"You're dead"
Sherlock sat in the same chair for hours; he refused to leave when the nurses had moaned at him. He just stayed there, watching John sleep and kept his hand over John's. John started to turn his head and whimper in his sleep, Sherlock leaned over and ran his fingers over his face "John, its ok" he whispered and he seemed to settle.
How could he have done this to John? He should have came back before now. He wanted to tell John before he was gone, but he knew it would only make it worse for his friend. He would have felt guilty if he knew, if he knew how much he meant to Sherlock. The nurse had said John could leave the day after which was good. Sherlock wasn't going to leave him alone until he was fully recovered.
Mrs. Hudson came to visit the next morning and had stood at the door, hands on hips like a prized fighter, the sight of her made Sherlock smile, he hadn't noticed how much he had missed her. Mycroft had filled her in on his return. She looked like she wanted to cry, scream and smile when she saw him, instead, she walked over and squeezed him before kissing him on the cheek.
They sat talking quietly for a while as John was sleeping, she had told him about John and how she found him, how she could not loose both of her boys. She had asked him about his time, he left out the deaths, no doubt she would be pleased but he didn't want her to worry about him, so he told her about the places he had seen and the people he had met. He also told her, to his surprise, about Mycroft's visit and his reaction. She didn't seem surprised, she just smiled sadly at him. She had left not long after, promising to make them both tea when they got home. It was a pleasing thought, to be going home.
Later that day after the doctor's had done their rounds and John's bandages had been changed he had been cleared and discharged. Sherlock had left the room to give John some privacy whilst he got dressed then they had made there way downstairs. To John's surprise, not so much Sherlock's, there was a black car waiting for them at the exit which took them home. Mrs. Hudson had met them at the door and gave them both hugs before ushering them upstairs with promise of tea.
It was almost overwhelming to be back in Baker Street. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly as it had been, he smiled fondly as he noticed that everything was where he had left them, minus a few things here and there. It was good to be back. He helped John take of his jacket and made sure he was comfortable, then just stood there, looking around.
"Are you staying?" John asked in a small voice, Sherlock turned to face him, uncertain of where this conversation would lead which made him nervous. "Do you want me to?" He asked in reply and John nodded straight away, Sherlock smiled. Sherlock shrugged off his coat and walked over to his chair, his violin was in it and he smiled again, running his fingers over the faded leather before picking up his violin, plucking a few notes out of it before resting it against his shoulder and playing softly for a few minutes. He sighed when he finished before putting it back down and turning to see John, who was crying silently.
Sherlock rushed over and dropped to his knees in front of him placing a hand on the side of his face, stroking his cheek to rub a few tears away. John leaned into his hand with a shuddering breath and it made Sherlock's heart ache. He brought up his other hand and mirrored his action before leaning forward to press his head against John's.
"John I…..If I'd known…I never would…." Sherlock stopped himself, stood up and sat beside John on the sofa before pulling the shorter man against his side, being careful to watch his arms. He held him close and told him everything, from the threats to their lives to his travels and actions up until the hospital. When he was finished he loosened his arms and John leaned back and looked at him "How many?" was all he said and Sherlock felt a lump in his throat, the only thing he left out was the number of people in the 'band' and of course, it was the one thing John asked. Sherlock breathed and closed his eyes before answering "16" he whispered and kept his eyes closed tight, he knew he was a monster for what he had done but he didn't regret it. Suddenly there was John at his side again, wrapping his arms around him "God Sherlock, I'm so sorry" he whispered and Sherlock felt confused, why was John sorry? John must have felt the tension and moved back to look at him, registering the look of confusion he sighed and leaned forward "I'm sorry you had to do that, all of it, alone" he said and Sherlock shuddered.
Sherlock had to admit, even to himself, that even though he did not regret his actions, they still kept him awake. He hoped that John would never know what he had done, he knew in general yes, but the rest he hoped he never found out. He couldn't bare to see the look on his face. Of course, he should have known better, John leaned up and pressed a kiss to his forehead before looking at him "I won't ask". John smiled at him and Sherlock couldn't help but smile back "now, stand up and let me have a look at you" John said and shooed Sherlock of the sofa to stand. Sherlock felt quite vulnerable standing in front of John, he doesn't know why. "You've been eating less" he acknowledged and Sherlock just lifted his brows at him. He couldn't really say anything.
Mrs. Hudson finally came up with a tray with tea and biscuits, she made sure they both ate a couple before leaving. Her eyes was red, she had obviously been crying, which explained the time delay in the tea. Sherlock was still worried about John, he had to tell him. Sherlock put down his cup and turned to John, taking his cup and putting that down too. John looked at him confused. "John…" Sherlock started but stopped, why was this so hard? 3 Simple words, that was all. He sighed in frustration and John still looked confused. Fine, there was 1 way to get this done quickly and efficiently, Sherlock thought before moving forward and pressing his lips softly against John's.
John tensed under his touch before relaxing against him, leaning forward into his kiss. Sherlock sighed as he pulled away slightly, just far enough so he could lean his head against John's. John started giggling and it made Sherlock smile "What?" he asked and John continued to giggle. He finally stopped "I really want to see Anderson's face when he see's you" he got out before giggling again. Sherlock had to laugh because the mental image was rather amusing, then he caught himself "hold on" he said and John looked at him "I kiss you and you think of Anderson?" He finished and to give him credit, John looked mortified. "Oh no, no, that's just…no" Was all John could get out, and Sherlock laughed again, poor John.
A bang from downstairs distracted them, they heard Mrs. Hudson answering the door then feet on the stairs and Lestrade's voice dooming. "John!" John sighed and turned towards the door and it swung open "I just…I just heard you…" then he stopped, he just stood gawking at Sherlock. Sherlock's lips twitched "Lestrade" he said and Lestrade stumbled a bit. "You…you're dead" he stammered, Sherlock looked at him with his straight face before he replied "Apparently not". Sherlock stood up and took a spin around dramatically. Lestrade watched and before Sherlock had turned 360, Lestrade darted over to him and grabbed him. Being hugged was not a reaction he had expected, even John watched open mouthed as Sherlock was squeezed, Sherlock lifted a hand tentatively and patted his back.
Lestrade froze, seeming to realise what he was doing and jumped back. John chuckled and Lestrade stared at him then, took him in and stared at his arms, John hid them self-consciously even though he had already seen. "I'm fine" John announced but Lestrade didn't look convinced. He stared back at Sherlock "So, you're alive then" he said and Sherlock nodded. "Don't tell anyone, I want it to be a surprise" Sherlock said and Lestrade shook his head "Anderson's going to have a fit" he replied and Sherlock grinned. Lestrade sighed and headed for the door, he stopped and turned to John "We will talk about this" he told him before he left, closing the door behind him.