The Other Side of Me

By: hydro-serpent58

Chapter 4: I Can't Escape Myself

How can you see into my eyes

Like open doors?

Lading you down into my core,

Where I've become so numb.

~ 2 Years Ago ~

The moon rose high. It was the time of the Gathering. The meeting had just ended, and the cats were returning back to their territories. Leopardstar led RiverClan back to the river. As she walked errr, stalked rather. Her persona gave off rather a fierce aura; she was growling under her breath and had absolute fury raging in her eyes. The other cats knew to give her some space as she forcefully stomped her way towards the river.

How dare they! They had been nice to offer them the use of the River to drink from, and they return their thanks with this? An accusation none the less! She felt like screaming at something right now. A couple moons ago, she had been the one to accept him for who he was. And he had given his all to the Clan, and all he'd done was try to point out what he saw. And what does Tallstar do? He outright accuses him of lying! That's what he does. Hawkfrost had proven his loyalty over and over again, and here this bigot comes claiming he's lying just because he doesn't like what's being said about his Clan? It could be the truth for all they know! She had mentored the tom herself, when Tallstar had called him a liar he had greatly struck a nerve. Of course Firestar had to come to the rescue before she shredded that tom's pelt to pieces. No one insults her Clan or her ex-apprentice if she has anything to say about it.

From afar, Tigerstar watched with an amused expression. So his little kit had stirred up some trouble eh? How crafty, even getting the Leaders to fought each other. He chuckled. His son would become quite the manipulator.

...

Slowly and surely, Leafpool crept out of camp. Once she was a safe distance away, she ran for it. Just last night she had received word from Mothwing asking her for her to meet her. The scenery changed vastly as she neared RiverClan territory. The hard earth under her and the smell of pine disappeared. Instead, it started to turn rocky as she entered Sunning Rocks. The scent of fish invaded her nostrils as she slowed down into a cautious walk.

"Psst! Over here." Turning sharply, Leafpool walked over to a large cluster of boulders piled next to each other. She slid into the shadow they created and went into the small cave that was in the middle of the cluster of rocks. She stopped when she got faced-to-faced with amber eyes.

"Mothwing." She spoke pleasantly. The tabby nodded curtly. "I'm so glad you came." Leafpool noticed the other she-cat seemed strained. "It's about Hawkfrost. Something's wrong with him." As she spoke her eyes became pained.

Alarmed, Leafpool fixed the older she-cat with an apprehensive look. "What happened?"

"Everyone at Camp is blind! They can't see the fact he's changing!" He expression turned sober.

"I caught Hawkfrost sneaking out of camp at night and confronted him about it. He snapped at me, he actually snapped at me Leafpool! He never does with me! After Tadpole died we only had each other. We never snap at each other. Never." She choked back a sob.

"After that our relationship has never been the same. No one else is close to him Leafpool, only I was. And he lost the only attachment he had in our Clan." She took a breath.

"He won't talk to me anymore. He won't even look at me! Every time he does he gets this pained expression in his face and looks away." Tears gathered in her eyes.

"I don't know what's wrong. I feel as if I'm the key to his misery, whenever he looks at me he seems so helpless. Like he's silently suffering and I can't do anything about it!" She broke down and let the tears fall freely. Her body shuddered as she was racked with sobs.

Leafpool stepped closer and rubbed her body against hers, trying to comfort her. "I don't know what to do...I don't know what to do...I don't know..." Mothwing whispered trembling.

Leafpool looked desperately at the she-cat she thought of as the older sister she never had. Sure, she had Squirrelflight, but they were polar opposites. Squirrelflight was stubborn and out-going, not afraid to voice her opinion. Leafpool was quiet and calm, always thinking first before doing anything. They were friends, no doubt. But Leafpool had never really shared a close bond with her sister, they didn't have that "spark" in their relationship most siblings did. In fact, Leafpool felt that Mothwing was more of a sister to her than Squirrelflight, she just felt she could "connect" with her, something she never felt with her biological sister.

Right now however, Leafpool wasn't sure what to do. "What would you like me to do?" She finally sked softly, allowing the older she-cat to rest he chin on her shoulder as she wept.

That seemed to break through to her, so she spoke through her tears, her voice cracking slightly as she did so. "I need you to talk to Brambleclaw. He's the only other cat that I know has a close relationship with Hawk. Please tell him to watch him and look out for him, give him a shoulder to lean on. Please...he needs to confide in someone desperately. Since our friendship has disappeared, he needs someone else to turn to. Please, tell him. He needs someone to look out for him, someone who could not be me." With those final words she buried her face into Leafpool's fur.

She didn't know what was wrong, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she had failed him. She had broken their friendship in a time when he really needed it, and now he couldn't find any comfort in their Clan. He couldn't turn to the only family he had left. And that was what really stabbed at her heart.

He wouldn't trust her.

Leafpool nodded even though Mothwing couldn't see it. "I understand. I'll talk to Brambleclaw."

She lowered her voice, "I'm sorry I was so suspicious of him. If me and Squirrelflight hadn't shown such obvious distrust towards Hawkfrost, he probably would've had some more cats he could turn to, but now, any hope for that is gone. I'm sorry."

Silence reigned for a few moments, but it was broken by Mothwing. "Sorry won't fix anything. It's too late now, even if you were to apologize it won't change the fact he's changing, and that I'm losing the only brother I have left."

I look into Your Heart and discover Myself

If You knew the Truth,

You'd Never Accept Me

So stop believing

I'll Never be Apart of Your World

—Hawkfrost

A/N I'd like to thank my reviewers:

tufted titmouse

Thanks for the review!

AnimeWolfAlienRaptor4

Don't worry, he'll appear again! =D

bluepatch

Good luck with your story! And thank you for the review. :3

The Ghost of Insanity

Awww. Thank you so much! *hugs* In the first chapter I wanted to show a cute brotherly relationship between them. ;) Hence, the adorable teasing came in. Siblings are so cute when you watch them play with one another. xD Me and my older brother used to be like that. However when you mentioned love I was confused. Would you mind further explaining that?

Mothwing could never understand the pain Hawkfrost went through, losing his sister to the darkness. It's too late for Leafpool to do anything about it.

Pain won't stop, whatever you do.

Anyway, I wrote the last stanza by myself, and I'm proud of it. I think it really shows what Hawkfrost would say to not only Mothwing, but a lot of cats that believe in him. It can be interoperated in multiple ways.

~hydro-serpent58