07/30/18: Slight edit to the ending, but I think the effect is the same.
Zambai and the Franky Family might not have a lot of tact, being that they are, well, Franky's family (and damn noisy), but you will give credit where it's due- they do give you and each of your nakama adequate opportunity to react to your bounties.
"Ah!" Nami cries, tears streaming down her horrified face. "Why did they put such a high price on my head?!"
You could say something about it- reassure her, perhaps, with the fact that almost everybody else on the crew has a significantly higher bounty, and at least her photo's flattering. The majority of them look scary, to be honest, Sanji's for a decidedly different reason, but still.
You're a bit preoccupied with the large number attached to your face, though.
"Why am I worth more than the woman who can summon thunderstorms?!"
You yell, raking your hands back and forth in your hair, because prior to becoming a pirate you never even heard of the amount 20 million.
"Does someone in the government have it out for me?!" You demand, a bit hysterically, slapping the wanted poster to emphasize the insanity that you're worth seven East Blue bounties!
"Well," Robin says, calmly, and she's amused by this, isn't she? "You did attack Spandam with much prejudice, as I recall."
You pause in the middle of your frenzy. What feels like a dopey grin (given the way Zambai edges away from you, it leans more toward sadistic) slowly grows on your face. You remember the high, dog-whistle-pitch wail that came out of Spandam's hilarious screaming mouth when you, ah, gave his descendants a harsh thwack. With your foot.
"Yeah," you say airily, the memory a rather pleasant one you'll relish for years. "Yeah, I did." You chuckle and thumb your nose, panic replaced by a sort of pride. "Well, if the price for doing that is 20 million, I say that's a sweet deal."
Robin laughs a little.
Chopper, by contrast, takes more issue with your bounty than you initially did.
"Why is his bounty four hundred thousand times mine?! I fought as hard I could!" Chopper complains, protests admittedly valid given that you didn't fight a single one of the CP9 assassins.
"Just try harder next time!" Luffy says with his easy grin.
His encouragement falls flat, and Chopper decides to vent his frustration by latching onto your skull. With his teeth.
"AAH!" You shout, running around and whipping your head back and forth, trying to pry him off.
"Please, Straw hat," Zambai says, slapping his hand on the eighth poster he brought. "It won't be safe here for Aniki with a price on his head! Take him with you!"
Following perhaps the most convoluted chase scene and the most painful means of coercion in history, Franky's one of your nakama, Usopp's back on board, and you are all away from Water 7 and Luffy's demon grandfather.
Franky stands at the stern after Sunny lands back in the ocean, staring back where his home has long since vanished from view.
"How's it feel to be a wanted man?" You ask, because Franky's an emotional goofball, and thus distraction feels like the best way to go.
"Ha!" He laughs, posing with his hips cocked and chest puffed. "I have years of experience as an underworld boss! Being on the sea is the only difference! Matter of fact, those bastards sold me short at 44 million!"
You glance over your shoulder at a door slamming shut- the new ship's infirmary, if you remember right.
It's near dinner time that you decide Usopp and Luffy's offers to play have been turned down once too many. You don't bother knocking, Chopper startles easily, but only when he concentrates on medicine, otherwise his animal senses are pretty top notch.
"Okay, what's up with you?" You ask, foregoing any small talk. "There's an entire week's worth of brand new ship to play with, complete with a lawn, and you're holed up in here?"
"This is the infirmary." Chopper counters, albeit with a monotone. You heave a put-upon sigh, and prop yourself in the door frame.
"You're not giving me a lot of options, here," you say, exaggerating your exasperation so he knows you're teasing him. "Either tell me what's bugging you, or I come back with Robin." You leer at him with a grin. "And she'll tickle you into talking!"
A giggle tugs the corners of his mouth up, but it's short lived. He turns around to look at you and then stares at the floor. He mumbles, so quiet you have to ask him to speak up.
"I said I'm not a pet."
You frown and kick the door shut, crouching in front of his chair.
"I know that, dummy," you chide him, poking his forehead, pushing a bit to get him to look you in the eye. "Everybody knows that. Pets can't be doctors."
"Then how come," he says, pauses with a strain in his voice like he's really sad. "How come my best wasn't good enough?"
Your brow pulls together.
"Is this about your bounty?"
He nods, and you almost (just barely catch yourself) roll your eyes.
"Why is it such a big deal to you, anyway?" You ask, hopping back onto the bed. "Hey, this is comfy."
"I don't want a really outrageous bounty like Luffy or Zoro's," Chopper explains. "They're the strongest, so they get the biggest bounties- but... but I'm only worth 50? Am I bad at being a pirate? Am I that weak?"
"No," you answer immediately. "You're just exponentially better at being a doctor than a fighter. Besides," you wave a hand. "Having a high bounty doesn't necessarily mean you're stronger than someone with a lower bounty. Remember Crocodile? His was almost three times Luffy's before Alabasta, and he won."
"Yeah, but," Chopper says, in a tone that clearly says 'unmoved'. "That's Luffy."
Which, okay, yeah, your captain probably isn't the best example to use as a standard for any sort of argument, giving his propensity for breaking rules. And doing unspeakable things to logic.
You huff out your nose, determined to cure, or at least alleviate, the uncertainty from the young physician.
"Look," you say after a minute of thinking. "The government only thinks you're a pet because no one saw you fight. That hair guy you pummeled was the only one who could've served as a witness to your strength, and unconscious people don't give reports, and fired unconscious people do even less."
When Chopper still doesn't look any happier, you press on.
"If our roles had been reversed, and you were the one who kicked Spandam in the balls"
"I don't know if I would have" he interrupts.
"He hit Robin." You say flatly, lack of remorse abundantly clear. "Repeatedly. After she'd been traumatized by dredging up her horrific past and while she was handcuffed with seastone."
"I would have absolutely kicked him in the testicles." Chopper amends without a moment's hesitation. His current blues are momentarily forgotten, replaced with a loathing for the former CP9 head. "He doesn't deserve to breed."
…
RIGHT. Banishing that disturbing thought to the deepest recesses of your brain. And using bleach later.
"Anyway," you digress back to your pseudo-pep talk. "If you had done that, you'd have my bounty and I'd be worth 50 to the government. Trust me, the amount of money someone will pay for your head does not indicate how strong or dangerous you are." You point at him. "You're the doctor, not a frontline fighter. You're strongest behind the scenes, and your battleground," you tap the infirmary wall. "Is in here."
It's not a cure-all, but it tides over his insecurity enough that he jumps up and bolts for the kitchen at Sanji's call for dinner.
Days later, the crew up one nakama and waiting on Zoro to pull his infuriating act of shrugging off all the shit that tried to kill him this time, you're sitting up on the Sunny's railing, taking a long swig off a flask of whiskey you found in the castle's kitchen.
A herculean yawn draws your eye down to Chopper, his jaw doing it's level best to dislocate itself from his head. Small wonder the little guy's wiped out, he's worked nonstop on keeping Zoro stable and tending to the litany of injuries incurred by your nakama and Lola's crew.
Chopper pulls himself up next to you, staring at the ruins of Moria's twisted madhouse. Zoro must be conscious, at least, since Chopper's not let the swordsman out of his sight since Sanji found him, only tending to the other wounded where he could rest.
The not-quite silence (you can hear Franky at work in Sunny's innards, Luffy and Usopp running around up to who-knows-what, and the occasional emotional outburst from one of Lola's crew, realizing anew that they are free) stretches, curling around the ship almost comfortably. Chopper whispers, and you barely catch it with the breeze rolling past.
"You were right."
You pause, the flask hovering halfway to your lips. You bump his knee with yours, tell him you're listening.
"My battleground isn't out there with them," he says, voice tight and strained with sadness and a valiant attempt at hardness. "Not when the really dangerous guys don't even get bounties."
You want to be glad he understands. You picture this moment, with congratulations for growing up a little bit more, and encouragement toward becoming a better pirate.
And you are proud of him, but you wish he didn't have to figure things out this way.
Dr. Hogback has joined the ranks of 'irredeemable sacks of shit' in your mind. Chopper's naiveté has always been a refreshing foil to Robin's morbid sense of humor, and discovering the depravity of a man he once idolized forcefully ripped chunks of his innocence out of him.
Before, you're positive his mood would lift with something simple like sweets and ice cream, or pestering Franky into showing off a new invention.
You want to tell him that a little time will make it all better,
'A couple days out from here, this whole experience will feel like a lingering nightmare.'
But you can't. He needs to be stronger than that- all of you do.
You settle for tugging down the brim of his hat and pulling him onto your lap, encouraging him silently to take a nap.
"We are the Straw Hat pirates." You whisper.
'And we will be stronger than that.'