I walked through the forest slower then I could or normally would on my way to Jacob's. Normally I couldn't keep my excitement down for the second I could be with him. Tonight was different. Tonight and every night from now on Jacob would be different. He had heard news that Billy had passed away, at home, just like he wanted. All of Jacobs family was gone. Apart from his married sister in Hawaii, he was alone. She had not been in his life in some time. Let alone since he became a part of the pack, not to mention imprinting on me and joining us as a member of this family. That was it, he was a member of this family. I knew it, my parents knew it, we all knew it. Did he know it? Did he feel it? I know we are a far second place to Billy and the pack. I began to run, but towards my parents house now. The wind against my face let my mind clear and my worries shred from my mind. This was going to be hard to deal with, but there was a bright idea brewing inside of me.
I walked in our house my mom was pacing in the living room and my dad was sitting on the couch looking up at her with sad, empathetic eyes. He turned his face to me as I walked in. " Hi Nes," he whispered.
" Hi Dad" he got up and came over to me, I took a few steps forward to meet him. He hugged me and kissed my head. how is mom doing? I thought, so only my dad could hear me. He pulled away and looked down at me. "She's more worried about your Papa and Jacob, but I think she is sad too."
I don't know what to say to Jake, I almost want to avoid it. Dad, I just want to avoid the whole thing, but I know I cant. And shute, I hadn't even thought how upset papa will be.
"I know Nes, but in times like these the easiest thing to say is nothing at all, but that never helps people. We have to be there for whatever is needed. We have to try to make things as easy as possible for those that are hurting. And sweety, its ok if you feel sad too. Billy loved you very much."
I know dad, I am worried about Jacob. I know that you and mom won't die, but one day he will. Urrg, I cant even think about that, I don'…t and I cant.
"Your right, you cant think about that right now. You need to be there for Jacob. He is at his house, on his own, why don't you see if he needs anything?"
Right then my mom hung up the phone.
"Charlie isn't doing great. Sue is a mess too. She is trying to get in touch with Jacob's sister, but no one is able to reach her. I am going to the big house to make some food up for the pack to have at the house. Sam is calling me back in a few minutes with some of the arrangements. It sounds like they are going to do a traditional ceremony, so we all might not be able to go."
"Well love, we can have our own goodbye for Billy in our own way. I don't think everyone would be entirely comfortable down there anyway." My dad reached his arm around me and pulled me back into his chest.
My mom nodded. "I know, its just so sad." If she would cry, she would have. My dad opened his other arm to her, and she came over and joined our family hug. I loved my dad, he was wise, and loving and tough at times. I was his child, something he never thought he would have. He didn't coddle me, or treat me like a miracle, he pure and simply loved me, flawlessly. It was really nice just to hug my parents.
I love you. I could say it to my dad this way, it was easy.
My dad kissed both of our heads and we all released our embrace.
"I m going to see Jake now, what should I say?" I looked to my mom for guidance on this one.
"Sweetie, just tell him you are here for him. If he wants to talk you'll be there. Sit in silence if you have to, but just be there. Make sure he eats and he doesn't run off. He might need some alone time too, and let him have it, but always be there. You don't have to say anything. Listen to him if he wants to talk. You'll know what to say when it happens. He has grown up so much Nessie, you'll be surprised what an adult he is now, no matter what he needs you to be there. "
"Ok, thanks mom. Ill call you in a bit, and call me if you hear anything from Sam. When are you going to Papa's?"
" I don't know yet. I'm going to the see Esme and Carlisle, and to get some food to bring to charlies and billys. Ill call you guys when I know."
"I'm going to go with your mom. I wont go to La Push, but I will go to Charlies."
This means Papa's getting old too, is that what mom's thinking?
My dad just subtly nodded.
I turned and left. I was running for only a minute when I was at Jake's place. I saw him lying on the couch through the French doors from the patio, so I walked in.
"hey babe" he mumbled.
"Hi Jake. How you doing?"
He just shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really know what to feel. I knew it would happen one day, its just crazy how fast it happened. Crazy" he repeated.
"I know its really sad. My mom is going to call when she hears from Sam."
"It's really great of him to organize everything. I wouldn't know where to start. Doesn't help that I haven't been on the rez at all these last few years." I just nodded.
"I'm sorry, I guess that's my fault." I trailed off, I felt so guilty for keeping him from his family and the pack; he was the Alpha, although since his life began with me, he didn't claim it the way he could.
"Nes, don't ever say that. I love you, I love my life with you. I just didn't think my dad would go so quickly."
"Did you get in touch with your sister?"
"Ya I called her earlier. She cant afford to come back."
"That's crappy." I just turned to rub Jacobs arm. I realized that wasn't enough. So I crawled on top of him. He immediately embraced me. We lay there for about an hour. His fingers would occasionally draw circles on my back, and he would play with my hair a little. But his eyes were off looking into nowhere. He looked lost. I hated to leave him, but I eventually rolled off of him.
"Where are you going?"
"I am going to make you a snack. You need to eat something."
"Thanks Nes. You are the best."
I quickly made a few sandwiches, I grabbed a box of crackers and some milk for him. I knew normal feeling Jacob would polish this off, no problem, so I was hoping for at least half to disappear.
When I got back to the couch, he was still lying there, but lying on his side. His eyes were closed. I put the food down in front of him and left him alone, I was walking towards the bathroom to take the shower I missed this morning…. Just be there. I repeated my mothers words in my mind. Just be there…ok, I can do that. But how?
I turned around and went back to see Jacob. His eyes were open now.
"You feel like eating?" I asked him
He sat up and slid down to the floor beside his food. He patted the floor beside him. I immediately sat down next to him and started eating some crackers. My phone started to vibrate on the table. I grabbed it, and saw 'mom' on the called id.
"Hi Mom"
"Hi Nes, how is Jake?"
"Ok, we are just eating lunch." I was trying to divert so I didn't have to go into details with him sitting right beside me.
"That's good. Im heading to Charlies now, and then to La Push. Your dad is coming with me to Charlies. Sam called and said they are doing something traditional ceremony with the pack. I guess its more exclusive then we thought. Charlie and Sue going to go fishing to say their own goodbye. Tell Jake to call Sam for the details. Does he have his number?"
"Do you have sam's number?"
"At home? Ya"
"At home mom, or does he have another number?"
"No I think its his home number, he said he would be there all night."
"Ok thanks mom. I am going to stay here with Jake, ok"
"That's what I thought, that's great Nes. Ill talk to you later."
"Bye mom" I closed my phone. "You have to call Sam at home this afternoon at some point.ok?" Jake just nodded, looking down. "My mom said the pack is doing something traditional. Do you know what that is?"
" I don't really know, ill call him and I guess ill find out."
Jake got up and went to call sam from his bedroom. He came back out about 5 minutes later. I debated turning on the tv, but I felt silly.
"Im going down at about 8 tonight, ill probably be back late. I guess you cant stay here tonight can you?" jake stood in the door way.
"I'll ask, I don't see why not. How late do you think you'll be?"
"I don't know, never done this before." He came and sat back down with me on the floor.
"Whatever you want, ill wait here for you."
"No forget it, I don't want you up late and here alone. Just be with your family tonight. Ill see you tomorrow."
This was my cue, this was my idea…
"Jake, um I was thinking about you and I just want you to know that I… I think of you as my family. I love having you in my life. I could never imagine it any other way. Everyone thinks of you as a part of our family, I just think you should know that even if you don't want a replacement family, you have one if you want it.."
Jake half smiled at me. He breathed heavy and leaned in a kissed my cheek.
" I know, its just nice to hear that from you."
I leaned in and kissed him. His lips were soft and full. I pulled away sooner then usual. I opened my eyes and Jacob was smiling.
"I love you Nes. Thank you." He leaned in again and kissed me again.
He made me feel hot inside. When he said he loved me, I felt like I was dreaming, like he wasn't really saying it. Sometimes this feeling was too good to be true.
I sat with Jake while he finished his sandwiches. I was happy to see he didn't lose his appetite. He didn't talk much, but I was happy to be there.
"Im going to have a shower and then head down to La Push."
"Ok, ill call my mom and see if she is still at Papa and Sues house. If not, ill be at home or on my cell if you need anything ok?"
"Ok, thanks for being here with me. I don't know what I would do without you."
"I didn't even do anything but make you a sandwich."
"You don't know how much you always do for me. I'll make you understand one day." He left the room and missed the huge smile on my face. I felt guilty for a second, but the happiness I felt was overwhelming.