******DISCLAIMER FOR ALL CHAPTER TO SAY I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT OR THE ACTUAL CHARACTERS. I only own their different personalities I portray them to have. Sadly, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all copyrights to it. I'm not that smart. LOL. NO PLAGIARISM!******

".God!" Alice squealed. "Turn !"

I turned around, and gasped at the face in the mirror to see in front of me. The reflection of a person with long, brown hair that waves gently mid-back length, big brown eyes framed by long, thick lashes, and a pale creamy heart-shaped face that her hair framed. Her make-up was done skillfully so that it accentuated her best features with her lips tinted a reddish pink, smoky blue shadow and light mascara. Her eyebrow were perfected and arched sharply, but still looked soft.

Tears started to form in my eyes and I stopped before it could ruin their hard work and make my awesome friends unhappy.

I swallowed that stupid lump in my throat and said, "Alice, Rosalie, get your fucking pretty asses here, and give me a fucking hug!"

Alice and Rosalie squealed, ran over to me, and hugged me so tight I had to say, "Can't. Breathe. Let. Go."

Even thought they made me look sexy; which I never thought I could look, but didn't think I was ugly, I still thought they looked better than me. I mean, even their parents looked good. Not that I was attracted to them; hypothetically, and if I was into older people, I would've. They're DILF's and MILF's; especially Carlisle and Esme, who are Alice's and Edward's parents. Rosalie and Jasper's parents were Robert and Cecilia. Now, you may be wondering why Jasper has a Southern Drawl and Rosalie doesn't, that's because Jasper loves The Cowboys, so ever since he could understand football rules, he's been picking up on their drawling accents and imitating them to be just like them. Then one day, it just stuck there and he couldn't stop speaking with that accent. Alice thinks it's somehow sexy, but it doesn't affect me at all.

Now, back to the present, Bella dah-ling! Erg, fucking Grey Gardens. Damn you Edie and your DAH-LINGS!

Rosalie and Alice made me twirl around like a model and all that too girly shit for me. In the midst of my fashion parade, I caught a glimpse of reddish brownish coppery hair. Only one person in this house that is besides Esme that has that tint of hair, that is unless Victoria, my cousin decides to come over and visit today. I don't think I saw that shade of red. I turn around suspiciously to see, and I find Edward in the doorway with hooded eyes and parted lips.

Is that drool I see?

Definitely drool.

Is he ogling me? Naw, that's not it; but his state of arousal is pretty much evident, based on the lump between his legs aligning with his hips.

"Edward?"

He snaps up and straightens himself out, "Huh? Oh, you look great Bell. No, beautiful. Your name really fits you as usual, and I think Alice and Rose are doing this because of last week. They're out to get me back for telling Jake that baggy sweats are all the rage, and trashing the inside of their car with a ton of cologne and Axe. You look so sexy right now, Bell." He waggled his brows at the word sexy, reminding me of last years' Halloween costume, I was a Cirque Du Soleil dominatrix ringleader with the whole S&M 9 yards of ecstasy. I wore a corset body piece, leather whip, tailed blazer, top hat, elbow length gloves, and knee length lace up leather boots. I remember that night, ahh, great memories. Edward supposedly attempted but failed immensely at keeping his hands off of me. I love bathroom sex.

"Edward are you sure? It looks like you're having a hard time keeping concentration. You look flushed; you need something to wet your throat?" I waggled my eyebrows at each innuendo.

"Mmm," he growled playfully and stepped forward. Rose and Ali stepped forward to stop him before he jumped my bones. That would've been a sight.

"Ali! Come on, why not?" he whined. What a petulant child!

"Because, horny brother o' mine, we're going to the park and outside for once, then we're going to handcuff Bella so we can go shopping!" she squealed at the idea, and her voice had escalated while speaking, making the noise ear splitting. I think I heard Emmett growl across the hall, but that's probably just me. Edward groaned in annoyance.

"Ali! Why shopping? Don't we have enough clothing already? You know I hate that load of shit! Why do you even bother?" I whined myself. I walked past Alice and Rose to Edward and dramatically draped on his side, partially behind him, as if I was cowering. Alice tried to corner me, but was defeated by my knowledge of her heinous ideas and slipped past her. I jumped onto Edward's back and slipped my heels off, while whispering, "Run like the wind cowboy," to Edward. I kissed the spot behind his ear and he ran. We passed Alice through the front door, and stopped when we got to this meadow. Edward let me down and I looked around.

"You're packing on the pounds, ya know? You're getting heavier to carry!" he teased playfully. I smacked his arm playfully.

"I know, but really? I'm sure you're getting flabbier, too," I teased. I flicked under his arm to show him "proof."

"Oh well, you still love me for it!" he smirked cockily.

"Well, I may just have to leave you because of that!" I teased. I walked away and sat in the middle of the meadow. As I was walking away, Edward slapped my ass and I squealed loudly.

"Ho-ho! I see your weakness!" he cried, and ran over the tickle me until I started hiccupping.

We got outside to the car and since there was a ton of us, we used Em's jeep. Ahh, rope seatbelts make you feel so safe! Okay, maybe not. Especially the way Em drives. I mean seriously? He has to go 50MPH or higher? It's the same with the rest of the Cullen children. Alice & Edward are the same. That's exactly why Alice has a Porsche. But Edward's the little safety man, so he has a sleek Silver Volvo. Emmett has a jeep because he goes off-roading, hiking, and hunting a lot so he won't have to worry about his car getting stuck in the mud because it rains so goddamn much here. The plus side is sine he's also a big guy, so he won't really get cramped in. It's so odd to see a big person drive a little car, and vice-versa. Rosalie has a Mercedes-Benz M3 Convertible in Red, so just the luxury explains everything. Jasper has a Kawasaki motorcycle in Neon Green, and lastly, I have a piece of shit car, which is an old red monster of a pick-up Chevy, which is rusty, and gives out at 50MPH. It groans, the radio doesn't work, and it still runs, so it's okay until it dies, I'll give it a few more short trips, to bet, then I'll have to get a new car. Great timing also, because since after we finish these last few months and then graduation of college, we're all moving to New York City to finish our masters. Esme and Carlisle, Edward, Alice, and Emmett's parents, own a timeshare there, so we can live in it for awhile until we find ourselves our own apartments in Manhattan. Preferably near West End Ave. and 60th, since the timeshare is close there.

"Hey, Jelly!"

"Yeah Em?" I ask.

"Wipe your darn chin, you're droolin'!" he cries.

"Huh?" I discreetly wipe my chin.

"Yeah, you dreamin' bout Eddie-boy here?"

"Naw, if I was, I wouldn't have heard ya, Emmy-bear" I said in a sickly sweet voice. "I would've started something with my man right here by then, and I'd then start to─" I started, but then Emmett stopped me by saying,

"Okay! I get it! I'll stop! Sheesh, I knew shouldn't have done that so many times, that I've taught you wrong! Never use the Em-kwon-do words on me, only on other people, like when you want Ali to shut the fuck up!" Em said emphasizing Shut the fuck up.

"What Emmett? Got your panties in a bunch? All I was talking about before was when Jasper showed me how t─" Em stopped that sentence, and roared,

"ALICE! Okay, I get it! I'll stop feeding your lipstick to the stray cats!"

"I am Emmett, hear me roar!" I snickered to Edward sarcastically. He chuckled silently, so Emmett wouldn't catch anything off.

A/N:

AHHH! *ducks behind giant basket of muffins* Stop throwing your virtual muffins at me! I'm sorry for falling off the face of the earth again! D: Nooo! Not the Bran muffins! Those hurt, and they're nasty.

Hope you liked the chapter! I NEED REVIEWS; FEEDBACK! So I can get back to writing an even better chapter so it won't suck as much, I think you're in for a good scare in this next chapter, it gets serious. You're going to be SUPRISED, to say the least. Tell me your favorite 'Spazward' moment in your reviews also :) My favorite would be in the Twilight spoof called, Nightlight. It's really funny, and I guess the movie spoof that just came out :) You've got to see it! It's called, Vampires Suck if you have, tell me your favorite scene, and I'll give you some virtual fangs and a cardboard cut-out of 90210's Matt Lanter. He's hot ;).

Anyways, again, and lastly; FEEDBACK!

loveeeeeee,

bellepetitefille