Kate woke up early the next morning, rolling over to feel the cold spot beside her. She found it funny that she'd spent years sleeping alone, and just after months of being with Castle she couldn't imagine not having him sleep beside her. This was also the first time in nearly a year that they had slept apart. When she got out of bed, moving to the kitchen to make some coffee, she thought back to the night before. Yes, she'd been hit with a bombshell, but so had he. She was filled with guilt and a bit of self-loathing at her behavior. I should have been more supportive, she admonished herself. I didn't even get up to say goodbye to him.
She shuttered to think about how difficult it must have been for him to leave, so many unanswered questions on his mind, and she didn't even get out of bed to say goodbye. As Kate poured herself a cup of coffee she began to think of potential ways that she could make it up to him. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't hear Martha come into the kitchen.
"Good morning Kate." She spoke.
Kate turned to her and smiled, somewhat ashamed to make eye contact with the older woman. She knew Martha knew about the baby that Rick had gone to tend to. So, naturally, she figured that Martha also knew that Kate didn't bother to get up and see her husband off. Kate looked down at the coffee cup in her hands, a sense of shame washing over her.
Martha simply placed a hand on her arm and gave her an encouraging squeeze. "How are you feeling this morning Kate?"
"I'm ok I suppose." She spoke. She could tell by the expression on her face that Martha didn't buy it.
"Ok. So how are you really feeling?" She asked again, pushing the detective for the truth.
Kate sighed. "I don't know. Confused, I suppose." She paused and then added, "and a bit ashamed that I wasn't more supportive of Rick." Martha raised her eyebrows.
"Kate you just found out that your husband might have a child with another woman. I think the fact that you didn't overreact and leave spoke volumes." Martha waited for her daughter-in-law to make eye contact with her before continuing.
"and if you don't mind my saying Beckett, not too long ago you would have run." She put it simply and bluntly, but Kate knew it was not an insult. Instead, it was a compliment. It was an acknowledgement of how far she'd come with managing her emotions. Martha was right, a year ago and Kate would have run.
She smiled softly at Martha, "Thanks, but I still wish I were more supportive."
"Well, this just started Kate. There will be plenty of support for you to give in the future." She eyed her somewhat sternly to be sure that the impact of her words were not lost.
Beckett understood. Afterall, if this child was Rick's son she would have to decide how supportive she was willing to be. How supportive would I be? She asked herself. She knew she would never ask him to give his child up, but would he want her to act as the child's mother? They were already expecting one child, how were they going to manage another infant? How would they work things out if Rick didn't want Kate to have a say in how this child was raised? Sure she'd have a say in their own child's upbringing, but he was an experienced father and she didn't know what she was doing.
Martha could tell that Kate's thoughts were spinning out of control like a runaway train. "Kate." She spoke, bringing the younger woman out of her anxious thoughts, "Whatever happens, you'll work it out together." She nodded to Martha.
"So," Martha continued, "what do you plan to do?"
"Well," Kate began, "I think that I should go pack. I've got to get to Arizona, don't you think?"
Martha smiled widely at Kate, placing her hands on both of Kate's arms to turn the woman to face her directly, "Good girl!" She stated.
She turned to go, but spoke one last time before heading back to her room, "Remind him to give me a call when he has news."
"Will do Martha."
Rick swore that it had been the longest day of his life. First thing that morning he met with Kelly, the social worker, to discuss Christopher. He had not met the child yet, as it was determined that they would have a paternity test conducted first. When he was informed that it would take several days to obtain the results, he demanded that they allow him to pay for the test himself. With the right amount of money he knew that he could have a team dedicated to analyzing the samples, and results could be arrived at within 24 hours.
So, that morning he'd visited the lab that would be conducting the test. After an absurd amount of paperwork they took three cheek swabs for testing. Next he met with the attorney who was handling Jacinda's divorce, as he also oversaw the drafting of her living will. The social worker attended as well and, at Castle's request, so did the woman's ex-husband, Jack Collins.
Jack was not thrilled to see Castle, but soon understood that Rick had no knowledge that his wife had been married. It warmed him slightly to the man, but not much. Still, if this meeting was going to speed things along concerning placement of the boy he was willing to participate. Although he'd absolved himself from any legal obligation to the child when he'd had the court order to remove his name from the birth certificate, his divorce with Jacinda had not been finalized when she'd died. Therefore, as her husband, he had responsibilities over her estate.
The lawyer sat across from the three adults in the room, greeting Castle and the social worker before offering his condolences to Mr. Collins. After the awkwardness of the exchange passed, they got down to business.
"Mr. Castle," the lawyer began. "Ms. Collins noted specifically that should anything happen to her, that the biological father be contacted and take responsibility for the boy. She left your name and address in the document as well. Now, I understand that a paternity test is being conducted to determine whether or not you are the child's biological father.
"That's correct." The social worker announced.
"What happens if the child is not mine?" Castle spoke.
"If the child is not yours you will have no legal obligation. Because she stated her wish to have you care for the child, and she has no next of kin, the option will be yours." The lawyer replied.
"Yes, but what will happen to the child if I say no?" Castle questioned.
"The child will most likely become a ward of the state and placed into foster care until permanent placement can be found. With a young infant it shouldn't be too difficult to place him." The lawyer elaborated.
"Ok." Castle replied, "and what happens if the child is mine?"
"Well Mr. Castle, legally speaking, your name is not on the child's birth certificate. Because Mr. Collins has his name removed, there is nobody obligated to care for the child. Her will is simply a notarized legal document stating her wishes. Nobody can force you to be a parent to the child. However, if you are the biological father the option to have your name placed on the birth certificate will be given and you will assume all legal rights and responsibilities for the child."
Castle nodded at the man.
"You want nothing to do with him?" Castle turned to Mr. Collins and questioned him.
"Christopher is not my son. I don't want the responsibility of raising someone else's child." He spoke bitterly.
Castle nodded, although he couldn't imagine being able to walk away from any child.
Once the meeting was over it was decided that they would allow for Castle to meet with the child. Afterall, according to Jacinda's will, he had an option to take the child regardless of his paternity. He honestly didn't know what he was going to do. He needed to talk to Kate.
He picked up his phone and dialed her number, waiting for her to pick up. However, the phone immediately went to voicemail, indicating that her phone was turned off. Is she that upset with me? He questioned himself.
He was conflicted. Learning about the child was definitely a bombshell, shaking them both to the core. They would have to discuss how it was going to effect the both of them, their marriage and their unborn child. However, she was right when she'd admitted that he never cheated. He couldn't imagine that she would be angry at him because he couldn't find blame in the situation, aside from the poor judgment one night while he was hurting.
"Please pick up the phone" he said aloud as he dialed. This time he left a message.
"Kate. It's me. Look, I'm sorry I rushed off so quickly last night. I wish I could have stayed longer to work things out, but we had to move fast on this one." He paused for a moment, thinking about his next words.
"Kate I miss you. I love you. Please call me back. I'm staying at the Hilton on West 54th if You can't get through to my cell. You can call the hotel and ask for room 213." He paused again.
"Kate I love you so much. Please call. I need to hear your voice."
He put the phone down and sunk onto the mattress of his hotel room bed. He needed to shower and he needed to eat, but was too distracted by the feeling of emptiness that filled him after not being able to reach his wife. He needed to know that they were ok.
Finally he showered, changing into a t-shirt and boxer shorts. He was planning to go to bed early and catch up on the sleep he'd missed the night before. As he turned the sheets down he heard a knock on his door. He moved to open it and was shocked to find a very tired-looking Kate Beckett on the other side of the door, duffel bag thrown over her shoulder.
Before he had the chance to speak she charged him, wrapping her arms around his torso and planting a kiss on his mouth. "Rick." She spoke between kisses. "I'm so sorry I didn't say goodbye." More kisses were placed along his jaw.
"So you flew to Arizona to say goodbye?" He asked, somewhat confused and pleasantly alarmed to have her in his arms.
"I flew to Arizona to support my husband." She spoke as she buried her face into the crook of his neck and inhaled his scent. They'd only been apart for one night, yet they acted like they'd been separated for years. She pushed him further into the room and kicked the door shut behind her.
Within seconds she was on him again, kissing him fiercely. He returned her passion gladly, begging for entrance into her mouth with his tongue as they moved back toward the bed. Kate wasn't sure what had come over her, she just planned to kiss him, to show her love and dedication, but when his tongue met hers she was filled with an undeniable need for him. She couldn't get close enough, but that didn't stop her from trying as she slid the palms of her hands under his shirt. He simply lifted it from himself and threw it to the floor.
Soon she followed suit, leaving a trail of her own garments as they made their way onto the bed. Kate reacted strongly to his touch, as he drove her mad again and again. She'd read that some women experienced heightened sexual arousal and sensation during pregnancy due to increased blood flow to the area.
In that moment she didn't care how it was happening, or why it was happening, but her body couldn't get enough to him. With every move, every position, he was able to bring her over the edge repeatedly. When they were finally satisfied they lay in bed, her head resting on his chest and her hair sprawled out around her.
He caressed her bare back slowly, a wide smile on his face at having her with him. She wore a similar smile on her own face. "Kate," he spoke softly, "you came." He was filled with utter joy and disbelief.
"Yes I did Rick. Several times in fact." She snickered as he swatted at her back.
"You came to Arizona Kate." He elaborated, a mocked indignation in his voice. "You're so crude." He finally commented with a smile on his face.
"You love it." She spoke, "and yes, I wanted to be with you. I didn't handle the news well and closed down a bit. We're married now though and I don't want to do that Rick." He pulled a blanket over them both when he felt her shiver.
"We promised that we would be open, that we would communicate and not let misunderstandings or unspoken feelings take root in our marriage." He kissed her head while caressing her back and her arms.
"Thank you for being here." He spoke softly to her.
"I'll always come for you." She reassured him.
By 9am Monday morning both Rick and Kate were standing with the social worker at a small house in the suburbs of phoenix. Kelly knocked and waited for the door to open. She was delighted to meet Kate and very impressed that she had the dedication to fly out to be with Rick, even if there was a possibility that the child wasn't his.
When the door opened a middle-aged women with brown hair and glasses was standing there. She was delighted to see Kelly and greeted her as if she were an old friend. Kelly turned to Rick and Kate and spoke,
"Sylvia Stern, These are the Castles. Rick and Kate, this is Sylvia. She is one of our best foster mothers. She often comes to our rescue to take children who have difficulty being placed." Kelly explained the woman to Castle and Beckett.
"Hello," Sylvia extended her hand to both of them and invited them in. "He just woke up and he's playing with Sarah now." They were led to a small living room where a girl, who looked to be about 15 sat, holding the baby who had to be Christopher. Sarah smiled at them, standing to bring the boy over to the couple. Out of assumption she moved to hand the baby to Kate.
Beckett looked at her with slight panic. Before she could react Castle stepped in and spoke, "I'll take him." He moved to take the baby into his arms. As he held the baby Kate studied them. The little boy was adorable. He had dirty blonde hair, closer to brown than blonde, that fell into loose curls around his face. His cheeks were round and his eyes were sky blue, he reminded her of a little cherub. She couldn't help but smile at the boy as he took Castle in with wide eyes.
The baby moved his fingers to Ricks face and placed both hands on his chin, as if he were cradling his face. Castle giggled at him and spoke, "Hello Christopher! How are you today?" When he opened his mouth to speak the baby took advantage of it and shoved his fingers into Castle's mouth. Having had experience with infants, he was familiar with babies this age and their fixation with mouths. Although usually it was with their own mouth and putting everything within grasp into it.
Castle moved his hands to the boy's slobbery fingers and Christopher grabbed hold of him. "Wow, little guy. You've got quite a grasp there, he spoke as the baby tried to move to chew, or slobber on Rick's hand. He began to laugh and the baby simply cooed in response.
Kelly smiled at the exchange and turned to Sylvia. "How has he been?" She asked.
Sylvia answered, "He's been ok. Kind of difficult to soothe, I can tell he is not happy with the disruption to his routine." Babies this young always broke Sylvia's heart. On one hand, they were too young to understand anything other than mom is not here and I don't know why. However, on the other hand, babies as young as Christopher had the best chances at a stable and uninterrupted life if he could be adopted and attach to new parents. It was sad, but it was true.
Rick turned to Kate and smiled at her. She walked up to them both and ran a hand tentatively though the boy's hair. "Hello Christopher." She spoke. She let her hand fall to lightly caress his soft cheek as he watched her with wide blue eyes. "He's beautiful Castle."
He smiled at Kate, the resemblance of the boy to Castle was there, but the eyes were a dead give away. He eyed her pleadingly, unsure how to communicate with her the enormity of what he was requesting of her. She looked down at her own feet and took a deep breath. When she looked back up at Rick she moved closer to him and placed her palm flat on his chest.
"Always means Always Rick." She softly spoke, knowing that he would understand.
His eyes filled with tears and he raised his hand to cover her own. Both laughed when they felt a small, slobbery hand smack against theirs.
In that moment Kelly's cell phone rang. She answered it and nodded, thanking the person on the other line. She then hung up and turned to Rick and Kate. They looked to her, but didn't need the confirmation. They already knew.
"Congratulations Mr. Castle. It's a boy."
Kelly paused for a moment before adding, "I'll give you two time to think things over." She was completely unaware of the connection between Castle and Beckett, so she missed the entire conversation they had moments before her phone rang.
Kate turned to Kelly and spoke, "We don't need to talk it over. We've already decided. We're taking him home." Kelly smiled widely.
"That is wonderful to hear." Kate simply placed her hand on the boy's back, feeling the short breaths he was taking.
"We can take him back to New York and file for adoption there." He spoke.
Actually, just take the birth certificate, the living will and the paternity test to family court and they will have your name added to the certificate. You're already the legal guardian because you're accepting responsibility. Unless it is harmful to the child's health, the courts will respect your guardianship in the mean time.
"So I don't need to adopt him?" Rick spoke.
"That is correct." Kelly nodded, "However, should you decide to do so, Kate would have to legally adopt him." Kate didn't say anything, but Rick took her hand and squeezed it. He leaned into her and whispered,
"Are you sure Kate?" She looked into his eyes intensely.
"He is your child. He is part of you. Therefore, he's part of me. We are the only family he has, so there isn't really a choice." She told him.
"Yes, but how do you feel?"
She took a deep breath and smiled, it didn't quite reach her eyes. "We are starting our family sooner than expected, but yes. I am ok Rick." He smiled at her and kissed her cheek lovingly.
Kate silently prayed that she would have what it took to get through all of this.
Let me clarify, the focus of this story is not about drama between Rick and Kate over him having a child. It offers an opportunity to get inside of Kate's head as she experiences parenthood before her own child is born. I'm sorry if some find it cliche, but is written to give Kate a chance to tap into some insecurities and work through them as she progresses through a high-risk pregnancy and uncertainties about her future. Thanks for reading as always.