Author's Note: I don't own anything!
Ron sighed as he was reading a love note from Hermione that she had left on his desk. She was being very clingy lately, and it was starting to annoy him. He put the note down and then he looked to the door. There were no customers today. "Bummer," Ron thought to himself.
He stared at the walls, and when he got bored of that, he began to clean up. When he heard footsteps, Ron perked up and to his surprise he had a guest. "Welcome to Ron's Monster World of Dating!" he greeted Hagrid.
"Hi Ron!" beamed Hagrid as he was cudding some dragon.
"Come have a seat."
Hagrid sat down and also set down the dragon. "So I am going to ask you what you would like in a partner. Okay?"
"I would like an animal lover. Someone who cares for nature. Someone who I can understand. Someone who doesn't really fit in. Someone different, someone unique."
Ron typed all of that into the computer system and a result came up. Actually two did. "Well, Hagrid, you have two choices," Ron smiled.
"Who?"
"According to the system either Neville Longbottom would work, or the herbology professor, Professor Sprout."
"Neville is a sweet young thang, so I think I will go with the herbology professor."
Professor Sprout emerged in the hallway wearing a red sparkly sequined dress and growled at Hagrid. Hagrid looked at Ron and he looked scared. Professor Sprout grabbed Hagrid by the hand and dragged him to a local coffee shop. Ron giggled.
About half an hour later, Hagrid came running back in with kisses all over his face. "Help me," he begged as he ran for cover.
"Ohhhhhhh HaggyHagums!" called Professor Sprout.
She ran to Ron's office and Ron nearly fainted when he saw what she was wearing. She was in a leather bustier and had on black leggings. "Um, I think he went to go check out your plants."
Professor Sprout ran away and Ron let Hagrid know that the coast was clear. "What happened Hagrid?"
"Well, we went to go get coffee, then she said she wanted to show me something so of course I go with her. She takes me into the herbology office where she starts to play jazz music and then she starts to take off that sequined dress and she was wearing that horrendible outfit you just saw and then, she kissed me all over my face and then I ran so here I am."
Ron's mouth dropped and he gave Hagrid a cup of tea. "You know you left your dragon here?"
"Yeah sorry, my bad."
Ron smiled and handed Hagrid a cookie. "Would you like to give Neville a go?" asked Ron.
"No that's okay. I think I'm going to wait until the next time I see Madame Maxine. She's a fine woman."
Ron nodded and walked over to his computer, where unfortunately, Hagrid's dragon left him a present. Ron groaned as he cleaned it up. "GOD WHY?" he yelled to the sky.
After the mess was cleaned, Ron went over to his computer and clicked out of all of his results. "Hey Ron?" asked Hagrid.
"Yes?"
"I think you could use a secretary, someone to help you kind of run this business. It's kinda difficult, don't you think?"
Ron thought about what Hagrid was saying. Of course it would help him. Ron wasn't the most organized person in the world and having someone help him would be a tremendous help. "I see what you are saying and I have to agree with you!" Ron smiled.
"Great because I know someone who is interested."
"Who would that be?"
Hagrid grinned as he pointed to himself. "Guess what Hagrid, you're hired."
Hagrid did a slow motion jump in the air and when he came back down the entire room shook. Hagrid blushed and apologized. Suddenly, Professor Sprout came running in and when she saw Hagrid, she yelled, "It's over between us."
Hagrid rolled his eyes and muttered, "There was nothing to even begin with."
Professor Sprout left and Ron started to make Hagrid a desk with all of the essentials. "I'm so happy," said Hagrid over and over.
Ron was happy too. Things were getting better and better.
"EXCUSE ME! ARE YOU READY FOR ME YET?" asked Voldemort as he appeared in the doorway.
"Come back later, employee training time," Ron said.
"DAMN IT!" Voldemort yelled.