Chapter 4

The pounding in my chest was so loud that I knew Edward could hear it. My breaths were coming fast and I was starting to see spots in front of my eyes. I grasped the chair behind me and sat, quickly putting my head between my knees.

"It's ok, Bella. You're just hyperventilating. Breathe into this." He said, handing me a paper bag from under the counter. After a short time I was able to sit up again.

I looked up at him. I had so many question, so many thoughts. I didn't know what to say or where to begin. The tears silently trickled down my cheeks again.

He knelt in front of me, wiping my tears away with his cool fingers. "Don't be sad, Bella. Please, I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you any more than I already have."

I shook my head then, a little laugh hitching in my throat.

"What?" Edward asked curiously. "Why is that funny?"

I didn't answer immediately and he groaned, running his fingers through his hair. "I forgot how frustrating it is to never be able to hear what you're thinking. I can be patient." He said more to himself than to me.

"I'm not sad, Edward. I think shock would be the more appropriate word, here. Would you understand if I said that I'm crying because I'm so unbelievably happy that you are standing here, but also so petrified that you might vanish if I look away?"

He gently gripped my forearms and pulled me up into a loose embrace, all the while never letting his eyes leave mine. "Bella. I'm not going anywhere. This is exactly where I want to be, where I need to be."

I put my arms around him this time, burying my nose in his chest. I breathed in his wonderful, intoxicating smell. I had never smelled anything as good as Edward smelled. I knew I could stay here forever, but I wanted to look at his face. I had spent years trying to remember the beauty of his face. My dreams didn't do him justice. He looked more godlike than I had even remembered.

He looked down at me seriously. "Let's find a place to sit, Bella. We have a lot of catching up to do."

I led him to a small sitting area in the back of the store. After I sat down, Edward pulled another chair close to mine and sat facing me. He took mine hands in his and stared at me for a while. The deep pools of honey that were his eyes and the sweet smell of his breath already had me mesmerized. He smiled sweetly and then he spoke.

"So, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm here."

I nodded silently.

"Bella," he sighed, "When I left Forks, I left because I thought it was the best thing for you. I thought it was your only chance to have a safe, fully human, happy life. If I had a heart, I truly think it would have stopped beating that day. My days and nights were an ugly, agonizing blur. For over a year, I stayed away from my family and from any form of communication. I wanted to see no one, to hear no one. I wanted no contact with the civilized world. I spent my days hiking and hunting and my nights praying that God was watching over you, keeping you safe. I prayed that someday you would come to realize why I had to leave.

About a year after I left, Alice and Carlisle came to find me. They talked me into leaving with them. Carlisle and Esme were going to go to Africa to deliver medicine and offer medical services. He needed another physician and thought I could finally put my medical degrees to work. Maybe that was just the distraction I needed to temper the pain that never seemed to leave my body. So I went with him and poured myself into my work. But I never stopped thinking of you, not one day did you ever escape my thoughts."

He paused for a moment and then started talking again.

"And so that's where I've been for the majority of the time, traveling around Africa helping open medical centers and training medical staff. Carlisle did all the research so that I never had to go near a computer. The only news I got about the states would come from my family. Alice and Jasper visited frequently, and even though I asked her not to bring me any news about Forks, she would always leave behind information about you."

That surprised me, and I interrupted him. "Information? Like what?"

"Oh, you know, newspaper clippings, graduation programs, photographs…"

": What? How did she…"

"Bella, You couldn't know this of course. But Alice has attended many of your big milestones. She was at both of your graduations, the grand opening of your store, Charlie's funeral…she was even here tonight."

"What…when?" My mouth hung open, trying to replay the customers that had been in the store that day.

"Did you see the pregnant woman in here just before closing? That was Alice. She's a very convincing actress. And, as you probably remember she's a pretty good make-up artist, too. She has always loved you, too, Bella. She honored my decision, but I don't ever think she quite forgave me for making her give up her best friend."

I shook my head not knowing what to say. I was trying hard to understand everything that was happening tonight and hoping to God that this was not just some cruel dream.

"I know, it's a lot to take in, Bella." he said rubbing small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"Edward," I said, looking straight in the eyes, "you still haven't told me why you are here."

He tilted his head and smiled that crooked smile I loved. "I just couldn't do it anymore."

"Couldn't do what?" I asked not understanding.

"I couldn't stay away anymore. When Alice told me about Charlie's death I just about got on a plane and came back right then. But, I knew what a tough time you were probably going through and I didn't want to add to the stress and unhappiness you were already feeling. So, I came back to the states and researched everything I could about you. I even hired a private investigator to make sure there wasn't a husband or boyfriend in your life. When I had all the information I needed, Alice and I started coming back to the old house and getting it ready to be lived in once more."

"Tonight is not your first night back in Forks? Why, did you wait to come see me?"

He sighed, "Because even though I technically knew everything about you, I didn't know how you would feel about seeing me. And so, I fell back on an old habit." He smiled.

I wasn't getting what he meant.

"You really should lock that bedroom window, you know, "he said still smiling.

"You've been watching me sleep again?"

He nodded waiting for my reaction.

"Edward, were you in my room last night?"

"Yes. You had a nightmare. And from what I could tell, it involved me."

"Did you say my name out loud last night?"

"Yes…you were so upset I wanted to comfort you. But as soon as I said it I got scared. I wasn't ready yet. I couldn't gauge how you'd react."

I sat quietly trying to process everything. I jumped as I heard the front door to the shop bang open.

"BELLA, BELLA…. WHERE ARE YOU?" Jake's voice boomed.

I got up and ran towards the front of the store.

"Jake, I'm right here. What's the matter? Is everything ok?" I asked.

"NO, DAMN IT. EVERYTHING IS NOT OK!"he boomed. 'I'VE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU."

"Why?" I asked? And then I remembered I had promised Jake I would call him as soon as I had gotten home. "Oh, Jake, oh I'm so sorry. I'm fine really. See?" I asked holding me arms out.

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I yelled at you, it's just well, damn it ….you weren't answering your phone either. I guess I let my imagination get the best of me. Why are you still here, anyway, Bells? It's late." He finished his question while enveloping me in a hug. And then pulled away suddenly, "No offense, Bella, but you kind of stink."

Then it hit him. I saw the realization cross his mind. His eyes darted around the store and his fists clenched upon seeing Edward. "What the hell are you doing here?" He yelled.

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