Chapter 3

A/N: Merry Christmas! As a special festive treat I'm uploading TWO chapters today. Watch for the second one later!

~xXx~

Kim wasn't altogether surprised to find Em sharpening pencils as she walked through the Serious Sexual Crimes office to reach her own personal one. She did, however, feel strangely relieved.

"Em," she began, "hi."

Em turned around, leaving a trail of sharpenings across her lap. She looked increasingly drained and haggard as the days ticked by and her stay in a strange world became longer and longer. Kim felt a pang of guilt. She no better knew how to help Em now than she did the day they'd collided in the entrance to an alleyway in Surrey. She'd spoken to Robin and she'd spoken to Alex about it and both had reassured her that there was no magic formula; that she was doing just fine, but there was something more that Kim just couldn't quite put her finger on.

"Good morning, Ma'am," Em said quietly.

She'd lost something, Kim noted. There had been a fight and a kind of denial about her when she arrived in the world. She'd been determined to get out; get home, get back to whoever or whatever she pined for, day after day. Kim wasn't sure she was allowed to ask. They'd had a couple of awkward conversations some months ago that Kim wasn't entirely sure she was allowed to have with a 'floater', as Gene would put it. But then life had gotten in the way. Kim had babysat CID for a month whilst Gene and Alex were on their honeymoon, then she and Robin had been caught up in their happy news and eventually she'd found so much space put between those conversations and where they were now that it never seemed like the right time to bring things up again and Em, for her part, had stayed silent too.

"You don't look well," Kim commented and Em looked away. She always looked pale but her skin seemed to be fading more toward snow white than anything now. "Have you eaten?" She watched Em look away awkwardly and realised she was going to have to rephrase her question. "When did you last eat?"

"I'm OK, Ma'am," Em said quietly, "I'll have something later."

"No, you won't," Kim said, not sure whether she was talking to Em or to herself. She could understand why Em had been placed under her care because they shared a lot in common and watching Em was like being able to evaluate herself from a distance. Strangely she felt like she'd learnt more about herself through Em's arrival than Em had managed to learn. Whose bloody journey is this anyway? She wondered to herself. She sighed, realising that Em wouldn't eat unless forced. That was Kim 50% of the time, too. When low or depressed she'd either eat everything in a hundred mile radius or forget food was an option. "Come on," she said, grabbing the denim jacket hanging up by the door and throwing it to Em who just barely caught it, "you're coming with me."

Em looked from Kim to the jacket with suspicion.

"Why? Where are we going?" she asked.

"Surrey," Kim told her and immediately the remaining colour washed out of Em's cheeks, "by way of Burger King."

Em smiled thinly, torn insanely between something she'd give anything to do and something she would do anything to avoid.

"That's OK," she said eventually, "I'm fine here."

"Nope," Kim said decisively, "I made you a promise."

Em glanced at her with confusion in her eyes.

"What promise?"

"On the night we don't talk about," Kim said uncomfortably, her words invoking an identical reaction from Em who put one hand to her mouth involuntarily.

"Oh," she mumbled.

"I promised I wouldn't let you fade away to nothing, so get up and get moving," Kim told her.

Em very slowly pushed back on her chair and got to her feet, hauling up her jeans with one hand as they started slipping down and trying to slip her jacket on with the other.

"Why Surrey?" she moaned, "I told you, I don't want to go back there again."

"I might need you," Kim said, "Navigation."

Em finished hauling on her jacket and pulled at the other side of her jeans.

"I can't drive, I'll be no good with maps," she said anxiously.

"I'm not talking about the roads, I mean around the art college," Kim told her which struck panic deep into Em.

"What?" she breathed.

"Don't worry," Kim tried to reassure her, "It's not a long visit. Just need to give one more appeal for -" as she spoke there was a strange buzz in the air and the room darkened momentarily. Both Kim and Em looked around as though expecting to find an answer to the sudden darkness. Nether wanted to admit it but both felt strangely haunted and two hearts started to race. There was a strange glimmering across the room, then a little closer. Then one by one the emergency lights came on, followed by the normal glow from the checkerboard above them.

Em swallowed and tried to collect herself. She took a deep breath and told herself to stop being stupid and calm down. A second dipping of the lights sealed it. She clutched her seat and slipped back into it.

"Thanks," she said croakily, "but I think I'm going to stay here."

"You want to stay where the power's freaking out instead of leaving it for a while?" Kim asked but Em wasn't joking.

"That was like the thunder sound effect coming on after the name of the baddie is said out loud at a pantomime," she said, "I know a bad omen when I see one."

"I don't believe in omens," Kim lied quietly.

Em shrugged.

"Me nether."

Kim hesitated, looking at Em's pale face. What she'd wanted more than anything was an opportunity to talk to Em after neglecting her for so long and to make sure she ate but she could also see how dragging her back to the town where she arrived – the same one that clearly caused her pain to remember – was a tactless move on her part. She had come a long way from the gobby ladette who'd arrived in the middle of a hot, sweaty rave in 1995 but sometimes she still managed to put her big, clunky boots right inside her big mouth.

"OK," she said quietly with a slightly awkward smile, "you're off the hook. I'll send someone in with some extra pencils. And a snack." she stepped toward the door, "make sure you eat it."

Em's smile was nervous and haunted.

"Yes, ma'am," she promised and watched Kim leave the room.

Left alone in the flickering light with memories of years ago she could feel a headache starting. Her brain was doing everything it could to shut out moments from 1998, the first time around. Kim was going to walk head-first into them.

~xXx~

"Go here, go there, you want a bloody slave, not a new detective inspect-ARGH!" Jake squealed as he crashed full force into a uniformed officer in the doorway to the canine division. He stumbled backwards and landed on his backside as he heard a familiar voice cry out,

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry! Wa- Jake?!"

"Shaz," Jake scrambled to his feet feeling embarrassed and awkward, "Shit, I'm sorry."

"I wasn't looking where I was going," Shaz said uncomfortably, "sorry. Are you OK?"

"Me? Yeah, yeah," he dusted off the back of his trousers and picked up a pen that had fallen from his pocket, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Shaz said with a stiff smile, "sorry." she picked up the folder she'd been carrying and scrambled to return all of its contents into the folder.

"Um," Jake began, feeling more awkward by the second as shaz looked up and him and knew immediately what he was about to ask. He could see her bristle straight away as she collected the last of the papers and got to her feet.

"Just don't, Jake."

"I haven't said anything!" Jake protested but Shaz's scowl halted him.

"If you want to know why I broke up with Marci ask her, not me."

"Wait," Jake felt a strange wave of heat wash over his face, "what do you mean you broke it off with her?" He swallowed. He'd somehow assumed it was Marci who'd done the breaking up. He scratched his head furiously, "I thought -"

"Whatever you thought, it's wrong," Shaz said with real disappointment tainting her voice. She bowed her head and began to exit the office, despite Jake calling after her.

"Shaz! Please, I'm worried about her!"

"So am I!" was the last thing Shaz called back before she was out of ear's reach and Jake crashed back against the wall.

"Fuck," he cursed. He'd blown it,. His one chance to get the real story and he'd blown his chance.

"Jake?"

Jake opened his eyes. Across the room, Robin was standing with a box of dog treats.

"Ohh, Rob," he sighed, quickly crossing the room, "thank god."

He stopped just short of collapsing into Robins arms, which was what Robin feared was about to happen. He was picturing dog treats flying through the air, as far as the eye could see.

"What's happened?" Robin asked, somewhat panicked. He watched Jake close his eyes and press his hand to his forehead.

"I just saw Shaz," he sighed deeply, "I crashed into her. Neither of us were looking where we were going." he opened his eyes. "I asked her about Marci."

"I asked her earlier too," Robin confessed quietly.

"Did you?" Robin nodded, "did she say anything?"

"Told me to piss off," Robin told him, "aside from that," he shook his head, "whatever's happened, Shaz thinks it's Marci's private business. She's not going to tell."

"And Marci's being tight lipped as well," Jake said softly, "she pretty much denied last night happened too, like she had no memory of it. Claims she was on antibiotics."

Robin shrugged.

"Could be true," he said, even though he thought that was unlikely.

"Shaz said something that's scared the hell out of me though," Jake confessed and Robin leaned closer.

"What?" he asked gently.

Jake looked him in the eye.

"She said she's worried about Marci too," he told Robin, "which means I'm not being paranoid."

Robin nodded slowly.

"Add me to that list," he said quietly.

Jake closed his eyes and rubbed his aching temples back and forth. He felt tired, almost like he'd been up for hours already. He didn't know why but he felt drained to the roots. He didn't have the time or energy to give Marci's relationship a full post-mortem. He had to get on with his job. Despite everything, he hadn't forgotten his duties. He looked back at Robin and began,

"Listen, I can't think about this more right now. The Guv sent me. He needs to book a handler and a dog."

"What for?" Robin asked.

"Didn't say."

Robin rolled his eyes.

"Right," he sighed, "what he means is, go get Robin because I can't be arsed to order this through the proper channels."

Jake smiled, despite everything.

"Sorry," he said with a quiet laugh.

Robin parked the dog treats on a nearby filing cabinet and walked toward the door.

"No time like the present," he began, "you coming?"

"Uh," Jake hesitated, he chewed on his lip for a second, "I can't. I've got to go and meet a snout."

"No problem," smiled Robin, "see you at lunchtime maybe?"

Jake shrugged.

"Maybe?" he said, not really sure what would happen by that point, "I'll try." he brushed Robin's hand gently as he walked by. "Sere you later, Rob. Good luck with you know who."

"The filing cabinet awaits," Robin smiled as he departed and Jake hung back for a few moments. There was a twinge of guilt as he finally started walking in the same direction as Robin, hanging back a little, walking as slowly as he dared without being taken over by the old bat with the colander as she picked up her latest shipment of sprouts.

"I'm only doing what you told me to, Guv," Jake muttered to himself, heading in the direction of CID but stopping at the office beside the canteen instead. He knocked very gently on the door and peered inside.

The room was small with one very high window that shed very little light and a desk that had room for little besides the computer that stood upon it. Sitting in front of it was a shock of black, curly hair and a sexy pair of legs beneath the desk. Jake coughed as he tried to drown out that thought and Marci spun around in her chair, her hand pressed flat to the desk.

"God, Jake, you nearly gave me a heart attack," she gasped, genuinely flustered by his arrival. She looked around, not sure what to say. "I'm sorry, there's no spare chair -"

"That's OK, I'm not stopping," Jake assured her, "and neither are you."

Marci frowned.

"What?"

"I need back up," Jake told her, "The Guv told me to find someone. I'm meeting one of his old snouts. He's not assigned me a new partner yet, so..." he trailed off, waiting for Marci's response but she still seemed shell-shocked by his sudden arrival. "Sorry. I'm sorry, I suppose I've jumped ahead of myself, really. You're probably busy." He felt his cheeks burning and his spirits falling. "I'll find someone else."

"No, wait," Marci swallowed, trying to calm down from her shock, "Jake, I'm sorry about this morning. And last night," She watched Jake's expression changing slowly from embarrassment and disappointment into a familiar smile.

"It's OK -"

"It's not," Marci flinched as she remembered flashes of the night before. They'd been slowly returning to her that morning. "I'm sorry. I-I think my break up got to me more than I'm admitting."

Jake's expression changed once again this time of one of sympathy. Or was it pity? It was a hard call.

"Hey, Marci, it's OK," he said, "I'm just worried about you."

Marci couldn't quite meet his gaze.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "the last thing I wanted was to make you worry. I'm OK, really. Well," she closed her eyes, "not OK. But I will be alright."

Jake bit his lip.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" he asked and Marci shook her head.

"No," she said simply, her expression changed like someone had flipped a switch. "So," she began anew, "what's this snout got to say for himself? Him? Her?"

"No idea," Jake shrugged, "Gene's palming all his unwanted crap off on me since I got the promotion. All I have is an address and a nickname."

"Well," Marci began, "There's only one way to find out. You go and start up the car; I'll save these proofs and be out in five minutes."

Jake felt a smile creep across his face. For the first time in a while he felt a buzz of excitement. He wasn't sure exactly what caused it; the thought of being back out there instead of staring at a desk, the thought of being back on a case with Marci, Marci -

Shit. He needed to focus.

"Jake?"

"Yes," Jake snapped back into action, "I'll do that." he smiled fully for the first time. "Don't be long. I saw colander-features coming by with a huge vat of the green stuff. You're going to get gassed by the smell any minute now."

"Make that two minutes then," Marci told him and smiled as she watched him leave. To her surprise she felt her cheeks burning and there was a strange grin she couldn't quite fight but it started to fade as she spun slowly around to face the desk again. She lifted her palm. Capsules sat on the desk and she felt sick at the sight of them. What the fuck was she doing to herself? To her life? To Jake? She'd already lost Shaz, she was in danger of losing her very oldest, dearest friend too.

"It stops, right here," she swept the capsules up with her hand, "right now." she grasped the drawer handle and yanked her drawer open. Inside she rummaged around until she found a pot of paper clips and dropped them inside, covering them up with clips of various colours and sizes. She popped the lid back on, dropped the pot back in the drawer and closed it quickly. She'd done this once before and she'd been in much deeper back then. She could do it again. She knew she could.

As she jumped to her feet and slipped her jacket on the lights dimmed. They'd been up and down all morning. She felt thankful her computer had stayed on and she hadn't lost her work. Still, it was going to be a relief to get out of there for a while.

The room lit up again with twinkling light as she left it and turned the corner.

But the electrics stayed off.