Dean had leaned his back against the bathroom door, soon after he had closed it. He couldn't face Sam right now and food seemed like a good way to distract his brother. Dean knew that had Sam remained in the motel room that his little brother would have rattled off a bunch of questions. And although Dean wouldn't have heard a single word that Sam said, Dean knew that by not answering his brother's questions that Sam's concern would only have increased. Dean was struggling with his own emotions and wasn't up for dealing with Sam's as well. Dean loved Sam dearly; but right now, he needed some time to himself and needed some time alone to figure out how bad things really were. After waiting another minute, Dean decided to confirm that Sam really had left to get food. Cautiously, Dean opened the bathroom door and saw that the motel room was empty. Dean released a sigh of relief and turned back to the bathroom sink. As he bent down, Dean turned on the cold water. Cupping his hands, he collected some water in his hands and then threw the water onto his face. The coldness felt refreshing and so, Dean repeated throwing water onto his face several times. Shutting off the water, Dean stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. It had been strange not hearing the tap turned on and not hearing the water run out of the faucet and into the sink. The silence was almost scarier than some of the monsters he had killed. Still watching himself in the mirror, Dean raised both hands and snapped his fingers. Nothing! Absolute nothing! Dean saw his fingers move and had felt his fingers rub against each other. But, there had been no sound. Dean took a sad, slow, deep breath. Still watching his reflection, Dean saw his mouth move and even though he knew that he was trying to say, "you're really screwed this time, aren't you", he heard no sound. Dean grabbed a towel and dried his face. Dean then left the bathroom and sat on his bed. Discouraged, Dean placed his elbows on his knees and put his face into his cupped hands. He knew that he had to get himself together, before Sam returned; but, he was finding that much harder than usual to do.
In the past, Dean had been temporarily left blind or deaf; but, those occasions had never lasted longer than a minute or two. Usually, the deafness had been caused by the high-pitch scream of some monster, which they were in the process of eradicating. The blindness had been caused by a flare or by quickly entering a brightly lighted room after having been in a pitch black area. On those occasions, Dean had been able to easily rely on his other senses to help, while he waited for his disabled sense to return. This time, however, his hearing just didn't seem to want to return. Their father had taught them how to treat and care for a variety of injuries. However, John really had never discussed what to do, should a sense suddenly not return. This was one situation, which Dean could not recall John preparing Dean for. Dean knew that going to a hospital was not an option at this time. Even though their motel was a couple towns away from the warehouse, Dean suspected that his injury could not be easily explained and that a doctor would quickly become suspicious and would contact the police. No, for now, Dean was on his own with this. Well, maybe not totally on his own. After all, when Sam returned, Dean knew that his brother would want to know what all was wrong with Dean and would immediately dive into finding a solution to the situation. A small smile formed, on Dean's face, as he thought about his brother and his brother's caring nature.
Dean wasn't surprised that his hearing was gone. After all, he had felt how powerful the explosion had been. And after exiting the warehouse, Dean had been able to see the destruction that the explosion had done and knew that a very loud bang would have coincided with it. What shocked Dean was the fact that his hearing hadn't returned by now. He was accustomed to quickly rebounding from a hunt. Sure, some injuries took a while to heal. But, Dean had always been good about accommodating his injuries and finding ways to work around them. This time though, he just didn't know what he could do to make up for his deafness. John had taught him to use all five senses – six, if you included your gut feeling. John had stressed how important it was to use all of one's senses, in order to be fully aware of what was going on around you. Being unable to hear anything would mean that Dean wouldn't have any auditory warning of danger. Even worse, if Sam got into trouble, Dean wouldn't be able to hear Sam call for him. No. Dean realized that there was no way he could accommodate his deafness. He wouldn't risk Sam's life, by going into a hunt deaf. Begrudgingly, Dean realized that he would not be able to return to hunting, until after his hearing returned. As this realization sunk in, Dean's stomach suddenly felt heavy and full of lead. The idea of not being able to hunt seemed bizarre and very wrong. Dean felt as if his world was coming to an end. Dean was raised to hunt. Hunting was all he knew – well, besides looking out for Sam. While Dean tried to acclimate to the idea of not hunting, he wondered how Sam would react to the news. Dean's chest tightened, as he thought about how Sam would take the news.
Dean felt a vibration with his feet and lifted his head out of his cupped hands. As he did so, he noticed a light appear on the carpet, in front of him. Dean turned his head and saw that the light was coming from the now opened door, of the motel room. In the doorway stood Sam, with a large brown bag in his hand. Dean offered his brother a small smile and with his head directed Sam to come on in. Normally, Dean would postpone a difficult conversation, until after he had eaten or even later, if possible. However, Dean was certain that Sam would try and talk to Dean, while Dean ate. That and the fact that right now, Dean didn't think his stomach would tolerate having any food put into it, lead Dean to decide to just lay it all out now.
Sam's stomach turned into one big knot, when he entered the motel room and saw Dean sitting on the bed, with that small smile that said "I have something bad to tell you. If I could make it all better I would; but, I can't this time." Sam hated that smile. Fortunately, he very rarely saw it. But when it made an appearance, Sam felt like the world was coming to an end. Sam placed the bag, which contained their dinner, on a table and sat down on a chair facing Dean. Sam had been about to say something; but suddenly, he just didn't know what he could say. For now, all he could do was wait and hear what Dean had to say.
"Sam..." Dean started.
Sam watched as Dean's face showed that Dean was really concentrating on what he was saying and that Dean seemed to be using lot of effort to speak to Sam.
Dean couldn't believe how hard it was just to say Sam's name. Not being able to hear yourself speak was awful. Dean had always been good about keeping emotions out of his voice and keeping his tone even. But when you can't hear what is coming out of your mouth, you have no idea what all your words and tone are revealing. Dean didn't want to freak Sam out and as the big brother, Dean didn't want to appear out of control to his little brother. But, Dean began to feel a bit unnerved as he realized how hard it was going to be to verbally tell Sam about the deafness. Since Dean wouldn't be able to hear how he was talking to Sam, Dean prayed that his speech didn't reveal more than he intended.
Dean saw concern appear on Sam's face and knew that he had to try and ease Sam's worry. The last thing Dean needed was for Sam to take the news badly. With renewed effort, Dean continued.
"Sam, you know how there was that explosion at the warehouse?' Dean watched Sam cautiously nod his head.
"Fortunately, we were both able to walk away from that one. The thing is… well, I…" Dean wished that he had had more time to think of how he wanted to tell Sam that he was deaf. Dean watched as Sam's mouth moved. Shit! Sam had just said something and Dean had no idea what had been said.