Chapter Four

Weak With Memories

On Sunday Deans' was neither packed, nor empty. There were enough conversations around them to feel comfortable in the silence between them, but not so much that they couldn't hear each other without having to raise their voices. The lighting was low, and warm, small vases of roses in the center of each table, and soft piano music played from the walls. Four to five beautiful pieces of artwork on each of the walls showing muggle, and wizarding worlds colliding, all done by Dean himself. It was the perfect place to bring a date.

They sat in a private table in the corner of the restaurant. Seamus was rather handsome in slacks, and a silver button dress shirt. Hermione couldn't help but ask why he lacked a cloak, and to that he replied, "I'm half and half. It's a good balance living as a wizard, but dressing as a muggle." To that she smiled kindly, quite impressed with his odd sense of logic, and then blushed furiously when he commented how breathtaking she looked. They only began talking again when their meal arrived.

Seamus cut through his steak. "How're Harry, and Ron. I haven't seen them lately."

"They're both well. Ron is stationed in Japan for a couple of years, and Harry, and Ginny just got back from their honeymoon."

"Really? Good for them!"

Hermione swirled her glass of wine expertly, and saw that Seamus was watching her with awe. She took a sip, and sat it back down. It went down nicely, making her head only a bit fuzzy. She would never get used to drinking the stuff, but she couldn't very well order something less in a restaurant such as the one they were in.

"I heard George got married."

She nodded. "To Angelina Johnson, yes, a couple of years ago. They have a baby now, named after Fred." She was overjoyed when she heard George announce their engagement. She liked Angelina, she was a wonderful Gryffindor Chaser, and was now doing it alongside Ginny. The dark skinned girl hadn't changed much over the years, she was still a fierce Quidditch player.

"Ever feel like you're standing still," he asked suddenly.

Hermione considered this shortly. "No. I'm happy for them, but I'm happy with where I'm at now."

"I wouldn't think you'd have it any other way. A lawyer," he chuckled, and after seeing her expression held up his hand defensively, "no, it's great. I remember you in Hogwarts quite well, debating, and studying. I always thought you'd do something great with your life."

"Thank you," she said quietly, taking another sip of her wine.

The rest of the evening went much more smoothly. They ate, drinked, and laughed. Hermione's sides were sore at the end of it all. She didn't want it to end. No amount of lawyers together could have this much fun, and though she had this with Harry, Ginny, Ron, and even Luna, she couldn't exactly date any of them. This was a different kind of fun.

Night had fallen when Seamus walked Hermione to her door. The outside of her off-white house was modestly pretty. A walkway lined with white, and yellow carnations, and a porch with a swing.

Seamus stood awkwardly for a moment, before lightly kissing her cheek. "Was that okay," he asked with unease, his lips lingering.

She giggled, "perfectly okay."

He kissed her again, more affirmative, and stepped back shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Thanks again, Seamus. I had a lot of fun."

"Then we should do this again, like next week? I'll owl you?"

"Please do," and she slipped inside her door as he walked to the street.

Hermione leaned her back against the frame, touching the spot where he kissed her. Who knew that Seamus could be such a great date.

"Where have you been?!"

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest as Ginny came unexpectedly from the kitchen taking a bite of an orange. "For Merlin's sakes, Ginny, stop doing that!"

Ginny smirked wickedly, and pulled her Hermione to the couch sitting them down roughly. "Tell me! How did it go?"

"Answer me something, do you have a husband?"

She huffed indignantly, "I've been waiting for hours to know how your date went. Harry can wait."

"I'm sure he'll be happy to know that."

"Spill!"

"It's Seamus, what do you want me to say?"

"Hermione," she whined.

"Fine, fine. It went... Nice. He's a great guy, funny, I was laughing throughout the night."

"And the kiss?"

"What kiss?"

"You didn't kiss?"

"He kissed my cheek twice, that's all."

She sighed leaning back into the couch. "How boring."

She eyed Ginny peeling the skin of the orange back, taking a large bite. "Ginny?"

"Mmm?"

"I love having you here, you're always welcome, but go home. I won't be subjected to Harry's wrath later."

She nodded tucking the sticky orange in her pocket, and threw some powder into the hearth. She disappeared in the emerald flames.

Hermione went up to her room, and saw Crookshanks lying on her bed, his tail swishing back watching the little owl on her desk with contempt. She patted his head, and sat in front of her desk. "Hello again, Lunus," she greeted feeding him a treat out of her palm. She picked up the dropped envelope.

Hermione,

It feels strangely intimate to be using your first name. It's not to suggest that I don't like it. I think it's like tasting chocolate for the first time; if I were to remember. It's new, foreign, but incredibly sweet, and afterwards you desire more. I think I could never tire of your sweet name.

Can you sleep? I can't. At night I'm plagued by the things that happened. For the first night of my insomnia I drunk a cup of warm milk. After a week I began taking potions. No one can live on them, and after another week I pitched them. I haven't slept well in three years. Cold sweats, I cry, I scream, and no one hears me. I'm alone to fend for myself, but that doesn't scares me. I can fend for myself just fine. It's in the nights that I grow weak with memories. I could forget, there's a potion for it, but I don't want to forget. This is the punishment I seek out. I'm not meant to forget, or to sleep. That's your retribution to me.

Please tell me you can sleep. If you can, perhaps I may be able to too.

Awake

If he knew what happened then he knew Hermione wouldn't have slept. If it was him, he would know. What if it wasn't him? For now, he wouldn't be him. It would be simpler that way. It wouldn't hurt so much.

Awake,

Something happened on one of my adventures. I wasn't able to sleep for a year. I had no potions to rid myself of it, and how I wished I had something. If I used a spell I would've been of no use to anyone, because it would make me forget my purpose for surviving, and forget the friends that slept by my side every night. They would wake me when I screamed. They were there for the event that caused my nightmares, and the looks on their faces told me that they dreamt it too. They could feel my pain in my cries. I would never wish it on anyone, but plenty has been through it. I'm one of many, and I'm one of the lucky.

I sleep well now. I can sleep through a night without a nightmare. I hope the same for you. Tonight, I'll pray that you can sleep.

Your Friend, Hermione

Hermione sealed it, and Lunus flew off into the inky sky. The night was humid, and she shut the windows. If Lunus was back in the morning he could tap on the pane. She curled under the covers of her bed, her head on the silkiness of her pillow. A single tear crept it's way out of the crinkle of her eye, memories of the night lurking to the front of her mind. Bellatrix's face, the pain that wracked her body. She vaguely could hear Ron yelling from someplace very far. He called her name many times, and it was all she could do not to give in, and die. She survived for her friends, and her parents. Without them there would've been nothing to live for.

Crookshanks moved closer to her body as if to comfort her, and she cried herself to sleep.