Disclaimer: Still no. I should also disclaim any substantial knowledge of physics, although I hope I haven't shown that unduly.

Side note: Would you all believe that the majority of this chapter has been written for a year and a half?! Your soundtrack for this piece is "Trade Mistakes" by Panic! at the Disco, which was also my soundtrack, then and now; and Coldplay's "Fix You."

Update: 14 April- Minor grammatical fix, fix to chapter sequence and title, and deletion of ending flashback scene. You'll see it later, where it better belongs. (No substantial content removed.)

Equilibrium

Renn Ireigh

Chapter Three: Shards

Sabrina scrabbled to her feet, feeling for the clone she knew she wouldn't find, turning slowly and watching for movement that wouldn't be there. He was better cloaked than she, she knew, and in any case, in her state, she was no match for a fully-powered Psychic.

She wished she hadn't left Alakazam back in Celadon. Panic-stricken flight had done her no good.

((I did warn you)) came Mewtwo's voice again, out of everywhere and nowhere.

"Did you do this?" she said, fighting to keep her voice level.

((You did))

"I did nothing!"

((That is the problem))

"How could I drain myself of my own power?!" she cried, automatically reaching inside. But the barren place remained, and at the feel of that yawning emptiness, she sat down hard against the marble of Mew's shrine and struggled against the lump in her throat.

Ground and center. Ground and center. You have nothing to ground, but you can hold yourself together. In her head, her mother: Pretend you have some dignity, girl! You're a Gravekeeper! In her head, her grandmother: You have only to look inside yourself to know who you are. She thought about taking deep breaths but the thing in her throat blocked the air, choked her into gasping, mewling sounds.

Ground and center. But air wouldn't come to her lungs and her body felt heavy and foreign, unbalanced even sitting down.

With a growl that was half whimper she tried to pull herself into a lotus position against the shrine, but as soon as she lifted her eyes the world spun around her and rushed at her ears. With a cry she curled back up against her knees, her eyes screwed shut.

((Ground and center)) Mewtwo said, and she thought it too. Get a hold of yourself! But the body she'd been born in felt wrong and her limbs were too far away to control, and her breath wouldn't come, and voices whispered at her from Lavender Town and the ground spun away from her and it was all she could do to stay still-

"I can't!"

It was that admission that undid her. As her vertigo whirlpooled her on the suddenly un-solid ground and her own body choked the air from her lungs, she found her last scrap of rational thought ((Thank Mew)) as her vision speckled black and light.

((Come with me)) Mewtwo said, and unconscious, she didn't notice as he stepped out of nothing in front of her. His paw was light on her shoulder. ((Sister, you are a child. You have so much to learn))

.

She woke slowly, barely aware of the rock floor or the rushing of water. But it was that that filled her ears as her senses came back to her one by one: the sound of a river and the damp chill of a cave.

Sabrina reached for her shields automatically, to insulate herself, but the emptiness brought the morning back to her. With a conscious effort that was almost too much, she opened her eyes.

Mewtwo floated across from her, eyes closed, his lilac shield a bubble around his lotus-folded body. Not even the tip of his tail twitched.

She recalled the last time she'd seen him, strangled in wires that strung him like a noose in his test tube.

"You brought me…" She broke off. She didn't know where "here" was.

((I did)) he agreed, still motionless.

"Why?"

((You have a certain situation)) he said. ((It has not escaped notice))

"Whose notice?"

((Mine, obviously))

"How did you-"

((Notice? I have been watching you))

The back of her neck prickled.

((I warned you. You were an accident waiting to happen, and now it has happened)) he continued serenely.

She flexed her limbs, stretching them with difficulty. They felt better- felt her own. "I do not recall a warning. Rather, I remember you losing your temper."

((I recall you refusing to do so))

"There was nothing to justify such a loss of control."

((And yet when I found you, you were slumped against my mother's shrine, not quite sobbing—yet. What justified that?))

Her hand curled up white-knuckled against the stone floor, but she restrained herself. Ground and center, she said to herself, and her hand relaxed. It was good to have the weightlessness of a shield around her again.

Sabrina froze, and reached out. "I didn't-"

((I have shielded you)) Mewtwo said. ((As you were unable to do it yourself, being both unconscious and spectacularly burnt out. And are we at all surprised?)) He didn't give her the chance to answer. ((I did bring you here. I did not bring you here to go slowly insane from unchecked telepathy))

"Then why?" The thing was back in her throat, tendrils scratching her lungs.

((Because, as might now be finally evident to you, we have things to teach each other))

Bitterly, she said "And what do you have to learn from me? How to do this?"

((I could benefit from your control. And you, sister, could benefit from some proper education))

"My grandmother taught me—"

((As well as she knew how, and that is quite well indeed for the average psychic)) Mewtwo opened his eyes. ((But your grandmother does not and will never understand how to teach someone like you))

"You are calling her incompetent," said Sabrina, careful not to raise her voice.

((I am saying that your grandmother has not the slightest inkling of what it is like to be raised in a cage)) Mewtwo unfolded himself and floated to the floor, resting on the balls of his long paws. ((Because you never left it, did you?))

"Of course I-"

((I don't mean your body))

She shook her head. "I left. I left there. I went back once and-" She shut her eyes and continued, very determined. "It was years ago. I left."

((Lying to yourself hasn't helped you before, why do you persist in believing that it will help you now?))

"I'm not-"

He touched one round digit to her forehead and her eyes snapped shut.

Shut up be quiet have some dignity you're a Gravekeeper act like one stop smiling stand up straight what are you laughing about sit down get away from that don't touch it go to your room and stay there you can't see him he's a failure and if you're lucky you might manage to grow out of it don't argue with me go upstairs I don't want to see you back before morning don't raise your voice at me sit down and be quiet-

She broke away from the litany with what felt like all her effort. "How dare you-"

((You grew up caged as much as I did)) Mewtwo said. ((Disconnected))

"I grew up regimented," she tried, struggling for the words. "And I got out-"

((Years after the damage had been done))

"Are you saying I'm damaged?"

((I'm saying you're broken)) Mewtwo snapped. ((What do you think psychic energy is, Sabrina?))

"It is just that, it is energy, generated by-"

((By what?))

"By life. Dark types use death, the negative, the black space. We take life itself."

((And what is life?))

"It is-" She stopped, searching for the words. Mewtwo cut in again.

((What makes you feel alive?))

She knew the answer to that and blurted it. "Team Rocket."

((What about Team Rocket makes you feel alive?))

"It's the sense of- of doing something, of being something," she said slowly. "Being someone."

((It's a high you don't get from your Gym))

"Yes…"

((And why?))

She didn't know what to say.

((In the Team you are a part of a whole))

She was already shaking her head, but she didn't know why. She tried to phrase it. "I work alone, except for-"

((Yes, yes)) He brushed away her interjection. ((In the Team you have a connection to something. You have a passion- or at least an imitation of one, given that this is you we're talking about))

"Psychic energy isn't-"

((Why not?))

"Will you, or won't you, let me finish a sentence?"

((I can already tell what you are going to say))

She didn't grind her teeth. She was careful not to, because she wanted to. "It is considered rude to-"

((I've spent very little of my life worrying about politesse and I don't intend to start now))

"You are deliberately provoking me," she said, consciously calm.

((What is psychic energy?))

"Are you planning to interrupt me again?"

((For the sake of the discussion, please presume I won't))

"Psychic energy is life energy. It is possessed by living things, who can then manipulate it- if they have the talent to do so."

((A fine enough answer, even if you do sound like you're quoting the textbook))

"I never had a textbook." She wished for a moment that she did have one to levitate into his face, then thought, Control yourself.

((Apparently. How is psychic energy created, then?))

Sabrina blinked. "It is energy. It cannot be created, no more than it can be destroyed."

((Perhaps that was a poor choice of words. How is it obtained for use?))

"It…" She realized she didn't have the answer.

((You are aware of two forms of energy, of course. Kinetic- in motion- and potential- in storage. Potential energy can transform very neatly into kinetic energy with the right stimulus. But the efficiency of the transformation depends on the type of energy involved))

"I was under the impression we were discussing psychics, not physics. I have no training in the latter."

((Yes, it is abundantly clear that you lack even the most fundamental knowledge of how the world operates))

Sabrina suddenly wanted that textbook to slam into his face, wanted it more than she wanted to not want it. The thought and the wanting made her rein herself in, hard, regulating her breathing and her heart rate. In out, in out, with the heartbeat, the body's perfect rhythm.

((Psychic energy is thermal in nature. Drawn from the sun, manifests as heat, conceptualized- by many of us, anyway- as fire. Stored in the heat of the blood. And thermal energy, as you may recall, does not translate perfectly from potential to kinetic. Some of it is-))

"Yes, I am familiar with the basic concept of entropy."

((It is considered rude to interrupt))

She didn't glare at him, but it was a near thing.

((The energy isn't lost. It's just moved outside the usable spectrum for that psychic at that time. Elsewhere in the universe))

"Which, theoretically, is not outside the usable spectrum for a psychic of sufficient talent."

((My mother can reach the energy on the other side of the universe. I cannot. If you were ever aspiring to that level of talent, you may as well stop now))

"I did qualify my statement with 'theoretically.'"

((Let's concern ourselves with the practice. Psychics use thermal energy, heat; Dark types use its absence, which we can conceptualize for the moment as both 'cold' and 'lack thereof.' A psychic of sufficient skill can use the energy generated somewhere else. You are familiar with how that operates?))

"Of course. One's own psychic output determines one's intake."

((Roughly. One cannot grasp something out of reach. As I said, my mother can reach the energy on the other side of the universe. This is not because she has reached it before and is now using it to reach itself))

"It is because she is, herself, such a strong conduit of psychic energy."

((Precisely)) Mewtwo said. ((Everyone has internal reserves of energy which can be drained and replenished according to basic laws of the universe. These reserves determine what I would call potential and you would call skill level))

"Not precisely," she said. "Skill maximizes potential; but without skill, the potential is always there."

((Is that what you were taught?))

She refused to rise to the bait. "It is what I know through application of basic logical processes."

((And you are right that it's so. Potential can also be minimized through misdirected skill, however))

"Are you implying something?"

((Very likely)) He flicked his tail, his first motion in what suddenly seemed like a very long time.

"Did you just bring me here to discuss physics?"

((I brought you here to establish what you know, and what you do not know))

"And what have you discovered that I know?"

((Very little. How do we acquire our psychic energy, then, if we're not actively pulling it from a source? How do we generate it, if you will- with the full understanding that we're not creating it but rather acquiring it through a passive process?))

"We-" She stopped, frowned, thought again. Pressed her lips together firmly and steeled her nerves to say "I do not believe I know."

((Ah. Here we reach the crux of the problem))

"Obviously, you knew I was not aware, as if I were I would not be in this predicament," she snapped.

((We return to psychic energy- thermal, conceptualized as fire, stored in the heat of the blood, vaguely called "life energy." Understood?))

She nodded.

((So then we ask: what is the life from which we draw the energy? How is that energy stored?))

"Are you saying this is substantially different from basic metabolism?"

((For our purposes, yes- at least the way you mean metabolism. We're not speaking of simply powering the body, converting food to fuel, but of powering the- shall we call it a soul? The portions of us which are less able to be categorized than limbs and organs- that are more insubstantial than substantial? You could call the process the metabolism of the soul, and it's the soul we're referencing when we speak of psychic powers))

"You are saying that psychic power is intrinsically linked to a soul?"

Mewtwo paused. ((Yes and no)) he said. ((Understand I'm using a particular definition of "soul." I'm speaking less of spirituality and more in terms of spirit itself- soul as an emotional center, if you will))

Sabrina raised an eyebrow. "I prefer to consider the limbic system my emotional center."

Mewtwo didn't have eyebrows to raise, but his face moved that way all the same. ((By all appearances, you lack an emotional center))

"I am fairly certain that my brain-"

((Will you please stop being obstinate?!)) Mewtwo finally exploded, his lilac shield lysing before he brought it back under control. ((Sabrina, listen to yourself! Listen to me, for that matter! What generates psychic energy within the body? Passion! Raise your emotional level, raise the blood pressure, raise your temperature- that's heat! That's our fire! You should know better, Sabrina, it's why the ghosts hate us- it's what we have that they don't, that they want! When you kill your passion, you kill your power! You keep yourself locked in the same cage your mother kept you in and you don't even know that you're throwing away your own key!))

Sabrina opened her mouth to retort, but he cut her off. ((Stop. Just stop. You're controlling yourself even now. You don't even realize what you're doing.)) He got to his feet within the bubble of his shield and floated a black orb of his power into midair. ((Hit this)) the clone instructed. ((Just hit it))

Sabrina reached with her mind, envisioning the orb fragmenting into flames; she awaited the rush in her finger-veins that meant her power was lashing out, ready to strike. But instead of coiled she felt unbalanced, her strength fizzling instead of sizzling. She struck anyway, shoving the wisp of her power instead of merely unleashing it, punching it out of her body towards Mewtwo, where it touched the orb and-

-fell away, harmless and spayed, to disintegrate into nothing.

((Again)) Mewtwo said, implacable.

She tried.

((Again))

She felt sweat at her temples, at her neck under her hair, despite the pointed lack of fire.

((Again))

Her fingers shook, her shoulders slumped.

Mewtwo laughed.

She looked up at him in nearly slack-jawed disbelief. "This is funny to you?"

((See, the world's most powerful human psychic)) he very nearly purred. ((Who cannot attack-))

He threw an orb at her, and she reached for her shields, but the blackness smacked into her hands instead. She staggered.

((-who cannot defend-))

And then, from inside her mind, a sinuous whisper: ((-who cannot protect herself))

"How dare you," Sabrina spat, or tried to with her leaden tongue.

((What use can the world have for such a psychic?)) he continued. ((After all, what skills has she now? What is her purpose? Who will need her?))

Sabrina bit her lip. Hard.

((Useless)) he continued, hissing, predatory in the faint glint off of light reflected off of the water. ((Useless. Who could find use for such a creature?))

"Stop," she said, and hated that she'd said it.

((Useless)) he continued, and she heard a second voice join with him, bodiless, a cruel whisper that came from the air itself. Sabrina shivered as she recognized her mother's voice, though surely she was in the Tower even now.

((Useless daughter. A disappointment. So much power. Wasted!))

"We've been over this," Sabrina whispered. "You've told me."

((And now you can't even use it. What a pity. What – a – pity. It is piteous, this thing you've… failed to become))

((Now you can't hold your Gym)) Mewtwo said. ((And who will take your place as Rocket Elite? There's no shortage of candidates. The only question is whom, and how fast. There are so many, after all, who've been waiting for you to fail…))

Agatha laughed, an ugly deep sound with no humor in it, but plenty of glee. ((You always were a disappointment))

"Stop, Mother…" she whispered, mouth full of blood from her lip.

((How fast will Giovanni replace you?)) Mewtwo asked, nonchalantly studying a paw. ((Powerless- and as a trainer, merely adequate. And the other things he's offered… you've turned your back on them. And where will that leave you?))

"Stop it…"

((You waste of flesh and spirit, you were a waste of the time it took to conceive you)) Agatha spat. ((I never tried to turn you because I knew you'd never make it. I tested you, and tested you, and every time you failed. You'd have been eaten alive by the ghosts in a second. It would have been centuries of work to waste. All you ever did was curl up and shut the world out when I tried to get you to show a little spine))

((That's her grandmother's work)) Mewtwo said, shaking his head. ((Taught her shielding, but not the concept of not isolating herself))

((She can't hold a candle to her grandmother)) Agatha said dismissively. ((The old bat knows a thing or two, but all this one did was build herself a little wall of denial to avoid the world))

((One wonders what she expected to come of that))

((One does indeed. Locked herself out of the world, came back into it long enough to commit murder, and then ran away into her own mind again)) Agatha laughed, a horrible sound somewhere between a cackle and a self-satisfied purr. ((Do you suppose she's afraid of her own guilt?))

((Afraid of something, certainly. Maybe afraid of everything, since she won't let herself face it))

((Mystifying, isn't it? A daughter of mine- conceived at the right time, bred to be our greatest, ended up our greatest disappointment! Whatever she wanted-))

"To kill you," Sabrina whispered. Her fingertips itched. "Like I killed your ghosts. I've… I've killed before."

((Oh look, she's getting upset)) Mewtwo said. ((Look at her, as though she could even touch me- even if she hadn't burned out early, leaving her a husk, a soulless, powerless shell…))

((She was always a disappointment)) Agatha agreed.

"You disappointed me."

((What a letdown to have that for a daughter…))

"You let us down."

((She came out even worse than I feared, in the end))

"I came out every bit as powerful as you feared!" Sabrina yelled.

The Cave lit up as she threw her hands above her head, fire roaring from them. Even the waters burned violet, scalding and evanescing into pale lavender vapor.

"You kicked us away when all we wanted was for someone to say we'd done all right, you shoved us down when we tried to stand up, you kept us in a cage and tried to feed us poison with your words and you couldn't take it when we grew up better than you!" Sabrina shouted, unable to see Mewtwo in the fire, or hear Agatha over the crackling of the flames. The heat burned the tears from her face. "You beat Karin, you tried to kill Will, you may as well have killed Morty, you set ghosts on me to 'test me' knowing full well ghosts eat little psychic children for breakfast and still come back for seconds! You raised me knowing that the moment I felt anything, the moment I did anything but act like- like some kind of soulless marionette- it would be either you or the ghosts sucking off any hint of life force! Maybe I did this to myself, but you did this to me, Mother! I'm not the daughter you sacrificed your sister for so you could use her as an offering- maybe that one you bought and paid for in blood, but that daughter is dead in Gravekeeper Tower and all that's left is me!"

((Who are you?)) Mewtwo's voice came from inside the fire.

"I am a Gym Leader!"

((Who are you?))

"I am a Rocket Elite- the Rocket Elite!"

((Who are you?))

"Sabrina!"

((Sabrina Aetherios of Gravekeeper Tower?))

"Sabrina, the Elite, the world's most powerful human psychic!"

The fire roared, and Sabrina saw nothing but flames.