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I'm sitting in the back seat of the car as we drive to the Leery's. Doug attempts to fill the awkward silence by telling Joey and me cop stories. I hate him. I am sitting here hating my brother.

"So then this guy gets out of the car, and he's so drunk he can't even walk straight..."

I am so thankful when we get to the Leery's. I push open the door, not even bothering to listen to the end of his sentence. I smile at the Leery's house. The closest thing I've really had to a home. Well until the bed and breakfast. I suppose that was my home. She was my home. But before Joey, there was Dawson.

I wait at the door as they catch up to me, their arms linked. I suddenly realize I'm petrified of seeing everyone. I've been gone 2 ½ years. And I expected to come back to what I left. And now I have no clue what I've come back to.

Joey smiles reassuringly as she opens the door without knocking. I take a step to follow her just as Doug does. Doug chuckles softly, and attempts to smile as he steps back to let me in first. Oh, If only it was that easy Doug.

As we enter the Leery's living room I almost feel at peace. I see Dawson look over at Joey and smile wide. At least some things are still the same. He's still in love with her, it's written all over his face. That's when he sees me, and I swear his mouth drops. He barrels over towards me, and wraps his arms around me.

I hug him back; in fact I cling so tightly that I find myself unable to let go. God I've missed him. And he actually looks happy to see me, unlike my last dramatic return from a summer. Of course that summer I had Joey on my arm.

"God Pace! I can't believe it's you!" he exclaims, backing away from the hug and putting his hands on my arms. "You look incredible!"

I smile and pat him on the back. "So do you D." And I mean it.

Familiarity never felt so good.

"Pacey," I hear a voice say. I look up and stare at the blonde-haired guy as he walks over to Dawson. Tobey. That's right. Jack's prom date. I look around for Jack, and then something catches my attention. Tobey is sliding his hand through Dawson's arm. They are standing with their arms linked together. They are standing together.

**

"Where's Jack?" I ask tactlessly, watching without any subtlety as Tobey runs his fingers up and down Dawson's arm.

I glance towards Joey for some explanation, but she has disappeared, along with Doug. Dawson shakes his head. "He didn't really want to come. I think Andie will be here later though."

Dawson always had a thing for love triangles, didn't he? He always wanted what he couldn't have. I glance over at Doug and Joey, her body lightly pressed against his. Maybe I always want what I can't have too?

Dawson laughs, and I raise my eyes angrily to meet his. I'm not quite sure why I'm pissed, maybe because I depend on Dawson to be the one person in my life who always acts as I expect. I expect Dawson to be sitting here with me, lusting after Joey. I expect him to be as he was.

"Things change, Pacey," he says gently, reaching out a hand and placing it on my shoulder.

Thank you Dawson. Do you think I haven't noticed?

I shrug my shoulder away from his touch, ignoring the jealous looks Tobey is shooting me. Oh this is rich. Tobey is jealous, of me! My head is spinning as I wordlessly step away from them and look around the room. A room surrounded of faces that used to have meaning in my world.

Doug is kissing Joey lightly by the Christmas tree. I feel myself sweating as I attempt to find some bit of sanity.

You know, I got to tell you, it would be an absolute shame for me to let another day like today pass without ever telling you how much I've always looked up to you as my big brother. Or mentioned the fact that I do actually think that one day you will... make a girl very happy.

I hate him. I fucking hate him. I stumble and lose my balance as I make my way over to a chair and flop into it. I glance back at Dawson and Tobey who are watching me confused. Tobey says something, and Dawson laughs. I feel my hands forming fists; I need to get out of here. I need to…

"Pacey."

I look up and smile at the site of the beautiful Jen Lindley. I struggle to my feet and hug her tightly. No third arm, no third eye. What does the lovely Ms. Lindley have in store for me?

"I can't believe you're here," Jen exclaims, her eyes shining happy.

"Enjoying the party Pacey?"

I watch as someone walks up to Jen and wraps their arms around her waist. Raising my eyes I meet a pair of cold blue eyes. Drue.

"Hi Drue," the words come out harsher then I intend.

"There must be something about you Witters eh?" he asks, following my gaze, where I didn't even realize it was placed, to Joey and Doug.

"Drue," Jen says tightly.

"Yeah obviously something you'll never have," I say dryly.

"Drue, darling, why don't you go get me a drink?" Jen asks, smiling sweetly at him. So they're together. They sorta had that whole banter thing Joey and I had. Joey. God, can I go five god damn seconds without thinking about her. Drue smirks at me and then heads off to the bar.

"Sorry about that Pacey, I swear he's usually better," she apologizes.

"Jen," I say softly, and then stop. There are no words left.

"This must be so hard for you."

I nod, waiting for the inevitable 'things change' comment.

"But Pacey, you have no idea how hard it was for her. It might not seem like it now, but she was such a mess when you left. She loved you Pacey."

Loved. Past tense.

"I didn't mean to be gone for so long. I figured that she'd have some boyfriend out at school. I mean Doug fits into the Worthington picture less then I did."

Jen's face looked pained as I came to a sudden realization. "Joey never made it to Worthington, did she?"

Jen shook her head sadly.

"Jen?"

"There are some things you're going to have to figure out on your own Pace."

Things change. There are some things you have to figure out on your own. Boy, I've got myself some great friends. My eyes are once again drawn to Doug and Joey. Why didn't she go to Worthington?