CHAPTER 4

Stirrings

Qui-Gon allowed a smile to play across his features as Anakin left the room. It faded however, when he glanced over at Shmi. Her eyes danced with mirth while she also watched her son leave. He had been thinking that perhaps it would be a good thing if she did not live too close to the Jedi Temple. Better yet, that she does not reside on Coruscant. He was concerned that close proximity would make Anakin's attachment to her stronger, which would undermine his purpose for freeing the woman in the first place. He was loathe, however, to bring up his reservations. She was free now to dwell wherever she wished. I have no right to tell her where or where not to call home. Wherever she chooses, we'll deal with it.

"What's wrong, Qui-Gon?" Shmi was looking up at the Jedi with her head tilted to one side.

Shaking his head, he answered, "Nothing is wrong. I was just wondering if you've given thought to where you wish to live."

Taking a deep breath, she broke eye contact with her companion. "Yes, I have. I'm not quite sure where I want to go. I," she hesitated for a moment before continuing, "I think it best I don't live on Coruscant, though." She looked up at Qui-Gon as she explained, "I don't wish to have my presence be a distraction to Anakin's training. You said he's already having trouble relating to the other children there. Me being around can only cause more trouble for him."

Sensing how much pain the insight caused her, he reached over to gently squeeze her hand. Qui-Gon admired her wisdom and total unselfishness. He knew how much she loved her son - how she longed to be with him and watch him grow. Yet it was her great love for Anakin that allowed her to let him go, not only once, but twice. "Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?"

He could sense her gratitude before she spoke. She squeezed his fingers as she favored him with an appreciative smile. "You are already doing it by being so kind." When her thumb gently stroked the side of his hand, he slowly pulled it away.

"Would you like to go for a stroll with me?" Her doctor had mentioned earlier that she could take short walks down the hallway so long as she was accompanied by another adult.

"Yes, I would like that."

Qui-Gon helped her lower the rail at the side of the bed then helped her put on the robe the hospital had provided for her. He then proffered his elbow when she had risen from the bed. The tall man smiled down at Shmi after she took his arm. They left the room and walked at a slow pace down the hallway. They were just passing the nurse's desk when the Jedi Master stopped short.

"What's wrong?" When he was slow to answer, Shmi asked, "Is it Anakin? Is he in danger?" She squeezed his arm. "Qui-Gon, please!"

The Jedi looked down at her as though he was coming out of a dream. "He's fine." He resumed walking at the same measured pace as before. What have you done, Padawan? He had felt a surge in the Force which had the boy's signature presence written all over it. He made a mental note to ask the youth about his activities when he returned from his studies.

"Was it Anakin?"

Qui-Gon looked at Shmi with an expression that said, 'What are you talking about?'

"Don't look at me like that. You had this look like you were seeing or sensing something of concern happening someplace else. Was it Anakin?"

The Jedi's lips thinned in consternation. "Yes, but he's fine."

Sighing, she lowered her eyes, "Okay, you don't have to tell me. I guess I lost my right to know what is going on with my son when I released him to you."

He stopped again, this time turning to his companion. Putting his fingers under her chin, Qui-Gon gently lifted it so their eyes met. "Shmi, I..."

She backed away from him as she interrupted, "Don't... I know I have to let go. It's just hard to do this again." When he reached out to her, she pulled back further. "Please, I need to be alone!"

As she was turning away from him, Qui-Gon could see tears starting to roll down her cheeks. He watched as she walked swiftly away from him. "Shmi," he called to her, "you're going the wrong way."

She stopped, turned back towards him, then fell to her knees, weeping. He was kneeling in front of her in an instant. "Shmi, I'm sorry," he whispered as he pulled her to him. He put his arms around her small frame as she buried her face on his shoulder. Rocking her back and forth, he ran his fingers through her hair. When she apologized for making such a scene, he brushed his lips against her ear as he murmured, "Sh, it's okay."

Once her tears abated and she pulled away to look up at him, Qui-Gon tenderly brushed the lingering wetness from her cheeks. "You were crying too!" She reached up and ran her thin fingers across his face.

Gently clasping her hand, he kissed her palm. He then swallowed as he looked deeply into her eyes.

What am I doing?

His lips were a mere centimeter from hers, and he could feel her warm breath softly tickle his skin. He cleared his throat and pulled away.

Blushing, Shmi also cleared her throat before saying, "I guess we'd better get up off the floor."

A smile played upon his lips as he nodded. He rose from the floor before helping her to her feet. "Do you wish to return to your room?"

Shaking her head, she looked demurely up at him. "If you don't mind, I'd like to walk with you some more."

Qui-Gon bowed his head slightly as he once more proffered his arm and she took it. "I would enjoy that."

Shmi could not keep her eyes from wandering up to study Qui-Gon's face as they strolled in silence. Was he really about to kiss me back there? The mere thought of it made her feel warm and light-headed. She could not deny her attraction to him. He couldn't possibly find a scrawny slave woman like me attractive. Still... She looked down at her feet as she said softly, "I like being with you, even though it can't last."

The Jedi placed his hand on top of hers and gently squeezed in answer. She could feel her pulse quicken at his touch. Can he tell how I feel? Glancing up at him, Shmi took a quick breath in when she saw he was looking down at her. It was only for a moment, then he swallowed and turned his head so that his gaze was steadfastly on the route they were taking. He's a Jedi, so even if he is attracted to me, he won't act on it. It's for the best. He is the only one I know I can trust my son with. I know he loves Anakin and will do what is best for him.

They went through a set of double doors into a room that seemed as though it were a whole other place than a sterile hospital. A garden of desert plants native to Tatooine; flowers, cacti and trees, were growing in a large circular room. Sandstone tiles made paths through the wondrous oasis which was lit by sunshine coming down through a transparisteel ceiling. Ornate benches dotted the sides of the paths. Shmi could see a fountain in the middle of the garden. Without speaking, she and Qui-Gon headed toward the center.

Once they stopped in front of the fountain, Shmi pulled away from her companion. She slowly circled the fountain as she looked all around and took in the scents of the flowers. Coming to a halt once she reached Qui-Gon who had silently watched her the entire time, she whispered in awe, "It's so beautiful here."

Suddenly feeling light-headed, she reached out for Qui-Gon who was already reaching out to steady her. He guided her to the nearest bench to sit down.

"Are you okay?"

She put a hand to her forehead as she answered, "I... I think so. I just feel tired all of a sudden." Shmi leaned towards her companion and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Rest then," he said softly as he put his arm around her shoulders.

The aroma of the flowers mingled with Qui-Gon's scent made her feel warm and safe as she drifted off to sleep.

She was in a field of golden and lavender flowers. On a hillside, strange looking creatures fed on the grass and flowers. Qui-Gon was beside her, but was garbed in a shepherd's clothing and held a long staff with a hook on one end. He was holding her hand, and as she looked down, she saw a ring on her fourth finger... a wedding band matched by one he was wearing on one of his fingers. As she looked up at him, he leaned down to kiss her on the lips.

"Qui-Gon Jinn, please come to the security office!"

Shmi was jarred awake by the announcement over the hospital's intercom. She sat up straight and looked around in confusion.

"It's okay," Qui-Gon's soft deep voice drew her attention to him as he put a hand on top of her fingers.

"Qui-Gon Jinn, please come to the security office," the same voice as before repeated over the intercom.

"I must go, will you be alright?"

Though still feeling muddled, she nodded.

"I'll send someone for you," the Jedi said as he rose from the bench.

Shmi watched as he quickly walked down the path to the double doors through which they had entered the garden.

"Anakin," she thought out loud, "what have you done now?"