Honesty
Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter.
Chapter Notation: I think you should all easily be able to recognize what kind of sword Suigetsu is referring to, but I guess it's better safe than sorry. He is using sword as a metaphor for a certain piece of the male anatomy.
Chapter Warning: Extreme silliness in some parts.
Chapter Four
"Naruto, remind me why I can't kill him again?" Sasuke asks his companion.
They had only been traveling with the pampered lord for two days. In those two days, Sasuke Uchiha must have plotted at least 58 ways to kill the other man. He figured about thirty of them would look like accidents. Half the time, he was too annoyed to care if it looked like a murder or natural death though. It was like the man had a death wish.
"I'm trying to remember that myself." Naruto mutters in annoyance.
It was natural that some people would fawn over Naruto and Sasuke because they had ended the war. They were both used to people staring at them with stars in their eyes. What wasn't natural were his rather vulgar inquiries about their personal lives.
"So you are telling me that you two are not lovers? But you gave up everything to chase after him and Sasuke fought along your side. There's no shame in it. There are lots of powerful ninjas who prefer the company of other men in their bed. Actually, it's something of a secret fantasy amongst the noblewomen." Lord Tao inquires.
"We are not lovers. Naruto is like another brother to me. Our love lives are still none of your business. You paid for an escort. You did not pay to interview us." Sasuke snaps at him.
Lord Tao hides behind Naruto. He had thought that the blonde would have a positive influence on Sasuke. Shouldn't the last Uchiha be calmer around his lover? Perhaps he was just nervous about his true sexual orientation being revealed?
"Don't hide behind me. You are getting on my last nerve too. I think it would be best if you would just shut up." The blonde warns him.
The lord gulps. Damn. Maybe he had pushed too far. Still the topic of Naruto's and Sasuke's love lives was quite a popular one at the castle. Naruto was the hero of the ninja world. Sasuke was the anti-hero.
"Let's make camp." Sasuke mutters as they come to a cave in the forest.
"Here?! It's a cave!" Tao protests.
"Yes, it provides shelter in case it rains and this way we aren't out in the open, if someone tries to sneak up on us." The last Uchiha reasons.
Tao looks around the cave nervously. What if there were bats inside it? Vampire bats?! Even if there weren't bats, what about bears? Bears liked caves.
"Oh stop being such a scaredy cat." Naruto tells the Noble.
A couple hours later, Tao was fast asleep. Sasuke and Naruto were watching him and sitting by the fire. The two ninjas couldn't believe that they had been reduced to babysitting a spoiled brat.
"I can't wait for this mission to be over." Naruto mutters.
"Me neither. How are we going to complete this mission without killing him?" The dark haired ninja asks.
"I have no idea, but there's something I've been wondering. You've never really looked at woman. Do you prefer guys? It doesn't matter to me, if you do. I'm just saying for a guy that is always talking about restoring his Clan, you don't seem to have much of an interest in women." Naruto inquires.
Sasuke sighs. He knew Naruto. Once the idiot asked a question, he would never give up until he got an answer. It was probably better to get it over with.
"Don't make a big deal out of it, but yes. I'm just not attracted to women. I never have been." Sasuke states bluntly.
"Oh. Well I'm glad you trust me enough to tell me, but how are going to accomplish your second goal then? I mean that won't be much fun, reviving your Clan with someone that you don't love." The blue eyed ninja inquires.
Sasuke smacks his forehead. He really shouldn't have to explain this Naruto. Still the smartest thing to do was just to get it out of the way.
"You don't have to have sex to have a child. You just have to fertilize the egg. When the time comes, I'll just use a surrogate or surrogates." Sasuke says with a shrug.
"Ohhh. Do you really think that the biological mother is just going to let the kid go? I mean that's a lot to ask of someone." His friend asks.
"Depending on the surrogate, I wouldn't have an issue with her being involved in the child's life. I'm just not going to take her as my wife. That's all." Sasuke explains.
Naruto nods. This was a lot to process. He couldn't imagine taking such a clinical approach to having a child, but this was Sasuke. Whatever made him happy.
"I just can't picture you running around with a kid or rocking a baby." Naruto laughs.
"You really are such an idiot. Let's just hope for the sake of everyone, that you never manage to breed." Sasuke mutters.
"You are such a jerk!" The blonde grumbles and Sasuke smirks.
Back in the Leaf, Jugo was working on reconstruction with Suigetsu. The white haired man claimed that he just wanted an excuse to get away from Karin's bitching. Jugo shakes his head in amusement and accepts his help.
He knew that was partially true, but Suigetsu was Suigetsu. He would never admit that he just wanted to help. Deep down, the sword lover was probably grateful that he had a place to stay. There really weren't many places that would take in former Criminal Ninjas and the ones that did exist, generally weren't places you wanted to live in.
"So why did you snap at me over the Sassy thing?" The violet eyed man asks as he pounds some nails.
"My rages are unpredictable. Most of the time they don't have a cause." He protests.
"Uh huh. Jugo, I know you can't lie to save your life. The dog is probably a better liar than you. You didn't lie just now, but I know you aren't telling the full story either. I know something is up. You might as well just tell me. We are teammates, aren't we? You should be able to trust me." Suigetsu says with a shark toothed grin.
Jugo quickly grabs some rubble and walks away from Suigetsu. It wasn't that he didn't trust the other man. Suigetsu wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt him. It was just that the sword lover wasn't exactly the best at keeping secrets.
He had every intention of keeping his affections for a certain Uchiha to himself for now. Jugo planned to do so until he found out if Sasuke even liked men. There was no point in telling him, if he was only interested in women. It would just make things awkward.
"Hey! Don't run away from me! You had better tell me what is going on or I will sick Karin on you. She'll howl at you like a banshee until your ears bleed. It's your choice. You can tell me now or later, but you are going to tell me." He states firmly.
"You aren't going to let this go, are you?" Jugo asks with a sigh.
"Nope! Never. So you might as well fess up. What the fuck is going on? Why'd you get so pissed that I called Sasuke, Sassy. I've called him way worse than that before." The other man says and nods his head vigorously.
The gentle giant looks upwards as if to ask, "Why me?" He then turns his attention back to Suigetsu. Damn. How was he supposed to explain this?
"You were at the Sound for a long time. I'm sure that you noticed that there were men who preferred other men to be their lovers?" He asks cautiously.
"Well yeah. Doesn't bug me. Who cares where someone likes to shove their sword or if they prefer to have a sword shoved in them?" He asks brightly.
The orange haired man winced at that analogy. That sounded incredibly painful. He shakes his head and decides to press on.
"I'm glad that you feel that way because you know at least one person who is that way." The older man says.
"Orochimaru? Well yeah. That is pretty obvious. I don't like to think about that too much though. It gets really fucking creepy, really quickly." Suigetsu observes.
"Well other than Orochimaru. Make that at least two people you know." Jugo mutters.
Thinking about Orochimaru in that respect was just disturbing. It wasn't a topic that Jugo wanted to dwell on either. He shudders and tries to suppress some very disturbing mental images.
"No way. Is Sassy, Sas-GAY? Whoa. I should have seen that coming. I mean he never even smiles at women. Clearly something had to be up." The white haired man muses.
"No. He's not gay. Well maybe. I don't know actually. I was talking about me." He replies and sighs at his friend's reaction.
"Ohhh. Wait so you're saying that you like guys." Suigetsu says and Jugo nods.
The violet eyed man blinks. Well he hadn't seen that coming. Then again, he hadn't really pondered the topic of Jugo's sexuality much before either.
"Well that's cool. What's that got to do with my nickname for Sasuke though? Wait. You…have a thing for Sassy?" Suigetsu asks and gapes at Jugo.
It was one thing for Karin to pant after him. Chicks did that a lot, but now Sasuke was attracting men? (Well other than Orochimaru. Orochimaru was clearly just way too into pretty teenage boys.) Unbelievable.
"I don't have a thing for him." Jugo says simply.
"Oh. Then I don't get it. What set you off about the nickname? Because that is clearly what pissed you off." Suigetsu demands.
"I don't have a thing for him. That implies it's just a casual attraction. My feelings run deeper than that." He half whispers.
Suigetsu falls over on his ass. Jugo was in LOVE with Sasuke. Oh boy. He had no idea how the last Uchiha was going to react to that bombshell. Well then again, Jugo might be the type of guy who admired the object of their affections from afar. Maybe it just wouldn't matter.
"Does he know that your gay and in love with him?" The other man asks.
"He knows that I'm gay. He doesn't know the second part. I don't even know if he likes men. I'm not going to confess my feelings to someone, if there is absolutely no chance that they will return them." Jugo answers.
There was no pointing telling Sasuke, if he was straight. If he was gay or even bisexual though, then maybe there would be a chance. The animal lover was smart enough to realize that was a really big if though.
"Yeah. Good point. Probably a good idea to find out if he's even into men, before you confess your undying love for him. Though this does explain so much. So that's why you calm down so quickly, when he's around." The Taka member observes thoughtfully.
"That's part of it. Initially, it was because of his association with Kimimaro." The gentle giant admits.
Suigetsu nods. Well yeah, this all made sense now. No wonder Jugo went all crazy about the Sassy thing. Jugo had a thing for Sasuke. A very big thing, it seemed.
"So let's say that Sasuke is gay or at least somewhat into men. Maybe bisexual." Suigetsu begins.
Jugo nods. He gestures for the other man to continue. God only knows what was about to come out of his mouth, but it was nice to have someone to talk to about this for once. He didn't want to bite Suigetsu's head off when he was being nice. (Well by Suigetsu standards anyway.)
"Yes?" He asks encouragingly.
"And let's say that he likes you back and things go well. Do you prefer to do the sword shoving or being sheathed? Because I gotta figure that's going to be an issue. Sasuke is such a control freak. It'd look weird though. He's a lot smaller than you. So just as a matter of mechanics, I kinda think you would have to top." The white haired ninja muses.
The older ninja gapes at Suigetsu. He couldn't believe that the sword lover had asked him that! Well he could in a way. It WAS Suigetsu, after all. Still he was shocked.
"You know that doesn't actually matter. It's just a personal preference. Besides, it's not set in stone. You don't have to top or bottom all the time." He replies.
"Oh yeah? You tell that to Sassy. You go tell him that you want to be your submissive little love slave and see how he takes it. There's no possible way that he's going to let anyone top him." Suigetsu informs him.
"You seem to have given this matter a suspiciously great deal of thought." Jugo muss.
Suigetsu flails. What was Jugo suggesting?! Was he trying to suggest that he thought that Suigetsu was gay?! No way! He liked women. Just women. Thank you very much.
"I don't care if you like men. I don't care if Sasuke likes men. But I'm into women. I really don't see anything sexy about another man, but it doesn't bother me that you are into it." He states with a shrug.
"I'm happy to hear that. Please don't tell him about this conversation. I don't know how he would react and I don't want to risk losing his friendship." Jugo frees.
"My lips are sealed. Good luck. You are going to need it." Suigetsu says with a smirk.
Meanwhile in Tsunade's office, the busty blonde and CopyCat Ninja were debating strategy. Surely, there had to be a way to tell. If they tried to match Sasuke with a man and he was straight, he'd make their lives a living Hell.
"What about a mental health evaluation?" Kakashi suggests.
"Kakashi, I think we both know that Sasuke isn't the most mentally stable. Besides, he's far more likely to make the therapist need therapy, than to benefit from it." The Hokage replies.
The silver haired ninja shakes his head in amusement. That was certainly true. However, that was not what he had in mind. No, he had something a little less conventional planned.
"True, but you could be the therapist. Tell him that you want to have all the ninjas in the Leaf examined. You are having the hospital check their physical and mental health. Since he is a special case, you can say that you want to examine him personally." The Jonin continues.
Tsunade raises an eyebrow. Yes, she COULD do that. She didn't see how that was going to help them figure out Sasuke's sexual orientation though.
"Throw in some visual stimuli. Have some equipment hooked up to him to measure his physiological responses. Sasuke may have a good poker face, but even he can't hide his body's natural reaction. Of course you will need to add some mundane images. If you show him only erotic ones, he'll be suspicious. But it could work." He finishes.
"That is a clever idea. Wouldn't it be easier to just ask him though?" She asks.
Kakashi shakes his head. Sasuke's mind was a vault. He had never been one to share his feelings, unless of it was hatred and rage. The last Uchiha wouldn't tell them anything.
"No. If you are going to suggest that he might tell me because I'm his former teacher, don't. Unfortunately, I've never had as much of an impact on Sasuke, as I would have liked. He did leave to seek out Orochimaru's knowledge. He wouldn't have done that, if he thought he could learn what he needed from me." The silver haired ninja states.
Tsunade sighs. She supposed that she had always known. She had always known deep down that Kakashi blamed himself for Sasuke going to the Sound. Still it wasn't his fault and he needed to accept that fact. If Tsunade had to beat some sense into him, she would.
"Kakashi, I don't want to ever hear you talk that way about yourself again. Sasuke was a vulnerable child. Orochimaru took advantage of that. It was not your fault. As for your idea, we can try it. I don't really have anything better in mind." Tsunade admits.
"We will need to do mental and physical evaluations for all of Taka, Team Seven, and the other Rookies. We have to make this look convincing." He reasons.
"Good idea. Well I guess we better get started." She muses and starts writing up the orders.
A few days later, Sasuke and Naruto return to the Leaf. The blonde heads towards his home and Sasuke flits off to the Uchiha District. He smirks and thinks it was more like the Uchiha-Taka District at this point as he enters his family's old home.
He doesn't bother to knock. He just walks right in. Nobody besides Taka and Naruto would dare to enter his Clan's District. So there wasn't a need for a lock. Besides, a look wouldn't keep a ninja out and civilians weren't a threat. It'd be pointless to lock the doors.
"I'm home." Sasuke says and umpfs as he gets tackled by a black blur.
"Arf! Arf!" The puppy calls out happily and licks his face.
Sasuke shakes his head. He smiles and pets the dog, before trying to get up. Thankfully, Jugo was soon on the scene and lends Sasuke a hand.
"Thanks. He's a very…friendly, little guy." The last Uchiha muses and Jugo nods in agreement.
"I think he missed you. How was the mission?" He asks.
Sasuke sighs. The mission was annoying at best. Honestly, he really hoped that he wouldn't receive anymore babysitting missions. They were just an insult to his skills really.
"We babysat a spoiled noble. I'm really glad to be home. Remind me to duct tape the next one's mouth shut. It would have saved us so much trouble." Sasuke states.
"I'll remind you. You look really tense. Maybe a hot bath would help? I can make sure that Karin doesn't try to sneak in." He offers.
Sasuke smiles. He almost felt like kissing Jugo for that. Yes, a hot bath sounded great. Well that was of course assuming Suigetsu didn't use up all the hot water again.
"Thanks. I'll return the favor someday." He says as he heads up the stairs towards the bathroom.
"But Karin doesn't try to peek in on me?" He asks in confusion.
"I meant that I'll help you with something, not necessarily that I'd protect you from a voyeur." Sasuke clarifies.
Karin heard the commotion. She heads out to the living room. The red head smiles when she sees that Sasuke was back.
"What's this about voyeurs?" The young woman inquires and Sasuke just shakes his head.
"Nevermind, Karin. Just forget it. It doesn't matter. Let Suigetsu know that I'm home." He mutters and shuts the door behind him.
Sasuke quickly adjusts the water. He kicks off his clothes and gets in the tub. He shrugs and adds some bubble bath.
It wasn't something that he would normally indulge in. He supposed it was one of his few guilty pleasures. Suigetsu would probably laugh his ass off at him, if he knew. So would Naruto for that matter, but it had been a really long week. Sasuke felt entitled to some old fashioned relaxation.
"Hopefully, he doesn't ask again." He mutters.
It was still hard for him to believe that Jugo had asked him if he liked men. Sasuke was having trouble wrapping his mind around that. More importantly, he needed to come up with a response.
Jugo preferred kunais over pouches. Would the other man think Sasuke was hitting on him, if he told Jugo his preference? Sasuke bit his lower lip. Damn it. Why did everything have toe be so complicated?
"I'm probably worried over nothing. He's likely forgotten all about it." He murmurs to himself.
Sasuke nods to himself. He tries to convince himself that was the case as he relaxes into the warm bubble bath. It was hard to be stressed out, when you were surrounded by bubbles and hot water.
A few minutes later, Suigetsu watches as Jugo stands outside the bathroom door. He raises an eyebrow. The white haired man, just had to ask.
"Trying to protecting his virtue, huh? I'm not really sure if Sasuke has any, but that's sweet in a twisted way." He says with a cheeky grin.
"Suigetsu." Jugo says warningly and the white haired man puts up his hands in an I Surrender Gesture.
"I know. I know. Besides, you are probably right to guard the door. Karin really needs to learn how to respect personal space." He continues.
Jugo raises an eyebrow. He thought that was the pot calling the kettle black. If anyone needed to learn how to respect personal space, it was most certainly Suigetsu.
"Both of you do. I know you were helping with repairs while I was with the Nara Clan, but what are you going to do after the District is finished?" He asks.
He had to pass the time somehow. Jugo really needed to get his mind off of the fact that Sasuke was behind that door. A very naked Sasuke. Talking to Suigetsu would serve as a badly needed distraction.
"Haven't really thought about it. I guess I'll become a Leaf Villager. I don't really like taking orders though, but I can't stay on the run forever." He says with a shrug.
"Combat ninja, I assume?" He asks.
"Well yeah. I ain't no paper pusher. You should know that by now. I don't know what Karin is planning to do though. She could be a really good medic, but I think she's tired of being a human chew toy." Suigetsu continues.
Jugo nods in agreement. He couldn't blame Karin there. While it was certainly a useful talent, it was one that had clearly been abused. The poor girl had been bitten probably thousands of times. He couldn't help but feel sorry for her.
"That's true. I can't blame her. Maybe we should talk to her and see what she wants to do?" Jugo suggests.
"You try talking to her. I can't say a word to that crazy bitch, without her flipping out about something." His friend informs him.
Karin had been coming upstairs. She overheard some of their conversation. Well to be honestly, she only heard Suigetsu say the words, "crazy bitch." That was more than enough to set her off.
"You want crazy?! I'll show you crazy!" She screams at him and charges at the sword lover.
Suigetsu's eyes widen. He quickly takes off. Jugo watches helplessly as the red head chases Suigetsu all around the house. He hears Sasuke sigh and a few minutes later, the last Uchiha walks out of the bathroom.
"Their fighting again?" He asks in an exasperated fashion.
"Again." Jugo agrees and tries not to admire the sight of Sasuke clad only in a bathrobe too much.
That was a difficult task though. Sasuke was soaking wet. The robe left very little to the imagination. Thankfully, Karin and Suigetsu were good for something. Sasuke never noticed the fact his teammate was admiring the magnificent sight of him clad only in a bathrobe.