couch to watch a movie. But he always kept her at a safe distance. Yes there were times when he'd say something or do something that would cause a tiny spark of hope to flare up inside of her. But she'd learned that it was safer to ignore the way that his words made her heart beat a little faster and the way that his hand on her shoulder left her entire body tingling. She was less likely to feel the ache in her chest when she saw him with Laurel or Sara. She could keep the pain at bay if she could just keep stomping out that hope every time it tried to suck her in.

"I don't know."

His quiet answer didn't surprise her as much as it should. She understood. More often than not, Oliver followed his instincts whether he had a plan formulated ahead of time or not. He did what he had to do and often made it up as he went along. Clearly something had brought him to her or rather, she thought, kept him with her after their conversation at Verdant. He, like her, just hadn't figured out what that was.

"Are you – are you okay?" she questioned, "The last couple of days have been … trying. With everything that's happened with Laurel and Sara and what you found out about your sister. What I told you…"

He reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers. She knew that he wasn't upset with her, he'd told her as much, but that didn't stop the guilt from welling up inside of her. If she hadn't been digging for information on his mother, if she hadn't confronted Walter, none of this would've happened. Oliver never would've found out that Thea was only his half-sister. Moira Queen wouldn't have threatened her with the one thing that she absolutely could not lose.

"I'm fine, Felicity. I just… I don't know. I feel like I don't know my own mother. She isn't the woman that I thought that she was. It was hard enough knowing what she did to my father, to me, but Thea… somehow I thought that Thea was safe from all of this."

She sighed, "I'm sorry, Oliver, I know how much you wanted to keep her out of this. You still can, though, she doesn't have to know. Not now, anyway. But you can't tell Roy, either, he won't be able to keep that to himself."

"Trust me, I have no plans to tell anyone else. The two people that need to know already do."

She looked away, carefully extricating her hand from his, and reached for the wine that sat on the coffee table.

"How old were you?" Oliver asked, his question confusing her before he added, "When your dad left? How old were you?"

She turned, sitting sideways with her back against the arm of the couch. She didn't answer for a moment as she studied him sitting across from her.

"I was eight. I don't remember a lot about it, him leaving I mean. He was there one day and then… and then he wasn't. My mom sort of acted like it hadn't happened. She basically cut him out of our lives. I'd ask about him, when he was coming home, where he went, but she would just ignore me."

He watched her closely and she could see the questions in his eyes. She could also see the compassion and sympathy there. She chose to ignore those emotions.

"I searched for him," she continued, "When I was at MIT, I tracked him down. Turns out that, after the divorce from my mom was final, he remarried. Her name is Monica Parker. She was only twenty-two at the time. They'd been having an affair and my dad left my mom for her."

When Oliver made no move to close the distance between them, she desperately wished that he would.

"He left you, too," Oliver said softly.

She nodded, swallowing past the lump in her throat.

"Yeah, he did. He has a son now. He, um, he's twelve. His name is Colin. I have a little brother that I've never met."

He did move then, finding her hand again and pulling her forward into the circle of his arms. She fought back the tears that threatened to fall from her eyes. She didn't want to cry. She had cried enough over her father during the course of her life. There were no more tears left to cry for him.

She pulled away, putting a small amount of space between them, and ran her fingers through her hair.

"Sorry. This conversation is seriously depressing. Can we talk about something else?" she asked, "Like Sara? You said that you don't know if she's going to stay or not? Do you… do you want her to?"

He shrugged, "I'd like her to stay in Starling City but if she chooses to leave, I'll support her. Laurel wasn't as happy to see her as she'd hoped. She thought that it would be easy. She doesn't know what it was like for me when I came home. Everyone was so damn placating, like I would snap if anyone said the wrong thing. And I probably would've. But they were curious, too. Everyone wanted to know what had happened to me, my mother and Thea included. Even Laurel. The first time she saw the scars… Sara thought that she would come home and things would just go back to normal. Obviously it doesn't really work that way."

"I can't imagine what it must've been like," she said quietly, "For you. What it's like for Sara now. But I can imagine what Laurel is going through. Not that I think that she shouldn't be happy that her sister is alive but, you know, a lot changed after Sara disappeared. Her parents got divorced. Her mom left. And she'd lost you and Sara, too. I bet it wasn't so easy for her. And then all of a sudden your back and she still thinks Sara's dead. She loses Tommy and then, bam, Sara's alive. I mean, she's been through a lot in the last year and a half."

Oliver stared at her when she finished, a small smirk tugging at one corner of his mouth, and she felt her face flush. She hadn't meant to ramble on behalf of Laurel Lance but it couldn't be helped. She could sympathize with her. While she hadn't known Oliver pre-island, she knew him well enough now that, when he chose to return to Lian Yu after the destruction in the Glades, he'd taken a piece of her with him. And when she and Digg had dragged him back from that God forsaken place, he had acted as if nothing had happened. She knew a little bit about being on Oliver Queen's emotional rollercoaster.

"I never thought I'd hear you empathizing with Laurel."

She rolled her eyes, "It's not like we've formed an "Emotionally Damaged by Oliver Queen" club or something. Although maybe we should. I'll need to send an invite to Sara."

She wished that she could take the words back the moment they'd left her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. Not that that had never happened to her before but the look that she received from him as he took in what she'd said made her heart beat painfully.

"I'm sor – sorry," she stuttered, "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry."

Silence stretched between them as she waited for him to say something, anything, in regard to her ridiculous faux pas. She hadn't intended to insult him. She had, of course, with her big mouth and lack of filter. It wasn't as if her words weren't true, though. They, the Lance sisters and herself, had all been left damaged by Oliver. In completely different ways, of course, but it was true just the same. He had broken her heart many times over, probably without realizing he was even doing it, but her words had been unintentionally cruel.

"Have I?"

Her head snapped up, her eyes wide as she tried to determine if she'd actually said her thoughts aloud.

He continued, "Have I damaged you, Felicity? Have I hurt you? I know that I've said things and I –"

"Oliver, I'm sorry. Really, I didn't mean that. I mean, yes, okay, so you've hurt my feelings a little but it's not your fault. You've never promised me anything. We're friends, that's all we've ever been. It's not your fault that I have these feelings for you that I shouldn't have.

She immediately wished that she could bury her face in a pillow. She hadn't meant to go as far as she had. She hadn't meant to tell him about her feelings. Oliver didn't do feelings. At least, he didn't with her. That wasn't the kind of relationship that they had.

"It isn't as if I haven't figured it out, Felicity," he told her, the hand that had, at some point, settled on her knee squeezed gently, "I know that I've pushed you away. I thought that… I don't know. I just thought that I needed to keep you safe. I should never have brought you into all of this. I put you in danger the moment that I decided to come to you for help."

She shook her head and began to protest but he stopped her.

"I wouldn't take it back for a second. Bomb collars and Vertigo and landmines, I wouldn't take any of it back. I couldn't do what I do without you. I've made mistakes along the way, mistakes that have hurt you, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm starting to think that maybe the biggest mistake that I've made so far is trying to keep this distance between us."

She stared at him, unable to find the words to ask him what exactly he was saying. She wasn't certain that she understood.

"Felicity when I told you that you wouldn't lose me, I meant it. I'm not going anywhere. If anything I – I think maybe I'm ready for things to change. I want to let you in."