Chapter 4:

I sat in the rays of the sun on my couch, in my gray shirt and pj shorts. I ate my cereal and scrolled on my phone, facing the aesthetic view outside of my window. I felt dramatic as hell doing it too.

It was that time in between summer and fall. When the leaves had changed colors but haven't fallen yet. When the air is crisp and cool but it's still sunny outside. That weather that makes you want to wear a sweater and booties but you have to wear a tank top just in case it got too hot. And I loved this time of year.

Today was my day off, and I loved those too.

Days off meant I got to go see Mom and Joe.

Ever since my dad died, Joe had been the closest thing I've had to a father. He was my dad's best friend, but they were more like brothers, so I called him Uncle Joe. And now he was trying to get me to call him "Super cool Stepdad Joe" but Uncle Joe just has a better ring to it.

But this Friday was special, because I heard that Aunt Abby would be flying in. And Aunt Abby rarely came home.

Aunt Abby was actually my aunt, as in my mom's sister. I didn't just call her that like I did with Joe. And she was a pilot, so like Derek, she was gone a lot too. I remember when I was a kid she used to bring me things from her different adventures. And she still did.

I hopped out of the shower covered in drips of water. I picked out a light sweater that had tiny holes and was a bit see through. I paired it with beige leggings and white sandals.

The drive out was the same as always. Quiet and scenic. I remember after I got off school dad would pick me up and we'd listen to all these old songs with the windows down and the sunroof open. How I'd be strapped up in the backseat nodding my head and waving my arms.

Now I could drive myself around. Would he be proud of me? Would he call me to make sure I made it home safely? Like most of my questions, I'll never know the answer.

I pulled up in the driveway and honked the horn twice.

Joe had totally double parked so he was first to know that I was here. "That cheeky bastard" is what Bex would say. But instead of him meeting me, Mom came out waving a hand, and parked the car correctly. We both got out at the same time.

"Where's Joe?"

She looked taken aback as she said, "No 'hey' or 'how you doing mom' or 'I missed you mom'?

Inside I was rolling my eyes. "Hey, how you doing mom? I missed you mom." I said quickly, sarcasm trailing behind. "Now where's Joe? He totally double parked on purpose." I stormed inside the house, my mom quickly running behind me.

"Joe." My mom called out. "Wherever you are, lock the door. Cammie's home."

With that I heard a door shut and I immediately rushed to it. It was locked.

I put my hands up. "Ok, fine. I'll be in my room when Joe is ready to stop double parking."

And I closed my door behind me. I gently pulled the window open leading me out of my room and into my backyard. I landed on the ground with a thud, and rushed to the master suite window. I pulled it open as quietly and unnoticeably as possible and climbed through.

You're probably thinking that I'm being extremely childish. I am. But isn't that the point of coming home? To remind you of who you were?

This is who I was. Joe used to eat my M&M's before I got home. Instead of crying about it, my dad and I would totally use our "super cool karate moves" on him. If he ate my snacks, that was another story.

"Joe." I called quietly. "Mom isn't here to protect you now." I whispered.

"She's not here to protect you either." I heard a muffled laugh. Please tell me that this grown man was not hiding in the closet.

"Well then, one of us is going to have their ass handed to them." I began to crack my knuckles because it made him cave in easier.

"Alright fine, I give." He put his hands up. "Your dad used to let you practice your WWE moves on me, I've taken enough beatings-" he began to cough, but quickly scurried to hide it.

"Joe?" I came closer. "Was that a cough I just heard?"

"N-n-no. Me? Joe Solomon? Coughing? I think not." He declared, almost as if the thought of it itself was outrageous.

"Then you won't mind me getting my equipment out of the car and checking on it?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Do what you may," he raised his hands. "But I am not sick."

I pulled the thermometer out of his mouth, my mom trying to see what it said. "You have a fever." I put my stethoscope in, listening to his lungs. "And your breathing is a bit labored." I heard him sniffle as I looked up his nose with the flashlight. "A little bit of congestion, plus the sniffling, which explains the labored breathing." Finally I shined a light in his mouth. "Only a little bit of inflammation in your throat. You are sick, Joe!" I hit his chest.

"Am not!" He stuck his tongue out.

"Yeah you are! And you tried to cover it up."

"It's probably just a little bug, I'm fine."

"No you're not. You need some antibiotics, and lots of water and rest." I turned to my mom. "If his foot even touches the floor call me and I will set him straight. I'll be back."

"How's my favorite pharmacist?" I asked as I strolled through the double doors.

A small, red haired lady with a bit of an accent popped up behind the counter, worry on her face. "Uh oh, you only come here when you want something."

I gasped. "Not true! I love coming here."

"Mhm. Who's sick?"

I leaned over the counter. "Joe."

"Nice try. Solomon never gets sick."

"That's what I thought." I laughed.

"So in your expert doctor opinion, what do you think he needs?"

"Prednisone and Amoxicillin." I looked over to the shelf. "And maybe some tea and cough drops."

I walked into the smaller aisle, picking up the honey flavored cough drops. There was a soft song playing, something definitely old, but I remembered the tune and began to hum along. Mrs. Clay came out with everything in a rolled up paper bag.

"Your father used to bring you in here, and he would pay me 50 cents just to get me to play that song so the two of you could dance through the aisles." She whispered, a dreamy effect in her voice. I smiled gently.

I handed her three $20 bills "Keep the change."

She shook her head. "Cameron, this is way too much."

"Too bad I'm already leaving so you have to keep it." I said running out of the store, a smile on my face. I kept running. Since the pharmacy wasn't far, I just walked the way.

I saw a Nissan Altima with pink fuzzy dice parked in front of the house. Abby was home.

"Aunt Abby?" I called out running into the house.

"Squirt! You won't believe what happened. Joe is-" she stopped seeing the bags from the pharmacy.

"Sick? Yeah I know." I look straight at her, mocking my mothers words from earlier, "No 'hey' or 'how you doing Squirt' or 'I missed you, Squirt?'"

She just cocked an eyebrow, "You have been spending entirely too much time with your mother." She sighed. I chuckled past her and into Joe's room. He had propped himself up with some pillows and had a tissue box next to him. His laptop was in front of him.

I facepalmed myself. "Joe, you can't seriously be doing work right now."

"Joe Solomon does not take sick days off." He said with a giant air of confidence and a look on his face that made me question if he was breathing.

"Do you have to be so difficult?" Instead of a response, I was met by his continued typing.

I walked up and yanked the laptop away, handing it to Abby who was standing in the frame of the doorway.

"Now, here's your medicine. Drink up." I handed him the bag.

"Making me go through Abby for my laptop?" He scoffed. "That's a low blow, even for you mini-morgan."

I shrugged. "What can I say? You're hopeless and I'm helpless." I winked at him, and patted his leg before walking out to let him rest. I was satisfied knowing that the only work he could possibly be doing is trying to measure the roof in his head.

Hours passed by, and I checked on Joe constantly, making sure he wasn't doing work. This was the perfect excuse to get him to take a break. Finally something that Joe Solomon couldn't talk his way out of. Whether he liked it or not he was on bed rest.

"Squirt, lets go outside!" Abby ran down the hall yelling. She carried blankets and pillows over her shoulder. I just slouched further into the couch.

Dragging me by my feet, she yelled, "Come on! You only see me so often." By the time I felt my head rest, we were on the soft grass.

My mother had already gotten hot cocoa ready and Abby was fixing the blankets and pillows.

"What's all this for?"

My mom shrugged. "We're just chilling under the stars, it's nice outside."

She was right. It hadn't gotten to the point where it was terribly chilly outside yet. It was almost like the summers before I left high school. Before Aunt Abby decided that staying put "wasn't her thing". Before the house lost its charm, it's light.

But hey, it was nice to be under the stars like this anyways.

So I sprawled out across the soft blanket and got really comfortable.

"The one thing I miss about here is the stars." Abby took a deep, calming breath. "They shine the brightest in this backyard. I've never seen them so bright anywhere but here."

"Yeah." My mom joined in. "That was Matthew's point when we first moved here." She rolled her eyes. "'Imagine our baby growing up under these stars.' He would say."

Abby was quick to change the subject before it turned into a sobfest. "How is Gallagher?"

"Were getting swamped in so many new students." She sighed. "That's probably why Joe was so determined to work."

"This is nice." The air was quiet and for a moment I barely noticed that I actually said that aloud. Only a moment, because Abby and Mom were both giving me looks that made me feel like I've lost it.

"Huh?"

"Being here together, just gives me a sense of family, especially when Derek is being so confusing and busy."

"Men are the worst." My mom huffed.

I rolled my eyes. "You're with Joe. You're just trying to make me feel better."

"I said men are the worst." She smirked. "Joe is a man baby, the rules don't apply."

"Yeah well Derek is just absent. Makes me wonder if this whole relationship is worth it."

"Do you love him?" Abby asked.

"I mean, technically-"

"No Squirt, love isn't a technicality. It's not something you calculate, not another math problem for you to solve." She grabbed my hand, placing it on my heart. "When you think about Derek, all the times you've had together, does your heart beat faster? Does it skip for a moment?" I took a moment to feel my own heart beating, pumping. I listen tnodded.

"Then you love him."

I sat in silence for a moment, just letting the wind brush past me, the sensation of the chills take me over. Being outside, the air just flowing through my hair. It always helped me think.

"I love him." Abby looked at me. "I love him more than anyone I've ever met. And that's why him being away is like there is someone driving a scalpel into my heart."

"Sometimes we leave the ones we love. We usually don't do it on purpose, but life happens, and you've gotta choose whether it's worth it."

From then on I had a feeling that this conversation was slowly becoming less and less about Derek.

The rest of the night is a blur, I'm sure I drifted off a little off after. But I heard this.

"I worry about her."

Abby pattered her shoulder. "She'll be fine."

My mom pushed her hand. "No she's not. I feel like she's one loss away from snapping." She dropped her head in her hands. "Why did Matt have to die?"

And that was the last thing I heard.