Open Arms chapter 4
Lightening flashed outside brightening the Chantry's inner walls. All was dark save for the few candles that graced Andraste's feet, lighting up the figure of the Maker's bride like th beauty she was. The scene was truly magnificent and had Sebastian been in a better mood he would have appreciated it more. but as it was, the archer did not stop. Rain dripping from his shinning white armor, he headed straight to his room on the upper floor. He did not stop to greet the sisters. He did not stop to do his evening prayer. He didn't even stop for Elthina. It wasn't until the grand cleric began shouting his name did he stop and address her.
"I apologize, your grace, but I wish to be alone."
He entered his room, slamming the door behind him and began removing his armor. Everything was soaked. The sudden storm had caught him completely off guard and as a result his under clothes had paid the price. He searched the tiny room for any suitable clothing finding only an old tattered pair of pants that he had used for work in the chantry. Seeing as how he wasn't planning on leaving his room any time soon, he gave up on locating a shirt and instead began to dry off and polish his armor.
Facing the window, he took an old rag and set off to work shifting through the days events in his mind.
He was an idiot. How could he possibly have thought Anders would do nothing? He should've suspected that as soon as he and Fenris set off Anders would've done the same.
Anger rose from the pit of his stomach again. Anders. The abomination had brought more than his fair share of trouble to the group. Always pining Hawke against impossible odds, having the others worry about her… having him worry about her…
"Maker so help me, that abomination is going to get her killed." He mumbled as he moved on from his chest plate to one of his shoulder guards.
What did Alanni see in him? True, he hadn't known Anders as long as the others. Only four years compared to their seven. But from the very moment he began traveling with the group , he had seen the mage for what he really was. Unstable, violent, a walking contradiction even. Always going on about the plight of mages. Chastising those who chose to side with demons even though he himself was unnatural, not caring who he hurt to get his voice heard.
"So why him?" he mumbled scrubbing harder as his anger continued to rise.
Alanni had always seemed like someone who wouldn't take anything from anyone. Someone who he always held in high regards. If someone told her no she would aim to prove them wrong. She was smart, beautiful, strong, capable. The list just went on and on. In so many ways she seemed…
He stopped his train of thought. He would not go there. He would not start thinking about her like that. She made her choice and he would have to accept that.
He sighed deeply and continued scrubbing.
"You know if you scrub any harder, it'll lose the shine." The voice behind him made him jump up causing his entire set of armor to fall crashing to the floor.
"Hawke?" Sebastian was completely speechless. He would have thought for sure she would be home by now, safe and warm in the arms of her abomination.
No. Instead she's here talking to me. The thought made him smile.
"What are you doing here?" he asked shaking his head and regaining his initial shock. He watched as she began to move into his room, walking towards him. "I," she stated and bent down to pick up one of the pieces of armor he had dropped. " Am making sure that, my dear friend, Sebastian, is fine." She passed him back the armor. He smiled and took it from her. She really was a good friend.
"I'm fine, Hawke." He placed the armor on the bed next to him as he took a seat. Gesturing for her to join him, he watched as she walked over and sat on the edge.
"Are you sure? You didn't look fine when you so gracefully stormed out earlier."
He turned to her and began taking in her appearance more thoroughly now, looking for anything to distract them from the inevitable conversation. And he found it.
She was soaked from head to toe, little wisp of her long red hair clung to her face.
"Hawke, you must be freezing!" he reached over, grabbing his blanket, he draped it over her shoulders despite her persistent refusals.
Giving up she took the blanket and held it tightly around her shoulders. "You trying to change the subject is not going to stop my pestering"
He laughed slightly, still trying to avoid her eyes.
"Sebastian?" Something in him clenched at the sound of her voice and he knew that this was something he couldn't avoid.
"It's just-" He tried to keep his voice from shaking but his earlier anger had not yet dissipated.
"How could you forgive him so easily?" he rose from the seat on the bed and began pacing wondering how to put his anger into words. "I see what he puts you through. You'll always be second to his plight. So I must know, why do you put yourself through this?" he stopped his pacing and turned to look at her. She had turned away, staring at the window at the pouring rain lost in her own thoughts. "love makes one crazy, I assume." Was all she whispered.
He sighed.
Bending down in front of her, he took her hands "But how can you love someone who doesn't truly love you back? How can you let yourself be second in the eyes of someone who is supposed to hold you first?"
She turned and looked at him, their faces barely an inch apart. Fear, hurt and confusion all filled her eyes. They stayed like that for more than a mere moment. Emotions filled Sebastian as he stared into Alanni's eyes. So many emotions. Hatred for what Anders had put her through. Disgust for the way he treated her. But that wasn't all he felt. Old emotions that he hadn't felt in years began to resurface. Emotions he refused to acknowledge.
Alannis' hand brushed over his chest, bringing him away from his thoughts and reminding him that he had not yet put on a shirt throughout their entire conversation. Looking down he watched as her fingers lightly traced the many scars that were placed there.
"I don't know" she said looking back up into Sebastian's eyes. She was crying. He watched as her tears began to fall and her face twisted up into a sad little smile.
And that was all Sebastian needed to lose it. He closed the distance between in no time, bringing their lips together. At first he felt her body tense and for a second he thought she was going to push him away and hit him, but he quickly felt her body melt into his. What first started out as a simple kiss quickly turned in to more. the kiss deepened as each of them soon realized that neither of them was ready to back out. Their hands became entwined in each other's hair. Their tongues began to reach out and explore each other's mouths. Sebastian thought it was pure bliss. And then it stopped.
It was as if both of them had a sudden realization and pulled away at the same time. They stared at each other in disbelief. What had he done?
"Oh Maker," he whispered not even breaking his eye contact with the woman in front of him.
"I – I should go" moving his arm from around her, he didn't move as she hurried off the bed and out the room, the door closing slowly behind her.
Sebastian was practically frozen in place. Bringing his hand up to his face he brushed away the lose strands of hair and made his way, slowly, to sit back on the bed. His emotions were still running wild causing his heart to race under his bare skin.
"Maker, what have I done?" he whined wiped his forehead with his hand. He asked the question but he already knew the answer. Because he knew exactly what he had done. He gave into temptation… but even worse… he fell in love with Hawke.