School got quiet once again after the show Young Do and Hyo Shin put up in the hallways, but it worked only as a slight comfort to the bothersome situation she found herself in.

As much as she wanted to accidentally bump into Lee Hyo Shin before, she was now praying not to meet him somewhere around the school.

She managed to do so quite well for some time. Mainly because she was spending most of the time in the library. It was a good excuse, she needed to study for the finals anyway.

It's a pathetic excuse, Rachel.

She sighed.

But she really didn't know how to handle it. She lost herself the other day and when the euphoria left her it freaked her out. She wasn't like that.

On the other hand, she didn't want to be an ostrich sticking its head in the sand either, she wasn't a quitter taking the easy way out.

She was just giving herself some time.

But it came sooner than she expected.

"Are you avoiding me?"

He slid into the empty chair next to her. It startled her. She didn't notice him coming.

"I am not." She said too quickly to even pretend it wasn't an obvious lie.

"Then why are you not looking at me?"

She closed the book and looked him in the eyes demonstratively, hoping there was no agitation she felt inside visible in her expression.

Hyo Shin looked completely normal, meaning unaffected and untouched by anything, chewing the thing she still didn't know what it was.

It looked like both of them were struggling with words to say. He was slowly tapping his fingers against the table and she was absently staring at the book. They were silent for few minutes, which wasn't unusual given they were in a library, but she felt that they needed to talk.

"We don't need to name this." He gesticulated between them with his index finger.
"Or we can, whatever you want. As long as you feel comfortable enough to look at me at least."

She was thirsty for answers. Anything to soothe the chaos in her head. But she didn't know what exactly she wanted to know, what answers she needed to hear and she was afraid of asking the questions.

"It's confusing." She said truthfully.

"As it usually is at the beginning," he nodded. "They call it the fun part."

"I don't find it funny at all."

"Me neither. But I don't think it should keep us from talking to each other."

He was right. It's not worth it if she avoids seeing him.

"Maybe we don't need to have the talk yet and there are other things we can talk about?" He asked carefully and she smiled.

"Then help me brainiac," she opened the book again and pushed it towards him. "How do you solve this?"

They spent the rest of the week together, talking about everything else but the two of them. She believed the proper term was hanging out with him. Most of the time, they studied together. Well, more like she was actually studying and he was correcting her, because with his knowledge and photographic memory he didn't need to study at all. It was annoying and admirable at the same time. She wouldn't tell him, but she found his ability to solve a problem she was trying to figure out for an hour in a minute very attractive.

It wasn't till his graduation it hit her and the weight of reality fell heavily on her shoulders.

He's going to the army.

She watched him on the podium, receiving all of the teacher's congratulations. His academic achievements were so remarkable even the principal's face looked less vicious than usually. He smiled widely when he was giving a speech to all of the students gathered in the great hall, but she failed to listen to his words. Everyone around her looked happy or touched, which she found really odd, because they hardly cared for each other here and when they did, it was definitely more often in a negative sense.

She shook her head and left the room, hoping to leave all of the unpleasant feelings connected to Hyo Shin's departure in there also.

As if it was that easy.

She held onto the handrail strongly, supporting herself and imagining the uneasiness leaving her body the more intensively she clutched the rail.

As if it was that easy.

She heard the noise of the room getting louder behind her as someone opened the door, but she didn't turn around to find out what that was.

Then someone hugged her from behind tightly. So tightly she didn't even flinch at the unexpected touch. She exhaled with relief when she realized who it was.

He put his head on her right shoulder and she automatically leaned into the touch. Her heart was beating fast and she thought he must feel it with his chest pressed to her back and his hands around her, but she didn't want to let go of him. Moreover, did it really matter anymore?

"You're leaving soon."

She felt him nodding as he buried his face in her hair. His breath tickled her in the back of her neck and she covered his hands with hers, stroking his skin softly.

"Next week," he almost whispered.

They didn't need to say anything else. They didn't need to name their relationship.

She found a certain freedom in the truth, even though it was still unsettling.

Yes brother, I realized it too.

"You need to stop being so hard on yourself. It's alright to feel vulnerable sometimes, it's alright to need help and it's alright to make mistakes Rachel."

"Then why do I feel like vomiting all the time these days?"

She found Young Do in the hotel's kitchen, wearing yellow gloves, washing the plates. The sight surprised her.

"You're still doing the dishes?"

He didn't need to do it anymore. She didn't understand why his father made him do the dishes in the first place, but he was in jail now after all.

"Habit is a second nature. Besides, there's nothing wrong with using your hands instead of your brain sometimes."

"I would use the brain to put the dishes in the dishwasher, I thought a hotel like this would have few."

He looked at her ironically and threw a new pair of yellow gloves at her. It took her a while to realize what he meant.

I've never washed the dishes before.

Lifting the gloves hesitantly, it occurred to her that she has never washed anything in her life. Or cleaned. Or cooked. It has also never bothered her before, but she had to admit it sounded ridiculous.

She put the gloves on and studied her hands with strange interest. The expensive designer shirt underneath the cheap yellow plastic gloves worked as a weird, yet amusing combination.

Young Do moved few dirty plates and glasses to the sink she stood in front of and turned the water on.

"You want to stay here tonight, don't you? Consider this paying off for your room."

She did want to stay there tonight. Or anywhere if it wasn't at home.

"I told my mother I'm not marrying you," she answered his unuttered question and picked up the plate. To her surprise, sliding a sponge across the plate and making it clean was enjoyable more than she would expect.

"Was she furious?"

"I believe she called me an ungrateful brat."

He whistled, giving her mother a credit.

It wasn't the reason she left the house immediately and went to the hotel. Something like that wouldn't hurt her, but her mother was angry and in an arguing mood and Rachel needed some peace right now. Besides, it was always good to give her mother time to cool down.

"But just tonight. I'm not letting my little sister run away. And I'm calling Esther to let her know where you're."

"Yes, father."

She went out of the bathroom ready to head for bed when she heard a knock on the door. It was unexpected, because she already had a dinner with Young Do earlier and didn't order anything else.

But it wasn't her overprotecting brother or a hotel service behind the door.

First thought belonged to her missing makeup and wet hair. Also, she wasn't probably enchanting in the hotel's bathrobe either. The second thing that came to her mind was asking Hyo Shin about his presence in the hotel, more precisely, in front of her room.

"Young Do gave me a call, saying you'd like to see me."

That was so unexpected she didn't even protest when he entered the room, uninvited.

"Don't you think I would call you myself if I wanted to see you?"

"Actually I don't. You're too proud to admit that you're missing me."

She shut the door loudly as a response to his cocky expression. Young Do can look forward to getting a kick in the ass in the morning.

"Putting my desire for you aside," she said ironically and sat on the edge of a bed. "What exactly are you doing here?"

Hyo Shin bit his lips. She noticed he was doing it surprisingly often.

"That is a question I don't know an answer to."

For a while they kept staring at each other. Despite the awkward silence sprawling around them, she was glad to see him, even though it was slightly painful at the same time.

"But we need answers," she stated, serious this time.

"Then let's ask some questions first," he joined her on the bed.

What did he mean?

"For example, why do I think about you so much?"

His eyes were searching her face as if there was an answer hidden somewhere. Bending her head down, she tried to hide it, because she was sure the thrill his words woke was apparent all over her face.

It's too late for that, don't you think Rachel?

"It doesn't make sense," he continued. "Why should I feel attracted you? You're stubborn and proud, having feelings makes you run away, people don't like you and you don't like them. You don't trust anybody," he shook his head and exhaled deeply.

Maybe the things he said would hurt her few months ago. No, she was sure that normally, he wouldn't just get away with it unharmed. But that normally wasn't very present-day anymore. Because he was right and she could admit it.

"You shouldn't," she agreed. Rachel might have changed for the better in some ways, but she still wasn't a girl man would want to be in a relationship with.

"But there must be something about you, because I do."

He was being very honest and it felt like they were walking in a minefield. Taking their steps carefully, afraid to walk into the zone with no way back. But he was slipping. Could she do that too?

It wasn't about her anymore. Rachel wasn't thinking about the impact taking the next step would have on her, it was about him. They were complete opposites. When people talked about Lee Hyo Shin, they were full of praise for him. He was like a textbook definition of a good person. She wondered if there was somebody who has ever used her name and the word good in one sentence.

"We're not a match."

He nodded. "We might even beat Bo Na and Chan Young in the weirdest couple contest."

She chuckled.

But the truth lay somewhere deeper.

"You'll be gone for two years."

That sentence added extra weight to the atmosphere between them. Even if the things were ideal, even if she could become his woman, nothing really mattered as long as he was going to be away from her.

"I didn't want this, whatever it is between us, to happen because of it. But I failed to keep the distance."

"Well, I didn't exactly make it easier either."

"Of course not, you started it in the first place."

"Excuse me?"

"You are the one who kissed me at that party. I had a very disturbing dream that night."

Her personality requested rolling eyes and hitting him slightly, but truthfully, she liked his paradoxical character. In a way, he was the purest man she knew, but he could make her cheeks turn red with one sentence. Maybe men needed to be little immodest in certain situations, wouldn't it be boring otherwise?

In the end, there were no answers for them to find. They tried to express as much as they could, but both of them were realists, finding zero desire in adding an oil into the fire and getting burned along with consequences. The fact he came to see her in the middle of a night and the fact she didn't throw him out spoke for itself.

Catching him looking at her, the more behind his eyes being sad this time, she realized there was no point in feeling down. It was one of the few life philosophies she thought she got right. It's not worth it if it makes you unhappy.

"The way I see it, we're screwed. We can't pretend nothing has happened and it won't make it any easier even if you go away right now," she shrugged her shoulders.

She smiled at the sight of his face getting confused as she got closer to him.

"So it can't make much more damage if you kiss me before you go."

She had no idea where that came from. He was making her behave so out of character sometimes it was almost scary, but she didn't care tonight.

Leave the remorse for the morning.

However her words affected him, he obviously enjoyed it, even though he had an effort to keep a straight face at first. Turning his body towards her, he took her chin in his hand and lifted her head. Her lips were close to his again and she stopped breathing, awaiting the kiss to come, but it never did.

When she opened her eyes again, a very Hyo Shin-like mischievous grin was playing on his face. It was the one indicating victory. Also the one he used when he was mocking her.

"I like how impatient you are," his voice was surprisingly deep, but he didn't let her pull away.

Instead, he lowered his head, his lips stopping only paper thin away from hers.

"Are you chickening out?" Her lips were gently drumming against his when she spoke and she felt him smirk at her irritated voice.

"You wish."

He captured her lips strongly, sliding one hand behind her head, grabbing her hair and pulling her closer.

Who's impatient now?

He kissed her fiercely, trying to get deeper, get more and she loved every second of it. It might have been hard for her to admit that she liked him, but undoubtedly, she could say she loved kissing him.

She loved the feel of his hands caressing her hair, the soft and yet needy touch of his finger pads on her neck, she loved the way he shivered when she bit his lower lip, his warm breath on her cheek when they pulled away for a while, his animalistic expression…

All the things they couldn't say were displayed in the way they kissed.

In some moments she later couldn't recall, led by the need of being closer to him, she threw her leg over his instinctively and he pulled her on his lap.

She liked the new position, it gave her the advantage of being higher and the fact she was atop of him awoke something deep inside of her. Something deep, longing, thirsting and craving, calling for the body underneath her.

They stopped, breathing heavily, looking at each differently this time.

"We should stop," he cleared his husky voice.

It was absolutely obvious what he really wanted and she thought it was sweet how he tried to control himself, but she was the one who had a choice to make.

"Should we?"

Her mind wasn't clear and her actions were not coming from her brain. There was something utterly terrifying about the way his eyes darkened when she said it and she knew she's letting them step on a mine. But for a reason exceeding her better judgment, she still didn't let him go.

He tried to resist her when she brought herself closer again, but she kissed away any words of protest forming on his tongue. She recognized the exact moment he gave up, letting out a groan, responding to her kisses with a new kind of desire.

It was new to her, but she completely forced out the fear and timidity. Led by instincts, she get rid of his shirt and when he untied her bathrobe, sliding his hands across her bare back and leaving nail marks in the process, she knew she was doing a good job.

Her mind cleared later that night, when she was lying in Hyo Shin's arms, her bare back once again pressed to his chest. He was hugging her closely and she enjoyed the warmth of the touch.

She wondered if she should feel embarrassed or awkward, because except for the achy feeling between her thighs when she moved, she felt extremely good and the lack of downsides felt unnatural. There should be some, right?

But she found none, even when she turned around to face him and he pressed a kiss on her forehead. Stroking his cheeks, she remembered his expression when he came inside of her and she thought there was nothing nicer than watching him being satisfied thanks to her.

She wanted to stay in this state of delight as long as she could, because she knew morning won't have any mercy on them, but the weight of the night was pulling her eyelids down and she had no power left to fight it.

"You know," he whispered to her hair as she was shifting her body to make herself more comfortable. "I know we're not labelling this. But if we were, I would have to say, that…I'm labelling you very much."

It was the first night after a very long time she fell asleep without problems.