I Love You, Too
He was drunk. Really drunk. But it wasn't enough. He had Sidonis in his sights, and he'd let the traitor go. He'd let Shepard convince him to at least hear what Sidnois had to say, not thinking it'd make any difference, but then … then he couldn't pull the trigger. He'd let his whole team down—again. He asked Shepard for his space, and she agreed, but only after telling him she thought he did the right thing.
Did he do the right thing? If Sidonis spoke the truth, then he was a coward … but he didn't act with malice. He didn't turn on the team, he just sold them out to save his own hide. Garrus still wanted to kill him, but maybe … maybe it wasn't the right thing to do. He felt so confused. Spirits, he needed to talk it through with Shepard. She was the only one who could possibly help him, despite feeling like he might've made a huge mistake because he didn't want to disappoint her.
He stood up, more than a little unsteady on his feet, and pulled his undersuit shirt back on. He nearly stumbled down the steps to the mess hall, expecting the place to be empty, but found those two humans from Engineering sitting at one of the tables.
The man … Donnelly was his name, took one look at Garrus and let out a laugh, pushing up to his feet. "You look a little wobbly there, Garrus. Too much to drink?"
"Don't tease him, Kenneth. I've had to drag your ass back after one too many countless times." Daniels hid a smile behind a coffee cup.
"I'm not making fun. I'm trying to make sure he doesn't fall over." Donnelly turned his attention back to Garrus. "Here, let me help you. Are you going up to the loft?"
"Thanks." Garrus hummed, waving off the man's offer. "I can make it on my own."
"Are you sure?" Donnelly shrugged. "I don't mind helping. Might even get a chance to take a peek at the loft. I hear it's pretty amazing up there."
Garrus chuckled, swaying on his feet a little. "It is pretty impressive, but I'm good. Thanks." He kept moving, making his way to the elevator and pushed the button before leaning against the wall next to the doors. As soon as he got upstairs and the door to her cabin opened, he realized just how late it was, the lights inside were already off.
"Damn it," he said, stumbling inside and catching himself on the fish tank.
"Garrus?" Her voice reached out to him, instantly soothing something inside of him, despite the hint of fear and confusion he heard there.
"Yeah. It's me, sorry." He pushed off the fish tank, taking another two steps forward before listing to the side again.
"You alright?"
"Hmmm." He slapped his palm against the fish tank again, barely keeping himself from tilting forward and losing his balance. "I think I drank more than I realized. Having a little trouble walking here."
She let out a soft chuckle, and then the sounds of covers shifting and her climbing out of bed floated up to him. A few seconds later, she appeared at the foot of the stairs, bathed in blue light from the fish tank. Spirits, she looked beautiful. She stopped, glancing up at him, a grin on her face. "Need some help, big guy?"
He flicked his mandibles, holding an arm out toward her before letting it drop again. "I didn't mean to wake you up. I just …."
She moved up the stairs, pulling one of his arms over her shoulder and sliding her arm around his waist, moving him toward the stairs. "Got shitfaced and decided you needed to talk about Sidonis after all?"
He flicked his mandible. "Exactly."
Her hand squeezed his waist, sending a shock of desire through him, and he let out a little groan. She stopped, glancing up at him. "You okay?"
He cleared his throat, reaching down to grab her hand and move it up a little higher, closer to his ribs. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."
Her brow furrowed, the question clear in her eyes, but she brushed it off and eased him down the stairs. "So, what's on your mind?"
Chuffing, he let out a heavy sigh. "I feel like I failed them by not pulling the trigger, Shepard." He flung his hand out in exasperation, nearly making them both fall in the process.
She let out a soft laugh, pulling at him to keep him on his feet. "Bed or couch?"
"Bed," he said, the word coming out more of a grumble.
"You didn't fail them, Garrus." Her thumb rubbed back and forth against his arm over her shoulder, voice low and soothing. "Sometimes plans change when we have more information."
She walked him around to his side of the bed. Spirits, he had a side of the bed. Of her bed.
"What Sidonis did was terrible, I'm not arguing that, but you saw how miserable he is. It wasn't something he wanted to do." She lowered them both down to the bed, staying sitting next to him, arm still around him. "He said the mercs got ahold of him, they would've killed him. He must've been terrified." She rubbed her hand up and down his side, a gesture meant to be consoling, no doubt, but it only made him want to feel more of her.
He let out a low purr of a rumble, his eyes fluttering closed for a second. "I know," he said, letting his arm slip down so his hand cupped her mostly bare shoulder, hard bones contrasting against soft skin beneath his fingers. He hummed, pulling in a slow breath, filling his nostrils with her scents. "I just … they all died because of what he did. Because I trusted him. Maybe my instincts are all off. How can I really know?"
"You can't, Garrus. All we can ever do is our best with what we're given." Her hand settled on his hip. "You're a good man. I know you did everything you could for your team. But I also know hearing it wasn't your fault and you did your best feels like shit right now." She let him go, turning to pull a leg up on the bed so she faced him. "After Akuze, I thought if one more person told me it wasn't my fault, I'd end up breaking somebody's face."
He chuffed, leaning over to rest his forehead against her shoulder, fighting the urge to nuzzle his face against her neck. "Tell me again anyway?" He felt so torn, so conflicted, he couldn't think straight. Or maybe he just drank too much to think straight. He just wanted to curl up with her and sleep. Things would look better in the morning, they had to.
When she spoke, her voice sounded strained, but soft and filled with compassion. "It's not your fault."
He let out a soft keen, and she brought her hand up, resting it on the back of his neck, fingers caressing his hide and holding him there against her shoulder. She let out a gentle hum, tilting her head to the side until it rested against his. Another keen tore through him, and he cursed himself inwardly for drinking so damn much.
"Garrus? Look at me." She pressed her palm against his face, thumb brushing gently over the plates of his cheek.
Obediently, he pulled his head back to look at her, mandibles drooping, feeling another keen rising up in his chest. He swallowed, fighting it back and shook his head—a gesture he immediately regretted. He squeezed his eyes closed and swallowed again.
"Hey," she said, thumb brushing over his mandible.
He opened his eyes again, and even in such little light, he saw the sympathy there in her eyes, saw the tears threatening to spill over her lids. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers, as much to feel her as to have a reason to lower his gaze again, not wanting to see the look in her eyes. He was supposed to be strong, keep it together for the cause, especially in front of his CO. He really was a terrible turian, but she meant more to him than any CO; she was his best friend and the woman he loved, even if he didn't know how to tell her.
"It'll get easier, I promise." Her words came whisper-soft against his face, and her hand slid around, cupping the back of his head beneath his fringe, fingertips kneading against his hide.
Spirits, she has no idea what that feels like.
He brought his hand up, mimicking the gesture, feeling the smooth strands of hair beneath his fingers. "Promise?"
"I do." She squeezed him a little. "Now come on, lay down and sleep this off."
"Alright." He let his hand slip away from her and pushed himself back on the bed, collapsing against the pillows. "I'd be lost without you, Shepard."
She chuckled, crawling over his legs. "Not as lost as I'd be without you, Garrus." She jerked the blankets out from under him. Shoving her legs under the covers, she stayed propped on her elbow, leaning over him to tug the blankets back up around him.
He reached over, sliding his arm under hers, fingers splaying out over her back and tugged at her. "Come here," he said, his subvocals thrumming with his desire to have her close.
She didn't question him, just curled in against him, fingers wrapping around his cowl and face pressing against the side of his keel. She let out a quiet, contented sigh, and he hummed, slipping his arm further around her, holding her tight as sleep pulled him under.
Consciousness started to creep back in with a flood of sensations and a tension coiled inside of him seeking release. His plates were open, cock completely unsheathed, pressing against his undersuit. His arm held tight to something soft, and the most amazing, musky aroma filled his nostrils, mingling with a sweet, floral scent, coming off of the smooth surface pressed against his face. Instinct shifted his hips forward, making contact with something warm and pliable, putting pressure on his cock, and he groaned, grinding his hips. A low, throaty moan sounded in response, and suddenly he felt wide awake.
He froze, assessing the situation. His keel pressed against Shepard's back, face buried in her neck … his cock against her ass. "Spirits. Shit, Shepard, I'm sorry."
Mortified, he moved his arm, trying to pull away from her, but she shushed him. Arching her back, pushing her ass against him, she stopped him in his tracks, and his heart slammed against his chest. He'd been praying for something definitive from her, some clear sign she wanted him as much as he wanted her, and he didn't see any way it'd get any clearer. She tugged at his arm, pulling it back around her, sliding his hand under her shirt and pressed into him again. His breath caught in his throat, fingers twitching against her stomach. He shifted forward, pushing back against her, and she let out a whimper, muscles fluttering beneath his hand. The scent in the air grew stronger, completely surrounding him, driving him insane.
He closed his eyes, nuzzling back into her neck, heart racing as he breathed her in, every nerve in his body on edge. She pushed his hand further up, settling his palm down over one of her breasts and then closed her fingers around his, making him squeeze the tender flesh. Moaning, she rocked her hips, rubbing against him in the most encouraging, enticing way. He kneaded her breast in his palm, earning him another soft moan as she pushed against him again.
A hungry rumble tore through his chest, and he nipped at the delicate skin of her neck and shoulder. "Spirits, you smell so good."
She pulled away a little, leaving him fighting the urge to yank her back and clamp his teeth around her shoulder to hold her in place. She rolled over, and he pulled her back in closer, nipping and licking her neck and shoulder when she tilted her head back, exposing her throat to him. Hooking one of her legs over his, she pulled his leg between her thighs, rubbing herself against him and filling the air with a fresh dose of her musk. He let out a low growl, gripping her hip, rocking her against his leg.
She moaned, shuddering in his grasp before wrapping a hand around his head and tugged. He lifted his head, searching her gaze, trying to figure out what she wanted, but she just pressed her lips to his mouth. He didn't know what he was supposed to do there, kissing wasn't really a turian thing, but she didn't seem to care. Her tongue slipped past his mouth plates, and he opened his mouth wider to her, letting her avoid his teeth as her tongue met his. He tried to match her movements, but after a few seconds, it felt more like the galaxy's most awkward battle for dominance, so he relaxed, letting her guide him instead.
She pushed at him, urging him to his back and then climbed on top of him, straddling him. She felt so warm against his cock, he lifted his hips a little, pushing against her, hungry for more. She moaned, arching her back, then leaned down over him to kiss him again, her body wrapped around his. Gripping her hips, he moved her against him, letting out a low growl. Spirits, he wanted her, needed her.
She sat up, lifting her shirt off over her head. He moved his hands to her breasts, squeezing and kneading, savoring the sounds she made. He must be doing something right. He wanted to taste her skin, trail his tongue and teeth over her, but he needed to remember to be careful. Wrapping one arm around her back to support her, he shoved the other palm into the bed and pulled himself up against the pillows until he could reach her. He nipped at her collar bones, and she pressed her fingers into the sensitive hide beneath his crest. He gave her an approving groan and ducked his head lower, trailing his tongue over her breast, pulling her in closer when she arched her back.
Her hands swept over him, covering every inch of plate and hide within reach. He slipped a hand into the waistband of her pants, reminding himself to be careful of his talons, and pulled at the fabric, wanting it out of his way. She rolled off of him, lying on her back and lifting her hips into the air, shoving her pants down and tossing them aside, stripping herself bare, flooding the air with her musky scent.
Shifting on the bed in a rush to do the same, he growled, nearly shredding his undersuit pants in the process before easing them down over his cock, pulling them off and dropping them over the edge of the bed. He shoved the pillows around behind him, stacking them up so he could recline against them. Reaching for her as she climbed back over him, holding herself above him on her knees, he rubbed his hands along her smooth, muscular thighs before settling on her hips. He let out a pleading rumble, tugging at her hips. The heat coming from between her legs made him desperate to be inside of her.
She wrapped her fingers around his cock, and he shuddered, pushing into her hand. She leaned forward a little, her other hand braced against the wall behind him, and rubbed the tip of his cock against her, slick and hot, and oh so soft. "Are you sure?" she asked, her voice a husky whisper.
He kneaded at her waist, pushing up against her just a little. "Spirits, yes. For so long."
She covered her mouth with his, shifting her hips, lowering herself on to him. His breath caught in his throat, feeling her body swallow him, so tight and hot. Bringing her hands to his shoulders, she took her time, easing him inside of her, inch by inch, testing his self-restraint. Her insides stretched around him, accommodating him like she was made just for him. Oh Spirits, he wasn't going to last long at all.
She finally settled, taking him in nearly completely, muscles spasming around him, tongue dancing over his, and draped her arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her, burying the fingers of one hand in her hair, the other hand splayed out over her shoulder blade, keel nestling in between her breasts. Lifting up into her, he pulled at her, urging her body down, letting out a hungry groan as he sunk deeper. Her mouth left him, and she started to rock her hips. He nuzzled against her neck and shoulder, nipping and licking, little growls slipping out of him as she moved around him.
She rolled her head to the side, offering her throat to him, her words coming out almost a whine as she said, "Oh, God. You feel so good."
"So do you." He licked her throat, sinking his teeth in just a little deeper than before, pulling a moan from her. "Spirits, so do you."
He bit her again, testing the waters, careful not to be too rough, he didn't want to hurt her or rip open her delicate skin. Moaning, she shuddered and started moving faster, bucking her hips, grinding herself against him, letting out a little whimper. Yes. Spirits, yes. He panted against her as she started slamming herself down on him harder and harder, her thighs slapping against his plates. He locked his teeth around the stretch of skin and muscle between her shoulder and neck, taking all of his willpower to not draw blood, trying desperately to hold off on cumming.
She slipped her hand down between them, touching herself just above where they were joined, rubbing frantically. Spirits, she felt amazing, smelled amazing, and the sounds coming from her were just …. She tightened around him, breath becoming uneven and ragged, movements more urgent, more demanding until she sucked in a deep breath, letting out a cry as she shuddered, bucking wildly, every inch of her spasming and sending him crashing over the edge.
He felt nervous, watching the clock as it grew closer and closer to the time he'd normally head upstairs to her cabin. He didn't know if she'd still want him up there, didn't know if she felt the same way about what happened between them as he did. What if it was just a one time, heat of the moment thing for her? What if she woke up regretting it or embarrassed; he'd heard humans did that sometimes.
It'd been a busy day for her, she spent most of the day groundside. He'd barely caught a glimpse of her after leaving her cabin, and they didn't exactly talk through things when they woke up in the morning. Spirits, he hoped it wasn't a one-time thing, though he'd be happy to have enjoyed the experience if that's all it was, but he wanted so much more with her. He'd find a way to be content with anything she gave him, anything, so long as she didn't push him away. He couldn't imagine her doing that, though.
The door to the Main Battery slid open, and he glanced over his shoulder. "Shepard." His heart slammed in his chest, nerves setting his teeth on edge. He turned to face her as she walked inside.
"Hey," she said, voice soft, tentative. "I thought maybe we should talk … about last night."
He swallowed and nodded his head. "Yeah," he said, voice cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again, "Definitely."
"Sit with me?" She moved over to his cot and sat down.
He followed her, taking a seat on the edge, his body angled toward her so he could give her his complete attention. "Last night was …."
She folded her shoulders in and said, "Well, I don't know about you, but I thought it was pretty amazing."
He laughed, shoulders slumping as relief swept over him. "Absolutely amazing."
She smirked and scraped her teeth over her lip. "Yeah?"
"Definitely." He hummed, reaching over to take her hand in his. "I haven't been able to get anything at all done today. I've just been in here thinking about last night, thinking about you." He brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. "Hoping it wasn't something you regretted, hmmm, and wondering if you might want to do again."
"Hell yes," she squeezed his hand, suddenly smelling nervous, "but I think there's something I should tell you first."
He nodded, bringing his other hand over to rub the back of her hand, trapping it between his. "I'm listening."
"I … this thing between us … I stopped thinking of you as just a friend long ago." Clearing her throat, she swallowed. "If this is going to be a thing with us, I need you to know it's going to mean something to me. My heart's going to be in it, all the way. So if that's not something you want, or—"
He cut her off, leaning in to press his forehead to hers, cupping her face and letting out a purr. "I love you, Shepard."
Shifting on the cot, she pushed herself to her knees, moving over to straddle his lap despite his armor and wrapped her arms around his neck. She grinned at him, looking the happiest he'd ever seen her. "I love you, too."