Today has been extra long. After Casey left the precinct, Elliot ragged me mercilessly about Casey and my what he called "obvious crush" until we were finally allowed to leave, which I did as quickly as possible. And I did the same driving to my apartment, going as fast as I was legally allowed (plus a few).
As I park my car, my stomach is literally roaring for food. Casey had better kept her word about dinner, I've been looking forward to it all day. I pull my apartment key out of my pocket and ready it as I walk to the elevator - the whole ride up, and the entire length of the hallway leading to my door, I'm beaming; I think tonight is the night I will tell her how I feel. Hopefully, that is, if dinner goes well, if her talking goes well...
Inserting the key into the door, I turn it as quickly as I can then try to retain my excitement. Come on, Olivia, you're a grown woman. I casually open the door and take a peek inside - no sign of Casey, but the whole place smells absolutely heavenly. As I slip in, I take my coat off and place it on the kitchen counter just inside the door.
"Honey, I'm home!" I belt out happily, then chuckle. When there's no response, I take another step into the apartment, then into the dining room, where the sight makes my jaw drop - my entire apartment is lit my candles, and the small table I usually use for mail collection is cleared off and set up beautifully.
"Wow", I manage to breathe out, "Casey? Where are you? This is... wow. This is amazing. And whatever you made smells great!"
When there is again no response, I get a little worried.
"Casey? Where are you?"
I begin to stealthily creep through my apartment, not putting it past her to jump out of the shadows and scare the living shit out of me. As I pass the bathroom, I hear the very faint sound water running and am instantly relieved. I knock softly on the door. No response.
"Casey, it's me. Is everything ok?"
No response. I reach for the handle, happy to find that the door isn't locked. I open it slowly and find Casey Novak, her strawberry blonde hair up in a loose ponytail, with many stray strands hanging over her tear-streaked face. She's bent over the bathtub, using the pressure of the shower head to power through some black chunky material caking the bottom of one of the pans I never use. I am filled with empathy and guilt - it looks like she's been crying for a while, and her fingertips are irritated and bleeding from what appears to be a great deal of scrubbing. I slowly enter the bathroom and carefully place my hands on her shoulders; she jumps slightly but must know it's me. She sighs, then moves a raw, bleeding finger to wipe the tears from her eyes.
"I'm sorry, Olivia... I... I wanted to give you a wonderful dinner... but... but", she gulps then sighs again, "I got... distracted. And it burned... it fucking burned to a crisp."
She starts crying again and I can't help but softly smile to myself. Which I know sounds awful, but it just makes me so happy to know someone did something this nice all for me.
"Casey, honey..."
She's sobbing now, full-fledged body shaking sobs. I crouch down, then turn her to face me. Again placing my hands on her shoulders, I speak soft, but firmly. She is so fucking beautiful.
"Listen to me. No one has ever even tried to do something this wonderful for me. You're a true friend. It is so beautiful out there, Casey, so we shouldn't waste our time in here. I'll order some take out while you pour the wine", I pull her into a tight hug, "Deal?" I whisper in her ear.
She smiles against my shoulder then wraps her arms around me.
"Deal."
Olivia exits the bathroom first, and I dutifully stand and begin to follow. On my way out the door I make the mistake of glancing in the mirror above the sink. You look like shit, Novak.
"Uh, I'll be out in a minute, Liv. I really need to freshen up."
I can hear Olivia chuckle and mumble something, so I take that as an 'ok' and lightly close the bathroom door. Returning my gaze to the mirror, I can barely hold back the shudder I feel from how much of a mess I look, especially to Olivia - my hair is strewn all over my face, the ponytail barely holding any back, my make up has run down my cheeks as a result of the crying, which also made my eyes all red and puffy... fuck. I look like a fucking adolescent.
Quickly washing my face and redoing my ponytail, I take a deep, reassuring breath and exit the bathroom. Olivia is standing by the window, casually overlooking the city with she swirls a glass of wine. My jaw drops. She is so fucking sexy, her low-cut jeans and tight blouse leaving little to the imagination... well, my imagination at least... and that look on her face... Holy fuck.
She must have heard my jaw hit the ground; she looks over at me and beams. All I can force myself to say is "Take out?"
"Already ordered. Italian ok?"
"Perfect", I just-above-whisper, "just perfect."
She again beams at me, her chocolate brown eyes sparkling. I quickly walk over to where she placed the wine, pour myself a glass then sit. As Olivia saunters over, I drink my wine a little bit faster than intended, invoking a small laugh out of her as I cough.
"Slow down, Case, we've got all night."
I smile sheepishly. Fuck yes we do, but the question is, how are we going to spend it?
We spent the next 20 minutes talking, laughing... wanting. Well maybe that last one was just me. When the door bell rang, Olivia was in the middle of telling me about their latest case. She stopped mid-sentence at the sound of the bell.
"Food's here!"
She excitedly gets up and talks in the direction of her wallet, which is sitting on the kitchen counter with her coat and keys.
"No way, Benson", I say firmly from across the apartment, "I'm supposed to be the one treating you tonight, remember? I already burnt dinner, at least let me buy the replacement."
She doesn't respond, or even smile, but allows me to breeze past her and open the door. The young man standing on the other side seemed startled as I did so.
"He-hello, ma'am."
His voice is high and crackly - he can't be older than 16. I smile at him, briefly remembering myself at that age.
"Well hi there... uh...", I quickly glance at his name tag, "Ian. What's the total going to be tonight?"
He smiles, obviously put at ease - I may be one bad ass attorney but I have a sensitive side to me, I promise, it just doesn't get out much.
"$20.20, ma'am. And uh, Vinny said to tell Miss Benson 'hi'", Ian leans in a little closer to me, "and her threw in some free breadsticks for the lovely lady."
I can't help but laugh.
"Oh, well, I'll be sure to let her know."
Again smiling, I hand him the money and take the bags from his hands. When I see him struggling to get the change, I feel a little bad.
"Just keep the change, Ian. Goodnight."
He smiles hugely, revealing his shiny braces.
"Thank you, ma'am."
Nodding, I step backwards into the apartment, close the door then place the bags on the kitchen counter. I glance towards Olivia, my eyes and smile filled with laughter.
"Vinny, huh?"
Olivia turns bright red.
"What? We dated, in high school... and a little bit in college... and... uh, some of last year."
Olivia looks down, and I ignore my pang of jealousy and laugh.
"That's cute, Liv, really."
"Can we sit down and eat? Please?"
I smile, mostly at the pleading look on Olivia's face, and turn to again grab the bags and take them to the table - Olivia follows, and I feel her eyes on me all the way to the table. Suddenly I'm smirking and filled with false confidence.
When I set them down, the smell suddenly hits me.
"Jesus, Liv, this smells amazing, way better than what I tried to make. What did you order us?"
She smiles and shrugs.
"I asked for the house special, so it's a surprise."
As I open the lid to one of the boxes I removed from the bag, I can't help but smile - there's a big parsley smiley face on my spaghetti.
"House special, huh?"
She again looks at me, her eyes comforting and calming, and shrugs her powerful shoulders.
Seconds turns to minutes which all too quickly turns to an hour. I am beyond stuffed and a little past tipsy when Olivia begins to clear the table.
"'Livia! Let me clean off 'da table!"
Listening to myself talk, I'm a little surprised at how slurry I sound; I don't remember drinking that much (again...) but then again I couldn't focus on anything but the way her chest heaves when she talks, the way her muscles move in such perfection, the way her eyes light up when she laughs...
You must have noticed how drunk I am too because you laugh at my failing attempt to stand and help you.
"I don't think so, Miss Novak. You can't even talk, let alone stand and be trusted with my good china."
"Fine", I huff and cross my arms then quickly realize how childish that must have sounded. Come on, Casey, you're an Assistant District Attorney, not a 5 year old being refused candy. Although I bet she tastes just as sweet...
Damnit, Casey. Over fucking ruled.
I jar from my thoughts when Olivia roughly sits back down across from me, slightly shaking the table..
"So...", she says softly.
I suddenly remember what I'm supposed to be accomplishing tonight, besides dinner, which I failed at horribly. And now I have to drunkenly muster up the courage to tell her... to tell her that...
Damnit. Damnit, damnit, damnit.