You tried your hardest to get free, to wake up, you really did. Your mind railed and screamed, it battled and bucked, but in the end it was fruitless. You knew you were dreaming, you knew it was just another nightmare, but you were locked in it nonetheless, helpless to do anything but watch and relive. Your fitful mind twisted and turned from the weight of the sea of memories it suppressed, images flitting unfettered through your dreams.
A warm breeze kissed your upturned face, carrying the heat of the beating summer sun from your bronzing skin. A smile curved your lips of its own volition, contentedness blooming in your chest. Your car sped down the highway stretching before you, lofty, sun soaked trees hugging the road you were flying down, their gnarled branches seeming to reach towards you in gleeful celebration of the blooming summer. You were surrounded by love, laughter, family; things so foreign to you now that it took you a moment to recognize them.
No, not this memory, not this one. You'd relive your time with the Russians a hundred fold before you'd relived this.
Your mother looked back at you from the passenger's seat, her smile as sweet as honey and her expression as warm as her embrace. Her hand was intertwined with your fathers, who sat in the driver's seat, a relaxed expression on his strong brow. Your sister sat beside you, her ear buds in, blasting some cheesy pop song, her charmingly tone-deaf humming's somehow soothing you. Her feet were encroaching on your side of the backseat, but you let her stretch out, accommodating her pink tipped toes.
Your family was headed into New York City for vacation, the weight of daily stresses and responsibilities lifted off of your heavily burdened shoulders, giving the trip a light, relaxed feel. A Journey song was currently blasting through the speakers and your parents were singing along like they were seventeen again, getting only half of the blaring, heartily sung words right.
Everything was so peaceful, so right, that for just an instant you wanted this moment to last forever.
And then, so abruptly you didn't have time to react, your calm was shattered. An eighteen wheeler slammed through the barrier keeping oncoming traffic on the other side of the road, crumpling the metal between you as though it were paper, the hulking monster setting a clear course for your car. Your pulse pounded frantically in your veins and your fists clenched, as though that would do any good. You gasped in shock, one clear burst of pure fear lancing through your mind before the tremendous impact rocked you down to your very core. Everything was fragmented, coming in quick bursts of sensation. There was screaming, yours, your mothers? You barely registered the wrenching snap of your bones and tearing of your flesh before you lost consciousness.
Then there was blackness. Nothing. You were drifting, floating; were you dead? When you remembered the blood dripping onto the asphalt, your family's blood, you realized death wouldn't be so bad right now. Your world was snapped back into sharp focus by the harsh, permeating sensation of pain. You reluctantly opened your eyes to find the stark expanse of a hospital wall staring back at you, blank and impersonal. You immediately began searching frantically for your family, yelling for them, but no answers came. When a nurse rushed to your side to calm you, a sad, sympathetic expression on her face, you knew they were gone.
Suddenly the dream changed, morphing, twisting darkly.
You saw your family's bodies lying, twisted and bloodied, on the ground in front of you, the hunk of metal that used to be your car mangled just a few steps away. You knelt before them, hot tears tracking down your cheeks as you wept. Why had you survived? Why were you left alive? They should be here, happy and alive, not dead and buried far beneath the earth.
Suddenly your sisters' hand shot out and gripped your wrist, hard. The blood drying on her fingers smeared onto your skin, staining your flesh a deep, angry red. Her eyes snapped open, glazed by death, staring up at the sky above. Her cracked lips parted as she rasped, "Why do you get to live while we die?" Her rattling voice made your heart race with fear, her question burning into your mind, "Why, sister?" She slowly turned her chilling gaze towards you, her grip tightening painfully. Abruptly she wrenched herself upright and leapt at you, screaming, "Why?"
You jolted awake sharply, your pulse hammering in your ears and your skin slicked with sweat. Your mind was sluggish as it struggled to catch up to the present, slowly dredging you out of the nightmare you'd just been so immersed in. You gasped in ragged breaths as you drew a shaky hand to your neck, sweeping the sweat soaked hair from your skin, pulling the strands over your shoulder, relieved to feel fresh air sliding across your over heated flesh. Seeing your family in your dreams was nothing new, but that, that was different. Darker. You were shaken to your very core, the large bed you were in suddenly feeling unbearably lonely. You needed human contact, reassurance that you weren't losing your mind.
You huffed out a breath, swiping your hand across your cooling forehead, brushing the clammy skin there as you sat up. You placed your feet on the floor beside the bed, rising slowly on unsteady legs. You weren't quite sure where you were going but you couldn't stand to sit in the bed still teeming with vivid fragments of your nightmare. You felt your hands shaking from the intense emotions coursing through your body, your temples throbbing and your throat uncomfortably tight.
Spurned by some unidentifiable desire, hoping to rid yourself of the demons nipping hungrily at your heels, you walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, running a hand over the cool marble countertop as you passed by. You shuffled into the living room, a small smile curving your lips at the sight of Frank curled up on the couch by the far wall greeting your tired eyes. His torso was bare, revealing the thickly corded muscles of his chest and arms to your curious gaze. His position looked rather uncomfortable, his oversized form folded precariously onto the small sofa, but the way his features were softened in sleep had you sighing nonetheless. The large windows that overlooked the city filtered in a gentle, moonlit glow, the hard angles of Frank's body smoothed and gentled in the soft light. You leaned against the doorway as you studied him, the light stubble that graced his lean cheeks, the cut angles of his jaw, his strong, hulking body.
You'd never been mote intrigued by anyone in your entire life as you were by Frank Castle. He was an enigma, an incalculable quantity. Yes, he was a killer, but so were you. That piece of shit mobster wasn't the first person you'd killed, and you had a feeling it wouldn't be your last. Frank killed for a reason, one you understood whole heartedly, for even though you'd ended a life you'd always done so for good reason. And Frank understood that, you knew he did.
But there was so much more to this huge, brooding male than what first meets the eye, and you were slowly learning. Frank was a lone wolf, no doubt about it. He moved in patterns that were constantly changing, and yet he made you feel safe, like he could be your anchor in a storm, bearing the battering of the sea at his back to keep you safe from the pounding gale. And you suspected he'd do it gladly, without a single complaint. You could admit that you needed a steadiness like that right now. You needed Frank. And you thought that he just might need you too.
As if sensing your eyes on him, Frank suddenly awoke, his keen eyes scanning the darkened apartment for any potential threats. When his sharp gaze fell on you he sat up, scrubbing a large palm down the back of his neck as concern colored his features.
"You alright?" He asked, that gravely voice sending shivers racing down your spine.
"Yeah," You huffed, crossing your arms around your middle and walking further into the room, "I just had a nightmare," You muttered, plopping down next to him, keeping your eyes steadily on your toes.
"I get those too," He said, his gentle voice coaxing you to look up, to meet his molten gaze that was fixed on your face, "The kind of dreams that stick with you, that haunt you even when you're awake."
Somehow, knowing that he understood made you melt for him, a sudden, fierce desire to connect with him kindling in your chest, "Yeah," You whispered, gulping heavily as dark images floated through your mind, desperately wanting to tell him, to confide in him, but icy dread stopped you. You'd never told anyone about your family, you'd kept it locked tight to your chest, but you couldn't contain it anymore. It hurt too much. Frank reached for you then, just the barest brush of his fingertips over your knuckles, traveling the crests and hills of your skin. You sighed and closed your eyes as a thick wave of tingles whispered across your flesh. Calmed, you angled your body closer to him, gazing up into his deep eyes as you continued, "It was about my family. I lost them in a car crash. I was the only survivor." You felt tears prick at the corners of your eyes as you spoke, your voice low and thrumming with emotion, "I think about that day all the time. Why did I survive? Why was I the one that made it out alive?"
You bit your lip hard, trying desperately not to cry, not to break down in front of him, but his gaze was so damned earnest as he listened, the breadth of understanding you saw there spurring you to continue, "I saw them die, Frank. I saw their bodies crushed like they were soda cans, I saw their blood dripping onto the pavement…" Your voice caught in your throat as hot tears spilled unbidden down your cheeks, one after the other, flowing as though you'd never cried a single tear in your whole life. Suddenly, your body moving of its own accord, you leaned closer to him, falling desperately into Frank, hoping wildly that he'd accept you. You gasped when, unexpectedly, blessedly, strong arms enfolded you into his firm, broad chest, his warm embrace cracking the last of your steely resolve. You hiccupped rather unbecomingly into the crook of his neck, burying your face into his chest as you cried, your body shaking from the force of your sobs.
"I got you, it's all right," He murmured as he rocked you lightly, his touch sure and gentle, his body the anchor you so badly needed. You got the sense that he needed the embrace just as much as you did, his touch almost urgent. He held you as though he'd been expecting this and wasn't at all shocked that you were falling apart in his arms. He held you like he'd been ready, waiting, to catch you. And catch you he did.
"You're gonna be alright," He said, his voice nearly a croon, his long fingers entwining in your tangled hair, cupping the back of your head, holding you firmly against him, "You're gonna be okay, I got you."
You weren't sure how long you stayed like that, but gradually you became intensely aware of his smooth, muscled skin that roiled beneath your fingers, of his warm, solid, massive chest that you were currently pressed against. You suddenly realized that somehow you'd ended up in his lap and were effectively straddling him. One of his big palms rested against the small of your back; you felt it's warmth down to your very bones. Drawing in a shaky breath, you gently pulled away from him, self -consciously tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. You gulped heavily as you drew your eyes slowly up his chest, pausing to study the curve of his lips, so deliciously close to yours. For a moment you imagined how they'd feel pressed against yours. Would his kiss be gentle and sweet, or fierce and dominating? You weren't sure which you'd prefer. Shit, right now, seated so intimately on him, with his strong hands on your body, his gentle understanding making you melt in his arms, you'd take both.
You slowly tore your eyes from his mouth, meeting his gaze. You saw a wealth of emotion shimmering in his dark, beautiful eyes. His breaths seemed to be coming fast, his chest was heaving as he regarded you, his lips parting. You knew there was an awful strength in this hulking body of his, and yet he was so gentle with you, as though you were made of glass. Your heart twisted in your chest as you gazed at each other, the guard you had so carefully tried to put up around your emotions falling by the wayside.
"Will you stay with me tonight?" You asked, your voice a mere whisper against the heavy, crackling air between you.
"Of course," He replied immediately, his palm stroking down the back of your head to cup your neck, his gentle fingers wrapping around your nape. The gesture made you feel encased, protected – little securities that you had been so long without.
You sighed and leaned into him, resting your forehead against his shoulder, curling into him as he picked you up easily and carried you to his bed. He settled you down next to him carefully, releasing his hold on you, leaving you free to move away if you wished to. But you didn't, you still clung to him, almost desperately, hoping that he'd keep your dark, twisted nightmares away for good. He chuckled gently at your iron grip on him, making you smile lightly into his skin before the solid bars of his arms came to wrap around you again, holding you tight against him.
As his fingers ran gently through your hair, playing in the long strands, and sleep began to take you once more, you knew that this was right. That this was perfect. And you knew that, if you weren't careful, you could begin to get very used to this beautiful, fierce, gentle male holding you tight, whispering promises of safety, of protection in your scared mind.
And you knew you would do anything to keep him here, by your side. No matter what.
Yay for late night cuddles and comfort! Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know your thoughts! Also I've been VERY into mood boards lately, so I created a few for this fic. If you'd like to check them out, they're linked below. Please enjoy!
Mood board for chapter 1: post/143096912049/the-first-time-frank-saw-you-his-thoughts-were
Mood board for chapter 4: post/143289718159/will-you-stay-with-me-tonight-you-asked-your