Author's Note: This chapter is affectionately titled "Tess finally gets happy!" It's that bittersweet kinda happy. Oh and about the whole writing-in-the-journal, pouring-her-heart-onto-paper thing I always figured Tess had to be pretty introspective to deal with everything that happened around her. The writer's always acted like only Liz was intelligent enough to write in a journal.
"All You Wanted"
Tess entered the small diner and knew this is where she would stay. The red vinyl booths and round 50's-style counter reeked of tackiness and that's just what she needed. 'I want to be boring' she thought to herself. She sat down at the counter and ordered a hamburger and fries.
"You sure you can eat all that, little lady?" asked the overweight man behind the counter. Tess bit back her retort when she saw his twinkling blue eyes and his bright smile.
"Yeah, I can eat it", Tess said smiling back.
"Well you don't look like you can eat much but I guess I'll trust you… this time". Tess let out a laugh that surprised her and the man. It was high and proud and she couldn't even remember the last time she'd truly laughed like that. Looking around she knew it wouldn't be last time.
Tess had been living in the small town for a couple of weeks now and she loved it. After settling in she got a job at the diner she first stopped at. John, the overweight man, who'd served her that first burger had taken her under his wing, showing her the town and to pay him back she occasionally picked up shifts at the diner when he needed help. Tess found a job working at the town library, a small converted house, which no one ever really visited but Tess loved walking through the stacks and smelling the old, musty books. Unfortunately for Tess, working in a small town library left plenty of time for self-reflection and unbidden her mind fell to thoughts of Max and her time in Roswell. Slowly she began to analyze her actions and reactions to the events in Roswell. Tess felt so many emotions welling up inside of her and for lack of a better medium she picked up a pen and poured her heart onto paper.
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
… When I think of how hard I tried to fit in. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like it was the only way to handle the situation but in the end I still ended up running away so what did I do wrong? I know you probably think it's your fault for not being able to make a home for me but it wasn't you. Believe me no one could ask for a better family …
I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away
Months had passed and Tess now had a box full of letters she never intended to mail. Her life had settled into a comfortable routine. Everyday she woke up and had a small breakfast. Then she headed to the library where she organized and help the precious few people that wandered into the building. At one she headed to the diner for lunch and ordered a burger and fries. Everyday John asked if she thought should could eat it all and everyday she finished It to the last bite. Then she'd work until the evening when she'd go home to her small apartment. And at night she'd write a letter to Michael or Max or Isabel. And for the first time Tess' life was gloriously boring.
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
… I'm sorry, I tried to save you and you didn't need saving. Loving someone isn't about controlling their life. I wanted so badly to make things like they were before. I pretended to be your friend when I was really just waiting for you to tell me you wanted me me. All you wanted was someone who cared …
I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
"Liz!" Tess looked up quickly to see a young man settling down across from her,
"What?", she said puzzled.
"You look like a Liz or an … Elizabeth? … Maybe?"
"No I'm the farthest thing from a Liz", Tess said quickly.
"Well are you going to tell me your name or am I going to have to keep guessing?" Tess slowly took in this guy sitting across from her. His eyes were a sparkling green, which matched the look of merriment on his boyish face. His hair was a dark gold like honey and it curled in wisps just below his ears. His skin was tan and smooth except for by his mouth where it crinkled from the grin that seemed to fit perfectly on his face. Although he was sitting down, Tess could tell his chest and arms were well developed and she suspected the rest of him would be too.
"Why do you want to know my name?" she asked
"Well, everyday for the past three months you've come in here, exchanged pleasantries with John over there and then proceeded to eat a burger and fries before heading off to the library I believe"
"Any particular reason you've been following my movements? There are laws against that you know?"
"Pretty girl moves into a small town, I just wanted to extend a welcome"
"John?" Tess called to the counter "Can I trust this guy?"
"Who? Zane?" John called from behind the counter, "He's nothing but the annoying boy-next-door type. He's harmless". Tess and Zane laughed good-naturedly at John's response.
"So now that I've been thoroughly emasculated, do you mind telling me who you are?"
"My name is Tess"
"Hmmm. Tess. I would never have guessed that. I like it"
"Well, I'm glad you approve", Tess said getting up from the table.
"Hey Tess?" Zane called out to her back. "Do you like to do anything besides read and eat burgers?"
"Yes", Tess called over her shoulder as she walked out the door.
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
…You would like Zane. He's really nice and we've become good friends. For the first time I don't feel like someone likes me out of some sort of obligation. Zane genuinely wants to be around me. I guess that was the problem I had before. I thought you guys had to like me and I was upset because you didn't. And I was jealous. I wanted what you and Max had. I wanted to be like you. I wanted it all. You guys didn't want it and I tried to make you like me…
All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah
Time passed and Tess and Zane became friends, which definitely disrupted her boring life. But in a good way. Zane bought Tess a golden retriever puppy they named Honey so she wouldn't have to live alone. He also took credit for introducing her to finer cuisine and Tess didn't have the heart to tell him that she'd traveled the world and taste finer food than Taco Bell burritos. Slowly, Tess began to heal and every night she added another letter to her collection.
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
… I miss you a lot. Even if you didn't think of me as a sister, I thought of you as a brother. I would watch you and Maria sometimes and I wanted to tell you all the things you were doing wrong like a real sister would. You don't know how many times I wanted to talk to you. To tell you how lonely I was but you didn't need me. I just wanted to know you too…
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone
The days passed into weeks and the weeks to months and before she knew it Tess had spent an entire year away from Roswell. That night she invited Zane over for dinner. Tess cooked a small dinner and made a salad.
"I didn't think you could cook", Zane said playfully as he balled up his napkin and threw it across the table at Tess.
"Hey keep playing around and you won't get any dessert", Tess said going into the kitchen.
"Ooh, dessert", Zane called out to the kitchen, "What's the occasion?" Tess came back into the room carrying a small chocolate cake with Honey at her heels. She set down the cake and looked around her small apartment. Slowly, she sat down and pulled the puppy into her lap.
" Today's my birthday", she said. And the smile on her first was the happiest one Zane had ever seen.