Chapter four - Talentless
I was ripped from sleep by the incessant sound of a trumpet squawking. It sounded like a medieval battle call of some kind and made me feel like I should be wielding a sword above my head and yelling 'CHARGE' while descending on my foes. The trumpet was followed closely by a voice I was unfortunately becoming accustomed to. "Good morning Camp Chipewa! It's another beautiful day. RISE and SHINE….RISE and SHINE. Flag pole in fifteen minutes, I repeat flag pole in fifteen minutes".
Campers had descended on Chipewa four days ago and with them had come the Rooster from hell and its morning wake up call at precisely 7:00am each day. I groaned and leisurely rubbed at my eyes and face trying to will myself to wake up properly. Looking down from my spot on the top bunk, I couldn't help but smile at the scene of my new little family all still tucked up but starting to come to life slowly but surely.
It had been a nightmare packing all of the girls' belongings and clothes away and still having room to move around the bunk! They each had brought with them practically every piece of clothing they owned, bags of makeup and way too many shoes.
The trumpet sounded again. "Good morning Camp Chipewa! It's another beautiful day. RISE and SHINE….RISE and SHINE. Flag pole in ten minutes, I repeat flag pole in ten minutes". I sat up and stretched, pushing my blankets off and jumping down from the bunk landing with a thud. The wooden floor was cold on my bare feet but I didn't mind. The sun was up and shining, the 'Rooster' hadn't been lying; it really was a beautiful day.
I looked at Ciara on the bottom bunk and smiled mischievously. She slept like the dead and was impossible to wake up. She hadn't even stirred and I would be damned if I was hauling all our girls up to flagpole myself. I looked to Caitlin and Steph who were in the beds closest to our double bunk and motioned towards Ciara with a smile. They caught on immediately and both pounced on her after I unceremoniously removed her blankets with one hard tug. She was swatting them away and laughing, now effectively conscious. "I'm awake, I'm awake! How long do we have before flagpole?" I grabbed Ciara's hand and pulled her up from the bunk and onto her feet. "We had ten minutes about five minutes ago!" She just smiled at me before answering "so the usual then?" "Yep, the usual". I turned to the girls and said "shoes and sweaters on ladies, it's time to go!"
Ciara and I were now effectively mothers, big sisters, doctors, nurses, best friends and all around care givers and crazy fun makers to eight, twelve year old girls. It was a unique experience to basically live in a huge wooden box with a Co Counsellor from a different country and a mix of young women all of whom have different histories, backgrounds and upbringings, cultural and religious beliefs, personalities, wants and needs, likes and dislikes. My biology crazed brain couldn't help but appreciate this for the wild social experiment it was. Caitlin, Steph, Alice, Bec, Alison, Kandace, Kim and Lauren, or Little Lo as Kenzi had nick named her would be our responsibility for the next eight weeks. Some camps had two or even three groups of campers each summer season, but at Chipewa we just had the one group for the entire time. It meant we could really get to know all of our girls and hopefully build a solid bond.
It's what Bo and Kenzi had with their campers. They had been with the same group of girls all the way through from their first year. Their girls were the second eldest group at camp. Next year would be their last at Chipewa which meant it would also be the last year for Bo and Kenzi. They could still be Counsellors to a different group but both had insisted they wouldn't do that, it just didn't feel right to them. With the arrival of the campers, yet another of Kenzi's many layers had been revealed. She had been so nervous and emotional waiting for the bus to bring her girls in, just like a mother would be when being reunited with her kids after a long absence. It was the first time I had seen the softer side to Kenzi that Bo had insisted was there and it had been a pleasant surprise.
Bo's relationship with her girls on the other hand had not surprised me at all. She was just naturally nurturing and supportive while at the same time possessing a trademark edginess that screamed 'don't mess with me'. They were drawn to her like magnets, like a cool auntie.
We made it to flagpole just in time, each of us sporting one of our girls piggy backed. Every morning at 7:15am the entire camp would come together to raise the flag and sing the national anthem before heading into the dining hall for breakfast. I was still acclimatising to the very over the top spontaneous singing of camp songs at meal times. Chipewa had a rich history and loads of traditions that I was learning piece by piece.
As a first time Counsellor the girls had spent their time interrogating me, wanting to know every teeny tiny detail of my life past and present. They loved that I was a vet and were always asking about different Australian animals. I had learnt a lot about them as well, but they were still little mysteries I couldn't wait to solve. The girls had been describing all the big upcoming Chipewa events for me. The talent show was tomorrow night and Ciara and I would be keeping our promise to Kenzi by 'performing'. After that was the 4th July 'show your true colours' parade and fireworks, DJ Jezz neon dance party, summer fair, apache relay, brother/sister camp visits with Camp Romanac and finally the end of summer dinner and presentation of camp awards. There were also routine cook outs by the lake every Friday night and every Sunday we got a sleep in until 8:30am with brunch at 9:00am.
What I was most excited about were the two full weekends I got off from camp over the summer. Bo, Ciara, Kenzi and I had of course all elected to take our weekends together. We had one planned trip to Boston where we could stay at Bo and Kenzi's apartment. I couldn't wait to see the city and get a glimpse into their 'real life'. Our other weekend would be spent at Trick's lake house. There was also the added bonus of leading a camping and hiking trip up to Mount McKenzie, just near Vermont. I had been allocated Bo and Kenzi's campers and their group head had assigned Kenzi to come with me. I couldn't help but smirk when remembering the look on her face after she found out. She whined for days saying she "didn't do camping unless the tent had a five star rating".
Just like it had for the last four days, our bunk after breakfast became a hive of activity. The little 'bees' were all buzzing around getting ready for their day with the usual "what are you wearing?" or "OMG are you seriously wearing that" followed by "do these shoes match this outfit?". There were eight sets of teeth being brushed, faces washed, hair being done and then finally they were all out safely, apparently satisfied with their outfits and accessorised correctly.
My outfit was easy. I was rostered to the climbing wall all morning and then leading riding groups around the lake this afternoon. My Chipewa uniform shirts had arrived a couple days ago and I had received my program area 'branded' shirts yesterday so I really only had a few to choose from and then team it with my denim shorts and casual hiking boots. I opted for one of the new program shirts, threw it on and headed for the climbing wall.
The morning had been amazing, great weather and mainly groups of older campers who all knew how to climb. The wall was free for the next hour before lunch so I had used our radio to contact Bo down at the lake and convince her to come meet me here so we could start on overcoming her fear of heights. It was also a great excuse to see her.
Since my call with Nicole and actually vocalising that I was attracted to Bo, even if Nic didn't know that's who I was talking about, I had begun to feel that attraction down to my bones. The problem was even though I felt it and I could acknowledge it, didn't mean I was anywhere near ready to do anything about it. I knew Bo and I had a connection, it had been instant. But exactly what she felt for me, I wasn't sure. Parts of me were screaming go, other parts were screaming stop, I wanted to pull her in one minute and then got scared and decided to push her away the next. I was at a stalemate with myself and it was becoming increasingly frustrating. I had been hitting the camp gym daily and also riding most days in my free time but it was a sad way to relieve the sexual tension. It took the edge off but still left me feeling mostly unsatisfied. It was like craving chocolate when all you have is an orchard full of apples. So I was suffering in silence.
Bo being Bo also didn't make it easy. We were together pretty much every night, at least we were with Ciara and Kenzi which helped but I could now also acknowledge that my friendships with them were entirely different to my 'friendship' with Bo. I could so easily not insisted on doing this one on one 'therapy' on the wall but I couldn't help myself. It was my way of being open with her, but at the same time I still felt the years of practice I had at squashing down my feelings trying to stampede me.
From the top of the climbing wall I had a great vantage point and could spot Bo immediately as she stepped off the track. I felt that all too familiar heat spread through me at first sight of her. She smiled brightly and just waved up at me. If I didn't know any better I would swear she knew the affect she had on me and was trying to torture me slowly into submission. She was dressed in a bikini again with just a towel wrapped around her waist and her flip flops on. It seemed like every time I saw her during the day she was half naked. I know she worked on the waterfront, but seriously was it too much to ask for her to put on a shirt!
I made my way down the internal ladder and jumped down from the wall. "Hey stranger. You know for safety reasons I can't let you in or on the wall dressed in that". Bo laughed mischievously at me. "Oh I know that! It was just such a beautiful day I couldn't resist working on my tan on the way up to you. But don't worry, I bought clothes" Bo dropped her towel and slipped on a pair of black cotton shorts and a white shirt with bold red print. It naturally just drew you in to her chest and it said 'Chipewa Waterfront Crew 2013 – Slippery When Wet'. I could only shake my head at that one. "That's much better!" Bo laughed and then looked at my own shirt questioningly before reading it aloud "Chipewa Outdoor Recreation Crew 2013 – We'll get you up….fast". I just shrugged sheepishly replying "Yeah, it seems like every camp program area is trying to outdo each other with sly innuendo. I can only imagine what Kenzi has come up with". Our light banter and laughter stopped after a minute or so and was replaced by a sudden silence. We were just looking at each other and getting lost there.
I forced my gaze down, breaking the connection. "So I've been doing some research on the associated reactions and emotions involved with fear of heights. It's actually a very common phobia and makes perfect sense when you think about it. I mean, humans weren't made to fly!" Bo was looking at me intently, clearly amused.
"Wow, take a breath Lauren! I can't believe you researched it. So tell me, what exactly did your research suggest Dr Lewis?" My earlier thoughts that this had been a bad idea were gaining strength. It was just Bo and me and hearing 'Dr Lewis' come out of her mouth was making me buzz.
"Basically with a severe height phobia you get a rapid heart rate, become short of breath and it can feel awful, but that's as bad as it gets. You need to confront the fear. It's the avoidance of the bad feeling that maintains it for years or even a lifetime. I'm suggesting graded exposure therapy but in reverse". Bo just looked blank. "And that is what exactly?"
"Well, you and me are going to go inside the wall, climb up the ladder and stand up on the top platform and look down. When you feel comfortable with looking down, you're going to lean off the wall and abseil down it. It might take you days or even weeks to even step off and then when you do you might not be able to move but we'll take it one step at a time for as long as it takes. I won't push you". I rolled my eyes with a smile at my clumsy choice of words. "I mean that literally as well! When you do decide you're ready to go over the edge, I'll be here, as your anchor, OK?"
I could see Bo was nervous and was thinking about my suggestion carefully. "It sounds crazy, I mean I'm not even climbing. But I trust you Lo, so lets do it. You're gonna need patience, LOTS of patience".
"I know this is going to take time and that it'll be hard for you. But there's no rush, we'll go slow. Besides, some things are worth the wait". Bo fixed my gaze and I could feel her intensity "I agree".
We had spent the hour at the top of the wall. It had taken a little while for Bo to be comfortable looking over the edge and not freezing, but I was confident she would get there. All I had to do now was try to find a way to handle being with her in close proximity without spontaneously combusting from the pent up energy.
Ciara and I were bypassing the Dal tonight in favour of doing laundry! It was an annoying necessity but we had taken it as an opportunity to practice our 'routine' for the talent show in relative seclusion. Bo and Kenzi had dropped us off at the laundry matte in town and then sped off on some "top secret gear exchange" as Kenzi had described it in preparation for the show. They would swing by after the Dal to pick us up.
The problem we had when coming up with a performance was that we had no talent! I couldn't get up on stage and do vet stuff and besides dancing, Ciara had no other 'talents' we could use. So we had come up with an alternative. We would basically be doing glorified Karaoke using Ciara's dance expertise to at least make it funny and hopefully entertaining. We both wanted our girls to be impressed so we were taking it at least semi seriously.
I emptied my dirty laundry bag into one of the machines, added detergent, softener and coins and finally stepped away to sit at the small rectangular table in the middle of the laundry matte. Ciara was scanning a letter intensely, smiling to herself every once in a while. She stretched and looked up at me when she was finished. "Another letter from Troy? How are you feeling about the whole potential marriage situation? Come to any conclusions yet?"
Ciara looked deep in thought for a moment before answering "I know that I love him and miss him like crazy. But does that mean I'm ready to be married to him?" She sighed before continuing "how do I know if he's 'the one'? Do you think there is such a thing, or do you think you could be happy with one of several people and it's all up to chance who you meet and when?" She sighed again "I don't know whether it's a good sign that I found the ring because now I have a chance to think about what I really want or whether I should take it as a bad omen because I actually HAVE to think about it and I wasn't just instantly sold on the idea".
I threw my hands up in the air in mock surrender. "I am so not the person you should be asking and you know it! But if you want my opinion, here it is. I don't know if there is such a thing as 'the one'. I do think it's a choice, you can have chemistry with lots of people but it's all in choosing what you do with it. Having said that, I'm starting to learn some things, some people, can't be ignored, even if you want to. Don't take finding the ring as a sign of anything, it's just something that happened by chance, you make the decision about what you want to do. Troy has obviously made his. Take my mom and dad for example; when they got married, it was a really hot day so mom's fingers swelled and the wedding ring wouldn't fit, so she had to take it from dad during the ceremony and slowly force it on. Then on their honeymoon dad tripped in the street and fractured his ankle and was on crutches for the rest of the trip and mom got food poisoning and spent almost a whole week throwing up. They could have taken all those things as signs that their marriage was doomed but they're still happy and in love 35 years later. What I'm saying is that everything in life is a leap of faith. You just have to take a breath, hope for the best and then jump".
I could see Ciara's face light up with a smile. "Wow, I didn't expect that from you. But thanks, it helps. There might be hope for you after all if you're prepared to take your own advice". I just laughed and shook my head. "I don't think so. Whoever is crazy enough to want me is going to have to slowly nudge me towards the edge of that cliff and then when I'm not looking push me off!"
We spent the next half an hour, practice miming to the radio and perfecting the dance moves Ciara had come up with. The few other counsellors from Chipewa also doing laundry became our make shift audience and we were all getting into it, jumping up on the table top in the middle of the laundry matte. For the talent show we were doing a mash up of Tina Turner's 'Proud Mary' and 'Nutbush City Limits', but for tonight, it didn't matter what the radio was playing.
When the music stopped suddenly we all turned and noticed Bo and Kenzi for the first time. "It's like freakin Coyote Ugly up in here! Bo we totally missed the best party in town tonight!"
We all jumped down from the table, sweaty and out of breath. I grabbed some water and took a drink before turning to Bo and Kenzi. "How was your night? Did you get your gear?"
Kenzi was practically bouncing on the spot "baby we totally scored! Me and Bo are going to steal the show". I was always a curious person, I hated not knowing anything, so Bo and Kenzi being so secretive about their performance was driving me crazy. I turned to Bo and fixed her with a smile and my best penetrating glare hoping she would crumble. "Don't look at me like that. You're just going to have to wait. Isn't that what you were telling me earlier, that some things are worth the wait?" Bo was smiling triumphantly at me. Suddenly I couldn't wait for tomorrow night.
Camp Chipewa main hall – talent show night
After the first three acts I was beginning to see why Kenzi had been so adamant that Ciara and I had to perform tonight. There was Sue a counsellor from New Zealand who had balanced toilet rolls on her head, Rachel who worked in the camp office had followed that up with some extremely unfunny stand-up comedy and then finally Sarah a fellow Aussie who had proceeded to insert string into her mouth and pull it out of her nose. It was the first moment in my life that I wasn't proud to be Australian.
Ciara and I were up next. We were both dressed in short sequined dresses we had borrowed from the drama section and had matching 'Tina' wigs for emphasis. When we stepped out on stage we received a massive applause from our girls and it made my nerves disappear instantly.
We started off with the really slow first section of 'Proud Mary' cranking it up later and bringing home the moves when we got to the 'Big Wheels Keep on Turnin….Proud Mary Keep on Burnin….We Rollin, Rollin, We Rollin on the River'.
The entire camp was up on their feet doing the 'Nutbush' when the mash up switched over and we were both sweating it up under the lights on stage. Kenzi had gone all out with the props. We had professional lighting and a smoke machine adding to the atmosphere.
After our act, we returned to the audience and had a chance to soak up the remaining 'talent'. There was juggling, there was Romeo and Juliet, there were dance routines and then finally there was Bo and Kenzi. Kenzi had allocated them the closing act and I wasn't sure what to expect. It had taken about five minutes for the stage to be set up and the curtain to open.
The lighting was soft and bright, blues and purples and no smoke. They both came out and sat on stage, their chairs were close together. Kenzi was behind a microphone and Bo picked up an acoustic guitar. They were both dressed casually, simple jeans and black t-shirts but were wearing matching purple flower lays.
I was expecting a grand introduction, but instead Bo just started strumming the guitar and Kenzi started humming in perfect harmony. The tune was soft and sweet and made me feel the summer in every cell of my body. Then came bubbles, hundreds of bubbles floating out from two machines on either side of the stage and caressing the entire audience gently. Now I knew what 'gear' they were exchanging last night.
I started to recognise the tune and hum along. Then Kenzi had me mesmerised as she started to sing. "Somewhere over the rainbow way up high, there's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby". I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, taking it all in. I loved the Wizard of Oz and this song, it was my favourite song of all time. My mom used to sing it to me when I was little and I would always sing it to Mason when I was putting him to sleep. It made me feel hopeful even when there was none.
When I opened my eyes, I could see Bo looking at me intensely like she was reading a mystery novel. Then it hit me. The day we first met, she had been scrolling through my phone and making fun of how organised and categorised my music was. This was the only song that wasn't in a playlist. It was just by itself because I love it so much.
She smiled at me warmly, strumming away on her guitar, her gaze never faltering. I felt red hot longing rise to the surface again and could see it reflected back at me. I was in big trouble.
Thanks again everyone who is following this story and to those who have left me reviews, I am so grateful. The summer is just about to snap crackle and pop!