Sorry, lots of point-of-view changes. I've been reading George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire recently, and I think the habit of half a dozen viewpoints rubbed off on me.

Insert usual disclaimer

Chapter 4 – With Friends Like These…

Tashigi let out a growl of frustration. She knew that she had heard the clash of swords only a few minutes earlier, but it seemed like the fight was over already.

"Shit for brains!"

Wait a minute, she thought, realisation dawning. That sounded like Zolo…

She hurried towards the sound.

"I'll never find him!" Carmen shouted, pausing for a dramatic pose, then scowling when she realised no one was paying any attention. She sighed. "Alas, it seems that our bitter rivalry is fated not to resume this day…" she murmured softly, sadness tinging her tone.

"Lovesick bastard!"

"Or," she said brightly, following the sound, "perhaps it will!"

Sanji and Zolo were both panting and using walls as supports, their fight having exhausted them, but it didn't mean they couldn't still throw insults at each other.

"Perverted cook!"

"Shitty sword-licker!"

"Eyebrow!"

"Ha, you're the one with that, Marimo!"

"Yeah? Well you're the one with green hair!"

And this was how Tashigi and Carmen came across them moments later.

"I'm here to challenge you, Roronoa… Zolo?" Tashigi asked, not sure she'd got the right guy. He looked like Zolo, and he was with a man she vaguely recognised as being another member of Straw-hat's crew, but though he had obviously been fighting, he had no swords.

She got a shock when he turned away from the other man and approached her, and an even bigger one when he knelt in front of her, clasped her hands and said, "Hello, gorgeous!" as his eyes became hearts.

"We meet again, Sanji!" Carmen cried, presenting her hand to him with a flourish. But instead of kissing it and showering her with praise as he had in Rogue Town, he ignored her. Instead, he was glaring murderously after his crewmate, who was making a fuss over some other woman.

Carmen's eyes narrowed, and she brought out her ever-present frying pan and swung it at the back of his head. "Pay attention to me, you worthless toadstool!" she hissed at him as he lay on the ground, knocked senseless.

"Enough!" Tashigi yelled, snatching her hands away. "I demand a rematch! I will defeat you this time!"

Sanji sighed, and stood up. "Why are you so desperate to fight Z… um, me?" he asked, remembering at the last moment.

"I told you the last time we met. I will not let two of the greatest blades in the world stay in the possession of a pirate!" Tashigi said between gritted teeth, fuming. She knew that Zolo had a reputation for being a little thick, but this?

"Two of the greatest blades in the world? These?" Sanji asked, raising an eyebrow. He glanced down at the swords at his belt, frowning. Is that why Zolo treasured them so much? No, that didn't sound right. He had a feeling that the swordsman's devotion to them went much deeper…

Zolo opened his eyes, and groaned as the back of his head began to throb. "What the hell happened?" he grumbled, sitting up and putting a hand up to touch his head. When his hand met long hair instead of his usual fuzz, his eyes snapped open. Of course! He was in Sanji's body, and… there had been some woman, talking to him, and a frying pan…

"At last! He has awakened!" a loud voice proclaimed.

Wincing, Zolo looked up to see the woman from before, standing in front of him in some ridiculous pose. "And who are you?" he growled.

Carmen pressed the back of her hand to her forehead and let out a melodramatic wail. "Alas, that he does not remember! You said you loved me," she finished with a pout, a gleam in her eye showing that it was all part of her act.

"S… I say that to a lot of girls," Zolo muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "Doesn't mean you can hit me with a bloody frying pan!"

"That," she sniffed, "was for your inattention earlier, and for the defeat you served up to me in Rogue Town, last time we met. That is why you are here; for a rematch!"

For the first time, Zolo took note of his surroundings, and found that they were in a large industrial kitchen with cooking implements and herbs hanging everywhere. Sanji would kill me if I lost, Zolo thought. But if that shit cook can manage it, how hard can it be?

"Shit!" Sanji swore, glancing about. Zolo had vanished, leaving him alone with the Marine. "Where'd he go?"

"Pay attention to me, Roronoa Zolo," Tashigi called, unsheathing her own sword. "I am your opponent, not your crew-mate!"

Sanji looked her up and down. She couldn't be that hard to defeat. After all, he had taken down that bounty hunter with no trouble. The only problem was that she was a woman. I guess I'll just have to win without hurting her, he thought.

"I accept your challenge," Sanji replied, drawing Zolo's blades and putting the white-handled one between his teeth, grimacing at the taste. His teeth almost immediately began to ache with the weight, and he vaguely wondered how Zolo managed to speak with it in his mouth.

Luckily, there was no need for conversation, because Tashigi was already on the attack. Sanji was rapidly driven backwards, and caught completely off-guard when her blade sliced across his ribs. He gasped in shock, and lunged at her. She dodged his clumsy attack easily, and darted forward to take the offensive again.

Carmen watched as Sanji hissed and shook his hand. He'd obviously burned his fingers yet again. There was none of the calm flair he'd displayed during their last contest, and the smell coming from the furiously bubbling pot on the stove was ghastly. What was going on?

Why isn't he fighting me seriously? Tashigi thought angrily. The Zolo she'd fought in Rogue Town had defeated her with ease, with an almost inhuman strength and speed. Here, though, his attacks were weaker and much clumsier, lacking the liquid grace she'd admired and envied. It was as if he'd never fought with a blade before…

Zolo swore. Sanji made this stuff look so easy! He looked into the pot on the stove. Was anything supposed to be this colour? Turning the stove off, he grabbed a cloth and carried the pot to the bowl of rice he'd made earlier. After all, if it went on the bottom of the dish, it had to be cooked first, right? He poured a bit of his concoction onto it, and told Carmen it was done.

As his back thudded into a stone wall, Sanji knew that he was beaten. Zolo's swords were lost somewhere in the shadowed alley ahead of him, but there was no way to get them when Tashigi had her blade at his throat.

"You lose, Zolo," she said softly.

Bleeding from several minor wounds, Sanji watched her, his mind awhirl. I lost, he thought miserably.

"And now, I'll claim my prize," she added, and strode back into the alley. There was a clink of metal, and she re-emerged carrying Zolo's swords.

"You can't!" Sanji blurted without thinking, and launched himself at her.

She dodged him with contemptuous ease, and Sanji found himself sprawled on the stones of the alley. "You lost," she said coldly. "And I told you I wouldn't let these swords remain in the possession of a pirate."

Helpless, Sanji watched her walk off and disappear into the crowd. "Oh, he's really gonna kill me now…" he muttered.

Carmen watched the head waiter's eyes close in pleasure as he tasted her delicately sautéed rockling with a coriander and chilli-based sauce. "Now taste Sanji's," she ordered.

The waiter gulped, and eyed the second dish. Unlike Carmen's, this dish was not presented beautifully, but it was not the presentation that caused the waiter's trepidation. It was the smell, and the strange green colour that put him in mind of the scum that clung to the supports of the docks down in the bay. Trembling, he reached out with a spoon and cautiously put some in his mouth.

Zolo twitched as the man took off, a hand clapped over his mouth and his face decidedly green. Soon, sounds of retching floated through the door he had disappeared through.

"It can't have been that bad!" Zolo roared.

"It certainly smells it," Carmen said, holding her nose pointedly. The other waiters watching giggled, and Carmen bowed to them. "I trust there is no contest in deciding the winner?" she said sweetly.

"Of course not!" one of the other waiters declared. "The winner is Carmen!"

Carmen laughed, her fingers spread over her mouth as she threw a mocking glance at Zolo. "And just wait until the newspaper office opens!" she exclaimed. "It will be the front page: Fire-Alarm Carmen is the Greatest Chef in the World! Oh, don't worry, pet," she added, looking down her nose at Zolo, "you'll get a mention. But only to say that I, the dazzling Carmen, defeated you and took your title!"

Zolo watched her sweep towards the exit, dumbfounded. The shit cook was really that good? Then the full impact of what she had been saying sunk in, and he swore. "He's not going to like this…" he muttered.

OK, I know nothing about cooking. Could you tell? And I couldn't quite remember if there was a title attached to the Rogue Town competition, but it works for this.