Sid felt ashamed. He was down at the creek he had seen in passing. His fingers scrabbled over dirt, trying to find a stone. As soon as he found one, he chucked it as hard as he could into the creek. The ache forming in his arm distracted him from the salt-water rivers running down his cheeks.

Eventually, he had to admit that there weren't any more rocks in the greater vicinity. So he just sat there, starting at the gnats hovering over the muddy water, catching the low light and glowing white hot. Insects buzzed and the smell of damp, dank, still water was heavy around him.

Sid wiped his nose on the back of his hand. Stinky had to hate him now. Had to hate him. Jesus Christ! What could be worse than your best friend having a big-ass, gay crush on you? Sid found himself breathing hard with tears slipping down his face faster than before.

How could she? How could that bitch do that? He had guarded that possibility for years, he was the best actor! Sid bit back a strangled cry. The second he made a decision, everything collapsed around him! Electricity was in his body, it was making him ache. Making him ache to do something, he couldn't just stand still!

Sid leapt to his feet but slumped against a tree: his knees were weak. He looked down at the creek. Suddenly, Sid got an image of his body tumbling roughly down the slope and into the water. Suicide. His mouth got as dry as cotton. Slowly, Sid went from tree to tree, away from the creek, and away from that thought. That was sudden and strange and extreme.

He trooped back up the rolling hills to house and sat down on the porch. Listening very hard, he tried to discern what Stinky was doing in there. He didn't hear anything, so he quietly crept into the house and up the stairs. So far so good.

Sid had made it all the way to the bedroom and was now searching for something... anything. He didn't care if it was his cigarettes or some liquor. He just needed... ugh! Where was that fuckin' suitcase? Shit! It was gone! It was fuckin' gone!

Sid sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. Great. Now what?

He didn't have much of a chance to think about what he could do, because at that moment, the door closed. Stinky stood beside it, arms crossed and a displeased expression on his face.

"I ain't one to pry, Sid. But you own me an explanation," Stinky said. "An' if you bolt, I'll hafta hunt you down an' hog tie ya."

"What more do you need to know?" Sid said defensively.

"For starters, is it true?"

Sid sent Stinky a smouldering glare before muttering, "Didn't I say that?"

"But is it jus' me?"

Sid shrugged and rubbed the bridge of his nose. He felt low, strung out, and defeated.

"I dunno. Never liked many girls," more like none, Sid thought, "never liked many guys. Maybe I haven't met someone who does it for me yet." Except you.

Stinky was quiet. Sid wished he would say something. Anything would be better than that awful silence. But Sid knew he wouldn't. Stinky had said it himself. He wasn't the overreacting type. So Sid sat there, waiting for Stinky to talk, waiting for the friendship to end, for his life to finish.

"I don' know what to say, Sid," Stinky looked up from the floor.

"Then forget it. Forget this even happened," Sid said, getting up.

"Sid, I don't think I can ignore this," Stinky said.

"I said fucking forget it!" Sid hissed, feeling like a cornered, wounded animal.

Stinky let a frown pull the corners of his mouth down, but that was only for a brief second. Sid pull his knees up to his chest and stared resolutely at the wall. There was oppressing silence for much longer than Sid wanted to count.

There was a thought in Sid's head, but he dared not speak it, because it would make the tension in the room burst, spill over, and turn into a froth. So Sid sat there, regretting everything he ever did until the ringing of a phone startled him.

Sid leaned over the bed and picked up the receiver, fumbling so bad that he nearly dropped it. When it was firmly in his hand, he wrapped the cord around his wrist, lest he actually drop it. It took him a few moments to realize that it was his father speaking. It took a few moments longer to tune into what his father was actually saying. Stinky walked a little closer, listening intently.

"―see how you were doing. So how's it been Sid?" was all Sid caught.

"Good," Sid grunted. He hoped that was an appropriate response.

"That's good. Been taking care of all those animals all right?"

"Yep."

"Well, I'm gonna come up and see how you're doing next week. On Tuesday."

"Cool," Sid said dully.

"You know, I'm proud you're actually taking some responsibility instead of hanging out with the wrong crowd, Sid," his father said.

"Yeah," Sid whispered. Those words stuck him, and made him feel slightly guilty as he was still doing all sorts of wrong things.

"Well, I'll see you Tuesday, Sid," his father said before hanging up.

Sid swallowed and untangled the phone from his wrist before replacing it in its cradle. Stinky was just staring at him. Sid took a deep breath and decided it would be in both of their best interests to ignore what had just taken place.

"My dad's coming up Tuesday," Sid started, before realizing he had another lie to cover up. "But, you know, he just wants to see me, so maybe you could go and hang out with.. whatserface. Holly."

Stinky just stared at Sid for a second before everything clicked. "It really wasn't okay for me ta be up here, was it?" he asked.

"No, no, it was, but I just think it would be better if you weren't here," Sid mentally slapped himself.

He just kept digging himself a bigger hole. He couldn't just man up and admit he had lied, just like he couldn't man up and admit to his dad that he was a bad kid. Sid hated himself. He was such a fucking coward. He was an asshole, he always got what he wanted and never got a comeuppance.

"Sid, you're a bad liar. I don't like keeping company with liars," Stinky said, anger tingeing his voice.

"Then what do you say to your dad all the time after you come home after hanging out with me? You think he don't have no nose?" Sid said angrily. "We're both fucking liars! We're fucking screw-ups!"

"I don't get why you're going off on that, Sid. I said you was a liar," Stinky took a step closer to Sid, with his hands balled into fists.

"And I'm sayin' you're a liar too! We're both the same, we know that one of us is gonna end up in jail one day!" Sid took a step back and found himself pressed against the bedside table.

"It's not gonna be me, Sid! I'm not half as bad as you!" Stinky said, his voice still much quieter than Sid's.

"Yeah! Because you're not queer! Just... just go! Go the fuck home, get the fuck out of my way," Sid shouted, storming past Stinky.

Sid slammed the door behind him and stalked outside to the barn. He watched the horses for a long time. He wished he was a horse. Horses didn't have troubles like he did. Horses just ate, shit, and slept. Sid wanted to sleep. He wanted to just lay the hell down and sleep forever.

Sighing, Sid laid his head down his crossed arms. He picked his head right back up when he heard the dry grass crunching under someone's food. Sid turned and saw Stinky approaching. Stinky had that insipid, dimwitted look on his face. Sid looked away.

"Look, Sid, I'm just gonna go," Stinky said when he was close enough.

"Okay, fine," Sid said without looking at him.

There was a strange silence in which neither boy knew what to say. Sid knew what he wanted to do, what he could do, but what he shouldn't do. He wondered what was going through Stinky's head right now. Sid could feel his eyes boring into the fabric of his shirt. Stinky just stood there like a statue. Sid wondered what the hell he wanted. If Stinky stood there any longer, he'd loose his resolve.

Dammit. Sid turned around and looked at his friend. "Look, things will probably be... weird when we get back home... and,"

"It's weird now, Sid."

"I know! Fuck! Just, I want to kiss you. Just once. I know we can go around ignoring each other once we get back... just throw me a fuckin' bone," Sid pleaded.

"Sid,"

"I. Me. Just me. I just want to kiss you. You don't have to kiss back. What's the use in pretending now?" Sid said, face flushing red as his voice broke. "Pretending I like chicks? That I like their stupid tits?"

"You're gonna go straight back to pretending when we get back home," Stinky countered.

"Shit." Sid knew that Stinky was right. Of course he would. He wouldn't know what his family would do, what his friends would do... what bullshit!

"Jus'... don't think I'm like you. Get your scrawny ass over here and do it," Stinky screwed up his face like he was pained at even the thought.

Sid swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as a bone. He never expected Stinky to agree, but he wasn't going to turn away the opportunity. He left his spot by the fence and walked over to his friend. He was shaking, he was weak in the knees. Sid was worn out, exhausted. It had been a roller coaster, going up and down between tension and awkward silence. But he had reached Stinky. That had taken a long time. Or was it only a few minutes?

Taking a deep breath, Sid put his hand on Stinky's shoulder for support and looked up. Stinky still had the pained look on his face. Was this going to be worth it? Was it going to be all he had imagined it to be?

Sid leaned up. Stinky was a tall guy. His warm shoulder seemed like a rock in a fast flowing river. Sid was still shaking as he placed his lips on Stinky's.

It wasn't all he had imagined it to be. It was more. He never thought it would make him weak in the knees, or that it would give him a fluttering, all together, dare he say, gay, feeling in his stomach, and he especially never thought that it would make him want to keep kissing those lips and never stop.

Sid put his other hand on Stinky's free shoulder and changed the kiss from a timid, barely-there one into a surer one, like he knew what he was doing (he didn't). He was even more surprised when Stinky reciprocated the kiss. But Sid didn't mind that. Not in the least.

Finally, they both pulled away.

Sid looked up at Stinky, Stinky looked down at Sid. They said nothing for a long time. Sid still had his hands on Stinky's shoulders, and at some point, Stinky had put his hands on Sid's waist. Finally, after standing there like that for what seemed to be an hour, Stinky spoke.

"I should go now," he said simply.

"Stay," Sid said, cringing at how his voice had a whining tone to it. "Just stay here with me all summer. It's not like I'm going to tell anyone about this, what do you think I am, dumb as shit?"

"Sid, I don't know if I liked that. It was... I don't know. It wasn't exactly right."

"Then why haven't you let go of me?" Sid countered.

"Because I, dammit," Stinky muttered, taking his hands and stuffing them in his pocket.

Sid felt a sudden chill where his hands used to be. He shook it off and brushed his long hair out of his face. This was never going to work... this had never been meant to work. He felt like crying all over again. He must have had some sad sort of look on his face, because Stinky seemed to change his mind.

"Fine, Sid, I'll stay. But you don't try anything funny-like. I reckon I've gotta be insane..." Stinky muttered.

"You know what you're saying by that?"

"Dammit, do you want me to take it back?" Stinky sounded flustered.

"No," Sid said. I just want to kiss you again, he thought.

They stayed standing there until the sun had started to set. Sid was thinking about what this would mean, and what would come of it. What would they do whey they got back? Were they just going to spend the whole summer in that stupid proto-stage, always unsure and fluttering and timid? Then he thought about what Stinky had to be thinking about until all he could imagine was just being with him, and nothing else. All other worries had gone from his mind.

"We're both right fools. Let's go inside," Stinky said in a surprisingly light-hearted voice.

"Yep," Sid said.

He shyly took Stinky's hand as they walked back inside.

–

I am a little bit unsure of this one :/ OH WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I ACTUALLY COULD WRITE ANYTHING BETTER. Things are moving a little fast, but I'm more of a short story writer than a long fricken novel. I'm pretty sure this will finish under double digits.

Anyways, muchas gracias to One Fine Wire for reviewing each chapter and also to little red riding creeper for not making me feel so alooooooone.