AN: I like this chapter, but it's very sad:'( Just bear with me guys(:

"I think Vanderbilt still has Kensi somewhere. I think he's going to try to use her to get out of going to prison," Deeks said.

"That doesn't make a lot of sense. I don't know why he wouldn't have said something yet," Callen said.

Deeks shook his head. "It makes perfect sense. He wanted to take me at the park, but he couldn't get me. He had Kensi the whole time, proabably tied up somewhere else, and just chose not to give her up. But now that he doesn't have me and he's facing charges for kidnapping and attempted manslaughter, he'll want to use Kensi to get out of sentencing. I need him out of the hospital and in the boatshed pronto."

Sam and Callen, not used to being ordered around, exchanged a quick glance but complied. Sam made a couple simple calls, and then turned and left.

"I wanna KNOW what love is! I want you to SHOW ME!" Kensi shouted into the freezing air. She laughed a little bit at herself, trying to lighten her own mood. It didn't work well. The only reason she could laugh whatsoever was because she was delirious and she was shouting words out that she could hardly comprehend anymore. Her throat was achingly dry. She shut her mouth and stopped singing; her throat and mouth couldn't handle a lot more.

She was freezing. This was definitely the coldest she'd ever been…obviously. She was fairly sure that this was the coldest anybody in the state of California had ever been. She was freezing to death. It was happening slowly, and she wasn't quite sure how much longer she had, but she knew that she was unusually cold. She was much past the time when simply her fingers were numb. She could only dream of having that time back. Now, she couldn't feel the tips of her hands, she couldn't feel her ears at all, and she couldn't feel much of her nose. Her lips were going numb slowly. Her toes were very, very cold in her boots. She could feel a few of them but certainly not all. This was, quite possibly, the most pain she'd ever been in physically. All the parts of her body that she could feel were tingling, not slightly but very much so. The wounds on her feet were roaring in pain. The wounds on her wrists were also very painful. The feeling of being numb wasn't a good feeling whatsoever. She almost screamed out loud when she looked down at her hands and saw that the tips of her fingers were starting to turn a light grayish color. She knew it was frostbite. She shoved her fingers in her mouth violently, allowing her warm mouth to hopefully increase the temperature in her fingers and keep them from becoming grossly blackened. When she pulled them out, she dried them off on her shirt. She didn't have a mirror, but she was beginning to worry that the tip of her nose was getting frostbitten as well. She made a small tunnel with her hands over her nose and mouth and breathed out into the tunnel several times, warming up her nose enough that it hopefully wouldn't turn gray.

She had cried several times, but the tears were so cold after only a few seconds that it became an actual incentive for her to hold back all her tears.

She was so tired. Her eyelids were so heavy and droopy. She was blinking slowly, starting to fall asleep. It was taking everything in her to stay awake. She allowed her eyes to close for a moment. It felt so good. She wanted to just leave them closed…

"No!" she yelled out loud, forcing her eyes open and jumping up off the floor. She couldn't let herself fall asleep, or else she would go to sleep forever. She had to stay awake. Whenever she stood up and started walking again, she winced from the pain from the wounds on her ankles. The last time she'd started jogging, they had hurt pretty badly at first but had gotten better after a little bit of time on her feet. It was very painful though.

Kensi pushed herself to move around, to keep herself warmer. She couldn't run because of how much it burned to breathe, but she could at least walk. She walked around the freezer, almost unable to feel the floor because of how numb her feet were. Her arms were tingling wildly because she had nothing to cover them up with whatsoever. She pulled them into her shirt several times, but she never kept them there for long; it didn't help that much.

She walked around for a little while, but her ankles were still aching and she wanted nothing more than to sit back down next to the door…so she did. Sitting back down made her butt very cold. She wasn't sure how it was possible to get colder than she already was, but obviously it could be done. She didn't know how much longer she could handle this before she was tempted to give up. She was just so exhausted, and so cold…she was so, so cold.

"I know you still have her. She never called or showed up," Deeks said, walking into the interrogation room and staring down Vanderbilt. He walked up to the table and grabbed the chair across from his enemy. He turned it around backwards and straddled it, his chest against the back of the chair.

Vanderbilt stared at Deeks blankly for several silent moments, and then spoke. "Somehow, I knew you'd become a cop. I wonder how I knew. Maybe it was the way you saw something wrong in your eyes and ran off and told the police about it, and got me taken away from my parents. Maybe that was it," he said, fuming.

If looks could kill, Deeks thought. "Tell me where my partner is," he said.

Vanderbilt chuckled. "One track mind. How admirable." He glared at Deeks for a minute, and then spoke again. "Do you want to play a game, Marty?"

"No, I want you to tell me-"

"Great, let's play a game. How about a quick game of 'Would You Rather'?" Vanderbilt interrupted. "Would you rather…live with an alcoholic who occasionally broke a lamp, or live with people you don't know and get molested and beaten half of your childhood?"

Deeks squeezed his teeth together with frustration. "How the hell was I supposed to know that would happen to you? How was I even supposed to know they would take you away from your parents? I was thirteen! Did you really expect me to know that they would take you from your parents?" he said, his voice rising.

"It wasn't any of your damned business!" Vanderbilt spat, moving closer to Deeks menacingly.

Deeks shut his mouth and looked to the side. He didn't have time to chat with Vanderbilt about the past. He needed to find Kensi.

"Where is my partner?" he asked.

Vanderbilt leaned forward and looked into Deeks' eyes. "You want to know where your partner is? She's dead."

Deeks felt like he was about to choke on his own spit. His chest started pounding, and he started feeling nauseated.

"I tied her to a bed, and I raped her. She screamed, so I put duct tape over her mouth. She started crying. I told her it was your fault she was being raped. I told her she was going to die, so at least she saw it coming," he said, grinning at Deeks, who was now red and fuming. "Then I shoved her into my pool and held her head underwater. She screamed, which was pretty stupid, because she just got rid of even more of her oxygen. She started to realize that fighting me was worthless, so I brought her back up for just a minute. I told her that you were the reason she was dying. Then I pushed her back underwater and watched her struggle. The pain on her face was just…indescribably pleasuring for me. She's quite beautiful, but let me tell you, the drowning look isn't so great on her. She got very pale. The way that you get pale whenever you're dead-"

Vanderbilt's mouth snapped shut when Deeks threw the table separating them to the side and grabbed Vanderbilt by the throat. He shoved him up against the wall and squeezed his throat.

"I will end you, right here, and right now," he spat, tears burning in the corners of his eyes. Sam and Callen burst into the interrogation room to stop Deeks, but both were slow in the process. They wanted Vanderbilt dead at this moment just as much as Deeks did. But they both knew they couldn't let that happen. They grabbed Deeks and pulled him away, having a tough time. Deeks was almost stronger than both of them at the moment…His adrenaline was responsible for about 60% of his strength.

"Where's her body? Where is she?" he screamed.

"In the bottom of my pool," Vanderbilt replied, flashing a toothy grin as Deeks was forced out of the interrogation room.

Deeks couldn't handle this. Kensi couldn't be dead. The words didn't register well with him. They ran through his mind, but he could hardly comprehend them. They were just a statement, hanging in his mind meaninglessly. He couldn't think past her being gone. He couldn't handle the general idea of never seeing her again. His mind literally shut down whenever he tried to think of her being dead, because the idea was so harsh.

Deeks left the boatshed and headed to the address that Eric had sent him earlier that day when they were chasing after Vanderbilt. When they'd checked earlier that day, neither Kensi nor Vanderbilt was there. Now he had to head back to the house, to see if Kensi's body…Kensi's lifeless body…Kensi's actual dead body…was lying at the bottom of his pool.

Deeks almost couldn't drive adequately slightly because it was now 1:00 in the morning and the streets were very dark, but mostly because of his anger, sadness, and nervousness. He was nervous that he would get to Vanderbilt's body and find Kensi's house. No, he was nervous that he'd get to Vanderbilt's house and find Kensi's body. Damn it, he couldn't even think straight!

"Deeks, I'm really cold. I know you're probably worried right now. I'm not sure I'd be able to function if I knew that you were in a freezer, freezing to death. But then again, you don't know I'm here, or else you would've come by now. You have no idea where I am, do you? I'm in a damned freezer! At first I just thought it was somewhat funny that I actually got stuck in a freezer, literally. But now nothing is funny. I bet you're not cracking any jokes now, Deeks, huh? Did Vanderbilt get you? I've been hoping that he didn't, I sort of just had this feeling that you were too smart for him. He's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. But I'd like to think that you would have found me already if you're free. I guess I'm not sure how though. I haven't figured that out yet. Aren't there witnesses or something? I miss you, Deeks."

These things had been running through Kensi's mind for about an hour, but now she was actually speaking them out loud, simply to help her stay awake. She decided she would talk to Deeks. That would keep her awake. She imagined him sitting beside her, warm and comforting.

"I'm not sure if I'm going to live or die right now. I really don't know what's going to happen. I'd like to have faith that you're going to find me, but I don't know how that would happen. I don't think the odds are really in my favor right now. I think my chances of living are much more slim than my chances of dying. I'm so sleepy. I'm trying to stay awake; that's why I'm talking to you. Do you know what my favorite part of my job is? It's going undercover with you. It's so much fun. I love pretending to be your girlfriend or your wife. Maybe it's because I just like being your girlfriend or wife, all pretending and acting aside. Maybe I would actually like to be your girlfriend. If you could really hear me right now, you'd probably laugh at me. You'd probably say something stupid, like, 'well, that's unfortunate.' I think it was kind of hard not to fall for you, at least somewhat. Like you said, Deeks, you're just heaven 24/7," Kensi said, chuckling a bit, even though she thought it wasn't possible to smile in her current state.

"I would really like to see you again. Even if I die, I hope I get to see you again. I hope you find me before I'm dead, even if I'm going to die. I just really want to see you again before I die. I have to tell you that I think I'm in love with you. Maybe. I'm not completely sure of myself, but this is the most sure I've ever been with anybody in my life. I know I've never been this certain that I'm in love, even if I'm really not certain I'm truly in love with you…"

Kensi shut her mouth for a minute, allowing her tongue to moisten again.

"You know, screw it, Deeks. I'm in love with you. I don't think so, I know so. I'm certain. I don't know how long it will last for me, but I know I'm in love with you right now. I have to see you again," she said, standing up again.

"But I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm so cold, Deeks. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know how much longer I can hang on. If I live through this, I should definitely write a book. Who else can say that they nearly froze to death? I mean, I'm not sure whether I'm near death right now or not. I don't know how long it takes for someone to freeze to death. I didn't really think I was ever going to need to know that inforcmation, it wasn't on my list of things to search on Google. I'm really cold. I'm so pissed off at myself. I can't help it. If you were here, you would tell me not to blame myself. You would say that I couldn't have known the door would jam, you would say that I never knew I was stepping into a freezer in the first place and there was no way it was my fault. But it is. You see the best in me, Deeks, but this really is my fault. There's no way of skipping around it. I walked into a freezer and slammed the door as hard as I possibly could. Could I have been any more stupid? What did I think it was? How did I not know I was walking into a freezer in the first place? What other kind of private rooms are there in the back of restaurants? There are none! There are fridges and freezers! I wish I could have at least walked a bit further and ended up in the fridge. Then I could at least be guaranteed that I wouldn't die. If I was in a fridge, I could have waited until tomorrow when the restaurant opens back up and the workers found me. But I'm not. I'm in the freezer. And I can't last ten more hours, Deeks. I used to have hope that I could just wait for the workers to find me, but now that it's been three hours and I already feel like I'm going to die soon, I know there's no way I could live until tomorrow afternoon. I'm not sure it's impossible, but I think I would have to be a bit fatter for that to work. If you were here, you would crack a joke about how conceited that sounded. Either that or you would make some sort of twisted compliment about my body. I'm really ready to hear your jokes again, Deeks. Please find me. This is really frustrating," Kensi said, snapping her mouth shut, not having much more to say. This little rant was keeping her awake, but she wasn't sure what else she had to say. She'd said it all.

When Deeks got to Vanderbilt's house, he jumped out of his car, not bothering to close the door. He sprinted up to the side gate and kicked it in, even though it was unlocked. He stepped over the broken wooden gate and into Vanderbilt's yard. There wasn't much of a yard, though. When Deeks stepped into the yard, he immediately saw the rather small in-ground pool in front of him. Kensi wasn't there. It took him all of two seconds to realize that; a body wasn't something difficult to spot.

Deeks' heart rose when he realized that if Vanderbilt was lying about where Kensi's body was, he could very well be lying about her being dead.

Deeks walked into Vanderbilt's house and inspected every room, making sure Kensi wasn't there. He was extremely relieved when he found that she wasn't, but his relief could only go so far. Vanderbilt could still have been telling the truth about raping and killing Kensi, and put the body somewhere else. Kensi was still gone, and there was still no sign of her. There were no leads, or any ideas as to where she could be. Deeks was getting to be hopeless.

Kensi couldn't keep herself from crying now, even though she knew it was just going to make her cheeks colder. This was one of the worst deaths she could imagine, and with her job, she'd seen plenty of painful deaths. This pain was indescribable. This tingling feeling was beginning to feel like burns. She felt hundreds of little burns tingling all over her body. It was like when you go ice skating and you fall on the ice; your hands are cold for the short amount of time that they're actually resting on the ice, but when you take them off just moments later, your hands are burning insanely and just feel oddly hot yet cold at the same time. It was an unusual feeling that wasn't just hot or just cold, but it was simply painful. It was just pain, whether it was hot or it was cold, it was pain. It was excruciating pain.

She couldn't take this much longer. She was getting angry at this freezer. She was angry that there was no way for her to get out. Freezers weren't supposed to be this accident-prone. Freezers weren't supposed to have doors that jammed. Freezer doors were supposed to be solidly working, no matter how hard you slammed them closed. Walk-in freezers weren't supposed to do this, because it was just a matter of time before someone got stuck inside, and froze to death. Freezers were very dangerous, when the doors jam. This wasn't fair.

Tears streaming down her face, Kensi pounded on the door. She took out her anger on it. She threw her fist into the door, causing her knuckles to scrape and bleed. She didn't care. She kicked the door angrily.

"This is so ridiculous! This is just stupid!" she screamed.

She continued pounding on the door with her fists that she could very nearly not feel.

"I…am freezing to death!" she screamed. She spit on the door angrily.

Pretty soon, she had taken out all of her anger on the door, and her body was even weaker than it had been before. She wiped her eyes and sat down on the freezer floor in a different spot than usual. She sat on the back wall of the freezer, leaning her head against a shelf stocked full of frozen foods. She panted for a minute, and then her breathing calmed down and she began to feel tired again. This time, she was more tired than she had been before. Her body was weak from punching the door pointlessly. She was more than tired this time; she was more than exhausted or delirious. She was tired nearly beyond the point of her control. Her eyes started blinking, the tears in them drying up finally. Her head lying against the shelf, Kensi felt comfortable. She was in excruciating pain still, yes, but she was sitting in a good position…the kind of position that made her even more vulnerable to sleeping. She tried to force her eyes to stay open, but they were just getting heavier and heavier. She blinked several times, very slowly, and finally her eyes closed. She tried to force them to reopen, but they were fed up. Her eyes weren't listening to her brain…and now, her brain wasn't listening to her heart. She was going to sleep…forever. This was it. This was death. This was what death felt like. She couldn't feel her body anymore. Her actual death was going to be peaceful. Her body was no longer connected to her mind because of her extreme exhaustion, and she was not in pain. She was simply going to sleep, and never going to wake up again.

Finally, her conscience faded out, and she was gone.

AN: Don't freak out or lose hope, you know that everything will work out okay(: Thanks for all the favorites btw! (: I never feel encouraged to update soon if nobody leaves a review or seems to care, so if you like this, tell me!