It had all been a terrible idea. Varrick had no clue what drove him into it all in the first place. Had he known what would happen, he would have stayed tucked in his bed that morning. He wouldn't have come for breakfast, wouldn't have chatted with Suyin and definitely wouldn't have followed her advice to try to relieve stress and find a way to sleep better. No, he would have asked Zhu Li for breakfast and stayed in bed. No, wait. Not Zhu Li. He would have stayed in bed and not eaten and not come out of his bedroom at all, if only he had known.
But he hadn't known. He had been a fool, had listened to Suyin. Why would he even mention that he had trouble sleeping anyway? But he had, and there he was now at the acupuncturist, wishing he had never been born.
For he had experienced the exact same problem in Zaofu that he had had for quite some time now, ever since he went to prison, namely losing any sort of control over his body at night, when his dreams were filled with the wildest scenarios in the company of his dear assistant. Of course, he couldn't admit that to Suyin. He could barely even admit it to himself. He had simply told her of his sleep deprivation and she had immediately called Guo, claiming that the physician would help him immensely.
Varrick had had his doubts. He had never been one for acupuncture. After all, why would he want to have needles stuck into his body when he could simply ask Zhu Li what was wrong with him and trust her medical knowledge. But the problem was linked to her, so he couldn't just go up to her and ask "You know, Zhu Li, I've been having crazy sex dreams about you lately. Would you happen to know what might fix that?" Which is why he had accepted to go see the acupuncturist.
When Varrick had entered the office, followed by Zhu Li as always, and greeted the man, he had not been suspicious at all. Truth be told, it all had seemed like the perfect plan. No need to tell Zhu Li or anyone about the dreams. Guo would simply get his chi thingy in shape and he would not need to say a thing. Because it surely was a matter of chi or acupoints. It just had to be. There was no other reason why he would have such vivid dreams about Zhu Li. And certainly not because of some kind of attraction or crush for her.
He had wanted to run fast and far when the acupuncturist had told him that the needles may awaken some buried feelings. Not that his feelings for Zhu Li were buried very deep. They were barely covered in a thin layer of denial. And indeed, as soon as the needles had touched his acupoints, his mind had been flooded with thoughts of her. He had tried to suppress them as long as he could but it was as if the needles had been stuck right into the walls that held his thoughts together and they were all pouring out of their hidden place in his brain. He could only hope that his mouth would stay shut. Zhu Li was barely paying attention, of course, she was standing against the wall on the other side of the room, but still. She might be listening.
"Just try to relax. Let the memories troubling you run through you."
There was no point in trying to stop thinking about her now. Maybe if he let it all flow, he could forget about this ridiculous thoughts and go on with his life? He was hard already anyway, there was no denying it.
Zhu Li and him having their way right there, on the acupuncturist table. Her above him, naked and magnificent, with her untied hair in luscious glory. Or under him, responding to his thrust with the beauty and the trust of a long-time lover. Zhu Li in his bed, as in prison, naked as a babe. Uncovering her body little by little, learning every curve and dip. Learning to please her, to make her breathless and gasping, to make her love his mouth, his tongue, his fingers, himself. Falling asleep and waking up to her by his side. Pushing a hair strand behind her ear, kissing her, hugging her.
He paused. From lust-filled fantasies, his thoughts had turned into romantic daydreams. It bothered him to no end… yet he loved it. Thinking about hugging, kissing, complimenting, teasing Zhu Li wasn't so much arousing as it was giving him a warm feeling in the chest, a feeling he never wanted to end. Was this what this acupuncture session had unlocked?
He could feel the energy flowing inside him, bringing his thoughts together, helping him understand. How he wished he hadn't come to Guo. Realizing that he might have a… a crush on Zhu Li made everything harder. She was his assistant. He couldn't − wouldn't let his feelings show, lest she would leave him and hate him forever. And he could never replace such a great assistant, such a great partner. The longer the needles remained in his body, the better he understood the sad reality. He was attracted to Zhu Li. He wanted her, as a man might want a woman but more than that, he actually liked her. Liked liked her. He knew nothing could come out of it, never, and hated himself for feeling strange things.
When Guo removed the needles, Varrick slowly opened his eyes and barely nodded when the acupuncturist asked if he felt any better. He left the office as soon as he could, not saying a word. He needed time to think over the fact that he had feelings for his assistant. When he reached his room, he told Zhu Li she could take a break and attend to her own business. What she might do on her free time, he did not know. He had never asked. And he never would. She was his assistant, and that was all she would ever be. He sat down on his armchair to take time for himself, thinking about his newly found love for Zhu Li that would never come to blossom, and a single tear ran down his cheek.