Pokémon World Tour
Chapter 4: The One Where They All Get On An Airplane
"So, is everyone packed and raring to go?"
10 Pokémon Legends now stood (actually Giratina, Shaymin, and Lugia were the only one standing; everyone else was somehow magically floating) outside the very large airplane ready to take them to Earth.
"Yeah, we have everything. Now can we get going?" griped an impatient Rayquaza.
Latias set her hand on the serpent's shoulder. "Patience is a virtue, Ray."
"Yeah? Well, it's a virtue I don't have."
Lugia was walking up to the plane, dragging along several sets of luggage.
"Lugia? What are all of those suitcases for?" Arceus questioned "This isn't a year-long trip, you know…"
"Vocal equipment." he explained. "I'm gonna practice my vocals for the trip, 'cause I plan to do my first show at our first destination, wherever that is."
"But you DID remember to pack extra clothes, right?" warned Giratina. "Let's not forget what happened at Schlitterbahn when it first opened…"
Rayquaza recalled the memory. "You mean when he got his only clothes torn up and he had to-"
"YES, I packed extra clothes and NO, I am not going to repeat the Schlitterbahn incident! You were evil! You made me streak through the park before you would loan me your human clothes!"
"Hey, I don't give my human clothes to just ANYONE."
Giratina smirked. "It WAS kind of funny, seeing you running through the park so quickly, chasing Rayquaza with spare clothes in his hand."
"Enough already!" Lugia retaliated.
"All right. All right. I think we've established the embarrassing factor enough." sighed Arceus. "Latias, do you have everything?"
"Yes." she answered. She was holding a suitcase that looked like it might explode at any moment.
"Is that thing safe?" the goddess inquired. "It's not going to blow up in mid-flight or anything, is it?"
"Nah. I got that thing shut with Groudon's superglue. It would take a Dragon Pulse to get that suitcase open now."
Rayquaza looked surprised. "How did you manage to convince Groudon to give that to you? He never lends ANYTHING out to women."
Latias smirked, something she almost never did. "A little blackmail goes a long way, Rayquaza."
Rayquaza grinned. "I am so proud of you. Which photo did you…?"
"Bathtub one. It was going to see the front page of the Hoenn Newspaper."
"…And that is why you are my girlfriend, Latias. I love girls who don't take shit from anyone."
"To continue…" Arceus interrupted. "Mew? You have everything you need?"
"Yes. CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY and more CANDY!"
"Oh no." she muttered. "God help me…"
"But… aren't YOU God?" Darkrai pointed out.
"Of this world. There's a whole bunch of different worlds that have so many different belief systems, it's insane. Maybe some other God of some other religion will be nice and help me out." the llama hoped. "Maybe the author…"
"NOPE. YOU'RE TAKING HER WITH YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING YOU DO."
"I think it will be… Anyway, you have everything packed, Rayquaza?"
"Yep."
"All right… Shaymin?"
"Oh yeah! Got my face flattener, nostril scrubber, and even my flamethrower!" she said happily. "This is gonna be the best trip ever!"
"This is gonna be the worst trip ever." Darkrai sighed.
Arceus shuddered. She didn't want Shaymin to come anymore than Darkrai did, but she was under the direct orders of the author, aka me.
"Jirachi?" asked the Alpha Pokémon.
Jirachi was hovering in the air, rubbing his eyes with his tiny little hands. "Are we there yet?" he groaned. "I'm really sleepy after being woken up so early…"
"Really?" snarked Darkrai. "57 years of straight power-napping aren't enough?"
"NO!" The force of Jirachi's yell blew Darkrai hard and forced his skirt-
"ROBE!" he corrected me.
Robe… sorry. Blew his robe up and exposed… things people aren't usually supposed to see. As soon as he recovered from the blow, he pushed his skirt-
"ROBE!" he screamed at me again.
OK! Sheesh! Pushed his ROBE back down! Happy, Darkrai?
"Better, I guess."
In front of Darkrai, everyone 'Mon male and female were twitching their eyes like crazy, trying to forget what they had just seen. Except Jirachi who fortunately went back to sleep.
"At… At least we know Darkrai's a guy for sure now…" whispered Kyogre.
"Those were sights never meant to be seen!" screamed Lugia, covering his eyes in horror.
"Go to my happy place; go to my happy place…" Rayquaza repeated to himself.
"Arceus, please tell me you have the Brain Bleach stored somewhere." Giratina desperately hoped.
"Yes." she nodded slowly, trying to recover from the shock. "Yes. It-It's in the airplane; I-I thought we might need it. Everyone else has their stuff, right?"
All of the legends slowly nodded their head.
"Then let's get the (CENSORED) out of here."
Every legend then promptly high-tailed their ass to the airplane, where they all attempted to cram in through the airplane doors. Darkrai grabbed the immobile Jirachi then followed behind the others.
Latias was leading the crowd (as a bird dragon jet plane thing, she was pretty darn fast) and zoomed in first, with Mew and Rayquaza shortly after her. Everyone ended up stuck behind the doors though, when Arceus' wheel got caught in the frame.
"Uh oh." she realized. The camelid (the family llama falls under…) tried to force her body through the frame, but to no avail.
"What's 'uh oh'?" asked Kyogre. "Please don't tell me that you're-"
"Stuck? Yep. I'm gonna need a little help here."
Rayquaza groaned. "I'm really in no mood to do this."
"Would you do it for a Scooby Snack?" joked Arceus.
"No."
"Ray…" persuaded Latias with her puppy dog eyes. "Will you do it for me?"
"…Damn it! Why do you have to be so good with those puppy dog eyes?"
"Now Rayquaza, Mew, and Latias, you guys are going to pull on my front hooves when I say 'go'. Everyone else behind me will push me in when I say 'go', as well."
Kyogre and Shaymin awkwardly stared at Arceus' rear end when she said that. They want to be nowhere NEAR that.
"We'll pass." they both announced to the goddess as they back away from the airplane. Though all of the other guys on that side; Lugia, Giratina, and Darkrai, were almost all too willing to help…
"OK, ready?"
"Yes." everyone said in union.
"GO!"
Immediately, everyone went to work and began to help the holy llama. Latias, Mew, and Rayquaza pulled with all of their might on Arceus' front side while Lugia, Giratina, and Darkrai pushed in the llama's rear end. Needless to say, the guys were enjoying it.
"Push! PUSH!" she screamed to the 'Mons behind her.
"I'm not giving birth to a baby, you know! I can't do that!" screamed Lugia.
"Keep pulling! Pull! PULL!" she ordered the Legends in front of her.
"I'm afraid there might not be any 'pull' left in me." muttered the green serpent.
"Go! Keep pulling! Keep pulling! KEEP PULLING!" she demanded.
"Don't get your Miltanks in a bunch." assured Latias.
"Haven't I heard that in a Disney/Pixar movie before?" wondered Giratina.
POP!
"Aahhh!"
CRASH!
"Oww…"
The Alpha Pokémon groaned as she lay down on the carpet of the plane. Fortunately, the plane was very sturdy (it's housing Legendaries, after all; it kinda has to be), so no damage was done.
"I don't get paid enough for this." she sighed as she stood her body back up.
"YOU AREN'T GETTING PAID AT ALL!"
"My point exactly." She turned around to see her shiny golden still stuck in the frame of the doorway. "Could someone help me bring that in? I feel so naked."
Lugia and Darkrai grabbed the wheel (Giratina was out of luck since he was in Altered Forme), yanked it out, and rolled it in to Arceus. She then immediately attached it back to her body.
"Much thanks everyone. That was definitely more than a little embarrassing…"
"I actually kind of enjoyed it." admitted Lugia.
"…I'll… let that one slide." stuttered Arceus.
"Now where's that Brain Bleach again?" Giratina asked. "I still need to get that scarring image of Darkrai out of my head."
"It's in the bathroom."
Giratina headed off to the bathroom of the plane, which was a distance away from the airlock of the plane. All of the other Legendaries followed, except for Darkrai and Jirachi, who woke up during all the commotion.
"What'd I miss?" the Wish Pokémon asked.
"It's… best you don't know."
Giratina had reached the bathroom first and inside, he locked the door and yanked through the drawers and cabinets to find what he was looking for. Finally, after searching through several locations, he found it on the top shelf of the sink cabinet. He grabbed the box which read 'Brain Bleach; directions: Apply directly to the cortex when user has seen a damaging or scarring image that they wish to remove from their brain'. He also grabbed a bucket in the cabinet and began to fill it with water from the sink. After that, Giratina proceeded to pour some of the 'Brain Bleach' into the filled bucket. He then unscrewed his head and took his brain out (they're Legendaries, people) and proceeded to scrub the image out. In a few minutes' time, he successfully scrubbed out the image of Darkrai's... unnecessary exposure, set his brain back in his head and rescrewed his head back on, with no recollection of Darkrai's incident.
"That's much better." the Renegade sighed in relief.
He unlocked the door and nearly immediately, he was run over by multiple Legendaries also desiring to get unwanted images out of their heads.
Darkrai himself slowly walked up to the bathroom door with little Jirachi in his arms asking the Pokémon inside, "It couldn't have been that bad, right?"
"YES!"
After about half an hour, everyone was done ridding themselves of horrific images and stepped out of the bathroom.
"Good riddance." grinned Lugia.
"Much better." confessed Kyogre.
"Thank me." said Arceus in relief.
"Thank you for WHAT?" Rayquaza screamed at the goddess. "You got caught up in the doorway, stopping all of us!"
"No, I meant 'Thank me' as in the commonly used 'Thank God' expression often used by humans to convey relief. And since I'm God…"
"A FICTIONAL GOD."
"A God nonetheless…"
"Arceus, if you have to explain the joke, then it isn't funny anymore." Giratina told the goddess.
She sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Let's just get going."
"So, is everyone all buckled in?" asked Arceus from her pilot's seat.
"WE HAVE BEEN FOR THE LAST HOUR WHILE YOU WERE PUTTING YOUR MAKEUP ON!" yelled the always so temperamental Shaymin.
"Well, pardon me if I want to look nice. Some women actually CARE about their appearance, Shaymin."
"You would do well to take notice." muttered Kyogre.
"YEEEAAAAAHHHH!" the pink sperm fetus known as Mew enunicated.
"SHUT UP!" she screamed, causing every Legendary to wince at the volume (even Arceus in the pilot's seat…)
"Someday Shaymin, we're all going to take you to anger management." sighed the usually optimistic Latias.
"Let's just get going…" groaned Lugia.
Eventually, the plane's engines could be revving up. They spun faster and faster and they got louder and louder until the plane began to inch forward.
"I could fly to Earth faster than the plane could get us there." complained an impatient Rayquaza.
"I second that." agreed Lugia, who was also a phenomenal flyer.
"But then, you guys would burn up in the atmosphere." pointed out Latias.
Lugia and Rayquaza sighed in sync. "Point taken."
Finally, the plane began to pick up in speed. The plane began to accelerate faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and faster and…
"THAT'S ENOUGH!" all of the Legendaries yelled at me.
"SHEESH."
And the plane picked up enough speed to take off and ascend the plane to the sky.
"Attention everyone. This is your pilot, aka your mother speaking. Please stay in your seats until I say you can get out or else you will suffer the consequences. Thank you."
"Screw rules." said Darkrai. He unbuckled his seatbelt and hopped out of his seat and onto the walkway.
"You know…" began Latias. "If you don't get your ass planted back in your seat, the turbulence when we leave the atmosphere is going to send you flying."
"What do you know about planes?"
"I'm based off of one."
FWOOOOOOOOOSH!
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
THUD!
"Ohhhhhh…"
The force of the turbulence, true to Latias' words, sent Darkrai flying through the plane, sending him straight back to the rear wall of the aircraft.
"Oww. Oww. My aching everything…" Darkrai winced at the pain.
"I hate to say I told you so, but… I TOLD YOU SO! HA!"
Rayquaza only quietly smirked.
As soon as the turbulence wore off and the plane was steadily soaring through the sky, Arceus had given permission for the passengers to unbuckle their seatbelts. The 8 Legendaries who had done the SMART thing and buckled up their seatbelts were now standing over Darkrai, watching him squirm in pain.
"Painful, isn't it?" Giratina laughed.
"Shut up."
"Now what do we do?" wondered the blue whale, Sha-
"KYOGRE! NOT FREAKING SHAMU!" she shouted at me.
"FINE, KYOGRE. NOW WHAT SHOULD I HAVE YOU DO…?"
"As long as it doesn't involve pain; I'm happy." groaned Darkrai.
"A BATTLE." I decided. "LUGIA AND RAYQUAZA."
Lugia and Rayquaza only glanced at each other. The excitement of a battle would be a thrilling experience to the two Legends.
"Wait, hold on." said the serpentine Legend. "I just realized something. We're on a PLANE. A (CENSORED) PLANE. You mean you expect us to battle inside a…"
"NOW HOLD ON, THIS ISN'T A REGULAR BATTLE. THIS IS GOING TO BE A RAP BATTLE."
"Oh crap." muttered Rayquaza.
"Oh sweet." grinned Lugia.
"Umm… b-but how do you expect us to do a rap battle if…" he tried to think up an excuse to avoid being humiliated by Lugia. "…If we don't have microphones?"
"EASILY FIXED."
Two microphones suddenly appeared from thin air. One landed in Rayquaza's claw; the other in Lugia's wing.
"I hate you."
"YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST."
Lugia began to walk out of the main walkway and into a side room with Rayquaza and the other Legends following behind. The room held a stage, lights, sets, and audience seating. It was almost a bit too perfect…
"You planned this all along, didn't you?" Rayquaza snarled at me.
"YES. YES I DID."
Lugia stepped onto the stage and singled out Rayquaza.
"Rayquaza, the Sky High Pokémon!" called Lugia. "I challenge you to a battle of rhymes and raps! Come up and face me!"
"Or are you too… Combusken?" he whispered in the mic.
Rayquaza got his wits together and manned up. "I accept your challenge, Lugia, Guardian of the Seas!"
Rayquaza hovered up to the stage with his mic in hand.
"You can do it, Ray." cheered the red dragon.
"I'll start." Lugia announced. "Turn on the beat." Giratina, next to the boom box, used a point on his wing to tap the PLAY button. Immediately, the Twister theme from The World Ends With You (if you haven't played it, BUY IT. NOW.) began to play without vocals.
Lugia:
See the Cryogonals bursting here,
Now use Explosion, there's something to fear
Have Ho-Oh's flames generatin' by your side
Though no flames can turn down my tide!
Rayquaza gulped as he tried to form ideas for rapping in his head, coming up emptying. Suddenly, the idea hit him like a…
Rayquaza:
Draco Meteor through the sky
Pulverize you from way up high
I might be 4 times weak to ice
But Darkrai will scare you up quite nice!
Darkrai couldn't help but laugh in his seat as the rapping shifted back to Lugia, who already had another rhyme in stock…
Lugia:
So, I'm walking alone in the Valley of Death
With my rod and my staff, but it ain't over yet
Use Final Judgment to light up the way
But will YOU live to see dawn the next day?
Rayquaza only smirked as his next rhyme formed in his head and his turn came…
Rayquaza:
And now you think I'm down and out?
But hold up, am I Struggling myself?
Look at me now, you're just a sucker
Now take my next rhyme, you mother-
"AHEM!" Arceus glared at the green serpent, clearing her throat.
Rayquaza sweatdropped nervously. "Um, uh… yes, mother?"
"May I ask you to reconsider your choice of words?" she said, her tone of voice harsh and indicating that it was more of an order rather than a request.
"…Uh… why is that, mother?" he asked nervously.
Arceus only glared before a force of pink energy surrounded Rayquaza, choking him. "…This is why."
After about 10 seconds, Arceus released him. Rayquaza gasped desperately for air and Latias came rushing by his side to help him.
"Ray?" she asked sweetly. "Breathe in through the nose slowly first."
Rayquaza stopped his ferocious gasping and did as Latias said.
"Then breath out through the mouth." the red dragon told him. "Do it a couple of times."
"All right. All right."
After a bit, Rayquaza's heavy gasping went back to normal.
"Better, wouldn't you agree?"
"…I suppose."
Mew hovered up over the rest of the Legendaries. "NOW WHAT DO WE DO?" she shouted loudly.
"Don't do that." ordered Darkrai. "Or else the author's gonna think up of something horrible for us."
"I HAVE AN IDEA."
"Way to blow it, Darkrai." groaned the Guardian of the Seas.
"DON'T WORRY, IT'S NOTHING BAD THIS TIME. I'LL THINK UP SOMETHING LATER."
"KNEW IT!" Shaymin claimed.
"ANYWAY… HEAD BACK TO YOUR AIRLINE SEATS. THERE'S A SURPRISE FOR YOU."
"Are you trying something funny?" Arceus suspected.
"Please don't be spiders; please don't be spiders; please don't be spiders…" chanted Giratina quietly.
The group of Legends walked out of the performance room and back to the airline section. To their surprise, they found a delicious 5-course meal waiting for each individual Pokémon. Jaws hit the floor.
After picking up his jaw, Rayquaza licked his lips in delight. "What are we waiting for? Let's…"
"Hold on." Lugia warned the Legends. "There's something funny about this…"
"Why?" asked Kyogre. "I think he's trying to make up for saying Groudon's better than me."
"NO, THAT'S NOT IT."
"Aww."
"Then what is it?" Lugia demanded again.
"I HAVE DECIDED TO APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE FOR WHAT I HAVE PLANNED FOR YOU GUYS NEXT CHAPTER."
"Uh oh." they all said in complete sync.
"NOW DIG IN."
Back in the Hall of Origin after everyone had left, Entei was still left with the body of his unconscious electric brother.
"Well, time to go raid through Raikou's personal things." he said as he walked out of the Hall of Origin.
A/N: For those of you who don't live in Texas (probably a large number), Schlitterbahn is a large water park in New Braunfels, Texas. It's common for most Texans to take a trip there.
...I can't believe I managed to fit Pokemon Moves, some lyrics from The World Ends With You, and part of a freaking Bible Verse into that rap. (Psalm 23:4, if anyone's interested...)
Again, another fun chapter for me to write. Sorry to make you guys wait until they actually reach their first destination. I've already decided where it will be and it'll be revealed next chapter when they get there. See if you can't guess...
Pokemon (c) Nintendo/Game Freak