Walk in the Rain
Wind blew, but Vicious continued along the path. His white scarf flapped in the frigid air. His hands were full, with his katana in one and a bouqet of roses in the other. Walking through the puddles of water, he soon came upon his destination. Vicious stared down at the headstones, kneeling next to the right one. Nestling the flowers next to the tombstone, he ran his cold fingers along the lifeless stone. Vicious crouched down between the two graves.
"Feels like its been so long. Funny how weeks fly by." Vicious took his sword by the sheath in both hands. "You're gone. You're both really gone. Why? Did you want this? Were you just trying to leave me? To betray me again?" Vicious watched water droplets run down the rose petals. "When you left, Julia, when you betrayed me, I didn't know what I would do. You were the only one I ever truly loved. The only sense in my sorrow. The world had been so cruel to me, but not you. You were so kind...so warm. Being with you made me forget. I didn't have to remember everything that had happened to me. I loved you. But, I didn't think I could do anything after you were gone. I didn't want to know if I could." He paused a moment, listening to the rain pour down. "You said you didn't want to betray me. I didn't believe you. Back then, I couldn't. The fact that I was losing you was too much for me. I was looking for somebody to blame. Somebody besides myself. Was it my fault? Did I drive you away? Maybe...you weren't meant to be with me. I hate that thought, but maybe its the truth. Perhaps I was just a stepping stone."
Vicious turned his faded eyes toward Spike's grave. "Merely someone to deliver her to you. Is that all I was? My happiness was irrelavent, as long as you two could be brought together. It was just destiny. You were meant to be together, and I was meant to be left behind." He closed his eyes. "Is that it? Just destiny? Or did you take her from me? Was it your fault that I ended up like this? Was it you who did this to me?" He clutched his sword tightly. "You were my best friend, Spike. So why? Why did you do this to me?!" Vicious could feel the raindrops running down his face.
"It wasn't supposed to be like this. I wasn't supposed to end up this way. I am Vicious. I am cold and calculating. I am merciless. Bringing death, spilling blood, ruining lives, that is what I am. I'm not supposed to care what happens to others. Why then, do I care about you? I am heartless. Then how, how do I love without a heart? Everything else, everything, I can shut out. I can force it out of my life, and stop caring." Vicious drew the hilt of his sword out. "I never forget. I've never forgotten a thing. I still remember before the syndicate. Before everything happened to me. I just shut my emotions off and stop caring. I've always done that. But, with you, I can't. I want to just forget it, but I know that won't happen. I wish so much that I could just put this away, just stop caring. But...I can't." Vicious felt his hands tremble. The water droplets flooded down his cheeks. Not rain, but tears. "I have to. I have to remember, and I have to care. I have to love.
With one swift movement, Vicious drew his sword, holding the blade against his own throat. His voice trembled now. "So many times, I wanted it to end. Everything that had happened, and everything I had become, I just wanted to stop it all. And I thought, I thought about how easy it would be. I knew I could just...one simple motion, and it could end. I could go there. Where you ascended to. The place that you went, and left me behind."
Slowly, he lowered the sword, letting the tip rest on the ground. "But, I didn't. I always hated myself for those moments of weakness. I despised the fact that I still felt. I cared...I loved...I could actually feel pain and sadness again. Was it because you were gone? Because I knew I could never see you again?" He knelt down again, letting himself cry. "Because I'm still human. I loved you both, yet hated you. I can't help but feel. What does that mean? What I'm I supposed to do now? I've lost my only love, lost my best friend, lost the syndicate....I've lost everything. Who? Whose fault is all of this? Who did this?"
Looking up, Vicious could see the sky full of clouds. "You." His eyes filled with anger. "YOU!!! You've done this to me!! You're the one who gave me this cursed existence. You turned me into this...this...this wandering beast. I don't even have my pack anymore. What good is a lone beast?!!!" Vicious shouted. He continued to stare at the gray sky, letting his rage loose. "Why did you even put me here?!! Why did you even bother?!!!! You took it all away from me!!! WHY?!!! Why?" Cool wind lifted his hair. "Where are they? When we're in trouble, you're supposed to send you angels down to help us. So, where are they? Where have my angels been? Why should I even believe? I'll just have to trust myself. I'll just have to be my own angel...a fallen angel. Just a devil."
Suddenly, the flutter of wings caught his ear. Vicious looked forward to see two, pure white doves land on the headstones. His eyes were blank, as his mouthed gaped open. He didn't dare to move. Still gazing in wonder, he let his sword drop to the ground. It's clang echoed, but the doves didn't move. On his knees, Vicious crawled forward. He inched his way to the space between the tombstones. Ever so slowly, Vicious reached a hand out to each one. He rubbed a finger along the backs of their necks.
"Are...are you...." He turned to his right, admiring the beautiful creature. Looking into it's eyes, he could see a crystal blue in them. Vicious then examined the one on his right. After looking long and hard, he could see it. The reddish-brown color, with a slight change of tint in the right eye. Vicious wrapped his hands tightly around them both and stood. "You came back. I thought you had left...thought you had betrayed me...but you came back." He lifted his hands, bringing both doves to his face. "I could crush you both. Let your blood seep through my fingers. Would that put my pain to rest?" He stared into their eyes. Their eyes seemed to be filled with tears themselves. The doves struggled with their wings, trying in vain to break his grasp. "You still don't want to stay with me, do you?" He opened his hands palm-up, but the doves didn't fly off. "What?" The doves remained, still looking up with their teary eyes. "You...you'll stay? You'll stay if I want you to?" Vicious wanted to smile, but knew he couldn't. "Why can't I be happy? I can be sad or angry, but not happy. Why?" He took a deep breath and sighed, watching his breath turn to mist. "Its you. You wanna be free. You gotta be free." Vicious took a last look, smiled, and threw his arms upward, letting the doves fly away. They spirled around each other, flying toward the parting clouds. A few of the clouds drifted away, revealing a perfectly blue sky. Vicious continued watching the doves, as a single feather floated down, landing on his face. He took it, holding it lightly in his hand. Vicious picked his sword up off the ground and tore his sheath from his waist. He slid the blade into it, then rest it onto Spike's grave, alongside of a wet pack of cigarettes. Vicious ran the soft feather between his fingers, finally deciding to place it on Julia's grave, among the rose petals. He wrapped the scarf around his neck, as the rain began changing to a light snow. "....Thank you. Now...maybe I can be free. Maybe I can let it go." He turned his back to the graves, and walked away.
"Great, another one to replace." Jet tossed a small part toward the back of the garage. He picked up a wrench and continued working on the ship. Jet stopped suddenly, then looked over his shoulder. There, in the doorway, stood a tall, pale figure, his gray-hair soaked. "Oh, it's you." He stood up as Vicious entered the room.
"A home for strays, huh? Not bad for an old fishing boat."
"You reconsidered the offer?"
"I...I've had a chance to think. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I do need a place to stay. Just for a while."
"Sure. You're welcome to..but I thought Faye would only be here for a while, too." He smiled at Vicious, who returned it. He looked so different now, just with a simple smile. "Don't mind sleeping on the couch, do ya'?" Vicious shook his head, still smiling. He made his way back down the hall, whistling to himself. The old, familiar tune echoed as he disappeared down the hall. Jet went back to his work, still listening to the whitstling. "Nice tune. Real easy."
Whatever happens, happens.