YO guys! Thanks for all the reviews and likes and stuff! I'm a little worried the plot might me going too fast from here on so please tell me if I'm rushing anything. And do I really have to put the disclaimer in EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER. God that's annoying. Haha anyway, happy reading!
Chapter 4: why did I do that?
Emily POV
We just finished our meeting and I realized I couldn't tear away my stare towards Beca the whole time. The way she would occasionally look at me and smile while someone else was talking and the way she looked with her pajamas made my stomach turn. I was interrupted from my daydream by Lily, my roommate for the week, when she said, "so what's the deal about you and Beca?" She's usually quiet when we're with the whole group, but we've grown so close this year, that she has started to talk at a normal volume, but only to me. I looked at her pretending I wasn't shocked at her question, "What!? There's nothing going on between me and Beca. She's the leader and I must respect my leader." She laughs and rolls her eyes, "cut the bull Em! I know you like her!" I look down and say, "Really is it that obvious?" She instantly says, "yup! When are you going to tell her?" I chuckle and say, "never... she's dating someone and I don't want to ruin our friendship. I don't want to ruin something so great because I want something greater." Lily just smiles and says, "but what if she likes you back? Don't you want to see where this would go if she really did like you back?" This brought me to think of all the good times I had with Beca over the year: the party, the retreat, the collab. It made me realize, I have had the best moments of my freshman year with her and what it would be like if we really did go out with each other. This sprung me to my feet and I hugged and thanked Lily and said, "I'm going to tell her now." She said "good luck!" And I was out the door.
Our rooms were on the same floor but hers was farther down the hall from mine. I was so nervous that I could hardly breath, but when I got to her door I couldn't breath at all. I was about to knock when I heard Beca say through the door, "I miss you too Jessie." This made my heart drop to my feet. She was talking to Jessie and probably couldn't wait to see him after our vacation. I couldn't take it after that and ran back to my room crying. I open the door and immediately fall on my bed to sob into a pillow. Lily comes to my side and asks, "what happened Emily?" I reply, "I was about to knock on Beca's door, but I heard her through the door saying, I miss you Jessie and I just lost it. I knew she wouldn't have the same feelings for me! Beca is straight and I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of the trip." She seemed confused at the whole situation and asks, "are you sure? She could have meant something else by that." I look at Lily with tears streaming down my cheeks saying, "what do you mean am I sure? Of course I'm sure Lily! I heard it with my own two ears!" It made me wonder why Lily was a little confused about my story. Does she know something that I don't? I couldn't think about it anymore and told Lily that I was going to sleep and she was a little hesitant at leaving my side, but I told her that I was fine and just needed some sleep. I turn off the lamp by my bed and face the wall on the opposite side. Even though it was like 3:00 am I couldn't fall asleep. My mind was running around with thoughts of Beca and why I even let myself think that she was into me. I shed a few tears and fall asleep convincing myself that it all goes downhill from here.