A.N. Thank you to all those of you who read and reviewed.

Thank you to my Beta!

A.N.2: Keep having Faith... next chapter... all will be revealed!

Wednesday January 19, 2011

3:45 P.M.

Nobody felt like singing during Glee. Not without Rachel. They had tried it the day before. The song should have helped; Rachel would have wanted it to help. It had hurt, more than any of them would admit. No one sang.

Thursday January 20, 2011

Puck didn't attend a single class and Santana had nearly gotten kicked off the Cheerios. Screaming obscenities at Coach Sylvester normally would have resulted in water boarding or at least a caning but in show of understanding Sue had told both Brittany and Santana to take the rest week off. Cry, scream, and then get their heads screwed back on.

Kurt had picked a fight with Sam. Sam wanted to know why no one had realized Rachel was there before she had died and Kurt had snapped. His guilt was crippling but he didn't need anyone, not even Sam, reminding him of what he hadn't done. He was mean and cutting and Sam had snapped back. Before he knew what was happening Sam had left and Kurt was alone with his guilt.

7:09 P.M.

Dinner was late. Finn was silent.

During dessert Burt finally gathered the nerve to talk to his step son, "Finn? How are you doing?"

Finn had looked up and growled, "I miss Rachel." He stood abruptly, "May I be excused?"

Burt and Carole both nodded and the boy left.

Carole looked at Kurt, "How has he been Kurt?"

Kurt didn't meet her eyes but answered, "He's hurting as much as the rest of us. I think Rachel was his best friend."

Kurt's dad nodded, "And you son?"

Kurt pushed his chair back and replied quietly, "I never realized I could hurt like this." It was a vicious cycle. He missed Rachel, more than he would have ever thought, but his guilt hurt just as much which made him feel even guiltier.

10:17 P.M.

Both Finn and Kurt cried themselves to sleep that night.

Friday January 21, 2011

8:05 A.M.

Kurt was slushied by Karofsky. Grape flavored. He had changed in the Cheerios locker after Brittany had led him to the restroom and he wouldn't go in. He avoided all the girls' restrooms like the plague now. The Cheerio had then taken him to the Cheerios locker room to change and it was likely she forgot he was there because Santana came in a minute later while he was in the stall.

"I'm worried about Quinn, B." Santana's voice was gentle with an undercurrent of worry.

"She misses Rachel."Brittany replied.

"They weren't even friends B."Santana said with a snort.

Brittany sighed, "Sometimes San you're so dumb." He heard the door open and a moment later he knew he was alone. As he ran a comb through his hair he froze as a red track suit filled the mirror behind him.

"Hummel." Coach Sylvester stood behind him.

"Coach I…" His voice squeaked and he winced.

She held up a hand, "Save it Hummel. It's fine."

Kurt tried his best not to gape at her as he turned to face her, "Thanks Coach."

"No problem Glitter." She turned to leave but paused in the doorway, "How is… well how is William's club of mouth-breathers dealing with what happened?"

Kurt was honest, "Not so good. It really hurts. Even people you wouldn't expect, like Quinn."

Sue's face actually softened for a moment at the mention of Quinn. "Q… is complicated. You never think you'll run out of time to go after something that you want."

Kurt looked vaguely bewildered as Sue turned on her heel, "Turn out the light when you leave Glitter!"

He finished his hair and turned out the light on his way out, Sue's words occupying his mind the whole time.

3:45 P.M.

Everyone showed up in the choir room but no one felt like singing.

Mr. Schue finally stood up and pulled out the hat, "Our assignment this week is a simple one."

The group exchanged looks.

He got out twelve sheets of paper and handed them out, "On this paper I want you to write out one thing you miss about Rachel. I think we all need to help each other to understand that everything we are feeling is normal."

Everyone was quiet as they wrote. Mr. Schue himself was thoughtful before he finally put pen to paper and wrote something. He folded his paper and placed it in the hat. He waited patiently until each of his kids was done and then went around the room and collected the answers.

"This is going to be anonymous ok guys?" He shook the hat and pulled out a sheet of paper.

He skimmed the words and let out a breath, "Her smile."

The group soaked that in and everyone smiled themselves.

Mr. Schue pulled out the next piece of paper, "Her courage."

Kurt looked around the room and saw Mercedes eyes shine a little brighter. That one was hers.

The next one was read, "Her faith in me."

Finn's breath caught behind Kurt.

Mr. Schue smiled and pulled out another one, "She made me want to be better. I don't want to be better right now." Kurt looked back to gaze at Puck. The boy's arms were crossed and he had a stony look on his face.

Mr. Schue went through the rest of the answers until he had reached the last one. He pulled it out, read it, and then searched the faces of the group. He took a breath and spoke, "Everything."

Kurt wondered who that belonged to; he had figured out whom most of the answers belonged to but that one was a mystery. It sounded like something Finn might have written but his had already been read. Kurt glanced to his left to exchange a look with Mercedes and instead focused on the two blondes sitting next to her. Brittany reached out a hand and squeezed Quinn's knee. Quinn looked up and Kurt was stunned to see tears lingering in the blonde's eyes.

Mr. Schue smiled, "I am so proud of you guys. I really hope that it helped at least a little." He sighed, "I guess that's it for today."

The kids slowly stood and began to gather their things. They trickled out one by one. Quinn and Mercedes waited for him and then the three kids walked to the parking lot together. Mercedes dad honked the horn and she waved.

She quickly hugged Kurt and then Quinn and hurried to the car.

Kurt and Quinn watched as Mercedes and her father drove off. Silence descended over them.

Finally Kurt asked, "Is your mom picking you up?"

Quinn looked at her watch, "I think she forgot."

Kurt hesitated before offering, "Want a ride?"

Quinn leveled him with a piercing gaze before nodding, "Sure."

Kurt clicked his car open and got in. Quinn settled into the passenger side.

The stereo blared when Kurt started the car and he was inclined to feel embarrassed when he realized that the mixed CD was currently playing Celine Dion. He turned to make an excuse only to see Quinn smiling.

The former cheerleader breathed out, "She put these in our Chrismakah gift baskets."

Kurt nodded, "Yeah… I really liked all the music." The song changed and Judy Garland's dulcet tones could be heard from a Star is Born.

Quinn's eyes widened, "Mine doesn't have this song."

Kurt's eyebrows quirked up, "Really, mine has a lot of show tunes, some I had never heard. Celine of course, Pink… Divas really, although I really like the Il Divo she put on here."

Quinn's eyes watered, "She put different songs on them. I thought they were all the same."

"What's on your CD?" Kurt was curious.

Quinn smiled, "Lots of 60s and 70s stuff, Celine's on mine too, she put like six Buddy Holly songs on mine. I always wondered how she knew I liked him."

Kurt looked at her, taking his focus from the road for a moment. Her voice had gotten quiet near the end.

After a moment Quinn whispered, "I wish… I wish I had asked her."

Kurt spoke just quietly, "Yeah."

Quinn's gaze was focused on her hands as she continued, "I wish I had asked her a lot of things. There is so much I won't get to say."

"Like what?" Kurt didn't look at Quinn.

Quinn hesitated, "I'd say I'm sorry I was so scared, of her, of my parents, of… me."

Kurt didn't say anything else; instead he tossed the words around his head and as he pulled the car up outside Quinn's house his eyes widened.

As she opened the door Quinn spoke in the barest of whispers, "I'd tell her I'd give anything to do it different. I'd give anything for a second chance." She smiled sadly at Kurt and shut the door behind her. Kurt watched as she slowly made her way to her front door. She turned and waved before slipping inside.

Kurt sat outside the house for nearly twenty minutes.

7:07 P.M.

Dinner wasn't as uncomfortable. Finn actually spoke in more than mono syllables and Kurt for one was grateful as he in turn was quieter than usual. Quinn's words plucked at his consciousness, swirling in the back of his mind. Had she…? No. That was ridiculous. Quinn was probably just feeling guilty over how she had treated Rachel, granted the new school year had brought a softer, nicer Quinn even where Rachel was concerned.

"Son?"

Kurt's head whipped up, "What?"

Burt's face was the picture of concern, "I've called your name twice Kurt."

Kurt shrugged, "Sorry, I was… thinking."

Finn spoke before his father, "About Rachel? I'm always thinking about Rachel now."

Kurt quirked his head and replied, "And Quinn. She seems… really upset about Rachel, more than I'd have expected."

Finn's brow furrowed, "Quinn is weird. Sometimes I couldn't tell if she hated Rachel's guts or secretly kinda liked her you know? She was really mad at me when Rachel and I broke up before Christmas, but happy at the same time. I thought maybe she wanted to get back together so I tried to let her down easy but she said she wasn't ever going there with me again so…"

Kurt shook his head, "Girls."

Finn nodded his head vehemently while Burt replied, "Amen."

Carole snapped, "Hey!"

11:05 P.M.

Finn didn't cry that night and Kurt, Kurt barely got any sleep at all.

Saturday January 22, 2011

10:22 A.M.

Kurt texted Brittany as soon as his phone was charged,

'Did Q have a crush on Rachel?'

She replied five minutes later,

'Duh since 7th grade.'

Kurt stared at his phone for nearly seven minutes before finally replying,

'Oh. K thnks.'

11:00 A.M.

Kurt spent the rest of the date in a state of near shock induced comatose.

Sunday January 23, 2011

9:30 A.M.

Finn was in hysterics, "Where's my tie! I can't go to Rachel's funeral without a tie. Her fathers might kick me out. Rachel might kick me out!"

Carole and Burt exchanged looks as the tall boy stood before them near tears.

Kurt, who had been dressed and ready in his best most stylish suit since seven that morning, stood.

He commanded, "Finn calm down."

The quarterback turned on Kurt and seemed prepared to start speaking but Kurt cut him off, "First of all you can't go to a funeral without pants either so go down stairs and put on the pants I ironed for you. I will get a tie from dad's closet."

Finn looked down and turned bright red before he nodded, "Ok. Thank you Kurt." He turned and fled downstairs.

Kurt shook his head and headed upstairs to retrieve a tie for his father's closet. He pulled out one that would match the suit Finn was wearing and then hurried downstairs. He didn't trust Finn to return with pants on as instructed. Kurt needn't have worried. Finn was seated, with pants on, waiting for Kurt to return. Kurt had already knotted the tie so it was a simple matter of Finn slipping it on and then they were ready. Carole and Burt were both dressed in their Sunday finest and were waiting on the boys by the door.

9:50 A.M.

They arrived at the church with ten minutes to spare before the service would start. Kurt realized as they pulled up that the majority of the Glee club was already there. Finn and Kurt were out of the car and headed towards their teammates before Burt put the car in park. Kurt hugged Mercedes as soon as he reached her and smiled a sad smile at the group. Burt and Carole made their way to the group and were greeted by Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury. A car pulled up and the group turned and watched as Sue Sylvester exited the vehicle. Kurt was almost surprised to see that Coach Sylvester wasn't in a black track suit but rather in a tasteful black pant suit. She had even accessorized by adding pearls.

Sue made her way up the sidewalk and nodded to Mr. Schue and Miss Pillsbury, "William, Emma."

She turned the kids and their parents, "I'm Sue Sylvester. I'm a Coach at McKinley."

The parents all introduced themselves and claimed all of their kids.

After the brief introductions Sue nodded to the team and headed into the Church.

Mr. Schue spoke a few seconds after, "I think we should head in."

The kids and their parents followed their coach in and were ashamed at the shock they all felt at how full the Church was. It seemed as if every cop in Lima had turned out for the funeral. But is wasn't just cops, there were theater kids the club recognized from Rachel's time in the summer musical, and Jesse St. James was seated in between his parents halfway up the aisle with Shelby Corcoran next to them, the former coach of Vocal adrenaline was crying quietly. Jesse looked heartbroken which shocked Kurt to his core. Rachel and the former Vocal Adrenaline lead had ended on such bad terms that it was jarring to see him there, clearly in pain. A large group of people who were likely Rachel's extended family were all milling in the front. One woman in particular was wailing at a very audible volume, though her grief didn't seem fake or over done, but rather heartbreaking.

Puck muttered, "I'll bet my truck that that lady is Rachel's Bubbe."

His mother's hand snaked out smacked him, "Noah!"

Puck winced but Kurt was willing to wager money that it was the name she had called him rather than the smack itself.

The group began to file into one of the rows of pews only to be stopped by the peaked voice of one of Rachel's dads.

The little one, Eli, hurried up to them "No no no! You all should sit up here with us. Rachel was always saying you were like family." He motioned for them to follow and ushered them into the row directly behind where he and his husband were sitting. He even booted the people already sitting in the row out earning a nasty glare from his mother for his trouble.

"Elijah David Berry! Why are you making your cousins move?" The woman's crying was interrupted as she snarled at her son.

Eli snapped back, "Second cousins Ma. These are Rachel's school friends. Her Glee family."

The irate look on his mother's face vanished as she nearly lunged over the pew and caught a few of the kids in a bone crushing hug.

She pulled back and smiled a watery smile, "Well that's different. I'm Miriam Berry, but you all can call me Bubbe."

The group nodded and smiled slight smiles.

"Lorraine!" Miriam's voice boomed out and a tall, handsome black woman made her way from the other side of the Church where she had been talking to a group of officers.

"Miriam?" The handsome woman stopped next Rachel's Bubbe.

"These are Rachel's friends from school." Miriam's hand waved to encompass the club.

Lorraine nodded but didn't smile, "Hello everyone. I'm Lorraine Howard. Rachel's grandmother."

The group murmured hellos and watched as Lorraine turned and sat. Miriam smiled a sad smile at the group and then sat next to Lorraine and offered her hand. The two ladies exchanged a heartbreaking look and faced forward.

10:30 A.M.

The tears had started when Rachel's coffin had been brought in.

Santana, Brittany, and Quinn sat huddled together, with Quinn in the middle. Quinn's eyes were red and she let tears fall unchecked. Santana herself was wiping tears away while Brittany rubbed Quinn's back and cried silently herself.

Mercedes held onto Kurt on one side and her father on the other. She was crying as quietly as she could as she clutched their arms tightly.

Finn held Kurt's hand through the entire ceremony and to his utter disbelief Kurt caught Sam's look of jealousy. Kurt himself had made it until Rachel's coffin was halfway up the aisle before his shoulders started shaking and his own tears started. Finn had burst into tears the moment the doors had opened and he had caught sight of the coffin.

Mike and Matt were unabashedly crying and holding on to each other for comfort.

Tina was on the end next to Artie who was in the aisle itself. Her mascara had run beyond repair as she leaned into her mother and gripped Artie's hand. The wheelchair bound boy had reach out a hand and brushed it against the coffin before hunching over. Kurt couldn't tell if he was crying but he'd bet that he was.

Sam cried a few tears but seemed more concerned with Finn's hand in Kurt's which would have infuriated Kurt if he hadn't felt like he was going to fall apart.

Puck's tears hadn't come. He had stared straight ahead, jaw clenched, with his back straight. His little sister was curled into his side and his mother was sniffling into her handkerchief.

Mr. Schue was shaking as he cried, while Miss Pillsbury's eyes were wider than ever before.

The funeral itself was a mix of Jewish and Christian tradition as the Rabbi and minister both spoke and read scripture. Philip, who the group would learn Rachel had called papa had spoke for a minute before choking up. He had to be led from the microphone by his husband.

After he had sat down he had turned to look at them and Mr. Schue had stood up. Their teacher had squared his shoulders and made his way to the podium. He paused by the coffin and nearly faltered but resumed his trek.

He stood silently for a few moments before he took a deep breath and spoke, "Rachel was… a star. She burned so bright and so intense. She could be loud and brash but she was warm and sweet as well. The room seemed smaller when she was in it because she was so larger than life. And her voice… sometimes," he paused and took a shaky breath, "Sometimes I would listen to her sing and I would just know that there was something else out there. It was a gift, from God, from someone out there. She made us a better team, she made me a better teacher and she helped us to come out of our shells and believe. Rachel was glee, she was our Captain and it was my privilege and honor to have her as my student. She will be dearly missed." He nodded at Rachel's fathers who stared at him with grateful looks.

He took his seat after pressing his hand to the coffin and whispering something.

12:05 P.M.

Finn had nearly collapsed when they lowered Rachel into the ground. His father and Kurt had both had to work to hold him up, which for Kurt was especially difficult because he had wanted to plop down on the ground and sob.

The worst reaction wasn't Finn though. Quinn's arms were wrapped around her waist as she cried. Brittany and Santana both wrapped themselves around her though Santana looked bewildered as she did so. The former Cheerio was shaking and muttering something as she sagged in her two friends' arms.

As Kurt tossed a handful of dirt onto Rachel's casket he sent out a prayer for forgiveness, from Rachel, and from his friends.

12:56 P.M.

The last of the dirt was shoveled in.

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