Lessons hard to learn

Milu gave a frustrated cry, as she for the fourth time tried to braid her hair. The metal arm helped her with some tasks, but there was no doubt that it still left her less capable than before. It ached Solas' heart to see his love in such a state. He tried to remind himself that at least she was alive. He had not thought it possible, when he had kissed her goodbye after dealing with the Qunari. By now he should expect the impossible from her - predict the sacrifices she was willing to make for what she considered the greater good. He walked up behind her and took the brush from her. Carefully he untangled her hair and realised that some had gotten stuck in the metal hand. He reached out to help her with it and kissed her cheek softly seeing her frustrated expression.

"I am sorry. I should be able to do this on my own… thank you," she said in a low embarrassed voice.

"There is no need for that. It is only fitting that I should do this for you," he offered with compassion as he braided her long red waves to the side, so it came down over her right shoulder. She looked at it and made a slightly impressed face.

"Impressive. Not as extravagant as anything Josephine does, but this is very beautiful. It suits me better, I think," she smiled kindly at him.

"It has been a while, but since I did not rely on slaves or servants, I needed to do something similar… though it has been a long time," he smiled sheepishly and she stroked his head.

"It was strange seeing you like that," she answered stroking further down his bald head and towards his neck.

"Did you prefer it?" he asked with slight amusement.

"No, it was just different. This is my Solas. It is familiar and makes me feel safe," she replied giving him a kiss.

"Would you like to see the camps, where our people are?" he asked with sudden enthusiasme.

"I'd love too, but what if they realise who I am? Things could get complicated," she questioned.

He reached for a pair of gloves and gave them to her.

"You are not the Inquisitor. She has one one arm," he replied with a smirk.

"Of course. And you are you going to be wearing that armour?" she gave him a thoughtful look.

"I thought I was done getting comments on my attire, when I left the Inquisition," he grumbled, but with some amusement evident in his eyes.

Milu chuckled.

"You look very handsome, but my point was… When I learned about the Evanuris, the murals were very insistent upon you not being a god. And you are very powerful, but you do not need to express it so clearly to anyone, but your enemies," she expressed softly stroking the wolf pelt with her hand.

"You have a point," he replied and started unbuckling the armour with his magic.

"Now you are just showing off," Milu grumbled and he laughed.

When they went through the temple, he was wearing nothing but a shirt, a vest, trousers and boots. Milu would stop every so often studying her surroundings and he had to smile, whenever she absorbed something new with great curiosity. He would love to share all the knowledge he had with her, because he knew no one would appreciate it so greatly or use it as wisely. He felt as happy and carefree as he had done during some of his time with the Inquisition. His plans on hold, he had forgotten them for a little while, and devoted himself to loving and teaching her. Had he been no one but Solas, he would have spent the last few years at her side, enjoying her companionship and taught her as he had always wanted to. And when she had disbanded the inquisition - like he always knew she would eventually - they would have explored Thedas for wonders both in and outside the fade. Finally they would live secluded in a cottage in the woods only venturing from it, when she wanted to see her friends or perhaps her clan. Those thoughts were a tempting paradise that almost had him lose his way. He had almost contemplated, postponing everything. Live with her until she had died of age and not until then set his plan in motion. But the wheels were turning before he met her, and her death was something he could not bear. Be as it may, this way he might restore her to what she was supposed to be and she would not die. She might still, but not because he was complacent.

When they finally reached the camps in the inner courtyard it was filled with elves trying to built their homes. The crowd was far too busy to notice them and he wished for it to always be like this. He did not seek recognition or acknowledgement, merely happiness for his people. He was distracted for a moment, when one of his agents sought him out, and when he turned he could not find Milu anywhere. For a minute, that felt like an hour, he looked only to find her on the top of a roof, helping the people building the house. She tried to nail down the wooden roof tiles, but her metal fingers kept dropping the nails, leaving her frustrated. With his magic he held the nail in place for her, as he stood on the ground beneath her. At first she looked astonished until she saw him and she chuckled a thank you.

"I think I am going to have Dagna make my fingertips magnetic," she chuckled.

"Inventive idea for sure... You do not have to this," he said fondly.

"Now you sound like Josie, when I began helping at Skyhold. Hand me some more nails, please,"

"I more distinctly remember Vivienne's expression, when she saw you crawling around the upper levels of Skyhold covered in paint," he chuckled handing her the nails.

"Now that, I remember. She had a frown for days after that. You'd think a mage would have been more useful. Which reminds me," she turned her attention to the elves building the house, "My friend here can help you with that wall," she gestured at Solas, who merely shook his head in amusement, before helping.

With his magic he raised entire walls, the craftsmen had build, and whenever Milu wouldn't notice he would protect her. Helping her hold her balance and making sure that she did not drop things as often as she would have other wise. As the day passed they had helped several families with their new homes, the simplicity of it something Solas enjoyed more than he had ever thought possible. They were invited to stay for the evening for a celebration. Solas had been too concerned with his plans at that point, to actually spent any time with the people he wanted to save. That and his casual attire resulted in no one suspecting who he actually was, and since it among the elves were known, that the Inquisitor had shown no interest in the cause, no one even suspected her identity. That along with the Inquisition haven been dissolved almost two years prior and her hiding her missing limb, no one seemed the wiser. While Solas helped with making a bonfire and help organise the built further, he had not seen Milu, but he was not concerned. He didn't see her until the elves gathered up the feast. Everyone brought something and Solas noted that the cuisine was as varied as from where the elves had come. Stews, roasts and heavier dishes from Ferelden. More refined dishes from Orlais, even as they were not entrees that the nobility would have ever tasted. Spicy sauces with fresh meat and vegetables from Rivain and sausages from the Freemarches. Most of them were simple dishes farmers or servants would eat, but they all had a distinct flavour and custom from each country. Even the delectable flavours and scents could not remove one thought from his mind, as he could not determine if this gathering of foods represented everything that would be lost or everything that would preserved, once the final pieces of his plan fell into place. It wasn't until he heard a familiar laugh that he was drawn from his depressing thoughts. Milu was talking to an older elven woman. Unlike her clothes before she was now wearing a red simple dress, but as she twirled it spun around beautifully. The old woman started dragging at Milu's brown gloves, insisting that they should be removed, but Milu tried to decline. Solas came to her rescue as he called for her and reached for her, placing his arm around her shoulders as she came closer.

"She insisted that I could not wear my unbecoming and dirty clothes - which she, by the way, insisted that she wash," Milu chuckled good naturedly, which brought a fond smile to Solas' lips.

"So I figured," he stated, when he saw Miu's expression turn concerned as she looked at the feast, biting her lips.

"We have brought nothing…" she whispered in shame.

"We brought wine," he replied making a small gesture to three large barrels of wine and she chuckled.

"Where did you get that from?"

"It seems that smugglers used to hide their goods here. They were long forgotten before I arrived here. The wine is still in excellent condition, however,"

Joining in the feast, Solas could not shake the feeling that even though he and Milu were talking to others and enjoying the festivities, they were still apart. They did not look out of place, but their introvert natures made them always observers more than participants. When the music started playing he walked over to her.

"Dance with me, vehnan!" he said enthusiastically, as he had done at Halamshiral years ago.

To the energetic tunes he turned and twirled her, only getting even more enthusiastic as she laughed and blushed. At the end of the song he lifted her and spun her in the air before putting her back on the ground. She placed her arms around his neck and held him tight as she murmured with a breathless chuckle in his ear.

"I love you, Solas,"

He had heard those words before, but for the first time he had heard them expressed with happiness. It wasn't a plea for him to stay or a statement meant to persuade him. It was pure and not heavied down by grief or distress. It made his heart beat a familiar rhythm, that was much more potent than ever before. When he met her green eyes, they were lively with joy and a mischief, that he hadn't seen in far too long.

"So, Dread Wolf," she whispered so close he could feel her breath on his lips, "Can you compete with a Dalish hunter?" her voice almost seductive before she began running. Solas gave her a daring glance before he finally ran after her. He followed her through the overgrown ruins and revelled in the way she would gracefully jump over broken trees and rocks, while dodging under branches, not even her dress getting caught. When he finally made an effort to catch her it was a hill with soft grass, where you could look towards a lake and hear the waterfall near by. When she turned he captured her lips in a bruising kiss as they fell to the ground. He was still on top of her when they ended the kiss with amused breaths coming from them both. Carelessly she stretched in the grass beneath him, as the moonlight caressed and enhanced her feature as if it were daylight. He felt his chest both tighten and expand at the same time. It was like an unbearable rush running through him, that he knew he could not feel elated without. As if she knew what he was feeling she giggled looking into his eyes. The giggle turned into a hum as he captured her lips in a passionate kiss.

She pulled the glove from her actual hand, before it caressed his neck, touching the available skin with a tender affection that spread through him like a comforting warmth. He placed the arm he leaned on next to her shoulder, so that he might caress her face and hair. His other was placed on her waist, and soon expressed a will of its own, as he desired to feel more of her. When she moaned and pressed herself against him, he felt nothing but her and wine. His lips travelled down her neck and nibbled there. He was rewarded with a loving moan and her hand holding his head closer to her. He had not noticed her leg between his until she lifted herself slightly from the ground, and he felt the warmth of her thigh press against a hardness, he had not yet contemplated.

"You are so beautiful, my love," he whispered hoarsely as his lips travelled along her collarbone and the top of her breasts.

"And I am all yours," she giggled breathlessly and he looked up at her to find her blushing. His lips caught hers again, while he stroked his hardness against her thigh, an action that drew a strangled breath from them both. His hand travelled under her dress and up her thigh as he uttered a groan at the softness of it. His thumb travelled along the inside her thigh and she pressed her lower body against him, as if mean to relief tension. He raised himself a little so he could see her face. Her cheeks were flushed in a way he had never seen, her breathing as breathless as he had ever heard and her eyes closed seemed at peace. When she opened them a little to look at him, his hand kept travelling close to brushing her small clothes.

"Ar lath ma," he whispered with love.

"Ir glandival var lath," she replied with deep feeling, and emotions tangled in his heart for far too long seemed to be released all at once. Their lips collided with unspoken words of devotion, when both of them stopped suddenly.

"Footsteps," Milu determined in a low voice.

"I hear them," he answered and got to his feet.

He was already on the defensive, when he heard someone calling for him.

"Fenharel!"

Milu got up as the elf approached and Solas walked over to him. She cursed the sound of the waterfall nearby and their hushed voices, as she could not hear what they were saying. She would, however, not approach as she knew it would not be welcome. Solas came back to her with a mournful expression that she knew all too well.

"Ir abelas, vehnan. Something urgent has come up that I must attend to. I am sorry," he said with a regretful sigh as he took her one hand with his and stroked her face with the other.

"I know. Go…. Will I see you when you come back?" there was a small tremble in her voice that she could not hide.

"Definitely." he promised before kissing her thoroughly.

A few days had passed, when Solas finally returned to the temple. It took him some time to find Milu, as she had gone down into the camps, but this time he had not bothered to change out of his regal armour. He was eager to see her, as the taste of her still lingered on his lips, her touch still felt on his body and a fire in his heart left unquelled by the distance. When he found her it was of course in the middle of a noticeable commotion. She was having a heated argument with another elf, when Solas realised that on the ground was a human hunter, who was bound and beaten. There was a disappointment in his heart that he could barely contain, but for now he was more interested in breaking up the riot than adding to it.

"It is just a shemlen!" the elf insisted, as if that argument was a reasonable one.

"He is no more a shemlen, than you have knives for ears! If you truly aspire to be something greater than you are, do not fall so low as to adopt the pride and arrogance of humans!" Milu replied with venom as she kneeled in front of the hunter and gave him something to drink.

"I was just trying to get dinner for my family," the hunter tried with a hushed breath, and when one of the elves tried to kick him for speaking, Milu grabbed the elf's leg and pulled him flat on the ground.

"He was hunting on OUR grounds!" the elf roared.

"And how was he supposed to know that you had suddenly claimed it?" she snapped in return and at that moment Solas stepped forward. The crowd fell silent like children discovered misbehaving by a father. Only Milu did not pay him any attention, as she was trying to tend to the wounded hunter.

"I would not see anyone treated in such a way. Surely, you can all see that this is beneath you? A man feeding his family is not a crime," Solas said loudly and firmly, but calmly.

He crouched next to Milu and unbound him, whereafter he healed the bruises and marks the man had suffered. There was a fear in the man's expression, that disturbed Solas more than he would have thought possible.

"I must apologise. If you come with us, I will make certain that no further harm will come to you," Solas voice was friendly as he spoke, but even so the hunter looked at Milu for confirmation.

At the temple Solas did everything in his power to heal the man and gave him food to take home for his family. The hunter was still scared out of his wits and Solas' heart was heavy with regret for what had transpired. When he returned to his bedchamber Milu was in full armour and stood in front of the window looking down on the settlement below. Solas approached her quietly. He had seen her angry only a few times, but knew that she was not to be trifled with. He was also fully aware that she knew of his presence, so he walked up next to her and looked over the valley.

"When I was with the Dalish, I thought we knew everything. I believed that our legends were right and that we were trying to hold on to, preserve and recreate something more precious than anything else. I believed the humans foolish and arrogant for their believe in the Maker. I thought them ignorant children, though on the occasions, where we traded with them, I always tried to be civil. Then I was sent to the conclave. Most people there were mages, templars and the chantry. For the first time I saw, that in that gathering, race didn't matter. After the temple was destroyed and I was forced into the Inquisition, I did my best to be cautious and polite. I was at their mercy after all…" she began, still looking into the distance.

"A wise decision," Solas replied, trying not to interrupt.

"Did you ever talk to Minaeve?" Milu asked and Solas replied that he did not.

"She used to be Dalish, but she was sent away for being a mage. She was happy that the templars found her. She found comfort in an order, that I had come to despise. It made me feel sick. I saw myself in an entire new light. I realised that I had been arrogant, thinking that we were any better than those around us. And then I began talking to you. Everything you said about the Dalish confirmed that from an outside perspective we were arrogant even to our own kind. I started to see the world more like Sera does. I began to see people and judge them by their actions, not by presuming. Do you understand that Solas?" she asked a little sternly and turned towards him.

"Yes, though you were not the only one with presumptions. I had judged you by your valaslin before I had even heard you speak. When you came to me for knowledge, I saw it as a way for you to preach to me. It was foolish of me," he smiled a little, caressing the part of her cheek, where her valaslin used to be. She turned to look at the courtyard, where the elves were.

"I look down there and I see that same pride. The arrogance. Our conditions has not made our people more humble, it has just made us presume that we are right. We are no better than humans, dwarves or qunari, and if we don't realise this and better ourselves….." she sighed with heavy regret and turned to him again, "Tell me, Solas, is this the Arlathan you are trying to recreate?" Her eyes were half pleading and half piercing as she spoke.

"I would not see anyone diminished. Not by the Qun or any other. Recreating what was lost should not create this," he said seriously, perhaps a little defensively.

"But neither will it prevent it. Some of those people want nothing but blood. They see you as a force of vengeance and smite. Not a man of peace and restoration. The Dread Wolf they see, is not the one I know and love. Promise me, that you will not let them lose their way. If they do, I see great potential of creating other Evanuris, who would not hesitate and mistreat people like they have been. The other races are not all cruel - most are not in fact, and we should we remember that we are not all good. You always detested people seeing the world in black and white. Make sure that they hear your wisdom, even if they do not wish to follow it,"

He sighed heavily with closed eyes, there was wisdom in her words, but also doubt. She was always so full of hope, but this time was different. It made him believe and trust her words, more than he was willing to admit. but it was far too late.

"I can't restore our people without tearing this world asunder… I am sorry," the pain was evident in his voice.

"And have you thought of how? The people down their need food and supplies. Things they currently get from the world you say will fall. This world is tied together as the fade was to Arlathan. Rebuilding this will not only be at a cost to my world, but to their lives," as she spoke she walked directly towards the eluvian, "I am going to see my clan." was her last words.

He did not even have the opportunity to answer before she was on her way, unless he wanted to scream at her and storm through the eluvian. So he was left alone with his thoughts. She was right, of course, but for her to presume that he did not know as much was… hurtful.

Milu arrived at a small inn at one of the trading post between the Freemarches and Tevinter. As useful as the eluvians were, it meant that if she wanted to go far she need to do so on foot. She could not leave her horse unguarded for days, while she visited Solas. She felt like a child for leaving the way she did, but being around that place - around him - reminded her of everything she had to lose. As much as she loved him, he was not the only one in her life she had come to care for. The inn was barely full as she entered. It was old and worn, but under the circumstance relatively clean. Most of the guests were carriers and coachmen along with a few passengers. But in the far corner sat a cloaked woman Milu was meeting.

"Hello Cassandra," Milu said fondly as she approached and Cassandra quickly got up and gave her a hug. It was rare for Cassandra to show her emotions so rarely, but they had become dear friends, and was one of the many reason Milu was not going to let the world fall.

"It so good to see you. Sit down. You must be tired. I'll be right back," Cassandra began, and before Milu knew it Cassandra had already gotten them some stew, bread and something to drink. Milu secretly adores Cassandra for fussing over her. It made her feel loved. In the time without Solas, her and Dorian had more than anyone else filled that void. To her it was like having two older siblings fussing over you. When Cassandra returned the exchanged a few pleasantries before they brushed the subject they really needed to address.

"He is still determined to go through with his plan, then," Cassandra sighed heavily.

"Yes, but I just can't figure out the entire plot of his. He doesn't trust me," Milu replied a little sadly.

"I always thought him wise and reasonable. There must be a part to this we can't see. There was never any mistaking that he loved you. It is surprising that he is so resistant," She shook her head, but Milu gave a half smirk.

"Well, I do have spies in his camps and this last month I have been using him to get the information we need. It makes me disquiet that he hasn't even suspected yet. It's not like him," Milu replied biting her lip.

"Perhaps he does trust you then," Cassandra offered.

"Perhaps… Anyway I had my spies get the information to Dorian. It seems rather ominous that i need to go from Tevinter, to the Freemarches just to go back to Tevinter by road," she chuckled with some amount of absurdity.

"Where does he think you go?"

"To visit my clan," Milu replied taking a spoonful of the soupy liquid from the stew. Cassandra was right to get it for her. She was more hungry and cold, than she realised.

"Are you sure that is wise?" Cassandra questioned with concern.

"With Solas' detest for the Dalish and the Dalish' detest for him? He sees them like nothing but children, that would get in his way with their myths and legends," Milu replied unaffected taking another spoonful. Cassandra stopped touching her food and looked at Milu with a sad expression.

"How long has it been since you saw them?"

"Since after we disbanded the Inquisition," Milu continued as if it mattered little to her, but Cassandra knew her better.

"You are still not on friendly terms, then?"

"Well, things were already strained after my first visit after Corypheus. Showing up on a horse, in human made armour and the valaslin missing from my forehead, did not make a good impression. They were civil enough, but it was quite clear to them, that I was tainted by the shemlen," the last words spoken with revulsion of the term.

"I thought that was why Varric gave them some… what term did he use? Political muscle?" Cassandra replied looking at Milu carefully.

"And that worked, right until I came back looking for knowledge about Fen'harel. Ironically a lot of the terms they used as I left contained his name. I was only surprised at the lack of pitchforks and torches," Milu gave an annoyed chuckle.

Cassandra reached for her hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

"It hurts me that you have lost so much," the seeker stated with great compassion and remorse. Milu took her hand and squeezed it as well, while smiling.

"Don't fret for me, Cassandra. I might not have a clan, only have an arm and a half, while my love tries to rebuild a world by sacrificing another, but it is not all bad. I have you and the rest of our friends after all,"

"And we will always be here, when you need us the most," Cassandra vowed returning her attention to the food, "Does Dorian and the other, know to expect us?"

"Yes, and I am looking forward to see if they have made any progress," and Milu gave her first sincere smile that evening.

Elven translation:

Ar lath ma : I love you
Ir glandival var lath: I believe in our love