Oh lights go down
In the moment we're lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly

Chapter 4: Living Without You

Erid Luin not only lacked the comfort of Erebor, but it lacked the safety which the great dwarf city had provided as well.

This was a fact that haunted Thorin as well as his sister, Dis. His nephews knew of nothing else, for better or worse, this was the life they had always known.

Had they grown up in their rightful kingdom, they would not have started learning training in swordsmanship until at least their twenty-fifth birthday. There was simply no need. Prior to turning twenty-five, their training would be focused on reading, khuzdul, iglishmek , and the history of their people. They may learn about battles and tactics, but only in theory. They wouldn't have started the physical training until they were strong and large enough to wield a proper sword. Only once they could comfortably support the weight of a weapon would they begin training in combat.

This was not so for the dwarflings of Erid Luin. While it was not exactly common place, raids of goblins or orcs were not unheard of. More importantly, it was important for dwarflings to be able to defend themselves from any sort of threat, be it men or something more sinister. For although it was not a dangerous time in middle earth, evil will always exists in the hearts of some.

While dwarflings were strong, they were also very small, and this made them easy targets in the eyes of less savory creatures.

A the age of eleven, each of the Durin brothers were each given their own wooden sword. They would learn basic defense moves, positioning with their feet, how to guard and block, and most importantly, they would get comfortable feeling the weight of a sword in their arms.

At fifteen, Doli and Fili had each received blunted training swords. Kili, at only ten himself, had not yet received his.

It was a few weeks after Doli's passing that Fili first went to train with Dwalin again. It did not go well.

Fili had been optimistically hoping that the activity and the adrenaline that came with sparring would distract him from what had become constant pain in his heart. He soon learned this was not the case. He found himself more desperate and more angry than the fifteen year old dwarfling ever thought was possible.

The exercise began innocently enough, the seasoned warrior bowing to the young prince before drawing his own blunted sword in a defensive stance. Fili did the same. The only noticeable difference was that for the first time since the young prince had begun practicing with a blunted sword, Fili attacked first. Usually, Fili was defensive, watching his threat with keen eyes until they attacked him.

Soon, Fili was fighting with more anger than he ever realized he was capable off. He was fighting off his aggression and sorrow, but in his mind, he was also training for his future. He was now responsible for protecting Kili and himself. And Fili would be damned if anything come near his smallest brother.

Doli had always protected them. That task had never fallen on Fili alone. Even his sickness would not stop Doli's instinct, and Fili was determined to care and protect Kili with the same skill that Doli had protected them.

He dodged one of Dwalin's strikes and then countered with a blow of his own. Dwalin blocked it easily, and Fili lost his footing for a second. While his defensive training and all his instincts told him to step back and reset his footwork, Fili would not do that. Not this time.

Instead, he spun and delivered another attack on Dwalin. Dwalin blocked it again, setting Fili more off balance. His gut screamed to reset his position, but he didn't. Another blow, and another. Finally Dwlin deftly dodged a blow, tripping Fili with his leg, and the young prince when sprawling to the ground.

"Yield?" Dwlain said, holding his sword to Fili's neck.

Fili saw red.

He spun away from Dwalin's sword again, got to a feet, and with a cry launched himself at the seasoned warrior. Dwalin raised an eyebrow and then proceeded to begin to block Fili's shots again. Each time Fili missed, he grew more and more frustrated and more and more tired, until he could not stand it anymore and tears began form in his eyes.

Finally, Dwalin knocked the practice sword away from the young prince, something he could have done much earlier, but had chosen not too.

After the sword left his hands, Fili immediately collapsed to the ground, silent tears streaming down his face.

Dwalin kneeled down next to the crushed child.

"You'll make him proud, Fili." He whispered, pulling in the small dwafling next to him.

"I need to be better." Fili cried. "I can't lose Kili too. I can't"

"Nonsense, lad." Dwalin replied, eyes widening in confusion as the connection not obviously apparent to him. "You are doing wonderfully."

"FEE!" Kili yelled, throwing his arms around his distraught brother. "Are you ok? Are you hurt?" Kili asked with wide eyes. Dwalin thought his usually tough heart would melt as the small princeling began trying to wipe Fili's tears away with the sleeve of his tunic.

Kili had been sitting as a sentry near where Dwalin and Fili were practicing. The youngest Durin was carefully watching his brother duel with Dwalin. He had been seated underneath an evergreen tree, with his wooden sword in his hand, tense, as though waiting for someone to attack him.

Gone was the happy carefree Kili who would have wandered off and would have been chasing rabbits or climbing trees in search for the ripest apples. Replacing him was a withdrawn dwarfling with a heavy heart and an obsession with keeping Fili within his line of sight.

Now, Fili watched Kili and Kili watched Fili. Kili was on his feet as soon as his brother hit the ground, running towards the two with what only could be called terror in his dark brown eyes.

"I'll be ok, Kili. I'm just losing my patience." Fili replied, wrapping his brother up in a hug as well.

"Don't push yourself too hard, lad. You will be a swordsmen yet, but both your head and your heart need to be present in battle if you plan to be successful." Dwalin said wisely.

Kili looked around the practice field. Fili noticed the sad look in his brothers eyes and realized jolt that Kili had become much more thoughtful in the month since Doli's passing.

"He was sick, wasn't he?" Kili asked, voice quiet.

"What?"

"Not two months ago, when we were out on this field right before the solstice. He was sick…." Kili whispered, and both brothers found themselves thinking to just a short while ago, when their brother was alive.

Doli yearned for more power than the sword. Had Doli lived he would not have mastered the bow of his youngest brother, nor the twin swords of the middle brother. Doli would have become one of the best with an axe since Dwalin himself. But that was a future that did not await Thorin's oldest.

The year that Doli would pass on, was also the year that he would be given his first real sword to train with. Gone were the blunted swords that he received at fifteen, this was a full size, fully sharpened weapon made to kill.

Thorin had made Doli a scabbard that he could clip on his waist, and Doli carried that sword and scabbard everywhere.

It was a cold winter morning when Doli first started feeling ill. When the plague first settled into him, it came first in the form of a dizzy spell. Doli had woken up and immediately felt light headed, even before he left the comfort of his bed. As he went to get up from the bed, his legs gave out, and he landed painfully on his knees.

Doli grimaced and he took a sharp intake of breath, but did not yell out. Fortunately Fili, a heavy sleeper, had not yet woken and did not see his brother fall. With a shake of the head and a few deep breaths, Doli got to his feet.

He could not be ill today. The winter solstice was coming up, and he had promised his mother he would entertain Kili and Fili out of the house today as she prepared the desserts she was in charge of contributing. She needed them out of her way as there would be numerous other dwarven maidens from town at their small home helping prepare and it would be too chaotic and too crowded with three dwarfling boys running around.

He'd feel better after he ate something, Doli thought to himself as he sat down at the table with a large glass of water.

A dull pain had developed in the base of his skull, and it was a constant reminder that entire day that he was not feeling his best.

As the three boys left the house it became apparent that both Kili and Fili were feeling fine and energetic. They were positively ecstatic at being without adult supervision for the afternoon.

"You're it, Fee!" Kili squelled, tagging Fili before taking off running into the open archery field. Kili's black hair was flowing in the wind and he was giggling loudly as Fili chased him towards the woodline.

There was a dusting of snow on the ground, but not quite enough for a snowball fight. They were alone, on the edge of the settlement. The mountains were breathtaking in their beauty and the boys were well bundled to enjoy a few hours out in the exposed field, surrounded by trees.

"No climbing, Kili!" Fili yelled, as his brother reached the treeline and immediately began surveyed for the closest way up.

"Doli! Tell him no climbing!" Fili yelled as Kili found the lowest branch. "He'll slip!"

"I have been climbing trees since I could walk," Kili retorted "I most certainly will not slip."

Fili appealed to his brother for support, but Doli couldn't bring himself to scold either of them. Instead, he leaned against one of the archery targets, and allowed his legs to slide to the ground.

"I'm going to sit this one out my brothers, I'm tired." Doli said, with false enthusiasm in his voice.

If Kili and Fili noticed anything amiss by their older brother sitting out from tag and leaning his head against an archery target, they did not bring it to each others attention. Pretty soon they began ignoring their older brother entirely, as the two entertained themselves

Not twenty minutes had passed when a shriek caught both Fili and Kili's attention.

From the woodline, what could only be an orc, wandered into sight shrieking with delight as it came upon dwarfling flesh.

Although none of the boys had dealt with an orc before, it fit the description perfectly. This particular orc was actually smaller than most, a runt, recently escaped being fed to the wargs by his leader. It had wandered away to stay good and lost from it's previous company. It was in search of food and perhaps a new orc group to join with when it stumbled onto the archery field.

Although an undersized orc to a seasoned warrior, to the boys it was a huge monster. To them, it was bigger than Azog himself.

"KILI!" Fili screamed, directing the smallest of the three. Kili was up in a tree almost directly above where the orc had entered the field.

"DON'T MOVE!" Fili added, looking around desperately for anything he could use for a weapon. Why did he leave his blunted blade at home? "Stay up there!" He called, allowing himself a moment of relief that Kili was safely out of harms way.

"DOLI!" Kili screamed, as he saw the Orc advancing on Fili. Where was Doli? Why wasn't he shouting instructions to them. Why wasn't he helping them?

To Kili's horror, Doli hadn't move from where he had sat by the archery targets.

"DOLI!" Kili screamed again, attempting to rouse his oldest brother. Had he fallen asleep? How could he not hear their shouting?

The second scream of his name did what the first did not, and Doli's eyes jerked open to a horrible sight.

A lone orc was advancing on Fili, who was throwing rocks at the creature and attempting to divert it's attention away from Kili, who was still up in a tree.

"DOLI!" Fili screamed as another rock bounced of the Orcs head, and the Orc advanced on him, only feet away.

It took all the strength that Doli had left in him to get to his feet, but it did not matter, for he would give everything for his brothers.

He grabbed his sword and charged the orc with a battle cry, distracting it from Fili and his rocks. The orc responded to him, blocking his shot and taking a swing at him in return. Doli was able to block it, but he feeling so week and so dizzy, it was all he could manage to hold his sword up.

Soon the orc was on top of him, dagger cutting into his arm as Doli yelled in pain.

Just as the Orc was about to stab him again, Doli managed on final swing and to his delight, he lobbed the orcs head clean off. His reserves spent, he collapsed, vision blackening as the orc body fell on top of him.

"Doli!" the cries of his two brothers snapped him back into consciousness as they dragged the body of the orc off him. "Are you ok?" Kili asked, wrapping his arms around his brothers neck as Fili began to examine the cut on Doli's arm.

"Let's just get home" Doli said.

It took everything to stay conscious during the walk home, and although Kili and Fili did not yet know what plagued their brother, they stayed on either side of him, prepared to catch him should he fall.

It was the last time Doli would be in the outdoors with his brother.

"Yes. I think even then he was sick." Fili whispered. "But he still was able to save us." Tears welled up in the young prince's eyes yet again. "I'm going to be a better fighter Kee, I'm going to be able to protect you."

For the first time since Doli died, a genuine smile appeared on Kili's face.

"You will be a the best swordsman, Fee. And I'm going to be right by your side."

A/N: Are people still with this story? :/

I was listening to Birdy's song "Wings" when I wrote this. Feels the vibe. Next chapter the boys will be older.