Chapter 4: It's Tearing Up My Heart

"It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you"

-N'Sync

Disclaimer: I do not own anything except my own characters. They were created by the wonderful S.E Hinton, who I thank for creating Dallas Winston.

Immediately Dally dropped his hand and stood up straight. I looked up to see his eyes looking down at me cold and hard.

I braced myself for his unkind words and he just shrugged. "She was two-timin' me".

I nodded. I knew that, everyone knew that. As soon as Dally was locked up she was runnin' around town with Curly Shepard but he was than shipped out to reform school and she was kickin' around Bucks place.

"It's not the first time" I mumbled and than I glared at him to get my point across. He just smirked and lit another cigarette.

"I never had to worry 'bout you two-timing me. You loved me too much" he grinned. I crossed my arms and raised a brow. "I didn't two-time you cuz it wasn't right, which is more than you can say".

He whipped the cigarette out of his mouth. "Hey I never two-timed you Donna. I couldn't do that to you."

"And why not, because I was so special and you cared about me so much?" I muttered darkly and oh so sarcastically.

And just when I hoped that Dallas Winston was going to say exactly that, he got cocky again.

"Well you're a good fuck. I wasn't goin to give you up. And 'sides, I got other girls now".

"Drop dead Winston" I muttered and brushed past him and hurried up into my room. I only started crying after I heard the front door slam shut.

I didn't realize I had fallen asleep until I felt someone shaking me. I opened my eyes to see Johnny standing there.

"Hey kid, what brings you here?" I asked sitting up and stretching.

"I was just wonderin' if I could stay here for the night" he mumbled.

I nodded. "Yeah. What time is it?"

"9".

I stood up and Johnny followed me to the linen closet where I got him some blankets and than we went downstairs.

"Did you have dinner?" I asked throwing the things on the couch.

"Uh, yeah I did" he replied. I rolled my eyes. I knew he was lying.

I put on my shoes. "Let's get goin".

"Get goin where?" he asked as I opened the front door.

"To get somethin to eat".

A few minutes later we were settled in a booth and eating our dinner. Well Johnny was eatin, and I was pickin. I was still thinking about that no good for nothing hood, Dally. We had been together for 8 months, not including our random hook-ups before we started going steady. It was the longest relationship him and I had ever had. People were impressed. I don't like to brag and say I changed Dally but he was different, more mellow until people started telling him that.

"No chicks gonna change me" he told me one night.

"Donna?"

My train of thoughts were derailed and I flicked my gaze to Johnny.

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinkin 'bout?"

"Me"

We both turned to see Dally standing there and without being invited he sat down beside me. I just ignored him and pushed my plate of food away completely losing my appetite as Dally and Johnny talked.

"So where you stayin' tonight?" Dally asked him.

"With Donna, if I'm still welcomed".

I nodded. "You're not the one who's unwelcome" I said dryly sipping my coke.

"Donna's mad at me" Dally smirked as though it was a funny joke.

"Oh" was all Johnny said finishing up his coke.

"Come on let's go" I said and stood up.

"See ya later" Dally called.

"Bye" Johnny called back, I just kept on walking.

"So what did Dally do this time?" Johnny asked as we walked home.

"He's just bein' a drag"

"But you still like him" Johnny grinned.

"Hey, watch it kid" I growled hitting him playfully. "And yes, I think I do still like him a little, but he doesn't feel the same way so it's best just to move on ya know?"

"Dally likes you. I know he does, or at least cares for you a lot".

I looked over at Johnny who had his hands shoved in his pockets and his back hunched. Was he just saying it to be nice or did he know something I didn't?

"What are you talkin 'bout?"

Johnny shrugged. "I don't know, I've never been in love. But from what Sodapop and Steve say Dally likes you. He always has".

I frowned. Sodapop and Steve had both been in love but they didn't know Dally that well to be able to say that. I decided not to dwell on it. Who cares? We were done and I didn't care about Dally and I especially didn't give a damn if he cared for me.

After we got home I made sure Johnny was comfortable on the sofa and than I headed to bed. I lay awake for a while and than drifted off to sleep.

"Psst. Donna!"

I groaned and opened my eyes postive that I heard someone calling my name. I rolled over and noticed Dally hanging from my window. I glanced at the clock, it read 1:30.

"What are you doin?" I asked him getting out of bed and opening the window than moved aside so he could climb in.

"I came to see how Johnny was doin" he replied.

I folded my arms over my chest and raised a brow. "That was the worst excuse I ever heard. What are you really doin' here?"

He smirked and dragged his hand through his hair. "You know me too well. I came to see how you were doin' I know you were pissed at me"

"I had every right to be pissed at you".

"So you ain't pissed anymore cuz you said it like you ain't"

I rolled my eyes and sat back down on my bed. "No, I'm not mad anymore, but I swear Dally this is the last time I forgive you for anythin"

Instead of replying he took my hand and pulled me up.

"Dally" I hissed as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pinned me against him.

"Shhs Donna. Just let me hold ya" he mumbled.

I looked up into his eyes and of course my, "I don't give a damn anymore" attitude evaporated.

"Dally please, I can't".

"Why not?"

"Because it hurts too much"

"I ain't holdin you that hard" but he loosened his grip.

I smiled and shook my head sadly. "It ain't that, it's my heart that hurts. I just can't explain it, 'specially not to you"

"I can't explain how I feel 'bout you either but it feels good ya know. Even better than gettin' boozed and wakin up to a good-looking broad. But don't tell anyone I said that".

"Why can't I? Why can't I brag about how much you care for me?"

"Cuz it ain't right Donna. I ain't one to be tied down to one broad now"

I lowered my head. Just when I thought we were getting somewhere he had to make things worse.

"You ain't pissed again are you?"

'Yes of course I am Dallas Winston! I gave you everything I possibly could but yet it's not good enough for you. I guess what I really should tell you is that I think I love you. But it's not like you would care'

I shook my head. "No Dally, I'm not" and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my head against his chest listening to his heart.

If I had looked back up at him I would have seen him biting his lip, comtemplating something, and if I could read his thoughts than I would be mighty surprised at what he was thinkin, but too bad we were both too stubborn to admit anything.

"I'm gonna stay the night alright?" he whispered in my ear as he kissed my neck.

My head screamed no but my heart cried yes. I was torn.

I let go of his neck but clasped the front of his leather jacket and looked up into his eyes. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

He smirked at me. "I think it's a very good idea" and he laced his hands together behind my back and pressed me closer to him.

I dropped my hands and placed them onto his elbows fighting with myself. If I let him stay I knew I would give in and do something I'd regret tomorrow morning. But if I didn't than he would go and spend the night with Sylvia and I knew that she didn't care if he was gone the next morning, as long as he was there with her in the moment screaming her name.

But I was different. Maybe even better than her because I needed Dally with me 100, physically and emotionally, not just when he felt the need to come 'round. And to see him with other girls did tear me up inside. But turning him away and trying to forget him didn't seem right either.

"I can't keep doin' this Dally" I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat as he ran his fingers up and down my spine making my knees turn to jelly and the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Can't keep doin' what?"

"You know what I'm talkin' 'bout"

"No I don't. You don't make any sense, 'specially when you go and get all emotional. You're the only girl that I'm with who does that, it pisses me off too" and he let go of me. But I still held on, tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't stop myself, Dally was tearing me up inside. I gripped his elbows. "Why?" I cried.

"Why what?" he scoffed.

"Why can't I be your only girl!?"

"Cuz. You just can't" he replied as he looked away.

"You never loved me did you? It was all a big lie just so you could sleep with me! You don't give a damn 'bout me! Do you!?" I cried.

"Donna"-

-"Don't bother. I already know how you feel. Just leave me alone Dallas" and I dropped my arms and turned around.

"Fuck it. This ain't worth my time" and he stormed out of my room and slammed the front door shut as he left.

For the longest time I stood there, as the tears ran down my face and the feeling of my heart breaking into millions of pieces kept me company.

It was only after the tears dried that I slipped into bed and drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

"How you doin Donna?"

I turned to see Dallas Winston standing against the gas pump and smoking a cigarette as I left the convience store. He was bad,he was dangerous, he was amazing.

"I'm good Dally, you?" I asked as I began to walk.

Dally started walking beside me. "Not to bad, but I'd be better if you came to the movies with me tonight"

I looked up at him. Had he just asked me out on a date?

"I thought you were goin' out with that Sylvia girl"

"Not anymore. So what do you say?"

"Like as a date?"

"Yeah. What you never been asked out on a date before?"

I smirked. "I have. I've just never said yes"

"Well this time you are" he replied cooly flicking his cigarette and than lighting up another one.

"What makes you think that?"

"Cuz I know you've been eyeing me for a while"

I blushed. It was true. The feeling hit me 2 months ago as we were all sitting at the Curtis' and Dally walked in, smoking a cigarette and clutching a beer. He held his head up high and had an 'I don't give a shit" attitude. Not to mention he was very good-looking.

"So how does 8 sound?"

"It sounds alright" I tried to play it cool.

"Hey if you don't wanna than it's fine with me. I was just bein' nice" he scoffed.

I rolled my eyes. Dallas Winston was never nice, I figured he wanted this just as much as I did.

"Yea I do. 8's good"

That was the beginning of the long and bumpy road known as our relationship.

I want to say a big THANK YOU! to everyone who is reviewing, you make it worth writing. Just to clarify, the writing in italiacs, the last part, is a memory. It was the first time that Dally asked Donna on a date. They'll will be more memories later on if you want more, just let me know. I'm glad that you guys like this story! It's one of the better ones I've written. But enough rambling! I want lots and lots of reviews! They mean lots and lots of more chapters! So let me know if you want them!

Thank you all;

-POLY(L)