Disclaimer: I do not own the book the Outsiders. S.E. Hinton is the owner. I am only a fangirl who writes about her favorite characters. Please enjoy my fan fiction! This is written in 3rd person, but revolves mainly around Johnny.
The darkness seemed to pull all kinds of thoughts from inside. They made Ponyboy think things that he didn't want to remember… Things that hurt to remember. At the same time, these things made his stomach fill with butterflies.
Ponyboy tried his best to keep his eyes open, but weariness was pulling him down. He didn't want to sleep. He was afraid he would dream of Johnny. He was afraid he'd wake up and suddenly Johnny would be in front of him, his dreamy dark eyes staring into Pony's. There would be no escape.
The thing about darkness was that it was so personal. Any word spoken into the dark would be snatched up and kept secret. No one would know.
"Johnny," Ponyboy whispered. Of course Johnny wasn't there to reply. His name was like a deep dark secret. It was like cursing in front of your parents without them hearing. No one would know.
Suddenly Pony heard the door open. He closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.
"I know you're awake," Soda said.
Pony heard the sound of a zipper and shoes hitting the wooden floor. Before he knew it, Soda was lying in bed next to him with his arm around his shoulders.
"What's wrong?" Soda asked.
"Nothing." Pony said.
Soda didn't say anything back. Pony wanted to talk to someone. He wanted sympathy. So he spoke again.
"I'm sick."
"Is it contagious?" Soda asked. His arm on Ponyboy's shoulders was suddenly cautious.
"I'd have to give it to you. I wouldn't." Ponyboy said.
"You got that kissing disease? Who've you been kissing, Pony?"
Ponyboy blushed. He was thankful for the darkness. "No. And I haven't kissed anyone. It's a disease anyway."
"Don't worry." Soda said. "You don't have a disease?"
"How do you know?"
"Well, I know everything."
"Fibber,"
"Trust me, Ponyboy."
Ponyboy sighed. "Have you ever loved someone that you're not supposed to love?"
"Well if you love that person you're supposed to. That's just how it works." Soda said.
Ponyboy turned on his back so he was staring up at the ceiling. "No it's not. Some love is forbidden. Some love is what society doesn't want you to see."
Soda's chin was pressed to Ponyboy's arm. He moved some of his younger brother's long, dark hair out of his eyes. "You washed your hair."
"I felt dirty." Pony said.
"So who's the lucky girl?" Soda asked.
"There isn't any girl."
"Sure there is."
Ponyboy shook his head no.
"You look so sad."
Ponyboy closed his eyes. Soda moved in to Pony's cheek. The cold touch of his nose gave Pony the chills.
Pony moved away.
"Come here," Soda said.
"No."
Soda leaned over Pony and made kissy faces.
Pony turned away on his side.
Soda positioned himself on the other side of Ponyboy so that they were facing each other again.
Ponyboy let an unexpected giggle escape his lips. "Eww, get away."
He got off the bed and moved to the end of the room. Soda followed him. He tried to grab his younger brother's face, but Ponyboy dodged him. Before they knew it, they were chasing each other around the room. Ponyboy was laughing uncontrollably. His stomach throbbed and his eyes filled with tears.
Soda finally got Pony. He pushed him to the bed. Ponyboy tried to get up, but Soda held him down. They struggled, and finally, Soda pecked his brother on the cheek.
"I win!" Soda said.
Ponyboy gasped. He stared at Sodapop. "You're gonna catch it, Soda."
"That's nonsense, Ponyboy."
Pony got back under the covers and hid his head as well.
"Gee, I was just showing some brotherly love. Pony? You okay?" Sodapop asked.
He pulled the covers back from Ponyboy's head. He was crying.
"What the hell…?" Soda asked.
"It's not you." Pony said.
"What is it then? PMS?"
"What's PMS?"
"Never mind; what's the matter with you?"
"I gotta disease, Soda." Ponyboy admitted. "That's why I was feeling dirty, and I wasn't eating." He wiped his tears.
"What type of disease?" Soda asked, exasperated.
Fresh tears streamed down Pony's cheeks. "Oh God…" He turned away.
"You're scarin' me, Ponyboy."
"I… Think… It's the…. Homosexual disease…"
"You're fucking with me."
Ponyboy had never heard Soda curse like that before. He was worried.
"I'm not." Ponyboy admitted.
There was a cold silence in the air. Suddenly the entire room was unbearable. The mood went from sad to playful to… Just plain cold. Ponyboy was scared. He didn't know what to say or do. He was frozen. He didn't want to upset his brother, but he already had.
Ponyboy turned so that he could see his brother's back. Soda didn't move. His head was down, his hands in his lap. They were frozen. He looked dead. As if he'd been shot in his back and someone had kept him from falling to the ground. Pony wanted to touch his shoulder; to whisper his name. He wanted to lean on his shoulder, something to make him move. Something to make him speak…
"If this is a game, I swear to God…" Soda muttered. His voice was raspy, not at all like his usual voice. It sounded like he'd been crying. All anyone ever did was cry…
"It's not." Ponyboy said. "I-it's not a joke. I'm sick. I thought maybe you'd—"
Soda cut him off. "There really is no cure. You know that right?"
Ponyboy didn't say anything for awhile. Neither of them did.
Then Ponyboy said: "Do you hate me?"
"It's not your fault." Soda said. "Where'd you get it from? I swear I'll kill him." Soda turned around and locked eyes with Ponyboy. Suddenly he looked like an old, malevolent man. His eyes were dark and his cheeks were gray. His usual youthful, godly glow was fading. "Was it one of them fruity Socs?"
"I can't—" Ponyboy started.
"Tell me."
"But I CAN'T."
"Then I can't help you."
"I don't need your help." Pony said bitterly. He immediately wanted to take it back.
"Whose side are you on?" Soda snapped.
Ponyboy shrank. "I'm confused. One part of me's saying yes, the other is saying no. Maybe I should just…"
"Just what?" Soda asked.
"Go to sleep." Pony improvised. He turned away from Soda and sank into his pillow. There was no movement on the other side of the bed. He was afraid he would have to sleep on the floor. He was afraid Soda would be disgusted by him. Pony felt cold without his brother's body. It made him feel safe. Now he felt exposed and naked.
Then Ponyboy felt a pair of warm arms wrap around him. He turned into Soda's chest and tried not to cry again. He snuggled his head against his brother's chest. There was an invisible field of protection around him, created by Soda's arms. He wondered what it would be like to lie down in Johnny Cade's arms.
"Soda?" Ponyboy whispered into the dark.
No reply.