Chapter 3
Animus

It was rainy in Konoha and it had been about a week since Gai had last seen Kakashi and shared his nightmarish tales with the other. Tsunade let him go home today, which was nice, but something troubled him over the way she released him. Her voice was not as hard as it used to be. She was clearly on edge about something, but no matter how much he inquired her behavior, no secret would she reveal to him.

Her quivering voice still rang clear in his ears: "The results came back a while ago, but I had forgotten to inform you…They all came back negative. They were tests to see if you had any sort of disease, cancer and what have you. All negative. Before you go, take this. These pills will help with the pain. Take them when you start to feel it coming on…Refills are free. Have a nice day."

He frowned sadly as he approached his house. Ever since he came home from the hospital over a year ago, his house held an unfriendly omen to it. It was docile and subtle but tense and unconsciously aggravated at the same time. He felt this sense of atmosphere to be unnerving and often found himself leaving his house just to not be there.

Slowly, he eased himself inside his house and shut the door behind him. He stood there with his back against the door and his hand still clutching the knob. Looking up at the ceiling, he sighed, "I know you don't like me…and I'm starting to not like you…At least until I'm cured of whatever it is that I have, let's be friends…?"

He lowered his head, his sad expression deepening, "I'm talking to my house…" Sighing, he made his way to his kitchen, reaping through his cabinets and drawers for utensils and cooking tools. He was hungry and craved for something hot. After laying out a few pots and pans, he stopped to ponder what exactly it was he wanted. He wanted something warm and gentle on his stomach.

Soup would do nicely, but the only kind of soup he had in his cabinet was tomato. Tomato soup was fine; not the kind he would have chosen but it will suit his needs. Grabbing a can from his cabinet he proceeded to set it on the counter and put unnecessary necessities away before opening the can and pouring it into a suitable sized saucepan.

He stood before his stove and waited after turning it on, putting the pain on a burner. As the soup came to a boil he took a wooden spoon and stirred it up, watching it with half-lidded eyes. His gaze wandered deep into the scarlet pigment of the soup as he rose the spoon from the saucepan, dripping the red liquid from the bowl of the spoon back into that of the pan.

It looks like…

"Blood…"

Gai gasped sharply and slapped a hand over his mouth, dropping the spoon into the boiling soup. His face grew pale and he slowly edged back from the stove, his eyes peering into the saucepan, "No…That's impossible…I'm home now…I want…to forget…"

Blood…dripping…from the spoon…No…from the walls. Walls…of the stalls… Into the toilet he fell and down the drain he went to hell!

"Shut up!" Gai cried out into the ceiling, his hands shooting up to cover his ears, "Please don't say such horrible things…"

Gai gave a loud startled yelp as a knocking came upon his front door, causing him to knock over a pan or two still left on the counter, causing a clatter about his floor. He sighed after a second, struggling to pull himself together as he quickly gathered up the pans and placed them back upon the counter before going into the living room to answer the door.

Gai opened the door just a crack, still shaken from being scared half to death in his moment of panic, "Who is it?" Kakashi arched his thin brow as he looked into Gai's eyes through the thin crevice between the door and the doorframe, "What's the matter Gai? You look like you've seen a ghost." Kakashi smiled cleverly underneath his mask as Gai narrowed his eyes in response to his question.

Stepping back and opening the door wide enough for Kakashi to slip through, he said, "Come in?" Bowing, the silver haired ninja stepped inside, almost silently refusing to pay Gai a passing glance. Today was the day that he'd tell Gai exactly what was going on. He turned with his mouth slightly agape, though hidden behind the mask, his eyes meeting the back of Gai's head as the green beast headed into the kitchen, "Would you like some soup? I have some on the stove if you'd like some."

Kakashi blinked wondering if it would be alright if he politely declined a bowl. He had just eaten and Gai was still as thin as ever. He had gained muscle mass back since he was released from the hospital after being treated for burns beyond the third degree, but his weight was not yet back to one hundred percent. Kakashi stepped forward and followed Gai into the kitchen, smelling the aroma of tomato soup through his mask. He found it difficult to change his mind about declining a bowl of soup from the other man, "Ahh… No, thanks, Gai. I …just ate."

Gai looked at him with a blank stare before smiling widely, "Alright then! Hope you don't mind me eating in front of you, I'm really hungry!" Kakashi's brow coiled upward slightly as he looked Gai over, "It's no problem. You need to eat regardless of company or not."

As Gai carefully poured the steaming hot soup from the saucepan into a bowl, he gently inquired, "So, what brings you here, Kakashi?"

"I…Want to talk to you about something."

"Yes? What is it? I'm all ears."

"It's…about your condition."

"Ahh don't worry about me, Kakashi! Why is everyone overreacting? I'm sure it's just an ulcer or something."

"It…" Come on, you dolt. Tell him.

"I'm sure it's probably nothing."

Tell him! Tell him, now! The iron isn't hot but that doesn't mean you can't strike!

"Is something about it bothering you, my rival?"

"…No. No, it's nothing, Gai. You're right, it's…It's nothing to worry about."

You can't protect him forever.

Gai smiled to this as he took a spoon and dipped it into his bowl, "Is that all you wished to talk to me about?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, What else is there to talk about with you in your dying moments?

"Err--um… No, no, of course not."

Kakashi leaned his back against the wall and folded his arms across his chest, trying to think of something interesting to start a conversation over.

"So, how's Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura?" Gai piped up from his soup.

The question caught Kakashi off guard, "Ehh--! They're, um, they're doing alright. Naruto was pretty worried about you there for a second the other day. So were Neji and Tenten. Maybe you should go see them and tell them you're alright…?" Gai looked up thoughtfully from his soup, "You're right, I should. I wonder where I would be able to find them?" Kakashi lowered his arms from his chest and looked at Gai thoughtfully, "Perhaps the training grounds?"

Gai didn't look at Kakashi, "Hmmm, yeah, maybe. I'll go look for them later. I need to freshen myself up a bit and clean up my house…it's a mess right now." Kakashi nodded slowly before easing himself off the wall of Gai's kitchen, "I should probably leave you to your business…"

As Kakashi turned, Gai interrupted, "Wait!"

Kakashi froze and stood there, his eyes narrowed slightly.

"Did you see Tsunade-sama yet about your…nightmares?"

Kakashi sighed softly, almost in relief, before he turned to look back at Gai and the serious look on his face over his shoulder before quietly answering, "Yes…She gave me medicine…" Kakashi turned and took out a small plastic bottle, on the white label printed in dark bold letters, "PTV." Gai stood up as he eyed the bottle, his somewhat relieved smile fading. Carefully, he made his way over to Kakashi and snatched the bottle from him, looking over the label.

"PTV…"

White Claudia.

"Err--What…?"

"Gai?"

"Yes?"

"…Can I have my pills back?"

"Oh! Err…Sorry…"

Kakashi snatched the bottle from Gai's hands, shoving it back in his pockets, "Tsunade-sama said they would help."

Gai smiled weakly, "If you say so."

Kakashi arched a thin brow at Gai before turning to head to the door, "I'll see you later."

The green beast's smile faded to Kakashi's lifeless words, "Bye."

Gai turned back to his soup as soon as he heard the door shut. White Claudia…Sounds familiar…but where have I heard it? I haven't heard of it before till today… Strange… Shrugging, Gai quickly consumed his soup before stretching out his limbs. He stared down at his feet for a moment before taking his bowl and setting it in the depression of his sink.

He stared out the window above it as he aimlessly turned on the water, gently holding his bony hands under the cool running liquid before letting it fill up his bowl and dissolving the leftover remnants of his soup. Lee loved looking out this window. He smiled, though weakly, even after having trained himself to smile whenever he thought of his late student for at least six months. Despite knowing Lee was in a better place, the fact still hurt him and made him angry, hateful, and sad.

Smiling helped calm these feelings of his, though briefly, and stalled enough time for him to come up with something meaningless to set his mind upon other than his passed-on reason to live. He watched the clouds pass over slowly in the azure sky above as he aimlessly washed his bowl. Clouds…so…white and peaceful… But for some reason, I get the feeling it's going to rain soon.

Looking down from the window, he stared into the bowl of his sink, filled with water after having been plugged by a misplaced cloth at the bottom of the depression. Stray particles of the leftover soup floating around in the fluid and turning it an orangey reddish color. He cringed, his eyes locked on that scarlet color, becoming thick and sticky in his mind's eye. Into the toilet he fell and down the drain he went to hell! HAHAHAHAHA!

"Stop it!!" Gai wailed, flailing and lashing out a fist into the glass of his window, shattering both the glass and the skin about his knuckles. With wide eyes he stared into the cracked glass, breathing hard, his chest swelling inside with a moist sensation of absolute dread. Small beads of sweat formed on his forehead and gently streaked down his face, just as scarlet streams decorated his hand and dripped into waterlogged sink. You thought you had left that world behind you.

Gently, he eased his hand from the cracked glass, cradling it against his chest as he drained the sink and filled it with new, clean water and clogging it with an appropriate drain plug. He was quick to find a pair of chopsticks, such a pair that proved worthy in its use to gently remove shards of glass that got stuck in his hand. Once he was sure all glass particles had been removed from his knuckles, he plunged his hand into the biting cold water.

He flinched, tightly closing his eyes momentarily before reopening them a crack, watching as his own blood added color to the water. You're wrong. It's as real as your fear and it's much closer to home than you can imagine. You're just too stupid to know it. He lowered his head sadly, staring into the bloodied water as it swirled around his wrist. It's been over a year…No matter how much I want to forget that horrible place…It just won't leave me alone…

The sudden ringing of the doorbell startled him and caused him to jump, splashing water over his face and shirt with a few droplets of blood here and there. Growling in annoyance, he grabbed a washing cloth from the counter and wiped off his face and wrapped it tightly around his hand. He treaded towards the door, a scowl painted cleanly on his face, "What is it now?"

Before he opened the door, he relaxed his expression, though still somewhat seething on the inside. He slowly eased it open, seeing that it was a ninja, unknown personally to Gai by name, though he was obviously a chunin. Carefully, the ninja reached into his vest and took out a small piece of paper, "Summons from Tsunade-sama. She says you may come whenever convenient."

Arching a thick brow, Gai took the note from the ninja and dismissed him with a sharp nod and "Thank you." As the ninja took off in a leap, he shut the door and pressed his back against it, "What does she want? I just got out of the hospital today. Why didn't she conference with me before then?" Sighing, he stared down at the floor, his obsidian eyes narrowed in annoyance and worry.

I feel that this conference with Tsunade-sama will be a painful one…

End of Chapter 3