Le notes: To avoid confusion, I am just going to tell you that this chapter begins with a flashback. Disclaimer: the lyrics are from Florence and the Machine's 'Howl'.
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possibly, maybe
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iv:
if you could only see
the beast you've made of me
i held it in but now
it seems you've set it running free
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/ / /
Luck was never on Sundara's side to begin with.
From the cold and crude orphanage, towards endless nights sleeping on park benches, and then, right in to Niklaus's spidery web. She had swallowed the doppelganger's blood like a misguided blind woman. He had come to her, under the whispers of a wolf girl who could do so much more than just lie in the dirt. There was a dark alley; Niklaus had been hovering over her like a noose, staring her down as if death was her only destination.
"Please," she is unsure of why she is even insisting. After all, she should have known better. He always has the upper-hand. "Don't make me do this." Already, he has her fingers covered in human blood, and bodies piling up by her side. "I don't want to do this." Each of her limbs is screaming.
"Sweetheart," yet, his voice is as soft as an angel's. "I'm afraid that you're going to have to understand, that regardless of what is it that you want," but his eyes glint like the devil's, "you will always have to blindly obey me."
"No!" She cries. "I don't want to hurt people, please!"
Love, stop resisting this, he tells her still. This is whom you are, embrace it, why don't you?
Her eyes are brimming with tears when, by the end of it, it just her, this monster, and the drained bodies of dead mortals. The sins, heavy on her shoulders, life after life, snatched away by her own two hands.
A puppeteer, that's what he is. She knows this too late. It is the moment where he grabs her by the hair, and presses his bloody lips to her ear.
"You will be glorious, someday."
He whispers an oath, and he could swear by it.
Niklaus didn't easily break his promise.
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/ / /
Recently, she's been feeling a bit of chance.
She was getting away with a few things thanks to Klaus's countless distractions. She had a strong sense that it was all a part of someone else's doing, partly, she suspected Tyler and Hayley. Nonetheless, it felt amazing to receive the little amount of freedom that she did. And, if she chose to spend her new found liberty with Kol, then she was indeed free to do so.
By now, her remarks have proven to be an aspect which he had grown accustomed to. He would have avoided her like the plague if she hadn't intrigued him as well. Entertaining, that's perhaps the right word for her. As far as he's figured out, she's no longer that annoying little hybrid. Instead, he learns that she laughs away her sorrows, likes to put cinnamon in practically everything she ever eats, constantly wears purple socks, and can't ever seem to hold her liquor properly.
"Did you know?" Sundara sits idly by his side, looking him dead in the eyes, with the liquor already getting to her. "Did you know that the last time, yes the last time, that I had a birthday party…was when I was four?"
Kol takes a sip from his whiskey before offering her his condolences. Or, whatever came closest to sympathy when it came to him. "I can't even remember when my birthday is." He admits, making her laugh, wildly. "I'm being quite serious," he tells her. "I've been alive for so long, my days just all bleed in and out of each other."
"Your existence is so meaningless."
"So is yours."
Her smiles fades, she hears the seriousness in his tone. He isn't the least bit tipsy. Sundara crosses her arms quite tightly around her chest. She couldn't remember the last time that she had felt this vulnerable around a man. "Do you want to know when my birthday is?" She asks, weakly. It's this rare side of her again, that he always feels quite lost around.
He doesn't know exactly what to tell her. "Not particularly." He answers, coldly.
She shrugs, letting her glassy eyes fall to the floor. "It was yesterday."
The silence between them is damning.
Her frown, he decides, is not as pretty as her smile. He bites his tongue, thinking that an apology would be completely and utterly useless by now. The damage had been done.
However, just then, her luck starts to run out.
Klaus enters the scene, as if on cue.
"So," he begins, grabbing his hybrid by the arm, "this is where you ran off to."
Well.
How very untimely.
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/ / /
It's all wide eyes, fear, and annoyance on her face as she looks to Klaus and is pulled off of her seat. She doesn't even look to Kol for assistance.
"C'mon now," Klaus continues, "let's get you back to business, Sundara."
Neither of them expects the following to happen:
"Wait!"
Klaus turns, raising a blond brow. Sundara's expression is still that of a frightened dear. They both look to Kol, as if he is making a big mistake.
"Kol, I don't appreciate you interfering with my plans." Klaus tells, tightening his grip on Sundara. She flinches, feeling his nails dig in to her skin. Blood pooled over her shirt and flesh. The pain wasn't bearable at all; she was holding back the loudest of screams. "You should know brother; this girl has things to do."
Kol's unaware of exactly what possesses him. He could very well compel any other girl by his side. He could compel a whole bunch of them, in fact. Although, he's positive that none of those girls would ever laugh like a hyena. Or treat their own sorrows as if they were tales for the famous. Or smile the way she does, with that small dimple on her right cheek. He's sure that no other girl could have a nose as large as Sundara's either. Or be as ego-centric.
"Nik, you should know better than to invade on my fun." Kol defends, taking a step towards his brother. "Oh, don't give me that look. You have more than enough hybrids to do your dirty-work for you. What do you say I take this girl off your hands for now?" Kol's words don't particularly sting in the way that they should. Sundara finds herself relieved when Klaus, surprisingly, loosens his grip on her.
She knows protection when she sees it, though she can't say she's become accustomed to it as of yet. No matter how subtle Kol was being. After all, how does one accept shelter after being an outsider for the majority of one's lifetime?
"So," Kol breaks the silence this time. "Are you going to give me the girl, or are we going keep up with this…jibber jabber?" His humor fails to reach the slightest bit of satisfaction with both hybrids. Though, Klaus can't say he could afford to waste any more time. And he knew Kol wouldn't be one to give up too easily.
He could keep this up for, perhaps, centuries.
After a bit of deliberation, Klaus lets her take a step towards Kol.
"Make sure to have her back by sundown, dear brother." Klaus warns, a smile reappearing on his lips. Kol only nods, walking a head while Sundara trailed behind him. She watched the wound Klaus had given her on her arm. It healed quite quickly, but the blood stain on her long sleeved white shirt was still ever-present.
As if it was a reminder, of Klaus, of the sire bond, and of the life that she could never fathom to have.
She is still a bit frightened. Her voice is raspy as she struggles to find her words. "Where are we going?" She asks Kol, who darts his eyes away from the blood on her clothes.
"Where else?" he sings, opening his car door for her. "Don't worry darling," he might just fool her with his words, and make her believe in false concern. She sighs, she was never this daft. "The Grill's never proven to be quite that terrible of a location. Though you might be a tad disappointed, we'd need to find a place with a real bar or something to satisfy someone as demanding yourself." He smirks, defiantly and selfishly.
For once, she wishes to smack that smile right off his face. She fathomed on why he insisted on covering it up. The 'it' being that fact that he'd wanted to protect her, of course.
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/ / /
"So, do you usually go around, rescuing girls with very severe Cinderella complexes?"
For now, he doesn't let her touch another hint of alcohol. Unintentionally, he is looking after her in a way that no one has before. He keeps his rum and coke to one side while she tries to sober up. His eyes never leave the large blood stain on her sleeve.
"Hey Kol," she shouts, jerking him out of his trans. "Are you listening to me?" She says, furrowing her quite thick and dark brows. He looks to her, almost lets his eyes linger a bit too long. He then, unexpectedly, swings his leather jacket over her shoulders.
She stares at his coat, a bit confused by his actions.
"People are staring at it," Kol defends his, otherwise, kind actions. "The blood on your sleeve, it's better if you hide it. Before someone starts asking me questions about it." He doesn't know what's causing the fire in his belly. But he'd be damned before he responded with the word 'jealousy'. Especially if he was ever jealous of Nik and the way his grip had left a mark on the girl.
She wonders how much he's aware of it. That, to any outsider looking in, they might as well be a couple. He's only proving so by lending her his coat. She doesn't forget how strongly it smelled of his cologne, mixed with a bit of mint and body wash (she's sure the scent's rubbed off of his skin and on to his clothes). It's all intoxicating and barely bearable.
"Klaus seems to listen to you," she finally comments, looking to her glass of water with very little emotion. It was strange behavior, even for Klaus. After all, he lived by his own rules. She wondered why he was so lenient towards Kol.
And then, the obvious hits her, they were brothers after all. Klaus could only remain cold for so long.
Kol looks to her, surprised by her words, as always. "He mostly thinks that I'm a pest really." He comments. "Regardless, annoying Nik always has been quite fun." He admits, smiling, genuinely. There's a rare moment of comfort and nostalgia that he never dares to admit. "There was this one time, back when we were in Italy. This was before Nik daggered me, of course…" he trails off on a tale. She discovers that her horrible habits of going on and on about herself had seemed to rub off on him.
Or perhaps, Kol had always been like this.
Although, there was one thing that she failed to see. Kol Mikaelson was trying his dire best to make her smile again.
Sundara was completely, and utterly, clueless.
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/ / /
In the end, the alcohol takes over.
"Just admit that you like me," much later, she has compelled the bartender to serve her beer after beer. Kol, getting tipsy by now, decided to let it slip already. She lets her dark curls cover her face as she waves a shaky finger at him. "They are just three simple words, you know?"
He scoffs a laugh, admitting anything to this girl would only increase the size of her, already, overgrown ego.
He finds himself quite drunk too. Although, he still takes yet another sip and never does he manage to tell her what she ultimately wants to hear. "I don't bloody like you." He simply says. "And I never will."
She's swinging back on her chair, closing her big brown eyes, and shaking her head. "Now now Kol" She sings, turning to him with a lingering smile. "Never say never, when you have forever to change your mind."
The implication of an eternity with her has him loathing the idea and yet, he is intrigued by it; all at the same time. Though, she is not wrong. He did have forever to change his mind about her. He was immortal, after all.
"Why in the world would I fancy a woman who is as self-centered as you are?" He asks, failing to wound her the slightest bit. She was indeed, well-aware of her faults. And thinking the whole world revolved around herself (like she was the sun or something) isn't something she shies away from. In fact, she thinks that it might even charm him. She is only half wrong about that statement.
"Well, that should be obvious," She chimes, pointing to herself before uttering her next words. "I am simply irresistible." He might just agree though, because he's sure fascinated. "You don't fool me Kol," she tells him, smiling to him with bared teeth. "And I thought that all you Mikaelsons were supposed to be quite excellent liars."
He rolls his eyes. "I, am an excellent liar."
"Falsehood!"
He glares at her while she fills the room with the sound of her snickering. "I find you quite irritating." He tells her.
"Ah, and yet, you're still here." Never does she seem to lose the battle between them.
"Excuse me you two," they are interrupted by a worker who's trying to mop up the floor. "But we're closing soon, so you might want to leave."
They hadn't realized how quickly time had gone by.
Yet, they weren't supposed to. Unexpectedly, Kol lets her wear his coat as he drives her back home. He never does ask for it back.
It's just another reminder, of the unattainable.
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/ / /
(Time is stalled for a moment.)
At night, Kol finds that he is no longer the only Mikaelson who has been unable to sleep peacefully. He finds his brother, sketching furiously. Then, tossing his papers aside and thinking, in the dark. Klaus is calculating and re-calculating everything. Empty glasses of wine are stacked by his side. There's also an empty bottle of bourbon on the table. Kol takes a seat beside his brother.
And this time, it's not only to aggravate him.
"And what's got my big brother acting like such a pansy?" Kol teases, never rising the slightest bit of satisfaction on Klaus's face.
After a while, Klaus only gives him a cold look. The sound of chiming crickets in the night, the light pitter-patter of rain on their window pane, and a small howl of the winds fill the air. Then, there is silence, for the longest time, until finally, Kol speaks again.
"This is about the cure…isn't it?" He concludes. Klaus's silence gives him away. "You've got your hybrids, me and Bekah…the doppelganger is practically useless…Nik, why do you still want more?"
Klaus sighs, placing his hands together and letting his head lean against them. "This isn't about all of that, Kol." The look on his face is all too familiar to Kol. After all, he had seen the same look, starring him back in the mirror, one too many times before.
It was fear.
"You'd think that they'd use the cure against you?" Kol fails to be incorrect. Klaus takes out yet another bottle of bourbon. If his brother was going to continue to be this nosy, they were going to be in for quite a long night. "So you're afraid, is that it then?"
Klaus is not quite content with the fact that Kol found his latest worry not worth his concern. However, the older brother failed to comprehend that he was being just as ignorant towards Kol's fears. Silas was not a force to be reckoned with. However, Klaus did not seem to care about what his younger brother had wanted.
At some point, the feeling became quite mutual.
"I can't risk it Kol," Klaus simply tells him. "There's just too much at stake."
"You mean, your life is at stake!" Kol reminds him of his selfishness. "What happens when Silas is released, and everyone else's lives are at stake?"
Once again, Klaus only gives him silence. It only proves that he is just what everyone plays him out to be, selfish. The distance between Kol and his siblings is only lengthened. Slowly but surely, he finds less and less reasons to remain within the boundaries of Mystic Falls.
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/ / /
(And yet, time waits for no one.)
At long last, her selfishness becomes her downfall.
When she finally goes to Tyler Lockwood's side, he is neither stunned, nor expectant. He is somewhere in between. She is taking her steps like a child learning to walk for the first time. He is waiting, alone, for her to finally make her journey towards him. What he is planning, it can't possibly painless.
"It was very brave of you, to show up here." He says.
"I...I don't think of myself as brave, not really. I am more…desperate, I guess." She argues.
"We'll have to do this…fast." He tells her, and she only nods her head. "I'm afraid we don't have much time left." Another nod; his smile is nothing short of wolfish.
She looks to his eyes again; they always seem to tell her more than his mouth ever does. You will shatter every bone in your body, they say, you will break,
—in to tiny little pieces,
(for me).
"The full moon is out tonight." she mumbles, looking up to the sky.
His smile fades. "You're going to have to turn, numerous times, for this to work." He says, instead. "The full moon gives you strength, it might make it easier. You picked a good night to start your training."
Her skin will feel like it's on fire, and she'll want to stop so desperately. But she won't be able to. Her nails will dig in to her own face, wondering if she could pull her flesh off, without pain. He'll be there, and he won't tell her to stop. It will feel like countless pairs of fangs are being dragged across her skin. There will be such immense amounts of screams, loud and never-ending.
And, when it's finally all over…
"What's going to happen once I break it?"
He will look up to the sky; the stars are like fire, burning in to the night. "There's a war coming, Sundara." For that moment, he looks like a true Alpha.
She wonders, if she's managed to change her fate at all.
"You will be glorious, someday."
Consequently, the puppeteer's words ring endlessly inside her head.
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/ / /
Tbc
/ / /
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Le more notes: You will have to excuse me, but I do so enjoy writing Sundara's interactions with Klaus a little too much. He is just so evil (just the way I like him) and I don't want him to seem totally one dimensional, but he's not really supposed to be quite nice to my character.
And yes, I did have to end it with Tyler pulling her back in to the darkness that Klaus began with. It just seemed…fitting (and Tyler's got so much potential as a dark king. I mean, just look at him!)
As always, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and reviewing.
—Xoxo Carter