Sorry for the long wait between chapters. It's been a crazy holiday season. Anyway, here's a new chapter. Kind of a short one, but there's more to come soon!

Four

Shepard lay propped up in her bed, gazing out upon the expanse of space. She had been stuck in that room for days, forced to reflect on everything that had happened. There had been so much destruction so much loss. Earth, Palaven, Thessia, all lay in ruin. Her mother was still missing, Anderson was dead, and despite her relatively quick recovery, thanks to her implants from the Lazarus project, she still had yet to have any movement below the waist.

A piece of debris floated by her window, the Alliance symbol was scorched, but there was no mistaking its blue design. Had she really done everything possible? Had she done enough? The causality count was still rising, and expected to number in the billions. What if she had… She stopped herself. Shepard learned long ago to avoid the "what if" questions, but they were becoming harder and harder to avoid.

"Enjoying your time sulking?" Came a familiar voice. Shepard turned and there was Miranda, standing in the doorway. "I've taken a look at your file and your implants have completely baffled the medical team here. Which is good, it means they're working just fine."

"Hello to you too," Shepard said.

Miranda crossed the room and took a seat next to the Commander. "Sorry, hello," she replied.

Silence fell between them, and Shepard knew Miranda had news.

"What about my legs?" Shepard inquired.

"Your legs are fine," Miranda started, and Shepard gave her a look. "It's your spine I'm worried about. We would have to surgically correct it. Though, I can't guarantee that we can do anything at all. Your spinal implant may have already mended the break the way it is, making this permanent. If it hasn't, well there's not much good news there either. It's not like mending a broken arm obviously. On the Lazarus project we had nearly unlimited resources, that's certainly not the case now."

"So you're saying, even if I do the surgery it may not help at all?"

"I don't know. I need to transfer you to a better medical facility, and get another viewing of your injuries."

Kaidan hobbled in on his crutches, interrupting the conversation. He had been downgraded from a cast and now wore a leg brace. "What's going on?" He asked, lowering himself into one of the uncomfortable Quarian chairs in the room.

"You remember Miranda?" Shepard gestured. "She helped us bring down that Cerberus facility and saved my life."

"Yeah, sure," Kaidan nodded. He eyed her wearily; it still took him time to trust people, even after all Miranda had done.

Miranda cleared her throat. "Um, yes. I was just discussing Shepard's options with her."

"She thinks she may be able to fix me." Shepard said simply.

"Well," Miranda hesitated, not wanting to promise something she couldn't deliver. "I feel I could improve the Commander's present condition, if given the opportunity. There's a medical facility in a Cerberus compound I know of."

"You want to take her back to Cerberus?" Kaidan seemed a little panicked.

"Cerberus doesn't exist anymore," Shepard said, "it died with the Illusive Man."

"The Commander is correct," Miranda added. "With the Illusive man gone, many of Cerberus' facilities are independently functioning and taking in refugees. In fact many are even being supported and run by the Alliance."

"I don't know." Kaidan said.

"You don't have to decide now, but it will need to be figured out soon," Miranda stated. "The more time it takes, the less effective the treatment will be."

Shepard looked down at her lap, not sure what to say, and Miranda took that as her queue to leave. A silence fell between Kaidan and Shepard, as the Commander turned her gaze back to the viewing window.

"Did I do it right, Kaidan?" Shepard whispered. "Did I do everything I could have? Could I have saved more people?"

"What do you mean?"

"Mordin, Thane, Anderson, my mother… and millions of others. I could have done more, and here I am now stuck in this bed and I have to live with it. I'm useless."

For the first time Kaidan saw tears begin to fall from the Commander's eyes. He stood up slowly and crossed the room toward her. He sat down on the edge of her bed awkwardly, as a tear rolled down her wounded face.

Kaidan took her hands, "Lilah, you did what no one else could. You united an entire universe against an enemy that brought down the most powerful civilizations for millennia. You did the impossible. You have given back a future to millions, and you've given us a future." He looked into her eyes as he spoke the last phrase. Shepard couldn't help but smile a bit at that thought. "You saved us all. You saved me," Kaidan finished.

Shepard wiped away her short-lived tears. Tears were useless and she hated them. "When I was on the Citadel, with the Crucible, I saw something."

"What?" Kaidan was confused.

"I don't know what it was, but I saw you. You were with a little boy. A son, I think… I don't know. I'm tired of visions and thoughts of visions. I'm tired of what may be, what really is, and trying to tell them apart." Shepard sighed and turned back towards the window.

"Then let's focus on what's here," Kaidan whispered guiding her vision back to him, "right now. We have a future, that's all that matters and we'll face it together." Shepard looked at him and a small smile graced her face. "I don't know what's in store for us, but I love you. Never forget that."

For a moment, they just stayed like that. The emotion in the room was immense, but they just let it wash over them. For a moment, it was just the two of them and Shepard realized that's all she wanted. She would never fight again as she used to, but she knew she wasn't done helping the galaxy. She had the love of her life by her side and that's all that mattered.

Kaidan broke the silence between them. "So… what about that surgery?"